Constant low grade sense of terror, doom and fear

[[...]]

This the by far the most horrible of my w/d symptoms.  I wish I could articulate what I mean by "constant terror and fear" but I think that if you haven't experienced it personally, it's indescribable. 

 

Does anyone know what I mean by this? Have you gone through this? Why is my brain constantly pinging on whatever part of the brain in charge of fear? I feel like if I could see my brain activity by light, whatever part of my brain that's in charge of fear would be lit up like a christmas tree.

 

I feel like I'm peering into the gates of hell and I just want it to stop. 

[[Fe...]]

I think I understand, I had this blind panick attack where I was in full terror. And I mean other then the "normal " panick attack.  I was like some fear deep inside my body. It only was once (when I tried sertraline) but I found it to be a traumatic experience. I have had many panick attacks but have never been so horrified as that one time.  I feel for you. This is not something one should go through alone . Do you have any support nearby?

[[...]]

Oh wow your story/signature. That SUCKS.

 

I have my husband who has been my lifeline. If  was alone the past 48 hours, pretty sure I would have ended up asking a friend to take me to a psych hospital. Have never been to one but I assume you can just call your insurance and ask where to go. 

 

I'm just floored by this whole terror/doom/anguish/unrelenting nonstop fear thing. Wouldn't have believed it possible.  There are so many way for a sentient being to suffer, aren't there.  It's too awful to really comprehend.

 

Thanks for answering and saying you understand what I'm even talking about!

[[tw...]]

Yes, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and it is horrific. Mine is that something will happen to my children and I get into such a panic that I start literally wretching. (I'm 3 weeks post jump, but I had this for my entire taper, each time I made a cut.) This intense terror/doom is now starting to subside for me. I still have anxiety but the constant fear and rumination is starting to let up.

 

Practicing mindfulness and grounding and talking myself through and trying to relax has helped me the most.

[[...]]

So glad to hear other know what I am talking about.  So glad to hear it is subsiding for you.

 

I now know what a phase like (in your signature) "gates of hell opened up" means.  To anyone not going through this odyssey, that would sound like an exaggeration. But I'm living it and that's an apt phrase.

 

Mine is about my kids, my husband, myself, every human being in the world who is or who has ever been, a random cat I see in the neighbors yard.  It's the sorrow and terror of any living being's existence, the suffering of being alive, the sadness of it all getting snuffed out.

 

This is an inhuman place for a person's mind to dwell or even peek into. I never could have guessed my brain could put me in this state.

[[...]]

I really know what you are talking about!

The terror/dooms, the panic that scare the sh*t out of me.

Living like this for a while now. Today was a "good" day. I really don't know how I will feel tomorrow.

It's a place no one would be in.

Yes - Gates of hell is a good term for this state of mind.

You're not alone.

 

 

 

[[1w...]]

I wish I could say mine was low grade . . . 

[[ti...]]

I never had panic attacks that were not brought on by a sudden death or ER visit before. Just mild claustophobia. Thats worse now, esp in a WI winter. Its like the walls are closing in, cant get a regular MRI, I was even afraid of drowning although Im a pretty good swimmer.

But the worst is driving, I got hit by a car and my husband got hit by a car and Im so afraid of other cars now. But I cant sit home because the walls close in.....

[[li...]]

Yes, in fact today I am feeling under the weather and I keep having thoughts that I might die soon. Even though I know this is just the fear talking. A lot of times I will be afraid of stuff for no good reason really.

[[sh...]]

Mine is about my kids, my husband, myself, every human being in the world who is or who has ever been, a random cat I see in the neighbors yard.  It's the sorrow and terror of any living being's existence, the suffering of being alive, the sadness of it all getting snuffed out.

 

This is an inhuman place for a person's mind to dwell or even peek into. I never could have guessed my brain could put me in this state.

 

I feel EXACTLY like this.  I didn't have the words for it until I read this.  Thank you.

[[Sh...]]

This is basically the sole reason why I wanted to reinstate and just throw the towel in. It's a horrible way to live and pretty much unbearable. I havent had any physical issues. The mental is straight out torture.

[[Fe...]]

I did have months of being very anxious every day (didn't even dare to come out of bed) and multiple panick attacks a day. This is my third day going from 30 mg oxa to 10 mg and the horrific feeling I'm gonna die soon and suddenly is back. I had a window of feeling "oke" this morning tho and I even slept well! But I font want to be scared anymore all the time. I feel hopeless for now.  Is this ever getting better??

[[Do...]]

Dani, I am having this same thing you've described:

 

"...the sorrow and terror of any living being's existence, the suffering of being alive, the sadness of it all getting snuffed out."

 

And it's really hard to not get depressed when I'm hyper focused on the futility of EVERYTHING.  It helps to hear these thoughts described so well by others.  Shamo has also described similar thoughts in his posts which helped me from reinstating.  These thoughts are absolutely the most difficult part of withdrawal for me.  When they're gone, however, it's as if they never existed.  Upon healing they'll be gone for good.  Please hang in there.  I know how rough it is to keep thinking like this day after day, but it is the withdrawal and nothing more.  River Wolf also has a thread called Benzo lies that have been Busted.  I suggest reading that while you're having these thoughts.  It's a very positive and reassuring thread for which I will be forever grateful! 

[[El...]]

This the by far the most horrible of my w/d symptoms.  I wish I could articulate what I mean by "constant terror and fear" but I think that if you haven't experienced it personally, it's indescribable.

 

I know exactly what you are describing. It's all day every day, and it really is a miserable way to exist. I hope and pray that this will go away.

