Family Intervention vs Understanding. Need advice.

[[re...]]

Hi all.  Just wanted to throw this out for some advice and if anyone has ever had a similar experience.

 

As some of you are aware, during my taper and subsequent withdrawal, I got hit with some incredibly difficult financial and personal situations.  Unable to work and going through a horrible divorce during my taper (ex wife left 2 weeks into taper),  I ended up accruing deep debt and being in a very sad state the past two months.  One, in order to eat/etc, I had to take on work through acute withdrawal (still working) as the overall manager of a high profile and incredibly difficult and outward facing project that is putting my already perilous career in danger and, two, I fell behind in rent for a month and ended up being served with eviction papers for the apartment I've had for 14+ years and share with my dog.  Also, I had the distinct pleasure of turning 50 when all this happened. Yay, midlife crisis!  It's been a lot.

 

My family has been somewhat understanding and helpful through my taper, but by the time I jumped, they'd had enough.  I could understand them being burnt out.  None of them had been through benzo withdrawal and it's tough to understand if you've never been through it. Long story short, a week into my acute I was very much alone.  Of course, that was when everything started to fall apart (i.e. finances, home, etc). 

 

As the acute symptoms lessened and I looked around me at the wreckage, I realized I needed to ask for help from family if I was going to be able to get back a semblance of my life.  This past week I reached out to them.  A couple of them can afford it easily.  My ask was not met well.  They could not understand why, after being off the benzo for 5 weeks, I couldn't deal with all this for myself.  Obviously, they reasoned, I was mentally unfit to care for myself and I wasn't going to get any better without a harsh intervention.

 

Yesterday, one of my family members showed up at my door and I was given a choice.  Dig myself out in NYC or give up everything - my dog, my career, my, well, everything - and move in with this family member a thousand miles away.  If I move, the family will take care of all my debts, as well.  My dog would go to another family member.

 

I know they love me.  I can understand their actions and not getting what klonopin did to me.  I would probably do the same as them if I didn't know about benzos like I do.  In fact, I know I would.  And I would think I was doing them a favor.

 

Maybe for most of you, the question is moot.  It may seem obvious to you what I should do.  I am torn.  I don't know how I will dig out of this alone, but I do not want to give up my life, my pup, my everything and have to move away and start all over again st 50.  Every fiber of my being is saying stay and deal with consequences. 

 

I guess I'm wondering...what would you do?

 

[[so...]]

Redoing,

 

I know this is the most difficult time in your life thus far.  It is for all of us, so you are not alone.

 

If it were me, I would stay put, work out a rent payment plan with my landlord, keep my beloved pup, work on my high profile project as best I could, buy healthy food and pay bills as they come up.  It sounds like being a high profile project manager pays well and you should be back on your feet fairly quickly, but I don't know your personal circumstances.  Giving up so much this early on in the process may cause you regrets later on.  My advice is to not throw in the towel just yet.

 

Sofa

[[re...]]

Redoing,

 

I know this is the most difficult time in your life thus far.  It is for all of us, so you are not alone.

 

If it were me, I would stay put, work out a rent payment plan with my landlord, keep my beloved pup, work on my high profile project as best I could, buy healthy food and pay bills as they come up.  It sounds like being a high profile project manager pays well and you should be back on your feet fairly quickly, but I don't know your personal circumstances.  Giving up so much this early on in the process may cause you regrets later on.  My advice is to not throw in the towel just yet.

 

Sofa

 

That's my gut feeling too.  Don't give up as...this too shall pass.

[[Tr...]]

Hi redoingme,

 

I can't think  much of the advice beside understanding and feel for your struggle . As we all stress and struggle with the benzo wd and on top of that all stresses in our personal life.  But it will be OK, nothing is permanent, even this benzo wd.

 

I do agree with sofakingdone's advice. 

 

Tracy

 

[[Ch...]]

Sofa gave stellar advice.  If you can swing it, by all means this seems to be the best answer in the long term. 

