Support from former Klonopin withdrawer - full recovery

[[Sp...]]

Hey everybody,

    I just want to start off by saying everything you're going through will end, you will get better, and you will be happy and healthy again. It's very late where I'm from at the moment, so I'll touch on more of my personal experience in Klonopin withdrawal when I have some more time tomorrow - but I felt the need to get on here tonight because I once was somebody in desperate, and I mean desperate, need of some sign of hope. Something positive. Something to comfort me and to reassure me that the hell I was living in would subside.

 

Quick background story about me - I had horrible anxiety/panic attacks for years and the doctor that I was seeing prescribed me 2mg of Klonopin TWICE a day. I did that, twice a day, for nearly 6 months. And it almost killed me. I had terrible seizure like headaches/brain zaps when I was on the Klonopin and I just couldn't continue on with the pills. I had those headache/zaps everyday constantly. It didn't make any sense and I didn't know what to do. So I went back for help to my doctor and you know what he did? He dropped me as a patient. He had a letter typed stating that I was "unqualified for his care and he couldn't help me." I cannot put into words how I felt and still feel about this. This man screwed my life up for a long, long time and got away with it.

 

I then went to a Neurologist, who long story short, tapered me off the best he could. During the time I stopped taking the pills, instantly, I could feel the withdrawal set in. I went to the ER three times and they told me there was nothing that they could do. They'd either put the benzos back in my IV to make the withdrawals stop or I'd just have to suffer until it ran its course. Now. Imagine the weight of that being said to you when you're suffering from something so sinister and awful as benzo withdrawal. I felt helpless. I felt like I was left to die. I felt trapped and terrified. My withdrawal was probably the worst type imaginable. Every second, every minute, every hour, of everyday, for 10 months - I felt this. It felt like 1000 pounds of pressure being pushed down onto my body. Like I could feel the weight of gravity. Along with that I had the scariest withdrawal symptom of all the ones I had - which was the "sinking feeling." It felt like you're falling out of your body into oblivion. That's the best way I can describe it. Like the actual sensation of falling/sinking even though you're in your bed, on your couch, standing still. Like nothing was even there. Constant sensation of sinking to the floor. It was terrifying. Every night I would go to bed knowing I would die in my sleep. I was 24 years old and I had to have my mom, who thank god helped me through this, lay in my bed with me because I didn't know if I would wake up. I couldn't work. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I would scream and suffer in so much pain and withdrawals that I wanted to die. No bullshit. No exaggerating. I wanted to die - the suffering was that bad. I remember I couldn't walk. The only thing that helped, somewhat, were car rides. My mom would drive me around as much as she could and took me to different parks to try to learn how to walk again. I remember not being able to have any emotions for a long time. It felt like my body/nervous system was in so much shock that everything was fried. That scared me. I felt mentally numb/brain dead stuck inside of this body that was being tortured. It was the worst nightmare imaginable. Days went by, weeks passed, months slowly added up and I felt like I was going to feel that way forever. But after some time, a long time in my case, and I'm not exactly sure when but - I pushed through.

 

I've been in recovery going on 4 years now and it's been too long since I've come back to this board to offer my help and appreciation for the ones that were there for me. It was hard coming back. As soon as I saw the main forum page, I cried. It's painful to look back at because I was on here so much, looking for any little speck of hope to cling onto because it was all I had. It goes to show how far I've come. So thank you benzobuddies, you saved my life.

 

For those of you that think you'll never get out, you will. I still feel some symptoms from time to time, but it's manageable. Do you know what I've accomplished since I escaped withdrawal hell? I got a girlfriend, I do Spartan races and 5K runs, I lift weights everyday, I can drink beer again, I travel everywhere, I live. YOU WILL TOO. HANG IN THERE.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. If you're suffering - stay strong and hang in there - you're fighting and I'm proud of you. You'll get through this just like I did. Much love, Spartan413.

[[Fe...]]

Well done spartan! And thank you for sharing this hope giving story! Congratulations on winning that horible fight. Wish you well

[[Th...]]

Thank you for that! I was also on 4mg Klonopin and half way through and it feels like forever. I would sue your Dr. How can these Dr.s just drop patients they are responsible for when they are on life threatening drugs.

[[fr...]]

Thank you so much. This is exactly what i needed right now... I finally jumped 4 days ago and it's been absolute hell.

So glad that you made it through  . I can't tell you how much these stories mean to the people who are suffering. S

Stay well!!

[[jr...]]

Thank you so much. This is exactly what i needed right now... I finally jumped 4 days ago and it's been absolute hell.

So glad that you made it through  . I can't tell you how much these stories mean to the people who are suffering. S

Stay well!!

