Help...I need comfort!!

[[An...]]

I know this is hard but Holy HELL...I don't know how much more of this I can take! The last thing I want to do is make somebody else feel worse but I don't know what else to do. I know everybody is different and everybody has different paths but today I feel like my path is the one that leads to horrible not stop suffering...this demon seems relentless and so unpredictable!! My mind is telling me everybody else gets better and you won't because you're unique and weak. I have 5 beautiful kids and a wonderful husband who keeps telling me he won't leave me no matter how hard it gets!!

I know I'm wearing them down and that makes me horribly sad because I'm the one who chose to swallow the pills. FYI...they were prescribed by a PDoc for anxiety.

(I don't think it can get any harder) I desperately don't want to die or live a long life of constant suffering. I love life when I'm feeling good but that comes and goes like a clock ticks or like a light switches. I can feel good for weeks and then slam like a slide, I'm right back down the rabbit whole! Trust the windows I've been told but I haven't had much of a window for the past week!!

When is this wave going to let up? The past two times I felt this bad one wave lasted 2months and the other lasted 2 days. Not knowing when this is going to end is the hardest part! It's like I'm on a roller coaster and I can't get off!!

[[ti...]]

I dont get waves. I just have some bad days, but Im not quite two thirds done yet so maybe I will.  I dont cut and holdm I do liquid titration and with the exception of a measuring mistake I made I dont make large changes just tiny daily ones

Maybe this would work better for you?

[[be...]]

I wish I had a answer for you as to when this wave will pass. I think the unpredictability of this process is just one of things that can make this whole process so difficult. It looks like it was not that long ago that you were feeling "great". Those windows are a excellent sign of healing and a glimpse into your future. It sounds like you have a wonderful family who loves you very much and a husband who is there through thick and thin. You are going to get through this. How do I know this? Because you are getting through this. You are doing a amazing job. You are getting up each and everyday feeling horrible and you are taking care of a family. That takes a very strong person, and that is you. Things will get better. I promise. :smitten:

[[bu...]]

1)  Updose back to the last dose you felt OK at.

 

2)  Restart a slower taper, or better, a slower daily taper.

[[St...]]

I totally get your situation and understand it somewhat.

The "feel good" days lure us into a hope that fades away on the bad days, right?

But you are having good days. That's the key..

Healing is HELL. No doubt.

Most to all of us who choose to break out as Neo did in Matrix has these moments, days and weeks.

If you've birthed all 5 kids, your one tough person.

If you are managing 5, thats equally tough.

 

Hang in there! Your going to make it!

Look at your cuts and maybe take it slower.

 

I thought I would be done in 6 months. No way. It's going to take about 1.5 years instead.

 

You can do it!!!

 

[[...]]

Just knowing it's the drug doing this and laughing at it knowing that your beating it. I figured since I was going thru this a lot and I mean a lot of other people are having same issues. Going into week 5 after taking 1mg for 15 yrs. it does suck.

[[An...]]

Thank you!!!! Every single response makes me feel better!

[[be...]]

Thank you!!!! Every single response makes me feel better!

 

Good, i am glad  :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Hi Ann, looking at your profile, you made a cut to 7.5, then a cut to 7 just four days later. Four days isn't long enough to adjust to a Valium cut, Valium half life can be up to 8 days so symptoms can hit over a week out. You are basically feeling the effects of a combined 1mg cut more than a .5mg. I was managing .5mg cuts at that stage but holding for 10-14 days minimum. If you plan to continue with .5mg cuts, it is better to hold closer to two weeks than one. I think you'll feel better that way.

 

[[An...]]

I totally get your situation and understand it somewhat.

The "feel good" days lure us into a hope that fades away on the bad days, right?

But you are having good days. That's the key..

Healing is HELL. No doubt.

Most to all of us who choose to break out as Neo did in Matrix has these moments, days and weeks.

If you've birthed all 5 kids, your one tough person.

If you are managing 5, thats equally tough.

 

Hang in there! Your going to make it!

Look at your cuts and maybe take it slower.

 

I thought I would be done in 6 months. No way. It's going to take about 1.5 years instead.