 

I'm not downplaying how anyone else feels during the withdrawal and recovery process, but looking back, I realize I felt much worse than I really was.  For example, I stayed on the couch 24/7, not moving except from bed to couch or to the bathroom.  Yet I was able to get up and go to the gym twice a week for an hour of working out… 1/2 hour on the treadmill, 1/2 hour of floor exercises.  Then back home, back to the couch until the next time I went to the gym.  Bizarre.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Sofa gave stellar advice.  If you can swing it, by all means this seems to be the best answer in the long term. 

 

I'm not downplaying how anyone else feels during the withdrawal and recovery process, but looking back, I realize I felt much worse than I really was.  For example, I stayed on the couch 24/7, not moving except from bed to couch or to the bathroom.  Yet I was able to get up and go to the gym twice a week for an hour of working out… 1/2 hour on the treadmill, 1/2 hour of floor exercises.  Then back home, back to the couch until the next time I went to the gym.  Bizarre.

 

When you exercise, do you have any syptoms rev? I want to exercise but I don't know if i can do it. I have bad dizziness at times.

[[Ch...]]

Sofa gave stellar advice.  If you can swing it, by all means this seems to be the best answer in the long term. 

 

I'm not downplaying how anyone else feels during the withdrawal and recovery process, but looking back, I realize I felt much worse than I really was.  For example, I stayed on the couch 24/7, not moving except from bed to couch or to the bathroom.  Yet I was able to get up and go to the gym twice a week for an hour of working out… 1/2 hour on the treadmill, 1/2 hour of floor exercises.  Then back home, back to the couch until the next time I went to the gym.  Bizarre.

 

When you exercise, do you have any syptoms rev? I want to exercise but I don't know if i can do it. I have bad dizziness at times.

 

No, I don't remember that exercise bothered me later.  I did hold on to the treadmill handles at all times, though, and did floor exercises to avoid being dizzy.  When I say floor exercises, I really mean 'floor'.  Flat on the floor on my back, lifting a ball between my feet for three repetitions of 10 and over my head for the same. 

[[Ge...]]

I would not give up control of my life.  Especially while still employed.  You made it this far..hang for all its worth!

[[ho...]]

I agree redoingme . I think you should hang in there a while and i don't think its fair that your family is giving you an ultimatum on your life and your wee pup. Hang tough just now mate, try and work things out with your landlord and work and do your best. Go with your gut, your heart never lies to you!!

[[Fi...]]

"...Yesterday, one of my family members showed up at my door and I was given a choice.  Dig myself out in NYC or give up everything - my dog, my career, my, well, everything - and move in with this family member a thousand miles away.  If I move, the family will take care of all my debts, as well.  My dog would go to another family member.

 

I know they love me.  I can understand their actions and not getting what klonopin did to me.  I would probably do the same as them if I didn't know about benzos like I do.  In fact, I know I would.  And I would think I was doing them a favor..."

 

I don't fully understand why they are making all of this so conditional, Redoing, or why this particular version of a solution 'must be' the solution (one very prescriptive offer, only) but then maybe, it's not my place to understand.

 

If you think there is any chance at all of you regularising your position where you are - then I'd "hoist the Jolly Roger" and fight for it!

 

My feeling is that the day will come when you will look back on all of this, in the prime of good health, and wonder: "what was all that about?!" - and, at that point, you will also be very glad that you gave it the very best shot you could have; win, lose or draw.

 

You asked for opinions - that one is mine: Get Stubborn! 

 

All the very best, whichever you decide  :thumbsup:

[[Se...]]

For what it is worth, redoingme (great name btw), my depression peaked in the 2nd month off and by month 3, it had pretty much gone.  I remember this vividly because I got some help when I jumped off from our local Daytox group who worked mostly with street & prescription drug addictions but did have some experience with benzo and z-drug withdrawal.  I was there for 6 weeks after I jumped and received group auricular acupuncture 4xs a week, it really helped me.  If you google "community" + "acupuncture" you can usually find low or no cost group acupuncture in most major cities, often by donation or free of charge if you are short on funds.

 

I vividly remember calling one of the wonderful and experienced clinical nurse specialists towards the end of the 2nd month when I was decidedly depressed and she reiterated that it was most likely PAWS (post acute withdrawal) and that it would likely be the worst in the first 3 months.  As it was, I remember it lifted by the end of the 2nd month.  I had many physical symptoms but the psychological ones really were minimal after that.

