Professionals Withdrawing...Helping others, but can't seem to help myself....

[[Ex...]]

Wow, as I continue to read posts, I'm learning that many of us are Professionals that work with clients every day. I just told someone that I'm absolutely amazed that I allowed myself to get here. Not that professionals are immune, it's just a personal thought that I help clients everyday, but yet I'm unable to help myself right now. Outside of the symptoms, that was the seconds hardest thing I had to overcome, that I couldn't help myself. The other part of that is client expect to see I'm confident in what I do, well, let's just say my confidence went right out the door, and I was working with a shell of myself, and I'm sure my clients could see that...that was hard. I'm usually very confident in my work, but in this process I've turned into someone I'm not familiar with, I'm sure my clients feel the same. 

[[wa...]]

As a fellow ex-professional myself, I can't imagine what this is like.  But don't sell yourself short.  Clients are part of the human race, too and you never know whether or not it may be a great comfort to them to see that their therapist is human and has struggles, too.  WBB

[[Ex...]]

As a fellow ex-professional myself, I can't imagine what this is like.  But don't sell yourself short.  Clients are part of the human race, too and you never know whether or not it may be a great comfort to them to see that their therapist is human and has struggles, too.  WBB

 

That is very true. I can consider that now, but initially, honestly I struggled with it all. But now, yes, I agree with you, that's a great point you made.

[[Ex...]]

As a fellow ex-professional myself, I can't imagine what this is like.  But don't sell yourself short.  Clients are part of the human race, too and you never know whether or not it may be a great comfort to them to see that their therapist is human and has struggles, too.  WBB

 

I'm just reading again what you posted. Were you are therapist Wannabebetter?

[[fe...]]

I think that since u have lived thru this nightmare u will be much more empathetic, especially to those who are also going thru withdraws..

[[2t...]]

I think that since u have lived thru this nightmare u will be much more empathetic, especially to those who are also going thru withdraws..

 

Good point, this seems to be one of the "you can't understand it unless you have been through it" situations in life.

You may not need to relate to people like us trying to get off of benzos but I am sure you will be able to relate better to a whole bunch of problems

[[Ex...]]

I think that since u have lived thru this nightmare u will be much more empathetic, especially to those who are also going thru withdraws..

 

Good point, this seems to be one of the "you can't understand it unless you have been through it" situations in life.

You may not need to relate to people like us trying to get off of benzos but I am sure you will be able to relate better to a whole bunch of problems

 

This is true! I've often thought, the reason some of us are going through this experience is to help someone else one day.

[[Ch...]]

I, too, am a health care professional who "should have known better" as several friends and family have pointed out! The fact is that these mind altering drugs screw with our ability to see them for what they are and either refuse them or get off quickly.  These drugs have no respect for education, money, race, creed, social standing, etc!

[[Ch...]]

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this spot, too.  Though not in the health care industry, I was a professional as well... a K/1 teacher for 35 years, fortunately I was already retired when I tapered or I'd not have been able to work for the last couple of years.

 

My daughter is a nurse, a young nurse with just a few years of experience, but I can tell that she's skeptical about my withdrawal and recovery from benzodiazepines.  Too bad, if she had more confidence in what I've said, she'd be in a position to have some influence on her fellow nurses and doctors.

[[re...]]

I'm also in the healthcare industry. 

 

Things like this make me disgusted with the entire industry. 

 

Think how many people out there are just plain stuck on these meds.

 

All meds needs a informed consent with all potential problems signed  before prescribing.

[[Sh...]]

Count me as another health care professional.  I think it was a major reason I got on benzos to start with.  Day after day, caring for patients and their families in the worst crisis of their lives.  Seeing so much pain and suffering and loss.  Seeing bodies broken and in pieces.  The patients and their families looking to me to know what to do, for reassurance, for hope.  The depression and anxiety that arose from years of watching untold levels of human suffering and often nothing really to be done for it.  Trying and failing to put it all away in my off hours so I could face it again the next time.  And the next time.  Send one to the morgue, one to critical care, six more waiting for their personal destiny and my part in it.  I have been away from that for years, but I am still haunted by certain individual stories that are with me forever.  Benzos provided some relief from it all - until they didn't anymore.

 

XX

She

[[fe...]]

I knew right away where I was going to work when I got my nursing license. I worked In nursing homes with the elderly who had lived long lives. I was also around death and dying, not easy at any age.

[[re...]]

 

 

I'm personally looking to get out of one on one care.

It so sad and I absorb everything. A complete empath.

 

The healthcare system third party payors couldn't give a crap about the person

 

How many times I heard patients say that they think their Medicare (i.e. the govt) just wants them to go ahead and die 

[[Ex...]]

I, too, am a health care professional who "should have known better" as several friends and family have pointed out! The fact is that these mind altering drugs screw with our ability to see them for what they are and either refuse them or get off quickly.  These drugs have no respect for education, money, race, creed, social standing, etc!

 

I've heard that too, "You should have known better." But the reality is, if I knew what I was getting myself into, I wouldn't have done it! I already felt bad enough, I didn't really need anyone kicking me when I was down...lol, but it's okay, I'm making it through it, and I'm coming up with a priceless experience that will only help me, help my clients more.

