What should I do now?

[[St...]]

So I got to America from Australia about 6 days ago. For those that haven't followed me I was doing a LMT in Australia when my body went haywire. 10 days of insomnia, rapid weight loss and horrible nerve pain, ideations, etc. Anyway, I decided to go home to America as it's easier to get medical care and to start trying to stabilize.

 

Between then and now I've mostly stabilized. I stabilized at 2MG of Valium after having tapered down to 1.85. I updosed and held and here I am. I'm in the US and I'm trying to figure out how to proceed. My current plan is to move in with family for a month while my wife finishes the assignment in Australia and then we'll get an apartment and press forward. In that month I plan to keep my dietary changes rolling forward and my sleep on schedule.

 

Those things got really out of control in Australia. I seem to follow this pattern where I feel pretty good for a while and either taper or hold and everything seems alright. But while everything seems alright I start to let bad habits creep in. Bad sleep hygiene, bad diet, unchecked anxiety, etc. Moving back to the US, for example, the election is really stressful. But as soon as I moved back I just watched all the coverage I could, read heaps of articles and basically got engrossed in that.

 

When I started feeling bad a couple of days ago I realized what I had done wrong and quickly adjusted. But not before I started having muscle twitching and paresthesia make a nasty comeback.

 

Anyway, so what now? Hold until my wife returns from Australia? Start the LMT again, but really slowly? Should I try looking for work here or give it some time?

[[ti...]]

I would hold, and for the love of God stay away from corporate media and its election games!!!

[[St...]]

I would hold, and for the love of God stay away from corporate media and its election games!!!

 

I'm starting to put blocks on certain websites, friends, etc. I don't need the extra stress.

[Guest [Ka...]]

I hope you are OK. It sounds like you'll have some time and space to heal.

Peace. Karuna

PS: Put blocks on everything that is overstimulating. Politics....

[Guest [Le...]]

This is great news, congratulations!

 

Yeah, settle in an get used to the culture shock, especially the politics.

 

It's gotten so bad that I've become afraid of my living room again because there's a TV in it. Way too much scary stuff for my stage of recovery. 

 

Have fun, enjoy the new adventure as you heal! 

[Guest [Ka...]]

Kill Your TV. Peace. Karuna

[[St...]]

I find sports relaxing. And TV shows like Mad Men and Downton Abbey. But otherwise, yeah, I don't plan on watching much TV.

[[Ju...]]

Microtapering isnt for everyone. I appreciated the security of knowing when the (minor-moderate) withdrawal symptoms would come and go after each cut. You have made great progress so far, after you get settled I am sure you will find a way forward!

[[St...]]

What's the alternative for someone like myself at 2MG? Cut and hold?

[[Ju...]]

I did 0.25 mg reductions every two weeks from 2 mg to 0. I kept going no matter how I felt on cut day and often I would feel BETTER after a cut. It is my experience, but I know I'm not alone. It was so good to know I was making progress and there was a tangible end in sight. I cut 2 mg pills into eighths with a pill cutter and would try to alternate biggish eighths with smallish eighths when I lined them up in the pill box, but others have used a scale to be more accurate.

[[ti...]]

I do liquid titration

[[St...]]

That's what I was doing. I was cutting 0.01 - 0.02 every day when things went bad for me again. Was even that too fast?

[[ti...]]

I dont think thats too fast where you are now. I reached 1.28 and had to slow. I alternate between .01 and .005 depending on how I feel.

I had other complications as well. I see you had a higher dose to start from so maybe your body just needs to catch up

[[St...]]

Is it possible that my original taper (from 3mg K to off in 10 months) was effectively a cold turkey of sorts? And that I need to go on a higher dose and taper again? Or am I okay to continue tapering from my current dose (2mg V).

[[ti...]]

I would not start over. From what I hear it will be worse the next round. I would continue to taper, go slower.

[[St...]]

I'm not doing so well right now. I don't know what's going on. I got back to the US about a month ago. I spent time in Oregon, shopped for apartments, went to my doctors and then went to Texas to spend time with my family.

 

I returned to Oregon a couple of days ago and things went sideways. I'm not sure if it's just anxiety or if it's symptoms brought on by being sick (I have a sore throat right now) or if I'm trying to do too much, too fast. This is the first time I've been alone since I crashed back in August. That's scary. I have friends and family here, but no one that really gets it. My time with my family in Texas was wonderful. Not only because they lived in quiet neighborhoods, but also because they get it more than most people.

 

My in-laws specifically were great. They would even check to make sure I was following my schedule, knowing that I do better when I have good sleep hygiene and eat regular, healthy meals.

 

I'm still holding at 2mg. I'm kind of afraid. My wife is still in Australia. I'll see her in about 13 days. Part of me thinks I should go back to Texas.

[[ti...]]

Any change is going to shake you up.  But if you have a support system is Texas, that's great.  I would do that if I could. Plus miss the damp OR winter

[Guest [Le...]]

Sorry you are going through this, Stephen - would it be worth considering moving to Texas instead of Oregon?

 

Edit: Oops, I read your other posts and see that your wife's employer is in Oregon. Hope stuff settles for you soon - think how great it will be when she gets here!

[[Pl...]]

I dont think thats too fast where you are now. I reached 1.28 and had to slow. I alternate between .01 and .005 depending on how I feel.

I had other complications as well. I see you had a higher dose to start from so maybe your body just needs to catch up

 

Tinwi... Excuse my ignorance I'm so bad with math and decimal points....

 

But is .005 the halfway point (the exact middle point) on a 1 ml syringe and .01 is the very end of the syringe towards the opposite end away from the tip?

 

And Stephen I know where you're coming from.....I pray this all improves....

[[ti...]]

Yes on the measurements

[[Pl...]]

Yes on the measurements

 

Thank you for answering..... I appreciate the clarity.....

[[St...]]

I think I'm going back to Texas. I had a great discussion with my new psychologist yesterday and she spent about 30 minutes going through all my moves to keep them straight. I've moved 4 times in the last 2 years including moving to another country and not counting couch / hotel surfing. She said, "Do you realize that for any normal person these are major life events that can trigger people?" I cried so hard. I've honestly tried hard to support my wife, knowing that she was supporting me in this, but when the doctor put it like that I just emptied emotionally and finally felt some empathy towards myself or enduring all this change.

 

She seems like she'd be great to work with right now. But I do know if I want to be alone here. I know I can't work. So I think I'm going back.

[[On...]]

You are going through so much, it would stress anyone out, let alone someone trying to get well. When I start spinning, I hold the meds, stick to a known daily routine, and postpone making big decisions even if it is for a few days, if I can, until I can feel grounded again. Trust what your body tells you. I actually will ask my body about a topic and wow if it doesn't answer each time. I usually get a wave of nausea or a headache when I am making a decision that's not good for me. (I don't always listen to it though!) We care about you here so do what is best for your health.