Losing my mind.

[[...]]

I'm so sorry haven't been supporting here.

Yesterday was a day of: crazy thoughts, heart rase, high anxiety, depressed, didn't really know who I am, crying for hours, stressed, couldn't stand up for more than 5 min. BP down to 109/64 puls 85. Fear from h*ll that I'm going to end up in a psychic ward.

Fear of being alone, muscle spasm all over, tingling in arms, legs, hands.  Cold and warm. Scream right out here because of my anxiety.

And more. Can't really type, feline so weird, crazy.

Woke up after 4 hours of sleep, soaked in sweat, feeling crazy by anxiety.

 

My hubby is here but for how long will he manage this crazy lady :'(

I'm a burden. I keep telling my hubby that I'm a burden and probably a crazy burden.

He tries to calm me down. My best friend and love.

I'm anxious because I have to see my therapist this Friday.  If I don't show up I'm not welcome there anymore.

I got diazepam because of my severe agorafobia to start with many years ago, and of course it's 100 time worse now.

If I can't make it to my therapist i will not get the diazepam from my pd.

I'm dying, it feels like I'm going insane and die at the same time.

Maybe I'll get a heartattack on the way to the therapist. I really think so.

Or going nuts when I'm there talking to her.

I rabble on about how scared I am.  Haven't even got dressed today. Curled up on the sofa feeling like dooms day is here.

I did do the dishes and almost fell to the floor.

Is this wd after such a long hold. Or maybe it's nor a long hold? I'm so lost

Hugs toyou all, I would give up without this board.

[[Ch...]]

I sympathize AND empathize..and even if you do NOT believe it I promise you will feel better as time goes on.  Most all of us have been exactly where you are and unfortunately it will not completely end until you finish your taper and maybe for a while afterward...which is not to say you should rush your taper.

Your pain and suffering are all scientifically explainable which means they will resolve with time...and time is what we get impatient with.

Best wishes....

[[...]]

I have the same issue. The therapist won't do phone consults and I can't get to her - severe Agoraphobia since this mess started. I could have written your post. My husband is doing everything- even helping me dress and bathe.  You washed dishes, that's huge. I'm looking forward to that day.

I've been reading the success stories to keep me encouraged.

 

Praying for us all.

 

[[pi...]]

Hello Me2,

 

I hear what you are saying and have lived through it myself.  There were days I could not get out of bed and I spent hours crying and crying on my husbands shoulder. Some of these days happened when I was stopped cold turkey from Ativan for a medical test. The other days were when I reached tolerance to the dose of clonazepam I was taking.  Even though my doctor suggested I take another dose at mid-day, a little voice inside me told me not to.

 

What I can tell you is that this is "normal" for withdrawal.... but it is temporary.  The massive changes that benzos make to the central nervous system can't be undone quickly. Recovery can be a slow process, much slower then we would like, but it will happen.

 

Find ways to distract from how you feel. I had my "bag of tricks" that I used daily and sometimes through the night. I watched light hearted movies, did puzzles, played Scrabble on the computer ( at the easiest level at the start due to cog fog), did crosswords, read books and read Success Stories. 

 

Others have walked this path before you, myself included.  I doubted my healing at times, but I'm so glad I had the patience and determination to wait it out. It was so worth it.

 

pianogirl 

 

 

[[be...]]