 

You can do it!!!

Ha....yes I birthed all five! That was easy compared to this! Thank goodness for the support I have but the guilt of not being able to take care of them sometimes becomes overwhelming!

[[Du...]]

Your tapering pretty fast hun, try and hold until you start to feel better then go much slower... the window will come soon

[[my...]]

I agree with builder and dub city.....the cuts have caught up with you.  Also, the switch from K to V was pretty sudden (and not really to an equivalent of V) then you began tapering V quickly.  I sure couldn't have done that...

 

If V works for you, which is good, please consider doing what builder suggested and go back to where you felt stable.  Stay there for a while - a few weeks, a month or more...then begin a slower taper.  I thought - as did others who've posted - that my taper would be over in a few months (from 2 mg K)... .....Holding helps but an updose first to where you felt alright, THEN a hold, then a slower and gentler taper will help you get through this. No more than 5-10% every 10-14 days.  Many do better with a liquid or dry cut daily taper as builder did.  YOU design your own taper based on symptoms...We must become the specialists...people here will be happy to help.  Please keep posting.

 

 

 

Just repeating the wisdom of others....

[[be...]]

I agree with builder and dub city.....the cuts have caught up with you.  Also, the switch from K to V was pretty sudden (and not really to an equivalent of V) then you began tapering V quickly.  I sure couldn't have done that...

 

If V works for you, which is good, please consider doing what builder suggested and go back to where you felt stable.  Stay there for a while - a few weeks, a month or more...then begin a slower taper.  I thought - as did others who've posted - that my taper would be over in a few months (from 2 mg K)... .....Holding helps but an updose first to where you felt alright, THEN a hold, then a slower and gentler taper will help you get through this. No more than 5-10% every 10-14 days.  Many do better with a liquid or dry cut daily taper as builder did.  YOU design your own taper based on symptoms...We must become the specialists...people here will be happy to help.  Please keep posting.

 

 

 

Just repeating the wisdom of others....

Ditto from the above mentioned buddies and mana, it does not have to be a Horrific "Journey to Recovery", if you up-dose and hold for a bit.

[Guest [su...]]

Hi! I hold at least 14 days...Did some mistakes and I tried to cut every 10 days. Not good. When I did bigger cuts I sometimes hold 3 and 4 weeks. My w/d start at day 6 but I am a slow metabolizer of Valium

When I was on higher dose it hit around day 3-4.

It is a peak in w/d around day 7-9 and then another rebound after 14 days. Asthon Manual says hold 14 days between cuts sometimes longer.

 

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

http://www.recovery.org/topics/valium-withdrawal/

This link is a timeline with w/d from Valium.

 

[[Be...]]

Hi, great advice here....I would hold till you feel better and cut slower  You will stabilize

[[Ca...]]

So hope things settle a bit for you... u will b amazed at how adaptable kids can be.. I am a full time single dad to two teenagers, and not doing such a great job... -but they have really stepped up... not to say they dont exploit things too... but that tells me they r normal teenagers...

 

Like Builder said, u could updose a little and slow ur drops, or hold till things settle.. -i dropped fast till w/d hit and sat there... it took about a month for me, and i seemed to get a nasty bout of yuck just before i knew its time to look at next drop... is all new to me, am just working it out and reading what others have acheived... -i will say that i felt a 7 day cycle, and for me, i wouldnt drop at les than 14, -or perhaps even 21 days, if cutting n holding...

U sound strong and r lucky to have such a great partner, and that is probably, in part, a reflection of you!! Let him help u through, as for him, there is the gift of giving..

Best wishes... -im sure things will settle soon...

 

[Guest [su...]]

So hope things settle a bit for you... u will b amazed at how adaptable kids can be.. I am a full time single dad to two teenagers, and not doing such a great job... -but they have really stepped up... not to say they dont exploit things too... but that tells me they r normal teenagers...

 

Like Builder said, u could updose a little and slow ur drops, or hold till things settle.. -i dropped fast till w/d hit and sat there... it took about a month for me, and i seemed to get a nasty bout of yuck just before i knew its time to look at next drop... is all new to me, am just working it out and reading what others have acheived... -i will say that i felt a 7 day cycle, and for me, i wouldnt drop at les than 14, -or perhaps even 21 days, if cutting n holding...

