I Failed

[[ne...]]

After 2 long years of trying to taper off Valium, with several setbacks along the way, I was finally nearing the end. With 1.75 mgs to go, out of the blue about a week ago, I started having a panic attack. I've handled many panic attacks and know exactly how to deal with them. This went on for 4 days. The withdrawal symptoms only kept getting worse until it was unbearable. I'm now at 15 mg of V trying to stabilize. My doc suggested that I take 6-9 months off from tapering to build my strength back up  and also spend some quality time with my family and friends before I taper again. The problem is I'm so depressed that I failed, I can barely get out of bed. I see no hope of ever getting off of benzos, so I see no hope in any kind of future. If I was so close and failed, how can I believe it will be any different if I try it again? I had hit very rough patches throughout my taper and was able to power through them but this last time was so beyond anything I had ever experienced, I just couldn't take it anymore. My husband even said he thought it would be harder to get off now. I don't know what to do. By the way, I had a successful taper about 7 years ago and was completely healed so I believe I've been dealing with kindling this time around. 

[[me...]]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I haven't had an experience like that, but can only imagine how terribly demoralizing that could be. Is it at all possible you could drop your Valium dose and stabilize at a lower dose? Since your body has partially adjusted to a lower dose? Of course you wouldn't want to do that if it keeps you from stabilizing.

 

We don't always succeed at things the first time, or second, sometimes it takes many tries. You've shown remarkable determination and I'm sure you will succeed in the future at getting off this drug!

[[pi...]]

Hello nebukev,

 

You did the best you could nebukev, that's all we can expect of ourselves.  Please don't beat yourself up about this or feel guilty. Just because you have gone up to a higher dose does not mean you can not taper off in the future.  Withdrawal is not for the faint of heart. I know several people who took 2 or 3 tries to taper off and were eventually successful.  It can be done. 

 

Take time to stabilize and believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to do this, when the time is right.

 

pianogirl 

 

 

[[Do...]]

You didn't fail....you've had a setback.  I'm sure others may disagree with this, but I agree with your doctor.  Take some time off, be with your family and enjoy life.  You can try again later  :thumbsup:

[[Mi...]]

I agree with DonnaQ ... you did not fail!!! You're just regrouping. You're still down from 40 mg. It happened to me a couple of weeks ago when I was trying to take care of a sick parent. I tried to make a cut in the middle of that, and got really bad cramps in my back. I actually had to go back up 2 doses to get the cramps to go away. I learned from that experienced, and figured out I shouldn't be doing caffeine, my cuts were too big as I got closer to the end, and I wasn't waiting long enough between cuts. I regrouped and started the march again. And it's going fine. No shame in that! Get stable, start again, and take your time. You did it once, you'll do it again! 

[[ho...]]

I really feel for you nebekev, I am still well above 10mg V/day and feel like I need to updose, and share your feelings about the futility of struggling with having been nearly off then going back up.  Over the decade to 15 years of Xanax use, I had periods where I would lower my dose significantly then wind up at a higher dose, I kindled more than a few times, each time worse.  Right now I'm trying to power through the anxiety, but it is definately the hardest and most painful thing I have ever been through in my life.  I will be watching your progress and praying for you. 

[[ne...]]

Your replies mean more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for the encouragement!

[[ly...]]

 

 

nebukev,

 

I agree with the others.  You are down from 40 to 15!  Almost two-thirds!  I think your doctor has some excellent advice.  You deserve a break.  Relax and regroup.  I took 8 months "off" last year and it did wonders. Same with my recent 4 month vacation!

[[ho...]]

Hi,

 

Don't worry you did not fail! I am going through something similar right now! My doctor increased me from 1.75 back to 4 mg and wanted me to staballize and take a break. I am still having trouble stabilizing, I migh have to increase. But, I just tell myself, sometimes you need to take a step back to move forward. The important thing is to get yourself feeling amazing again, so you can tackle it again with no fear. I know it's easier said than done, I sometimes don't even believe myself, but it's imperative that we believe.