 

Hey Frozen. I jumped dec22 and am in acute right now. I am taking vitamin d to help with the depression and inositol for anxiety. it has been rough but I am determined to get thru somehow!

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Spartan,

It was encouraging to read just what one can come through, with strength and some support... while not nearly as bad, the similarities were there to compare with my opiate withdrawal, now im just starting the valium that was used as my "cushion"

Drs can b so cruel... i remember in the early months, the head of trauma walking in and saying, -we cant fix your pelvis, there are too many complications...

Or.... 

-there is a list.. 

-i guess in a way, it gives me strength to keep moving forward, to prove them wrong..  and some i see around, i can see the guilt in their eyes...

But my real strength is what i would do for the Drs around the world,that put their faith in me, and teamed up to do what was, said impossible... for them i fight on... to send an email across the world to Professor S, to say -hey, im opiate free!!! -and then such a reply!!! -yes many emotions and many tears...

I hope oneday i can do as you just did, and give hope, where it might seem there is none...

Thank you, i will remember your story Spartan...

T.

 

[[pu...]]

Yes! Congrats! Thank you.

 

 

[[be...]]

Congrats and thank you so much. So many of us need a lift like this. Lol please drink a beer or two for me. Yum. I can't wait. Grateful.  :smitten:

[[...]]

Well done Spartan! 

Thank you for sharing. I needed to read this now.

 

[[be...]]

A full recovery is success!  I am so happy for you! It sounds like you have your life back! 

[[No...]]

Well done Spartan ! Your journey was scary, but you did it.

 

Thank you for sharing your recovery success, and coming back after 4 years! Wish you the best 

[[Th...]]

Thank you so much for coming back to tell us how you're doing. Not enough do this. You should be so proud of yourself, buddy. To go through something at such a young age and prevail is astounding. You've given me immense hope and I'm sure others will agree wholeheartedly. Thank you again.

[[Ja...]]

Thank you for sharing. I am 4 years 2 months away from klonopin and still have inner vibrations, nerve pain and sensitivities. Hoping mine goes away and becomes minimal as yours did. Klonopin is the devil. Best wishes on your new life! 

[[Sp...]]

Cantfly - You will get through this. I promise. And you will look back on all of this one day and feel like you conquered Everest. Because that's exactly how I feel now. Take it day by day, cherish the seconds or minutes in that day that you feel okay and be grateful for them. Don't stress out about when you're going to feel "normal." Just continue to keep on and you'll get there. And when you do, remember that there are still people that are in need of help and hope. All that I ask is that you remember them and offer them that when it's your time.

 

BenzoBarb - Drinking one for you right now! An ice cold Wicked Weed Pernicious IPA. I love craft beer. I'm planning on going to Asheville, NC for a weekend and spending my time snowboarding and checking out mountain breweries! I'll think of you!

 

Thank you to everyone for all the kind words. Seeing your replies of "I needed to read this now" is exactly why I posted. As we scream before every spartan race "AROOO! AROOO! AROOO!" Continue the fight and know that your time is coming. YOU CAN DO IT

[[Te...]]

CONGRATULATIONS on getting through this!!! It was very harrowing; I can only imagine the torture. We each have our individual tortures, but Klonopin is a beast of a drug.

 

But you're doing well now!! That is what I have to keep in mind instead of being angry at the doctor who dropped you.

 

I'm just about 34 months out, and I'm hoping that this course of madness is just about over, even though it may take another year for it to truly settle. But I think the worst is done.

 

THANK YOU for coming back and giving us hope!! We love to read new success stories, so I'm glad you took the time to write!!!  :thumbsup:

[[Ch...]]

I appreciate your returning to offer us hope, which you know can be in short supply.  While I know that acceptance and moving on is key, I think you should take some action against that Psych, especially if you have that letter and any medical records documenting your following hell.  Even if you write the APA, or other professional association.  Even something like paying for space in the local paper naming names and stating facts...that cannot come back to bite you because it is a freedom of speech issue.  LOL, I am angry FOR you!!!!  Yes, you succeeded and risen above the suffering, but that doesn't negate the fact that it has LONG been known that there is a more humane way.

Anyway, congratulations and Happy New Year!!!

[[fr...]]

You've sure been to hell and back, Spartan, and I couldn't be more happy for you to have recovered and be doing so well.  Congratulations!!!  Bravo!!!  I wish you continued good health and joy in all you do. 

[[gi...]]

You give us all hope and that means the world to us still recovering. I am on month 35 and feel  75% recovered right now, cant wait to post my success story.

[[...]]

Thank you so very much for taking the time to share your experience. I could have written this post, I'm where you were. Thank you for the hope and encouragement. God Bless You.

