My school starts in a week, how do others cope?

[[El...]]

My school starts in a week, I already missed out 3 month and it really stresses me out

I'm attending jewelry/goldsmith school last year, and its essential that I pass.

I'm just wondering about others who is attending school or work during w/d, how do you manage? What if u can't sleep? Does the high level of stimuli and socializing not trigger your waves? What if u feel bad or get a wave when u are there, what do u do? 

[[wo...]]

Elbette,

 

I'm so sorry that you're dreading going back to school.  I do the same thing every semester.  I'm a university teacher, and lecturer.  I've had waves before, during, and after classes for over two years.  I can't afford to take off work.

 

I do a lot of praying and just push through it.  It is far from the best that I can do, but I do my best.

 

ty

[[El...]]

Thanks for your answer, do u think it has delayed your recovery? In a way I think it can be good for me with distraction, but I'm always so bad in the mornings, and I have this extreme fatigue now... I have felt that if I push my self to hard it triggers me, but the thought of not manage the last year at school makes a lot of stress to my cns too....it's so confusing, maybe I should just try and push me to school and see how I cope. My teacher is cool, and have said come one day, if u feel down next stay home. He thinks I suffer from ptsd and anxiety, haven't had the strength to tell the real story.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this too, I do work as a nurse too, but here in Norway we just get sickleave and it's ok for as long as it's needed if the sickness is approved, and anxiety is approved by the government. I send you all my strength 💕❤️

[[wo...]]

Elbette,

 

Norway?  Oh, how I envy you!  I live in the United States.  You are so blessed that you can take off work for anxiety!

 

It's great that your teacher is cool.  And I agree, when the stress levels go up, so do the frequency of the waves.

 

My advice is to not push yourself very hard if you have a choice.  I read that we need to treat our wd as if it was a serious illness or accident.  I don't think that I've delayed my recovery by teaching, but I do know that it has been more difficult.

 

I hope this new year brings us healing.

 

ty

 

ty

[Guest [Ka...]]

Hi Elbette. I would get going with school, and do the best you can. It sounds like that is your passion, and that you don't want to drop/take semester off. Most Programs (even technical) have university (school) rules. I've taught. The rules are all described on the schools websites: how to take an incomplete, how to take a sick leave, emergency. I think you should give it your best, and know what the rules of the school are in case you need to withdraw/incomplete.

Staying with your school program will keep you distracted with your passion, and hopefully your withdrawal is manageable. I "distracted" with music, and it was the best thing I ever could have done. I wouldn't necessarily tell the prof the exact nature of the sickness, unless you do need to drop. As part of the rules you have to fill out forms.(don't lie on school forms, you can be kicked out). If you get insomnia, use the time to study/do school. Push yourself as much as you can.

There is an old antihistamine (hydroxyzine, 25 mg) My acupuncturist/MD gave me this. It really works well for sleep, and is specifically non addictive. It's actually the antihistamine Zyrtec (the molecule), an earlier version. Drink alot of water (1L per day). Eat and sleep and follow you passion. The hydroxyzine is sort of yucky, but it beats not sleeping. It's also used for anxiety...but for me, it knocks me out sleeping pretty well. You have to eat and sleep through healing.

My recovery really turned around at 3 months when I could exercise. I'm through it now, by month 7 it was over for me. I ate alot, (as much and as varied as I could), slept with hydroxyzine (best to use less often; works better. Good Luck. Karuna (10.5 months off Xanax Rx,no other drugs, used hydroxyzine to sleep thru acute)

[[El...]]

Thank you so much both of you, I will see how I feel in a week and probably make an update in this post how it went. The antihistamine you referring to, would that be the atarx? I used it 3 times during my acute insomnia wave, but the problem is that I'm death scared of pills and meds generally, (and here I am in w/d because of that  ) thank you again, sometimes it's so refreshing to get others perspective on things, and we all know that the mental state w/d puts us in, make simple decisions into racing stressing ongoing thoughts 🙃

Danish hugs from Norway 🇳🇴

[[Ch...]]

School would be a great distraction if your cognitive abilities aren't too foggy to concentrate.  And I agree with wontbackdown that it won't slow your healing…the symptoms may just be felt more because you'd be dealing with stress and stress revs things up.  But it doesn't stop your healing.  Only alcohol and benzos are likely to slow healing because they change the GABAa receptors.

