Teenager issues??? -who dares tread there??

[[Ca...]]

Hi all,

Just reflecting on the day...

I am a full time single dad to two boys 14, 18..

I guess the problem is that i have not been close to functional for many years, june 2009, when i had the bike accident... -i could function better by taking extra oxy when needed, but we all know where that story goes... -but for the last year or prob two, i have gotten worse, to the point of non functional post oxy detox (july 2016)..

Now i am feeling a bit better, and starting to re-establish a little parenting to the chaos, or more, free reign, they are pushing back hard... and im sure they think im a broken ATM machine...

Any thoughts? -and no, there is no mum option... the eldest works and comes n goes as he likes.. he was working away for a year, but now thats just weeks...

The youngest is often suspended for "debating" with teachers, and recently snapped both his wrists in half (off end fractures) and has bad ulna nerve damage in his left... (dirt bike). -he hides it, but i guess its hard not knowing if it will return so he can use his hand, especially at that age... -I also have no nervs or feeling to most of my lower leg and foot (foot drop)from my accident... -but that was the least of my worries, so a bit different for him as he can see how it could end up...

My youngest is the one i realy need the help with, to slowly get on track with...

Thanks

T.

[[tw...]]

I can relate! Have 3 boys (age range of 11-17) and getting through WD is nerve wracking to say the least. Since I've gotten sicker, they seem to be trying to behave a little better ( I think they're scared because I look like I'm dying) but they are still a challenge when they bicker & fight. I think having an honest conversation about what you want for them, how things can get better & just overall expectations would go a long way. It's helped me ramp down a little of the chaos.

[[4G...]]

Twinkle is right. Have this conversation but maybe also see if school can work with you. Suspending him and then having him back etc etc doesn't seem to be working.

 

It would be interesting to know if school would work with you to set boundaries. Would they? It would be great if you and school were consistent and could work together.

 

No matter what people say, I find that children actually enjoy having boundaries. It makes them feel more secure.

 

Let us know how it goes.

[[ti...]]

Don't count on the school for help.  My daughter is 14 and refuses to do homework.  She also has a bit of a mouth and had a teacher REFUSE to teach her.  She was forced to take on line math, as that is what that teacher taught and is failing.

I have done everything from contacting the principal, school counselor, etc, we even had a meeting and switched around her classes.  I explained to the teachers that she got into the habit of falling behind in her homework and I ground her, she catches up, gets upgrounded, falls behind again...... and begged the teachers to let me know when she was falling behind.  They only did ONCE.  Then they forgot about it, and she is failing classes.

There is really nothing you can do, short of going to school with them and the schools don't even like that.  They have to learn the hard way.  I have tried the carrot instead of the stick with my daughter, letting her know that if she wants to go to Art school she will need good grades to be able to apply for scholarships and other aid. She seemed eager to do better to get into Art school but I still don't see her doing any homework or bringing any home

Its kind of hard, because sometimes I am sick, and my husband complains if I yell at her because HE needs calm because of his stroke. 

I guess this isn't much help.  Sometimes they just have to learn the hard way.  If you come up with something better please let me know

[[be...]]

We had a dreadful time with our son in junior high and high school. The teachers tried to help but to no avail. My daughter was much less trouble. I wasn't tapering but clearly having tolerance issues at the time so it was very difficult to deal with my son right up until his mid twenties and he was even married at that point. But here's the good news. My son is mid late 30's my daughter mid thirties. Both are now well adjusted and living terrific and settled happy lives. Between them we have 3 beautiful grandchildren. And yes we were definitely ATM machines during their teens but now we're past that. It appears they now think we're the Bank of Canada. Best advice. Listen and observe. They eventually find their own way. Be the best dad you can be no matter how good you think that is or not. Just do your best, be patient and let them grow. In the meantime take care of yourself. I wish I had of been able to do that more at the time but all my old doctor did was give me more pills. So don't beat yourself up in the slightest. Your wonderful boys will do that for you at this stage of the game. B

[[Ca...]]

Thanks everyone,

They were real supportive for a few yrs after the accident, but as things draged on, then got worse, it started to fall apart... we talked alot, and had psych support for both the youngest and myself..

Thats onhold for a little, till im up for the drive to town, and both our medical stuff has settled... its a real, -if i dont get what i want, i will b horrid and just ignore dad... a big problem is its so hard to reward with healthy fun stuff (as often as i should), rather than taking short cuts, and giving in to what they want...

School is worse than pathetic, they are well aware of how things are, our psych, a child psych, has talked with them, but nothing discussed was implimented... his last suspension, after his hospital stay, was for refusing to sweep leaves with two broken arms for a detention for not doing his homework, which he didnt understand as not there for the work... he was also on gabapentin, morphine, codine, anti inflams and anti biotics, so i had asked the principal if she was happy for him to b there, (the hospital said yes, school should b ok on those doses, if school is aware)as he missed his mates, but probably not ready for serious catch up, with weekly days in city at hospital...

So yeah the school is out... I would home school, as we did for the oldest two of the 4boys(we lived very remote then), but he doesnt want to miss the social, -and im not so sure i could hold up my end atm...

Hoping i will b much better in the next 3-6 months and it will all work out...

Thanks so much for the replies, its great to hear thoughts other than my own...