I am lost - Please help ease my mind

[[lG...]]

Hi All,

 

Long time reader, first time poster. I am a 27 year old slightly out of shape male that works a desk job. Not overweight but not as healthy as I would like either. Let me start at the beginning.

 

I had a pain in my pelvis region around 2 years ago. That led to an incompetent doctor who long story short gave me a 10 day and then a 1 MONTH course of antibiotics. They were for nothing. I had no infection. It turned out to be a problem with my SI joint in my hip/back. Go figure.

 

Well the antibiotics essentially killed my gallbladder (bad ones already run in my family). Then out it came. After my surgery I was having what I would call "difficulty breathing." I had no actual issues that my PCP could find (he's a wonderful doctor). He then, with partially my own recommendation, prescribed Xanax. 2x a day at .5 mg per day. I honestly took it very seldom on and off whenever I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Nothing more nothing less. I gradually started to take them 2x per day everyday without fail but I never abused the dosage. I took what I was supposed to.

 

All in all I think I took the Xanax for about 1 year give or take a month or so. At the very end of this I was taking .75 twice a day for about 2 weeks. I would also frequent my bedtime dosage with some beer as well if that helps my story. Around April/May I was redoing my backyard and was doing tons of manual labor to get it complete. This is when my head started feeling kind of......funny. This went on for around a month. Just a general foggy/tension type of feeling mainly with how I was seeing the world I would say.

 

I decided the Xanax was to blame so I decided to quit. C/T unfortunately. I didn't know.

 

I laid in bed for about a week in a state of terrible depression I would say. That was around 4.5 months ago. I have never once touched it again. In fact I still have most of them in my medicine cabinet. This isn't about any addiction for me. I never have wanted to take it again.

 

This is about my head...

 

I am living in a nightmare. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My head has this gnawing feeling I described above. I feel constant pressure in my temples, jaw (I also have TMJ), and eyes. My eyes are driving me insane. I have this constant fog that I have the most difficult time describing to anyone especially doctors and family. It starts immediately when I wake up and basically lasts until the moment I fall asleep.

 

I am not dizzy, I do not have balance issues. It's literally my temples/eyes just always feeling so strange and weird. I cannot for the life of me describe exactly how this feels.

 

I could barely hold conversations before and that has gotten a lot better. My question for everyone out there is....is this normal? With such a low dosage for such a short time? Am I going to get better? Any recommendations?

 

I have tried giving up beer, caffeine, sugar, supplements, etc. NOTHING seems to trigger me.

 

There are good days, great even. Most of the time the days are bad. I have such a deep depressing feeling from all of this. I have a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful daughters and I feel like I am missing them growing up. It's eating me up inside. PLEASE anyone help me talk through this.

 

I have had a brain MRI, a jaw MRI, blood tests, etc. Nothing has been out of the ordinary so far. I have an apt with a neurologist in about 16 days. I hope to find some answers there. In the meantime anything to help me through this difficult time is so very appreciated. Today is Halloween. I hope this doesn't get buried. 

 

I will respond to any and every question so please ask away.

 

-Nathan

[[yy...]]

Nathan, welcome to our group.  I am not an expert. Benzo withdrawal hell madness is diferent for everyone.  Some have few sxs-- some have all of them.  What stands out is you did a c/t and you are most definitely in wd.  I really want to encourage you to do a signature.  It helps us help you.  I resisted because I was too messed up and it was too painful.  You will find help, support and hope here.  Going to reread your post... just read through it real quick to give you a response.

[[yy...]]

OK, two observations.

 

In fact I still have most of them in my medicine cabinet.

 

THROW THEM AWAY.  DO NOT FLUSH THEM.  You may think you will never take them, but you do NOT need that temptation when things are bad as they will only make it worse and NEVER help.

 

I have tried giving up beer, caffeine, sugar, supplements, etc. NOTHING seems to trigger me.

 

Tell us what that means?  Are you still off all of the above? 

[[yy...]]