 

Speaking for myself (and I suspect many/most others who go through this process), we can do a lot more than we feel like doing.  Sensitivity of the nervous system makes things feel much more difficult, but again, this is a feeling.  Most of us are able to do what we have to do… anything more than what we have to do feels overwhelming.

 

Hope that makes a little sense.  I don't want to sound like I'm downplaying how bad this feels, but the majority of this process is about feeling bad, not actually being as sick as it feels like we are.

 

[[El...]]

Thanks Challis, I think you're right, and I am in the bottom behind this veil of benzo madness a positive person  who never gives up and the last two weeks I've been feeling in my inner self that I'm tired of being tied down by the benzo feels🙃

[[Ch...]]

Thanks Challis, I think you're right, and I am in the bottom behind this veil of benzo madness a positive person  who never gives up and the last two weeks I've been feeling in my inner self that I'm tired of being tied down by the benzo feels🙃

 

Keep reminding yourself of this.  I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are still that person…and one day you will realize 'you' are back.

[Guest [Ka...]]

Hi again. I've only heard the name hydroxyzine used...may be others though. I know, I didn't want to use it, but had to. The insomnia was too overwhelming. For me, it was wiser than not sleeping. (you won't like it, but it could help).

Now, if I wake early, I don't freak, I just give myself the simple choice, either get up early, or not: just get up and use the time wisely (with my french black coffee) sounds simple; in the beginning acute the insomnia is very unhealthy. After the Xanax "experience" I need to stay away from as many Rx as I can! Good Luck. Karuna

[[El...]]

Thanks karuna and Challis, I will keep your advices in my mind🎈

[[El...]]

Last night when I was trying to sleep, the anxiety stress sat in, probably because I'm stressing about this school thing, I then took 1/4  5,5 mg pill of atarax, it did take the edge of the anxiety and beating heart, and I slept like one or two hours here and there. I just wonder if I use atarax will it set back my recovery???

[[ga...]]

I took atarax while in the hospital.  It worked for me, but only for an hour or two and then the anxiety returned.  I have found that working through the anxiety lasts longer than the pill.  It is hard work, no doubt.  It is true that it feels like we don't have the energy to push through an activity, but in the end it makes a person feel so much better.  My mornings are no fun as well....I have to pamper my brain and heart and soul in the morning by hot showers, meditate, breath, yoga and of course, benzobuddies.  It's all good medicine! Then usually, by afternoon I am ready to take on all the other 'stuff' in my life, including the things I feel I can't do in the mornings.  I have found that the people on this site are some of the strongest, bravest, kindest, most sensitive people in the whole world.  Hugs to all of you.

[[El...]]

Thank you Garden lady, I think you're right, last night I pushed myself through the night without any help of atarax, I didn't have anxiety attacks, just this pumping heart and kinda hypnic jerks every time I nearly was falling to sleep. I used my sleep Hypnos with music and I finally fell to sleep, though it was broken into several bits. I never had insomnia before in my life, I was prescribed stilnoct due to stress related wor, I worked night shift at hospital. And had difficulties to turn back to normal after my shifts, in the first 2-3 years I only used the pills for that, but then it just became a habit, and I never took more than 5 mg even I was prescribed 10 mg.

I wish u all my best in your recovering 

[[El...]]

Karuna..... how far out are you now by the way? And did u use the hydrox all the way and still now?

[Guest [Ka...]]

Hi Elbette. I'm almost 11 months off Xanax, (Rx, high dose, 3 years, no other drugs)... I used the hydroxyzine during acute, (not every night), it is more effective if used sporadically.  My acupuncturist/MD prescribed it. I used it to get my sleep cycles back, and I hardly ever lost sleep. I think it is rather benign, and specifically non addictive. It's yucky, and likely creates dehydration...I do 1L water daily (my only real regimented thing, besides exercise).

The way I view recovery is a bit different than Ashton Method. My health providers told me that as a person gets near the end of the taper phase, it just gets harder. My acupuncturist said this "why would you replace a benzodiazepine with another benzodiazepine, doesn't sound like a good idea to me".  (Valium simply doesn't work for many people, personally I've only taken 2mg Valium in my entire life, and it was horribly unpleasant...really awful drug). The reason I don't believe Ashton method very much, is the fact that the brain in withdrawal is kept in constant craving by switching to a different benzodiazepine. One has to eliminate the constant craving.

