3 months off CT symptoms questions

[[Me...]]

Hey guys, so today has been a rough one. I'm not sure if I'm getting better at 3 months out. Some parts of the day I feel OK but other parts I feel so disconnected with racing thoughts and terrible intrusive thoughts. Unwanted thoughts are still there too. I feel like I can never relax and fear that I'm going bipolar or something. Sometimes I meditate and feel a little better afterwards. I constantly get like temple pressure or top of the head pressure when my anxiety spikes. I'm really scared to try an SSRI. I've been exercising and changing my diet, but I'm still so scared for my family. I want to live my life again. I never had any of these symptoms before this medicine. I did have a small 2 day window the other day but I wasn't sure if it was from the Zoloft or not. I took it for like 4 days but the side effects came to severe suicidal thoughts so I didn't feel safe.  Any reassurance or help is more than welcome. God bless.

[[wo...]]

Meanmrmustrd,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad!

 

Everything that you're going though is completely normal and chemically induced.  It's not you.

 

Good for you for exercising and changing your diet!

 

Educate your family and yourself on what you're going through.  Just remember that every day you're off the benzos, you're healing.

 

ty

[[Da...]]

It all sounds like normal WD symptoms to me. I had all the symptoms you are describing. It is probably suicide ideation which is different from being suicidal. It is more like fantasizing about it but not a plan for actually doing it. If it ever went beyond that for me I would ask for help. Just stick it out and you should start to feel improvement. You are actually early into it so it will pass.

[[ke...]]

Sounds like waves of DP/DR. Very sucky, but this goes away. The Zoloft may help with this a bit, but time (months, not years) will be the answer.

[[Kr...]]

Yes, I remember being mortifed that at 3 months out, I was still feeling just like that.  The earlier months were easier because I thought I'd be 'through' withdrawals at the end of each month.  By 3 months I was questioning whether I should find a dr who would put me on valium so I could do a slow taper. 

 

I think, about that time for me, 'Pokemon Go' came out.  That helped!  So did going for walks early or late or any old time and take my camera to try to notice and photograph anything, to see if anything would jump out (I noticed things I would not notice so was in some kind of 'heightened' state - got some good photographs).  Whenever I felt the depersonalisation, i would go for a brisk walk which really did help.  In hindslight the neighbours probably thought i was having domestics as I'd storm off down the road, rain or shine, as though my life depended on it (my mental health did depend on it!).... I always came back feeling better.  Drinking water always helped too - I guess anything 'physical' helps to change the 'mental'.    Relaxing was very very hard (I carried knitting with me wherever I went, and can recommend having something in your hands to keep you physicall busy, instead of trying to relax).  Driving, knitting, walking are the 3 main things that helped keep my anxiety down, stopped me from ringing an ambulance, enabled me to 'hide' my dp. 

 

I did get tiny windows from it which grew, and changed, and healed a little.  Even now, I am not quite as interested in TV as I was, but i can sit and watch a program without knitting.  I seldom get dp, and now don't mind being a 'witness' to the view, as I've got my inner confidence back.  You will get it too 

[[Kr...]]

I remember teaching a neighbours daughter how to knit during this period.  She would just come and visit me during the school holidays.  I felt so depersonalised, i was surprised that she still treated me normally, but because she did, i did my best to act normally.  I laughed and showed her knitting and then she'd go home.  I'd feel as though i'd just come off stage, and wondered how I'd done!!!

 

She and her Mum moved since.  I think she must've been an angel, just came to help me through that particular patch   

[[Kl...]]

November which was 4 months off for me I truly felt was one of the hardest and considered reinstating since I felt as if I was suffering daily with no hope.

 

Now here I am such a short time later and for the past month I have felt "healed". So don't give up hope. I turned around really quickly from such a low point.

[[Di...]]

I'm sorry you are feeing so rough.  It's a tough thing to get through.

 

[[Kr...]]

Well said KlonipinupGirl;  The good patches come on so quickly, just when we don't think we can carry on. 

 

A week or so ago I felt like I was in acute for part of my days, it wasn't a pleasant wave, but from it I am feeling better than I ever have in this WD.

 

I think someone else said that each 'wave' or 'painful' symptom we get is just our body healing, our nerve receptors reinstating.  Such a very very hard process then 'poof' a bit of clarity, and then a window......