[[...]]

Amazing, thank you. I'm still in it at 33 months and losing hope right now to be honest (try really hard not to). I can't imagine life without it now and blame myself for 'keeping' myself in it. The only time I feel a bit better is in the evening. I't s not like I've given up; I still drag myself to work etc. and I'm about to go do my shopping which should be easy, but such a chore. I didn't intend writing a big whine but I feel my mind has been taken over. Maybe that's why I'm so sick, because I'm complaining. Your Story is much needed, thank you.

 

[[So...]]

Hey everybody,

    I just want to start off by saying everything you're going through will end, you will get better, and you will be happy and healthy again. It's very late where I'm from at the moment, so I'll touch on more of my personal experience in Klonopin withdrawal when I have some more time tomorrow - but I felt the need to get on here tonight because I once was somebody in desperate, and I mean desperate, need of some sign of hope. Something positive. Something to comfort me and to reassure me that the hell I was living in would subside.

 

Quick background story about me - I had horrible anxiety/panic attacks for years and the doctor that I was seeing prescribed me 2mg of Klonopin TWICE a day. I did that, twice a day, for nearly 6 months. And it almost killed me. I had terrible seizure like headaches/brain zaps when I was on the Klonopin and I just couldn't continue on with the pills. I had those headache/zaps everyday constantly. It didn't make any sense and I didn't know what to do. So I went back for help to my doctor and you know what he did? He dropped me as a patient. He had a letter typed stating that I was "unqualified for his care and he couldn't help me." I cannot put into words how I felt and still feel about this. This man screwed my life up for a long, long time and got away with it.

 

I then went to a Neurologist, who long story short, tapered me off the best he could. During the time I stopped taking the pills, instantly, I could feel the withdrawal set in. I went to the ER three times and they told me there was nothing that they could do. They'd either put the benzos back in my IV to make the withdrawals stop or I'd just have to suffer until it ran its course. Now. Imagine the weight of that being said to you when you're suffering from something so sinister and awful as benzo withdrawal. I felt helpless. I felt like I was left to die. I felt trapped and terrified. My withdrawal was probably the worst type imaginable. Every second, every minute, every hour, of everyday, for 10 months - I felt this. It felt like 1000 pounds of pressure being pushed down onto my body. Like I could feel the weight of gravity. Along with that I had the scariest withdrawal symptom of all the ones I had - which was the "sinking feeling." It felt like you're falling out of your body into oblivion. That's the best way I can describe it. Like the actual sensation of falling/sinking even though you're in your bed, on your couch, standing still. Like nothing was even there. Constant sensation of sinking to the floor. It was terrifying. Every night I would go to bed knowing I would die in my sleep. I was 24 years old and I had to have my mom, who thank god helped me through this, lay in my bed with me because I didn't know if I would wake up. I couldn't work. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I would scream and suffer in so much pain and withdrawals that I wanted to die. No bullshit. No exaggerating. I wanted to die - the suffering was that bad. I remember I couldn't walk. The only thing that helped, somewhat, were car rides. My mom would drive me around as much as she could and took me to different parks to try to learn how to walk again. I remember not being able to have any emotions for a long time. It felt like my body/nervous system was in so much shock that everything was fried. That scared me. I felt mentally numb/brain dead stuck inside of this body that was being tortured. It was the worst nightmare imaginable. Days went by, weeks passed, months slowly added up and I felt like I was going to feel that way forever. But after some time, a long time in my case, and I'm not exactly sure when but - I pushed through.

 

I've been in recovery going on 4 years now and it's been too long since I've come back to this board to offer my help and appreciation for the ones that were there for me. It was hard coming back. As soon as I saw the main forum page, I cried. It's painful to look back at because I was on here so much, looking for any little speck of hope to cling onto because it was all I had. It goes to show how far I've come. So thank you benzobuddies, you saved my life.

 

For those of you that think you'll never get out, you will. I still feel some symptoms from time to time, but it's manageable. Do you know what I've accomplished since I escaped withdrawal hell? I got a girlfriend, I do Spartan races and 5K runs, I lift weights everyday, I can drink beer again, I travel everywhere, I live. YOU WILL TOO. HANG IN THERE.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. If you're suffering - stay strong and hang in there - you're fighting and I'm proud of you. You'll get through this just like I did. Much love, Spartan413.

 

Congratulations!! That is so wonderful to hear, do you mind if I ask you how long it took you to start feeling better? I am tapering off of my last 1 mg pill now and would love some advice

[[...]]

Spartan: What a great story to share with all of us. I also fought K for 20 years, many times 6-8mg per day. Thank goodness for the support from the forum members.