My depression

[[PR...]]

My depression is caused by my severe anxiety issues that prevent me from even leaving the house without puking or crying. I used to be so depressed back in July I drank bottles of Delsym. I finally got clean for almost a week back at the end of November, I had to break up with my girlfriend that day because she loved another man, and a good friend of mine died. It was the same day I had a dealer drop off Adderall at my house. I canceled that, about a week later. I tried to kill myself, taking massive amounts of Lorazepam and Hydroxyzine and going sleep, knowing that overdosing on depressants causes you top stop breathing in your sleep. But for whatever reason even after the 3 Ativan and 230 MG of Hydrox I woke up at 12AM. I felt like it was a sign, I really shouldn't be alive, the OD dosage for Hydroxzyine is 210 MG and you should not combine them Benzos but I did. Just made me think of back when I would take Ativan all day and slam bottles of liquor not knowing the risks with muscle relaxers. Drinking codeine DXM with pills snorting adderall. I feel so guilty, idk how I could let myself fall to this. I know im a good person and im just trying to get my life back together. i know im not exactly asking for anything I just need somewhere to say my story so maybe somebody can relate and I can help a few souls in the process of me venting  thank you for listening.

[[Su...]]

Thanks for beginning to tell your story.  It breaks my heart, and I'm sure others feel the same but it's hard to know what to say.  Please just keep writing on these boards and reading other people's stories.....many people are going through or have gone through what you are going through.  Please, please do not think of hurting yourself....just start developing a plan, and you will get better!

[[Tr...]]

Thanks for posting. There are plenty of resources here on the boards that can help you.

[[Da...]]

wow prabbit thanks for sharing your story with us. Take care of yourself, I know things are hard, I lost my GF when this disaster started. you have to hang in there man things will get better. There is hope and it is alive. Post here things will get better I promise.