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Wave at 20 months


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Hi all,


It's been so long since I've written on here. In 5 days, I will be off 20 months. I can't believe it! 20 months. HUGE accomplishment.


I've been ok. Not healed, but getting there. My only symptoms are anxiety, light issues, dizziness.


I just had 2 amazing days of a window. BUT, that was followed by 5 days of a wave (which I'm currently still in).


I know that healing is not linear. I just can't understand how feeling AMAZING is followed by feeling terrible.


This wave is horrible. I haven't felt this bad in a very long time. I'm depressed, fearful, panicked, obsessive/intrusive thoughts, derealizaton/depersonalization. I was able to just sit and be with myself prior to this wave - something that I struggled with in withdrawal. I was finally able to sit and watch tv or read. Now, I feel thrown back a few steps. I feel very uneasy in my skin (if that makes any sense). It's hard to sit and be with myself when I'm feeling so panicked. It's terrible.


I keep reminding myself that my brain is healing. I keep telling myself that even though I feel terrible, that I'm healing. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive. But, sometimes the wretched thoughts of "Am I stuck like this?" or "When will this go away?" or "Am I back in acute?" or "How long will this last?" or "I was feeling so good. What happened?"


Ugh. Just ugh.  :'(

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Hi I know the feeling. U have been thru a lot, but this too shall pass. I'm in a wave too at 14 mos. Either alcohol caused this, or maybe coming off remeron. It's discouraging, but each day I get up I think, is this going to be a window??
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Hi PL,

I am in month 18 and at the beginning of July I started getting intense acute waves that have lasted all summer and continue to this day. I thought I was getting to the end aroynd June, but alas no. I had to take a second medical leave from work. The first was a whole year. I have been in touch with Baylissa, Una, and Don Killian, and they all say this is par for the course. Un-effing-believable!!!!!

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