U sound strong and r lucky to have such a great partner, and that is probably, in part, a reflection of you!! Let him help u through, as for him, there is the gift of giving..

Best wishes... -I'm sure things will settle soon...

Agree when to cut.. I feel better if I hold 21 days or even 28 days. Have you felt the peak around week 2?

Do you have both Lyrica and Gabapentin?!

It is common to get more acid in your stomach from Lyrica and Gabapentin. I got really bad heartburn  from Lyrica.

Lyrica is a strange drug...I was on only 25 mg and become really odd. Felt drunk, dizzy. Couldn't think. No apatite  Lost a lot of weight

[[Ca...]]

Hiya Sundance...

About 2 weeks is the worst w/d -the deep seated things, thats where i feel my body realy fighting to clean up, and break out in insane sweating that smells of amonia, its also where my head is worse with headaches that i never usually get, eyes cant fucus, tinnitus, and emotional chaos that in trying to work out, its brutal but short, after waking up...

At 7 days its more the rls and muscle cramps, worst in stomach....

my last drop, i got everything X2, at about 3 weeks, -but the lyrica masked it all, and i felt real good...

 

For me, gabapentin and lyrica are the opposite to what they were pre benzo days... gabapentin messes me up, and lyrica is great.. addiction is my concern, as it works so well now... -so i avoid the gabapentin, and try to only take lyrica when i need too, or for my ongoing nerve pains...

Is early day chaos for me... lots to work out with benzo w/d... though i am no stranger to withdrawals from other meds, but benzos are nasty and complex, and seem to be rather individual...

How u describe lyrica, is how gpn affects me now... -but it never used to, even at one off 2400mg dose...

I did get bad heart burn/reflux when i tool lyrica for several days... (i dont get it often), but i also broke my diet rules and ate pizza, bread and drank coke... so that was atleast part of it... -not getting reflux at 75mg to 150mg doses more recently... -oh, and my apatite is insane... but i think thats more related to the opiate damage etc, -was bad pre benzo, and prob a mental component...

Cheers...

Hope everyone is having a good day? -best wishes to all...

 

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

Hiya Sundance...

About 2 weeks is the worst w/d -the deep seated things, thats where i feel my body realy fighting to clean up, and break out in insane sweating that smells of amonia, its also where my head is worse with headaches that i never usually get, eyes cant fucus, tinnitus, and emotional chaos that in trying to work out, its brutal but short, after waking up...

At 7 days its more the rls and muscle cramps, worst in stomach....

my last drop, i got everything X2, at about 3 weeks, -but the lyrica masked it all, and i felt real good...

 

For me, gabapentin and lyrica are the opposite to what they were pre benzo days... gabapentin messes me up, and lyrica is great.. addiction is my concern, as it works so well now... -so i avoid the gabapentin, and try to only take lyrica when i need too, or for my ongoing nerve pains...

Is early day chaos for me... lots to work out with benzo w/d... though i am no stranger to withdrawals from other meds, but benzos are nasty and complex, and seem to be rather individual...

How u describe lyrica, is how gpn affects me now... -but it never used to, even at one off 2400mg dose...

I did get bad heart burn/reflux when i tool lyrica for several days... (i dont get it often), but i also broke my diet rules and ate pizza, bread and drank coke... so that was atleast part of it... -not getting reflux at 75mg to 150mg doses more recently... -oh, and my apatite is insane... but i think thats more related to the opiate damage etc, -was bad pre benzo, and prob a mental component...

Cheers...

Hope everyone is having a good day? -best wishes to all...

Yes Lyrica mask the w/d from benzo really good. I know. I am not addicted to Valium and I hate them. I have never felt cravings for them. I took Lyrica but only 25 mg in the beginning when I had panic attacks. Strange how it made me feel no need to take Valium..

My doc told me the side effects was going to fade away after a week or so. So I start to take them...