[[Ex...]]

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this spot, too.  Though not in the health care industry, I was a professional as well... a K/1 teacher for 35 years, fortunately I was already retired when I tapered or I'd not have been able to work for the last couple of years.

 

My daughter is a nurse, a young nurse with just a few years of experience, but I can tell that she's skeptical about my withdrawal and recovery from benzodiazepines.  Too bad, if she had more confidence in what I've said, she'd be in a position to have some influence on her fellow nurses and doctors.

 

I wish your daughter would listen to you, because I agree that would put her in a position  to really help lots of people get through this hell.

[[Ex...]]

I'm also in the healthcare industry. 

 

Things like this make me disgusted with the entire industry. 

 

Think how many people out there are just plain stuck on these meds.

 

All meds needs a informed consent with all potential problems signed  before prescribing.

 

you are so right about that. One thing I have changed, is I pay closer attention to what meds my clients are taking. I've been able to educate them more than I have in the past. These psychiatrists are passing these meds out like candy. What's really started to bother me is the amount of children on these meds. I can't imagine what they go through, being so young and vulnerable and not really being sure of what is going on, with their body, mind and emotions, has to be scary.

[[Ex...]]

Count me as another health care professional.  I think it was a major reason I got on benzos to start with.  Day after day, caring for patients and their families in the worst crisis of their lives.  Seeing so much pain and suffering and loss.  Seeing bodies broken and in pieces.  The patients and their families looking to me to know what to do, for reassurance, for hope.  The depression and anxiety that arose from years of watching untold levels of human suffering and often nothing really to be done for it.  Trying and failing to put it all away in my off hours so I could face it again the next time.  And the next time.  Send one to the morgue, one to critical care, six more waiting for their personal destiny and my part in it.  I have been away from that for years, but I am still haunted by certain individual stories that are with me forever.  Benzos provided some relief from it all - until they didn't anymore.

 

XX

She

 

Wow, it takes a special person to do that job, but you did, and sounds like you did it well. Trust me, I understand. Although that's not the reason I got on the benzos, I was hoping it would help with the anxiety my clients sometimes come into my office with. During my taper, it took everything I had to sit in the room with certain clients that had anxiety. To be honest, I'm not sure how I made it through this process while working with my clients. I can recall one client, I just had to ask to be excused. I went to the restroom and tried to calm myself down. I was sweating, feeling faint and my body was weak and numb, it was a mess, but somehow I made it.

[[Ex...]]

I knew right away where I was going to work when I got my nursing license. I worked In nursing homes with the elderly who had lived long lives. I was also around death and dying, not easy at any age.

 

That's a hard job Freggie.

[[Ex...]]

 

 

I'm personally looking to get out of one on one care.

It so sad and I absorb everything. A complete empath.

 

The healthcare system third party payors couldn't give a crap about the person

 

How many times I heard patients say that they think their Medicare (i.e. the govt) just wants them to go ahead and die 

 

You're right, one on one care can be a bit of a mess at times. Don't even get me started about insurance.

[[ho...]]

I think that since u have lived thru this nightmare u will be much more empathetic, especially to those who are also going thru withdraws..

 

Good point, this seems to be one of the "you can't understand it unless you have been through it" situations in life.

You may not need to relate to people like us trying to get off of benzos but I am sure you will be able to relate better to a whole bunch of problems

 

We have 3 family therapists /social workers in our family.

 

Auntie Carol is the only one I cant really relate to. She was treating alchoholics and addicts in most recent years. To me Carol was the worst fit ever for these cases. She never indulged in wine even at thanksgiving and Christmas. Never used pills or medicines and in fact had no addictive personality traits whatsoever. I could never understand why she thought she could ever understand even an accidental addict in the first place. To me its like you have to have been there to understand things at all. The changes a person goes through when stopping benzos or any other drug is not something you can read about and ever fully grasp.

So EP.... I think this experience if anything should give an insight and understanding that no class or lecture ever will. How you choose to share this experience will be entirely up to you. But I think you have an amazing opportunity here to help people in more ways than you might think.

 

Im for one am certainly rooting for you!

 

Hope&Faith

[[wa...]]

As a fellow ex-professional myself, I can't imagine what this is like.  But don't sell yourself short.  Clients are part of the human race, too and you never know whether or not it may be a great comfort to them to see that their therapist is human and has struggles, too.  WBB

 

I'm just reading again what you posted. Were you are therapist Wannabebetter?

 

Yes I was.  And, if I return to it, sadly, I can add benzo w/d to my list of first hand experiences.  Due to my age and life experience, I am now familiar with a whole host of life issues that boggle my mind when I think of my list.

There is a saying, "You don't have to be a hen to know what a bad egg smells like" - which I agree with in many things.  Not so in the world of mental health.  For instance, for me,  I could not see going to a therapist who is 24 years old out of grad school. WBB

[[Ex...]]

