Apology to those physically addicted

[[Ba...]]

Wanted to get this off my chest for months. For ever I have always thought that addicts choose their fate by taking things in order to experience a high (up or down), and were just weak to not just be their self and enjoy life as is. And I thought the addition part was them just having the desire or habit of doing it again and again to experience the pleasure of the substance. Man I learned first hand how far off and naive I was. Maybe that is the case with some small minority, but actual physical addiction is a different animal. I had very small amounts of Ativan on and off from my Doc for about a year to help a bit with sleep only as needed, and then later when I discovered how physically ill I felt when I did not take it, it was a rude awakening to me of what physical addiction really is. Even months after taper and no Ativan, I am still physically screwed up; and although I know that taking some would relieve some of those symptoms and bring me to normal, I now at least know enough not to do so. All I can say is the taper was pretty bad and the first 3 weeks of no Ativan at all was pure hell. So I have some comfort of knowing I am much better now than that period when going off. But just saying that I now know what addiction really is. What an awakening of how off my thinking was.

[[Fl...]]

It sounds like you were dependent, not addicted, as is the case for most people here. It is different than addiction and it is very important to make the distinction to ensure that this problem is properly addressed and to ensure that people who do find themselves dependent are able to receive the proper care. Here is a fantastic two part article that outlines why this distinction is of utmost importance:

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2015/11/language-surrounding-benzodiazepines/

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2015/11/language-surrounding-benzodiazepines-part-ii/

[[Ba...]]

Wow, in your two links above I have never read anything so enlightening, informative, truthful and most of all "spot on correct" for my personal situation and experience with my medical and psych doctor. I assume it is similar for many, where the medical and psych practice just "doesn't get it" either willingly or non-willingly (such as ignorance, lack of training & such). For instance, I am a few months off of Ativan, yet both Med and Psych doc insist I should not be having any physical symptoms. I respect them offering all kings of tests to prove something else is wrong (because you never really know), but still very frustrated that they don't hear my perspective or even slightly accept or acknoledge the possibility of physical harm that has occurred from Ativan and need for recovery. In fact, the ignorance is systemic, for instance my HMO has an excellent program with support groups & such for alcohol dependence & withdrawal but nothing for those who have used Benzos & other such drugs.

 

Your two references should be put at the references in this website to read, or maybe it is but I have not noticed it.

[[Fl...]]

Yes, that is a fantastic article. I would bet the author is a member here, and I am sure she will appreciate the compliments 

[[bl...]]

The bma in the UK have acknowledged that addiction clinics are inappropriate for those on benzos they are planning a national helpline and what dose I don't know but it's a start

[[Ba...]]

Yes lack of informed consent from the docs is outrageous.  If I knew back then what I know now I would have never touched a Benzo. The aftermath consequences far outweigh the initial benefits. I am not talking about the potential side effects while taking it; but instead the real hell of when you try to stop it, some of which consequences it seems may be permanent or for years.

[[be...]]

All I know is that Ativan sucks. IMO one can become dependent on that drug faster than other benzos. So glad I never took it............FG, two great links. 

[[ka...]]

It sounds like you were dependent, not addicted, as is the case for most people here. It is different than addiction and it is very important to make the distinction to ensure that this problem is properly addressed and to ensure that people who do find themselves dependent are able to receive the proper care. Here is a fantastic two part article that outlines why this distinction is of utmost importance:

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2015/11/language-surrounding-benzodiazepines/

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2015/11/language-surrounding-benzodiazepines-part-ii/

 

Thanks so much for posting the links to these articles. They nearly perfectly describe my experiences with the medical community in reference to my discontinuation of benzos. I took those boogers, as prescribed for 8 years with nary a single dose increase.  When I told my Dr. that I was experiencing "inter-dose withdrawal like symptoms" he immediately pronounced me "addicted" and cut off my prescription. I was forced into a brutal cold turkey detox which landed me a week stay in a behavioral health center.  There, my Dr. ordered no taper and no seizure meds (because he thought I might get "high" off of seizure meds). I was, however, diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on an SNRI.  Now, 16 months later, I continue through protracted withdrawal syndrome.  More than once, my prescribing Dr. told me that I was "better than this". I, too, felt as if no one in the medical community could even hear me let alone understand what I was experiencing. I was a medical mute. Thank goodness for the support and reference materials that I found on this site.  As I  have continued to recover I have spent hours  upon hours, days upon days, weeks upon weeks, (ad infit)  reading scholarly articles and studies on benzodiazepines, their use, abuse and symptoms of discontinuation. As importantly, I have read  the stories of and corresponded with many people who have had similar experiences. Now, if only we could get the medical community to pay attention and educate themselves about these issues, countless people could be spared the unnecessary suffering too often associated with benzo discontinuation.

 

Katz09899

[[Fl...]]

I took those boogers, as prescribed for 8 years with nary a single dose increase.  When I told my Dr. that I was experiencing "inter-dose withdrawal like symptoms" he immediately pronounced me "addicted" and cut off my prescription. I was forced into a brutal cold turkey detox which landed me a week stay in a behavioral health center.  There, my Dr. ordered no taper and no seizure meds (because he thought I might get "high" off of seizure meds)............More than once, my prescribing Dr. told me that I was "better than this".

 

And yet, there are still people who have been through this themselves that will insist that the difference between addiction and dependence is "semantics" and that the argument is "divisive".

 

I wish people with actual addiction issues all the best and hope they are able to get the treatment they need but as far as I am concerned anyone in the support community who continues to promote the "same-same" argument knowing what happens to patients when doctors believe the same misinformation are no better than the doctors themselves. Matter of fact it is worse in their case because they really have no excuse. Shame on them.