I was taking them for a five weeks and came up to 150 mg (75×2mg) . But I was soooo odd. I couldn't speak proper and my memory went really bad. And I couldn't eat. I had nausea from hell. One day I felt euphoric. Very good and I felt high on life and happy. But next day I was so "drunk" again and headache (really bad).  When I stopped taking them I taper them off in a week no problem.

How about PAWS? Do you feel OK from the benzo w/d?

 

 

 

[[Ca...]]

SunD,

Am a bit similar, no cravings or anything for the valium, -its just the knowing what will happen if i dont take it... -thats what happened in the start. I also confused it, in part, with opiate withdrawals...

I was never very mentally addicted to opiates, but had a smashing dependency!!! Crazy days and years of trying to reduce... stomach pain made it hard...

The benzo w/d is going ok, normal to what most explain. I just dropped a bit far before it all hit me, but consider myself fairly lucky that i am stabalizing after about a month... -early days yet though...

Got accident related spinal damage nerve pain today, and its the first time in years that i am trying to controll it with lyrica instead of gabapentin... -its not as effective, but that could be low dosing....

Got to luv 10/10 pain -lucky its only a few seconds every 30-60sec.... many of my symptoms could be from other complications, so its taking time to piece it together...

 

Am wondering how Ann73 is going today???

Thoughts are with you, best wishes...

 

 

[Guest [su...]]

SunD,

Am a bit similar, no cravings or anything for the valium, -its just the knowing what will happen if i dont take it... -thats what happened in the start. I also confused it, in part, with opiate withdrawals...

I was never very mentally addicted to opiates, but had a smashing dependency!!! Crazy days and years of trying to reduce... stomach pain made it hard...

The benzo w/d is going ok, normal to what most explain. I just dropped a bit far before it all hit me, but consider myself fairly lucky that i am stabalizing after about a month... -early days yet though...

Got accident related spinal damage nerve pain today, and its the first time in years that i am trying to controll it with lyrica instead of gabapentin... -its not as effective, but that could be low dosing....

Got to luv 10/10 pain -lucky its only a few seconds every 30-60sec.... many of my symptoms could be from other complications, so its taking time to piece it together...

 

Am wondering how Ann73 is going today???

Thoughts are with you, best wishes...

Are you still on 150 mg of Lyrica? Strange I thought it would help better than gabapentin.

Oh I had codeine w/d. Painkillers for fibromyalgi. I stopped after 6 months of full dose of paracetamol+codeine. At the same time I went CT from Valium. OMG! 

 

I thought I was going to DIE. Opiate w/d is really ugly and nasty but lucky it was over after 2 weeks. But hell froze to ice during that time. The anxiety made me suicidal. I can't take codeine anymore. It is over a year and I got bad toothache. Took 3 days half dose and the worst w/d from them hit me. Strange I guess they still are sensitive

[[Ca...]]

Still got insane nerve pains in my foot, its been 36 hrs, way longer than any on ladt 5yrs.. usially get a bout every 3-4mths, but not like this.. so i dropped the lyrica and went with what i know, -gabapentin... worked up to 1200 last night, a little broken sleep...1800 so far today, and climbing...

Is just taking the bite out of it, not screaming or dropping to floor... -atm.

 

Wish my opiate sx only lasted a couple of weeks, as many say!!! It has been months... but i was on big doses for 7yrs... we used codine 500panadol-15codine as a cushion with valium, but the codine only equated to a couple of mg of oxycontin, a far cry from over 400mg oxy... am finnished with the codine now, except for a couple on the odd day, like today!!!

Need to go to shops, but driving prob not a good idea...

Omg, my head is just like a rotten pumpkin, -I am far from -Comfortably Numb.... mr Pink Floyd!!!

 

[[ti...]]

I hope you feel better. Comfortably numb would be nice. Amytryptaline is an anti depressant that sometimes helps with pain. It unfotunately makes me depressed.

 

[[li...]]

Hi - Hope you are feeling better today. You sound like a really strong person and these waves are just that. Bad days. Lots of good days ahead.

 

I'm having a bad day too today. My anxiety is off the charts after not being this severe for months.

 

Life stress got to me. We all just need to remember that this too shall pass.