As a fellow ex-professional myself, I can't imagine what this is like.  But don't sell yourself short.  Clients are part of the human race, too and you never know whether or not it may be a great comfort to them to see that their therapist is human and has struggles, too.  WBB

 

I'm just reading again what you posted. Were you are therapist Wannabebetter?

 

Yes I was.  And, if I return to it, sadly, I can add benzo w/d to my list of first hand experiences.  Due to my age and life experience, I am now familiar with a whole host of life issues that boggle my mind when I think of my list.

There is a saying, "You don't have to be a hen to know what a bad egg smells like" - which I agree with in many things.  Not so in the world of mental health.  For instance, for me,  I could not see going to a therapist who is 24 years old out of grad school. WBB

 

I probably would have disagreed with you about 5 years ago. However, I have learned through experience, that my books did not prepare as I thought that had. My first grief session, I recall telling the client I understood, and I thought I did. But at that point I hadn't lost anyone close to me. Well a few months later, I lost someone very close to me, and I learned through my own grief, that I didnt understand at all what my client had gone through, I didn't realize how raw grief really is, but I do now. Also with this experience, I thought I understood anxiety, I also never really focused on the meds. my clients were taking because I didn't find that information as important as doing the work in session. However, I've learned once again, that anxiety is brutal. Also, now I focus very much on the meds my clients are taking. Most of them take the meds for a while, then they stop, and the symptoms get started, and they become depressed, anxious and suicidal, but most of them are unaware of the side effects of the meds, but now I can educate them on that. I don't want to go through this again, but I'm grateful for the experience, because now I understand. So what you are saying is so true. In some cases, if you haven't experienced it, you will never understand.

[[Mi...]]

@Existentiallyspeaking - I was checking out your signature, and it looks like we both had an extreme reaction to Prednisone. I went from Cirpo, to Prednisone, because an ENT told me I didn't have a bacterial ear infection, but rather a viral infection. I actually think both the Cipro and Prednisone were responsible for my mental state. I have never had a problem with depression or anxiety, but my first day on 60 mg of Prednisone, I became severely depressed, had bad anxiety, a tight chest, heart palpitations, muscle twitches, etc. On day five I went to the emergency room, and they verified my heart was ok, and told me to taper off the prednisone faster. On day eight I contacted my PCP and he gave me Xanax. Xanax "fixed" or "masked" my symptoms, and I felt a lot better, but when I tried to quit ... as you put it ... all hell broke loose. My PCP seems puzzled that I was having all these problems with these drugs, but I've gone to him for 28 years, and he is working with me on the taper ... but told me I knew more about it then he did when I started quoting the Ashton manual. Anyway, good luck to you!!!

[[Ex...]]

@Existentiallyspeaking - I was checking out your signature, and it looks like we both had an extreme reaction to Prednisone. I went from Cirpo, to Prednisone, because an ENT told me I didn't have a bacterial ear infection, but rather a viral infection. I actually think both the Cipro and Prednisone were responsible for my mental state. I have never had a problem with depression or anxiety, but my first day on 60 mg of Prednisone, I became severely depressed, had bad anxiety, a tight chest, heart palpitations, muscle twitches, etc. On day five I went to the emergency room, and they verified my heart was ok, and told me to taper off the prednisone faster. On day eight I contacted my PCP and he gave me Xanax. Xanax "fixed" or "masked" my symptoms, and I felt a lot better, but when I tried to quit ... as you put it ... all hell broke loose. My PCP seems puzzled that I was having all these problems with these drugs, but I've gone to him for 28 years, and he is working with me on the taper ... but told me I knew more about it then he did when I started quoting the Ashton manual. Anyway, good luck to you!!!

 

Wow, we had the same experience. I usually don't have a problem with anxiety or depression either, and to be honest I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was. I can recall sitting in my office with a client, and I guess I was hallucinating but every time I looked at my client her face was changing. Her eyebrows were growing thicker, her fingers were getting longer and she just looked scary to me. I couldn't wait to get her out of my office, because I was in a sheer panic attack sitting in there with her. I immediately contacted my doctor and she informed me it was possibly a side effect of the prednisone. She didn't put me on anything, she just told me to taper off and I did, eventually I was able to fight through it and I felt better. That was in 2013. Any time my asthma flare up, my doc prescribes me prednisone. I always have the same reaction. This year, I didn't realize it, but she gave me a higher dose, and I couldn't function at work due to the side effects and she prescribed xanax. After about a week or two I started to feel better and stopped taking them, and yes, all hell broke lose. It's great to finally meet someone that understands. I hope you start feeling better. Keep me posted on how things are going for you.

[[Mi...]]

@[Ex...]

 

I think a lot of people have trouble with prednisone, but we are in the minority. Check out:

 

http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/06/10/prednisone-withdrawal-symptoms-how-long-do-they-last/

 

I was trying to figure out what the prednisone did to me, so I asked the doctor ... he really didn't have an answer. The HPA axis is fairly complex, and I couldn't really form much of a hypothesis ... but did note the comment (wikipedia):

 

"The HPA axis is involved in the neurobiology of mood disorders and functional illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, insomnia, posttraumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, major depressive disorder, burnout, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, and alcoholism."

 

That's a lot of disorders! :-)