During the acute phase; you have to eat and sleep. Everyone here is right about time; it's the ultimate healer. At 7 months out, I considered it over, and I believe it is. I hardly ever use the hydroxyzine now. I really don't like taking it. Never felt addictive at all for me.

Take Care. Karuna

[[El...]]

Thanks again🎈 I also thinks that in order to recover the body and brain needs nutrition and SLEEP, I think is essential, and I do feel that whenever I had bad nights my symptoms are so much worse and more difficult. I think I will use the atarax on and of and when I had the really big bad insomnia wave 3 weeks ago it was actually the 3 times use of the atarax that put my sleep back in order in the end.

Thanks again so much 💕

[[ed...]]

Sometimes it now helps if I tell myself that failure is acceptable.

That crude thought helps to take the edge off.

[[El...]]

That's true

[[El...]]

Well, today I went to school it was hard I didn't sleep so well, but I did it.

I nearly cried several times, must mostly because I could feel how my brain had so difficult to think and work. I'm supposed to make a music sting instrument in silver,  I had to scratch and draw a perfect customer drawing and a work drawing with all the measures, at first I couldn't draw anything and I nearly freaked out, after a while I managed. It's weird how I before was called the idea monster, I could easily get out 20-50 ideas in half an hour, today I felt like my brain had forgotten how to even work.

But I think it was good for me, now we just gonna wait and see how I'll feel tomorrow after all this stimulation and noise.

[[Kl...]]

I used hydroxyzine a few times earlier on in the first month or two and it helped, but I didn't like the foggy feeling I had. It made me feel like I was more out of it than I already was. I think it's helpful once in a while to ensure you get some sleep though after some bad nights. For me, sleep really started to improve around week 13-14. It wasn't bad at the beginning of month 3, then I had a couple of weeks or worse / bad sleep before it really turned around. Last night my sleep app said I was in bed for 9 3/4 hours of which 6 hours were deep sleep! This last couple weeks (14/15) I've had mostly good nights like this.

 

Hopefully you will see some good improvements soon!

[[ed...]]

In the past 2 years I have gradually gained the feeling that I have

an independent mind working for me; it can sometimes push me

aside and get things done that I can't do myself.

My conscious mind now can't deal with many things, but there is

some confidence that this subconscious can save the day; sometimes.

I am doing some stupid things; it does not save me from that.

 

This sounds like a mental disorder, but like so many other symptoms,

it's really neurological.  It gives me some hope that my damage

is not permanent; even after 20 yrs of neurotoxins.

In a healthy person, most thinking is subconscious;

I wonder if the subconscious is insulated somewhat from drug damage.

That makes little sense to me, but my subconscious seems to be

better off than I am.

[[El...]]

Thank you Klungo it really gave me hope, I still sleep broken, but before it was broken into 3-4 pieces, then 3, the last cuple of says it's only been broken into 2 pieces. So I think I have like 5-6 hours the last 4 days, it gives me hope. I don't either like the foggy feeling from hydroxyzine, but I will use it in emergency. My teacher is so understanding and I've told him everything about what I'm going through, and it makes it so much easier. I'm a little nervous I might have pushed myself a bit to much today, bicycling 7 km to and from school in cold weather, but we will see tomorrow and night.

I did though fall to pieces an hour after I came home and cried half an hour in exhaustion, I think I needed it, it kinda gave me a relief, but I do feel in my head and body that I'm really shattered now.

But it's a victory I actually managed to go there and that makes me feel positive.

What app do u use by the way?

 

Edouard, thank you, I think it's not permanent and we will be completely healed in time.

 

Big hugs  out both  from me 

[[Kl...]]

I am using an app called Sleep for Android. It's very cool and it has really helped me see how my sleep has been improving over time.

 

I still wake a couple times but can now fall back asleep quickly whereas a month ago I might not be able to do that at all. For sleep I am taking 200mg l-theanine about 45 mins before bed, then 5mg melatonin right before bed. The theanine can help quality of sleep but won't make you sleep. I'd like to drop the melatonin at some point, but for now it's good.

[[El...]]

I tried melatonin, it's containing b6 vitamin and magnesium, I felt it was giving me more jumping heart, but I'm not sure, because I used it during my monster anxiety insomnia wave a month ago, so maybe I already was having a lot of anxiety and pumping heart. I haven't dared to use it again, for now I don't use anything only butyuku breathing technique and I don't get the hypnic jerks anymore, and I also fall back to sleep quickly when I wake up.

I'll try and look for the sleep app

Thanks a lot