Agoraphobia hit me very very hard when I started the Valium. Two weeeks prior I was out and about non stop. It's still holding me back dreadfully and my husband too does pretty much everything at times. It will pass though I promise. It's normal to feel this way. One thing I noticed though and it struck a chord. You have an upcoming doctor's appointment. Even though I adore my doctor about a week before my appointments I get progressively worse. No rhyme or reason to it because once I'm in the car and the radio is on etc I settle right down, enjoy the outing and enjoy my visit with the doctor. But before I get into the car I'm truly at my wits end. Will he change my dose? Cut me off? On and on and on. A complete nightmare yet extremely unfounded. He's never once let me down and is now letting me control my own taper yet I feel this every single time. Last visit he gave me 4 months worth of my Med's. We were meant to head south for the winter but we're snowed in. So now if we can eventually get out I'll need to call him for more Remeron but only that. It's nagging at me like a sore tooth. Why? No idea. It just happens. He gave me extra Valium for our vacation so I don't even need that. Is it possible this is causing your extra trouble?  The possibility that we can't get there is very scary. But you WILL and no you won't have a heart attack. You just think so. Maybe try to look forward to getting it over? It's hard but it helps. I'm so sorry you're having such trouble. But it will pass. Bet you feel super great after the visit and you have a new script. Hang on. If worse comes to worst ask your hubby to go to your appointment and explain you're in a bit of a rough period. That has to be a last resort though and you'll feel a million times better if you go yourself. B

[[...]]

Thank you, you wonderful, brave BB's 

 

You are all so right about this wd and how the brain play games with us.

It means so much to me to read your responses.

Yes it will get better, I'm just so childish and very scared now.

A grown woman crying over how difficult everything seems to be. I used to be very strong person one who friends and family came to get advice,

a good laugh and just sit and chill in front of a movie.

Now I'm a total mess. This morning I put the coffee machine in the fridge and call my husband by the name that our dead dog had 

 

Choco: yes I do get impatience.just want this to be over with.

Mena: I'm so sorry to read that you have the same problems. Agoraphobia makes one depressed and dependent.

My husband have to help me to take showers. I did do the dishes and you will too, soon. I promise.

I do read all the succes stories to keep me encouraged.

Pianogirl: thank you! Inspiration girl :)Yes this will end some day. I can't do any crosswords...can't find the easiest swedish words brain fog.

Did some candy crush but started to cry like a baby. I read succes stories and look at all the snow outside. Walk around in the house.

 

Barb: i hope you are doing fine. Your doctor sounds like a dream. Mine is a nightmare. Yes you are so right about the appointment! It's all i can think about now. My husband tell me it will be ok  i do go when the day comes. It's the week before and I'm just so anxious!

The resent visit was a disaster, my pdr left me over Christmas without a new script. I really don't know how he thinks.

Maybe he will say: No more diazepam, you have to go CT now. I don't know. I really don't know with that weird doc.

Yes I will go there even in pyjamas if I can't get dressed.

I don't give a damn what other people think if I show up in pyjamas and in tears.

 

I know that so many been trough this and is going through this now. 

You are the best, all of you. 

 

Thank you again for the warm response. Sorry my English is a joke now. Can't even speak or spell swedish rught now.

 

 

[[be...]]

You're still strong and definitely not childish. Just normal withdrawal. I too am looking at snow and unlike you thinking argh! But the mountains do look beautiful. Yesterday I dragged myself down to wash sheets because I'd drenched them twice with my flu fever breaking. I poured in the liquid, put in the laundry and walked away without turning it on. Couldn't figure out why it was taking so long. The day before I put my coffee cup under the machine spout upside down. Mess all over. And I didn't call my husband by the name of our old dog. Lol I called him an asshole. B

[[...]]

Lol Barb 😅 oh. You made me laugh!

Really hope your flu is getting better

 

I just asked my husband if he doesn't know me at all when he asked me if I had a box somewhere in the house ...with buttons!

No I'm not a woman who keep a box with buttons. He have only known me for about 25 years.

Hugs

 

 

[[be...]]

Lol Me2. Laughing is a very potent medicine and if my husband asked me for a box with buttons I'd be truly confused as to which one of us in on benzos. They say kids say weird things. Nope not as weird as our hubbys. After 44 years of blissful marriage he never ceases to amaze me. I once asked my husband if he could get me a screwdriver. He looked at me oddly and said how can I do that? We don't even drink vodka? And orange juice makes you sick.  I'm dead serious. I found the screwdriver myself. Think my flu slowly getting better. Hope so.  B 

[[...]]