[[ka...]]

I took those boogers, as prescribed for 8 years with nary a single dose increase.  When I told my Dr. that I was experiencing "inter-dose withdrawal like symptoms" he immediately pronounced me "addicted" and cut off my prescription. I was forced into a brutal cold turkey detox which landed me a week stay in a behavioral health center.  There, my Dr. ordered no taper and no seizure meds (because he thought I might get "high" off of seizure meds)............More than once, my prescribing Dr. told me that I was "better than this".

 

And yet, there are still people who have been through this themselves that will insist that the difference between addiction and dependence is "semantics" and that the argument is "divisive".

 

I wish people with actual addiction issues all the best and hope they are able to get the treatment they need but as far as I am concerned anyone in the support community who continues to promote the "same-same" argument knowing what happens to patients when doctors believe the same misinformation are no better than the doctors themselves. Matter of fact it is worse in their case because they really have no excuse. Shame on them.

 

Because I had custody of 3 of my young granddaughters, I was forced to attend an 18 week IOP program for substance abuse. Talk about a fish out of water! The group  focused  primarily on the behaviors associated with addiction. The group would often discuss  crimes they had committed to get their drugs, lost family, friends, marriages, children and jobs, financial ruin and  social and spiritual problems. I had experienced none of that. I went and picked up my 10$ prescription each month and took it as directed.  I had no problems until I began to experience inter-dose withdrawal. My counselor repeatedly confronted me about "my denial".  The social service agency that checked in on the granddaughters insisted that I attend a 12-step program.  I did for a few months and once again, I just could not relate.  I could empathize but not personally relate.  It's been a nightmare.  On top of all of this, I've never been able to tell my full story. Because of the nature of my profession, I fear it would endanger my career and ability to provide for my family.  I'm considering writing a book about my experiences. I am under no delusion that it would be on the TIMES BESTSELLER LIST but if it could help even a few other benzo warriors, or Dr.'s who work with benzo patients........

[[be...]]

I took those boogers, as prescribed for 8 years with nary a single dose increase.  When I told my Dr. that I was experiencing "inter-dose withdrawal like symptoms" he immediately pronounced me "addicted" and cut off my prescription. I was forced into a brutal cold turkey detox which landed me a week stay in a behavioral health center.  There, my Dr. ordered no taper and no seizure meds (because he thought I might get "high" off of seizure meds)............More than once, my prescribing Dr. told me that I was "better than this".

 

And yet, there are still people who have been through this themselves that will insist that the difference between addiction and dependence is "semantics" and that the argument is "divisive".

 

I wish people with actual addiction issues all the best and hope they are able to get the treatment they need but as far as I am concerned anyone in the support community who continues to promote the "same-same" argument knowing what happens to patients when doctors believe the same misinformation are no better than the doctors themselves. Matter of fact it is worse in their case because they really have no excuse. Shame on them.

 

:thumbsup:

[[Fl...]]

My counselor repeatedly confronted me about "my denial".

 

What did they believe that you were in denial of?

 

The ignorance surrounding addiction and dependence has detrimental effects to the patient before, during and after "treatment".

 

Sad. Very sad.

[[ka...]]

My counselor repeatedly confronted me about "my denial".

 

What did they believe that you were in denial of?

 

The ignorance surrounding addiction and dependence has detrimental effects to the patient before, during and after "treatment".

 

Sad. Very sad.

 

Everything! I don't think she believed me when I would say that I had none of those issues. Also, when I told her that I didn't abuse my rx and took them as directed (1mg-2-3x day), she insisted that such a "small dose would not cause wd sx this severe".  When I told her that I was married and had been for 32 years she commented on what a compassionate guy my husband must be. She seemed surprised when I responded to one of her questions, telling her that No, I was not on disability. She often questioned me about denial and minimization. I once asked her how many people she had treated whose only problem related singularly to benzos ( I was the only one in the group at that time.  The majority of the group were recovering heroin addicts. Most of that subgroup were taking either suboxone, vivitrol, or methadone to assist their recovery.  I remember wondering why society seemed to have such compassion and medical assistance for those brave souls but nothing for folks suffering through a benzo withdrawal). She replied that she rarely saw anyone in her group, besides a few alcoholics, who did not have a poly-substance issue.  Instead of inter-dose withdrawal sx, she insisted that I had been experiencing cravings. I remember at that time feeling more alone than I ever had in my life. Often, I would just break down and cry during group. By the time I had completed group I left with a referral to a chemical dependency counselor and great confusion as to weather I was or was not a junkie.  It was then that I found benzo buddies and validation. I've made it nearly a mission to learn all that I could about benzodiazepines and all of the issues related to them.  I continue on this sight to help others and correspond daily with other benzo buddies. It still boggles my mind that there is so much data and information available about benzos and the  discontinuation  of them yet the medical community clings to  their antiquated ideas surrounding benzo use and discontinuation.  It's all just unfathomable.

 

Katz09899

[[Fl...]]

Instead of inter-dose withdrawal sx, she insisted that I had been experiencing cravings. I remember at that time feeling more alone than I ever had in my life.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I haven't suffered that kind of indignity from any "professionals" but I think all of us here can relate based on how we have been treated by family or friends at some point during this process.

 

Just goes to show how far off base the medical and addiction community is in regards to this.

[[ho...]]

I bet lots of docs are dependant or addicted and prob write their own scripts, no one is immune. But i also bet they would never admit to it!

[[be...]]

My dad was a doctor and he died, still addicted to Xanax.  And he never felt Xanax was an addictive drug. And when I asked him if long term Klonopin use was a good idea, he said, Yes.