Staying positive when you feel like garbage and the end game is ???

[[Sp...]]

Hi.

 

I have been tapering from 1.5 mg. Clonazepam at bedtime since 3/1/16.  I crossed over to Diazepam (15 mgs. at bedtime) per my MD's script (not enough).  Suffice it to say, the first few days and months I suffered through terrible nausea and I was up, down and all around (with crying spells for no reason at all) and feeling like an idiot for doing this to myself (I skipped the due diligence part when this was prescribed)...and then, alas, a couple of months in, I stabilized "feeling lousy" and continued on with Professor Ashton's schedule.  I just cut to 6.0 mg. Diazepam, and I seem to be holding steady with a consistent "feeling louzy" everyday which seems like progress to me.  The nausea and emotional turbulence are long gone too which gives me some hope.  Work has been so difficult.  Although no one would know, I take everything personally and panic about the smallest of things, and there are days (like today) when I just want to give up because this process is so long and arduous.  The biggies for me have been my memory problems, my sore and stiff lower back, and my whole digestive system.  I am on meds to help my digestion and IBS, but it is hard to keep a stiff upper lip.  I am just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, and if I should expect a worsening of my digestive issues after I take my last dose in 6 weeks (roughly)?  I get the impression that side effects begin anew and peak at some point after the last dose, but I just can't imagine having to go through all of this again.  Like all of us, I have been through so much -- I am really afraid of the end as ridiculous as this may sound.  Best to All, Sprinkly

[[me...]]

Hi,

 

It sounds like you're handling your taper very well if you can work through it.  Congratulations on your taper so far. 

 

Yes, there usually is an uptick in symptoms near and right after the end of a taper.  But it's temporary, and the symptoms will go away in time.  It's important to learn to distract yourself and to realize that in fact, the present moment is the only time there is.  Distract yourself when you start catastrophizing about the future. Six weeks will go go by quickly, as will the weeks and months after that, and the ultimate goal, of course, is to get off benzos and stay off.  Believe me, as difficult as that was for me - and I'd had multiple withdrawals, kindled, etc - I'm glad I did it. I've been off almost 4.5 years now, and am doing fine.

 

[[Sh...]]

Sprinkly I was at your point when it just felt like it'd never end. Wishing the days away (which is not a good thing). I made it to 0. I didnt have a spike in my symptoms. Jumping just felt like another cut. I did get some weird digestive issues for the first time ever. But that was just annoying. Not painful or anything. And that was gone after 2 weeks. Im 2.5 months off now still fighting on. You can do it.

[[Sp...]]

Thanks you guys for your help!!!  It is strange but I make a cut and the very next day I feel horrible but the second day I feel much better.  This shouldn't happen with Valium if you consider its half-life, right?  I'll certainly take it, but I don't understand it.

 

Again, thank you so much for your reply and well wishes!!!

[[Be...]]

Are you cutting 1mg a week then? (You say you're on 6mg and plan to be off in around 6 weeks)

That's great if you can pull it off. But there would be no shame in going at half that speed (which would still be pretty fast for most people), especially if you want to lessen the impact of that final jump...

After destroying myself by going too fast, I'm just concerned for people when they're going at a quick pace, especially through the lower numbers. Especially if you're still working, you don't want to damage that.

 

It might be absolutely fine for you, and I hope it is.

[[ed...]]

Are you cutting 1mg a week then? (You say you're on 6mg and plan to be off in around 6 weeks)

That's great if you can pull it off. But there would be no shame in going at half that speed (which would still be pretty fast for most people), especially if you want to lessen the impact of that final jump...

After destroying myself by going too fast, I'm just concerned for people when they're going at a quick pace, especially through the lower numbers. Especially if you're still working, you don't want to damage that.

 

It might be absolutely fine for you, and I hope it is.

 

I second everything Belfast says here.

 

Best of luck,

Ed

[[Be...]]

I would just be concerned that you might get WD stacking up in the lower numbers if you're going at 1mg a week.

But you're clearly handling this better than most people thus far.

 

 

[[Sp...]]

Hi.

 

I was just going by the Ashton Manual protocol.  You have a few options - 1mg. per week or every two weeks.  Its been so long now, I chose one week.  It sounds like the consensus here is .5 mg per week.  I could opt for this I guess.  I don't want to make it worse for myself.

 

Thanks so much!

[[Be...]]

Ashton gave me a real false sense of security re timeframes. It simply wasn't achievable in my case, and by the time I'd worked that out, it was too late to save my job. I'd also lost sight of the fact that it's not getting to zero which counts, it's what shape you arrive there in.

you are still working. That's what you need to hold onto if you can. So my advice would be to ease up on the cuts. Play safe. It can't make it worse if you go slower. And it's likely to make it easier.

 

You're definitely doing better than I was btw, I was forced to drop 1mg a week between 10 and 8 and it was *horrific*. I was in every imaginable sort of agony and very suicidal. Took me weeks to be able to cut again. I stress, you're definitely better able to take it than I was, your taper so far proves, and I'm not trying to scare you, I would just hate to see anyone else suffer more than is absolutely necessary.

[[ed...]]

I was only able to get to 7mg while dropping 1mg per week. At that point, it simply wasn't feasible for me any longer. Ashton states in her manual that some choose to cut by "only" .5mg at the lower doses. To be honest, at a touch over 2.5mg currently, I couldn't handle a .5mg cut and not be thrown into mental agony.

 

But yeah, I'd slow down a touch. Better safe than sorry. It's a lesson that countless people have learned on these boards.

 

Good luck,

Ed

[[Be...]]

If I'd listened to advice on here way back when I arrived in Feb, I *might* have kept my job. But when I decided I didn't like what I was hearing in terms of how long it would take to get off the pills, I stuck my fingers in my ears and went 'lala can't hear you', and didn't come back here until July, when I was a MESS, after trying to stick to Ashton. I'm kinda surprised I actually am still around, it got so very bad.

Again, not to freak you out, you're definitely able to cope better than my body was, just can't stress enough how I wish I had listened to the advice to listen to my body, and not a damn chart...but I was panicked and out of my mind with worry. It made a bad situation 100 times worse.

 

[[Sp...]]

Thank you everyone.  I have to be patient.

 

Best, Sprinkly