You are a very strong guy.  You have managed to work and keep you job.  Do you have any idea what that means.  Many of us could not.  Are you in San Antonio?  If you are, we are both Texans.

[[lG...]]

Thank you for responding. I now do have beer maybe 1 or 2 times a week. About 2 beers at a time. I never was able to fully stop sugar either. I do not take any supplements or caffeine though.

[[yy...]]

Uh... OK.  Believe the beers are not helping you.  Your brain is telling you that imo.  Look at posts about alcohol in this group.  How long were you off of them? 

[[Be...]]

I'm able to drink now without issue but I'm at 11 months. Up until 6 or 7 months off it would cause some issues which would last up to a week. My advice would be to give up alcohol for 6 months and slowly reintroduce after 6 months.

[[yy...]]

By the way, not all supplements/vitamins are bad for every one.  They can help.  However, some people cannot take any of them.

[[yy...]]

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=168072.0

[[so...]]

Hello Nathan. I believe that your symptoms are benzo withdrawal related. Getting off by C/T can be a tough way to do it and can make symptoms more challenging. And 1 year is considered long-term use, unfortunately.

 

At 4 months off you still have some healing to do. Give it some more time. I bet you'll see big improvement within the next few months.

 

Don't let the doctors give you any drugs. They'll just mess you up. Best to heal naturally. You're going to be OK.

[[Ke...]]

Hi Nathan

Sorry you've had to discover benzo withdrawals the hard way,it does sound like it is the xanax responsible for your health problems,think we stopped taking medication around the same time?,June this year for me. I found reading people's stories hear helped identify similar symptoms,it seems to affect everyone very differently but essentially the same affecting the central nervous system so can cause any number of problems. Hopefully you've found an improvement now compared to 4 months ago? I've had times where I'm pulling my hair out but think it's slowly improving. Take care,hope your feeling better real soon ❤️

[[lG...]]

Thank you all so much for the kind words and PMs/stories. They truly boosted my spirit today when I have been having a terrible time. You are all wonderful. I will keep fighting the good fight and hope that I can one day look back and say "I remember when..."

[[ge...]]

I was on similar doses, and while I didn't CT, I weaned too fast. One of my reoccurring symptoms is this awful pain in my jaw below my ear. It can be especially bothersome if I eat something a little sweet. It's on the same side that my eye goes blurry, and ear rings, so I know it's related to WD. In fact, when that pain kicks in I know I'm in for a wave. The brain fog is part of my WD too. When mine becomes a problem I do things to distract myself from focusing on it. In fact, I'm in school now, because I read the best way to heal the brain is to use it. Not a small feat, but I take it day by day. I also enjoy painting when I need to a distraction. Don't be too hard on yourself. My fog lifted around 5 months, and at 7 months now I can say I have far more clear days than fog. I wish I could say the same for pain. Oy. Hang in there!

[[lG...]]

Yes the jaw pain! I massage my jaw all day long. It doesn't help that I have TMD/TMJ either. Thank you. That makes me feel better knowing I'm getting closer to your timeline when you noticed an improvement. I wonder why the sugar makes you feel that way.

[[ge...]]

I think sugar is a trigger for me! I try to keep sugar and carbs low. It really makes a difference in my brain fog! If you get a minute check out a keto diet. Yes, it's difficult to follow, but in those first 6 months it was my life. The fat is good for nerves, and the low sugar made me feel more clear. I tried to stay disciplined, it helps with sleep, and my pain is better.

[[lG...]]

I think sugar is a trigger for me! I try to keep sugar and carbs low. It really makes a difference in my brain fog! If you get a minute check out a keto diet. Yes, it's difficult to follow, but in those first 6 months it was my life. The fat is good for nerves, and the low sugar made me feel more clear. I tried to stay disciplined, it helps with sleep, and my pain is better.

 

 

I actually was on Keto for a while about 1.5 years ago. Maybe I'll give it another go and see if it helps. Thank you!