 

I went through a very difficult period in 2008 after my late husband's suicide when I was in a very similar position to you - the world seemed to be crashing down around my head, I wasn't working and had no income, my house had been torn apart for renovations.  My "family" were very high handed and basically wanted a fire sale and a move back to my home town 3,000 miles away where I hadn't lived in decades.

 

Fortunately, I listened to my little inner voice and decided that that kind of drastic change was the opposite of what I needed after such cataclysmic changes.  I worked really hard to come up with some fallback plans and scenarios in case my first plan to stay put didn't work.  I was pretty ill back then and was in and out of hospital that first year, really in shock.

 

I looked at all sorts of scenarios - from being a live in companion to an older person who wanted to stay at home for instance, or a live-in caregiver.  I didn't end up needing to go that route but I am glad that I started thinking about alternatives and actively exploring options.  I spent just a few minutes on craigslist new york city and found a bunch of listings under "free exchange", including someone who had a dog and was looking for someone who could help out with their dog.

 

All through my tapering and withdrawal, while I didn't work, I was able to actively care for myself and my husband who was recovering from a quadruple bypass.  As Challis mentions, I felt sicker than I was in the sense that I could manage quite a bit as long as I rested in between exertions or projects.

 

From the sound of it, your ultimate fallback plan is leaving your city and finding a temporary home for your pup and moving in with family.  So that removes the risk of trying to make things work.

 

From the sound of it, you've more than earned this position through past performance.  Perhaps you could get some help - a young person who could "intern" with you in exchange for mentoring.  It doesn't sound like you have to be glued to a 9-5 office job so the results are what counts, not minute by minute performance.

 

There are so many ways to skin this cat and you have really not too much to lose just now by trying.  I would try to put as many props in place to help you out and hope that things will ease as "the trend is your friend" and recent improvements may continue.

 

The best advice I got after my husband's death was to make the "best decision I could each day based on all the evidence/information in front of me" and then let get of worrying about "what ifs" or too far in the future.  Someone very dear to me said "SS, if you are looking down the road and you think you clearly see your path ahead, it most likely isn't your path you are seeing at all".  Most of the wonderful things that have happened to me since that time could never have been foreseen.

 

I'm now 3-3/4 years off, went back to work fulltime in a different field at just over 3 years off after 8 years away from the workforce at 55.  Trust me, I could never have forseen any of this.

 

I vote for give it your best shot.  Ask for immediate help from friends in practical ways and remember that you are stronger than you know.  Withdrawal is difficult but it will not kill you and it will get better.  Not every day is the same on this journey.

 

I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this and a divorce but you absolutely deserve to have people in your life who will show up for you when you are in need.  I would go through anything for the people I love and I have people in my life who feel the same way - withdrawal has helped to weed out anyone who wasn't worthy of my love and help.

 

 

SS

[[bo...]]

I dream of having someone offer to take care of me because I am so isolated in all this pain and suffering. It's not going to happen anyway but I know that the reality of being around people is actually very difficult because they don't understand what I'm going through and just try to bully me into getting on with it and pulling myself together. As hard as it is I am actually so grateful that I can just have some space and peace in my flat and not have to worry about pleasing someone else or pretend to feel normal - which is pretty much what I'm doing for the very few times I feel able or have to go out.

 

I don't know what the right thing for you is but think it over carefully and don't let them Bully you.

 

Sorry I haven't done my signature - I'm not sure how!

 

Bo

[[Gi...]]

Oh wow...  I'm also going through very difficult stuff so can relate - divorce, family member dying, job changes, etc. It's so tough. I think I'd stick too because in your sig it says you've seen some improvement and you're in the worst of it right now including the thoughts and feelings that this will last forever but it won't. You will continue to improve and yes if you can go on leave at work or work out a payment plan with the rent you'll be able to get back on your feet and rebuild your life. Hope that helps. Your family loves you, sorry they don't get it.

[[...]]

I would stay like the others have said. Yes and hopefully the landlord will be willing to accept a payment plan. Your life is in NYC. I'm a New Yorker myself and we are tough people!!! We're struggling now but it's temporary. I keep telling myself that and eventually it will sink in.