Lol Barb 😅 screwdriver that's so funny!

Everyday is a new day of getting to know my hubby. And I'm a mystery to him, he always tell me.

A good laugh is the best medicine. And my hubby makes me laugh everyday. I'm thankful for that.

But today I didn't laugh when he was going to take a sauna, drill a hole in the ice on the lake and take a bath.with he's buddy's.

I screamed at him, you're going to get a hear attack and die!

They do that every year,once a week. It's terrible.

Hugs

 

[[be...]]

Hugs back and yes laughing is forever the best medicine. A sauna. What a riot. People do that here...take the plunge but usually to raise money for charities. To do it for fun...I'd rather just donate cash. Well, if he enjoys it with his friends no harm, no fowl. Good excuse for you to warm him up when he gets home though. Now there's a thought.  and once a week burr! But honestly he'll be fine. He's doing something he likes which is always a good thing. I'm off to try and tackle some chores...again. Keep saying I'm going to do it but still just typing away. Time to listen to myself and the mess in the bedroom won't get tidied up by itself. Oh how I wish. Be good. B

[[be...]]

You're still strong and definitely not childish. Just normal withdrawal. I too am looking at snow and unlike you thinking argh! But the mountains do look beautiful. Yesterday I dragged myself down to wash sheets because I'd drenched them twice with my flu fever breaking. I poured in the liquid, put in the laundry and walked away without turning it on. Couldn't figure out why it was taking so long. The day before I put my coffee cup under the machine spout upside down. Mess all over. And I didn't call my husband by the name of our old dog. Lol I called him an asshole. B

 

Heh heh BB that's very funny about your hubby bashing.

[[be...]]

Good to see you Betsy. Been missing you. B

[[be...]]

Good to see you Betsy. Been missing you. B

 

No laptop so hanging out in Off Topic. But moving to my new place FINALLY this week. Miss you too 

[Guest [su...]]

Thank you, you wonderful, brave BB's 

 

You are all so right about this wd and how the brain play games with us.

It means so much to me to read your responses.

Yes it will get better, I'm just so childish and very scared now.

A grown woman crying over how difficult everything seems to be. I used to be very strong person one who friends and family came to get advice,

a good laugh and just sit and chill in front of a movie.

Now I'm a total mess. This morning I put the coffee machine in the fridge and call my husband by the name that our dead dog had 

 

Choco: yes I do get impatience.just want this to be over with.

Mena: I'm so sorry to read that you have the same problems. Agoraphobia makes one depressed and dependent.

My husband have to help me to take showers. I did do the dishes and you will too, soon. I promise.

I do read all the succes stories to keep me encouraged.

Pianogirl: thank you! Inspiration girl :)Yes this will end some day. I can't do any crosswords...can't find the easiest swedish words brain fog.

Did some candy crush but started to cry like a baby. I read succes stories and look at all the snow outside. Walk around in the house.

 

Barb: i hope you are doing fine. Your doctor sounds like a dream. Mine is a nightmare. Yes you are so right about the appointment! It's all i can think about now. My husband tell me it will be ok  i do go when the day comes. It's the week before and I'm just so anxious!

The resent visit was a disaster, my pdr left me over Christmas without a new script. I really don't know how he thinks.

Maybe he will say: No more diazepam, you have to go CT now. I don't know. I really don't know with that weird doc.

Yes I will go there even in pyjamas if I can't get dressed.

I don't give a damn what other people think if I show up in pyjamas and in tears.

 

I know that so many been trough this and is going through this now. 

You are the best, all of you. 

 

Thank you again for the warm response. Sorry my English is a joke now. Can't even speak or spell swedish rught now.

 

I am back. Post me an PM if you need some support in Swedish too. I have been there...where you are right now. My shrink is the best. I can call the same day and say not today. I am way to sick. He calls me up and we talk on the phone.

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