14 months

[[Si...]]

Hi all,

 

First of all I wanna say I'm much much better than let's say one year ago.

And I'm much better than half a year ago, even better than two months ago.

My dp/dr is (nearly) gone, my anxiety is less, my depression is sometimes there for 2-5 days but then it's gone for 3 weeks or a month or so. My last depressionwave was around 11th of December, almost one month ago, maybe it was my last depression wave....I have much more energy, my eyes don't hurt anymore, I'm much more connected to things/people, I have no extreme spasm anymore, only little ones when I'm lying down in bed sometimes, my skin looks much better....

 

But....I still have the THOUGHTS! Regrets, afraid of the future, lots of self doubts, self criticism, quickly hit by things I hear, read or see....

My SLEEP is still not stable....few nights bad, few nights okay....dreaming extremely much!

 

My sleep wiil improve, my benzobelly will diminish, my tooth (nerve pain when I touch the gum) wiil get better but I worry about me worrying so much!!! I'm almost 14.5 months out. Some days I recognize the thoughts as a symptom but some days I think: is this me?

 

[[pu...]]

But....I still have the THOUGHTS! Regrets, afraid of the future, lots of self doubts, self criticism .....

 

 

I'm having this severely. It has my thought process completely jacked. It's so hard to function through a day and get anything done. This makes me think I am screwed for life!

[[Si...]]

Thanks pushthefeeling. 

 

Is the distorted thought process, the intrusives about life, your last and worst symptom?

[[Da...]]

You know what simone I'm at 13 months and you literally could be telling my story. I noticed my connection to people coming back over the holidays this year. For the longest time I did not want to deal with anyone and I totally isolated myself but now that seems to be getting better. I'm still dealing with a ton of anxiety and my cognitive issues and my concentration are still terrible. I am always happy to see symptoms getting better but the most crippling issues are still there. It always seems like a mixed blessing doesn't it.

[[Da...]]

BTW the intrusive thoughts never get any better. It is like I still obsess over suicide ideation when I know I would never do it. Everything you said about it is true I regret the past and feel like I will never be whole ago, I'm terrified of the future where I feel I will never work again and will be homeless and destitute. I feel like I'm going or already crazy as hell too.

[[Si...]]

Davis, thanks for your reply.

 

We are both past the one year mark and I hope everything will really get better for us and for all of us!! I wake up worrying and go to bed with them.....

[[Si...]]

Anyone else?