[[Pi...]]

This is the absolute worst part for me and only seems to be getting worse.  Mine is "HIGH grade 24/7.

[[ho...]]

Hello yes its terrible. I cannot stop ruminating and I'm constantly overstimulated the only thing I can hear is everything outside ilof my own thoughts I have a constant senclse of someone around I feel like someone is around me when there is no one around I have really bad confusion and zero support I have these imaginary Argents that are stuck withy ex girfrins and a previous therapist suppresed memories a lot of past trauma and trauma from this rehab I was at out of breath wanting to die everyday

[[Pi...]]

:'( When does this start to get better?  I can't take it anymore!

[[Wi...]]

The reason for the fear/terror is because the brains two major neurotransmitters are glutamate and gaba A. Glutamate is the excitatory and gaba is the inhibitory calming neurotransmittor. Benzos mess up the output of gaba A which causes us to experience glutamate much more then we normally would. Glutamate is the "fight or flight" neurotransmitter hence the extreme fear and terror. The fear is irrational yet it is still "real" as far as our brains are concerned and its highly exaggerated because there isnt enough gaba to repress the fear/terror response. When the gaba mechanism begins to heal- the fear/terror slowly dissipates but in the meantime it is truly a terrifying experience. I cannot even fathom going thru this experience without faith and im ever so grateful for mine. Prayer and faith has personally been my most valuable attributes thruout this ordeal. There is an upside to benzo withdrawal at least for me. Since ive been having windows and actual moments of joy-ive had a much deeper appreciation for life then ever before. At the end of suffering i can sense and feel a joy as never before. This is faaaar from over for me personally but i believe when it is over i will actually be grateful that i went thru it because i know i will savor lifes simple pleasures from here on out. I hope everyone can faithfully get thru each fearful moment with your faith intact and hopefully-God willing-strengthened.

[[Sh...]]

It seems like a lot of us are going through this. Be very careful of adding an AD or ssri to help with this. I started luvox in march and it enhanced all these bad thoughts and feelings x10. One thing that has helped me is lyrica. I take it once or twice a week and it relaxes me and breaks the cycle for a couple of days.

[[No...]]

Yes, in fact today I am feeling under the weather and I keep having thoughts that I might die soon. Even though I know this is just the fear talking. A lot of times I will be afraid of stuff for no good reason really.

 

 

I feel the exact same way when cutting. I am trying to accept that the hippocampus part of our brain needs to heal and we will feel doom and terror and fight or flight until it corrects itself.

[[Ja...]]

I had chemical terror from the morning I woke up until night

It was physical for me

For me the physical are the worst

I honestly feel I could handle the mental

The physical literally causes such severe chest pain I am in a fetal position

Had to start gapapentin and it took the sebere nerve pain away

 

I wanted to write that I understand the terror

I talked w baylissa about it

I said that I read on benzo buddies ppl have morning terror but haven't heard ppl who have it literally from morning to night

I didn't know it was possible

I worry about what this is doing to my poor body and immune system

I am not off yet. I am feelin this at 1mg. Wondering if I should turn back around

Not sure I can live like this for a year. God help us.

[[Ca...]]

Old thread but,

I'm having this exaclty, "Constant low grade sense of terror, doom and fear" is a very good description,

It's like to be on the edge of going crazy all the time, it feels strange to exist. I feel like I can't connect to my old self, 

somethimes I wonder, have I got an blackout or something,and forgot my life?

Anxiety is constant

I'm constantly tense and "alert" like something bad is about to happen.

 

[[76...]]

Yes I have this. I keep thinking what is the purpose in all this. To be alive and living life then the next minute gone. I have a lot of fear of dying. My wd had manifested into this terrible impending doom and yes I'm going to die within the next 5 minutes. I'm absolutely sure of it at least that what my brain is thinking. I wouldn't say I specifically have health anxiety. I don't think I have brain tumors or cancer or anything. I just know I don't feel good most the time and something is causing it... WD??? But the impending doom, dying, what is the purpose of life my brain has a field day with.

[[Ma...]]

I really know what you are talking about!

The terror/dooms, the panic that scare the sh*t out of me.

Living like this for a while now. Today was a "good" day. I really don't know how I will feel tomorrow.

It's a place no one would be in.

Yes - Gates of hell is a good term for this state of mind.

You're not alone.

 

I haven't tapered for over 2 months so I thought these feelings were from an imbalance in hrt. My compassion for anyone suffering with This monumental

I struggle with these feelings every day

It's grueling and takes away any possible joy. For me, the ONLY antidote that works sometimes is being in nature. I'm in Florida and 5 minutes from a beach. Looking at birds, flowers, the clouds. To be in this fear/dread space constantly is unsustainable.  About 2 months ago, it magically lifted for a few days. Thats when i realized how paralyzing it is.

I also have created a special nook in my house that is my safe zone. Comfortable couch, blankets, pillows,heating pad (warmth instantly makes me feel safe).. I go to this place ,deep breathe and pray when the thoughts consume me. Also, hot baths instantly give me a feeling of safety. I hope some of these ideas would help

Let's pray that 2018 will bring healing to us all!

 

 

[[bo...]]

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am relieved to see that I am not the only one that has.  There are no words to adequately describe it.  I went cold-turkey off Xanax after 4 years.  I went through this literal hell for nearly 2 months. It's something that I have a hard time dealing with it.  Beyond traumatizing.  Words can't describe it.  It's beyond fathomable that medication withdrawal can do that?!