You know what really upsets me!?!?!

[[Pi...]]

I cut/taper then I feel very sick,  everything is just awful, then after awhile I start feeling better,  and things seem to be okay again, then it's time to taper again... Going right back to being sick again!!!  I've been holding a few extra days because it feels good not feeling so sick and crazy!  It sucks knowing when I make that next cut,  I'm going to be right back on my death bed again for awhile!  :'(

 

I'm also a single mother of 2 kids, with no support. This isn't fair to them!  :'( I hate that this is such a LONG process of being sick & crazy 24/7 because my poor babies have to suffer through this too having such a sick mama! 

[[bu...]]

I cut/taper then I feel very sick,  everything is just awful, then after awhile I start feeling better,  and things seem to be okay again, then it's time to taper again... Going right back to being sick again!!!  I've been holding a few extra days because it feels good not feeling so sick and crazy!  It sucks knowing when I make that next cut,  I'm going to be right back on my death bed again for awhile!  :'(

 

I'm also a single mother of 2 kids, with no support. This isn't fair to them!  :'( I hate that this is such a LONG process of being sick & crazy 24/7 because my poor babies have to suffer through this too having such a sick mama!

 

Yeah, that's the way C&H tapers usually go.  That's the way mine was, until I switched to a daily liquid microtaper.

[[Pi...]]

I cut/taper then I feel very sick,  everything is just awful, then after awhile I start feeling better,  and things seem to be okay again, then it's time to taper again... Going right back to being sick again!!!  I've been holding a few extra days because it feels good not feeling so sick and crazy!  It sucks knowing when I make that next cut,  I'm going to be right back on my death bed again for awhile!  :'(

 

I'm also a single mother of 2 kids, with no support. This isn't fair to them!  :'( I hate that this is such a LONG process of being sick & crazy 24/7 because my poor babies have to suffer through this too having such a sick mama!

 

Yeah, that's the way C&H tapers usually go.  That's the way mine was, until I switched to a daily liquid microtaper.

I'm not sure how to cut now much less do a liquid. 

[[Ch...]]

Snowflake, that's the dilemma I face. I love feeling stable and find it hard to make myself voluntarily ill again to reduce the dose.

 

I am planning to restart a liquid microtaper. having obtained the correct equipment,  in the hope of avoiding what you describe. At the moment it's an experiment.

[[Th...]]

I completely understand and put up a thread about the anxiety of the next cut. I did one 2 days ago but my symptoms don't peak till day 10. I must have held an extra month if not more simply because anxiety of the cut itself was holding me back; you never know if it will be horrible or manageable. I hated making it because my symptoms calmed down a bit. This taper I have had almost no windows, just ok enough to somewhat function normally. I also understand the guilt as I have a 3 year old that says "mommy sick" way too often. She also gets the Ipad way too often when I said I would never stick my kids in front of a screen...ha! Wasn't I all high and mighty! I do what I can and try to optimize any good hours to relieve my guilt a bit, but I just don't have the energy to entertain her outside the house without help.

[[Pi...]]

Yesss.  Sooo glad you guys understand.