will this really get better?

[[De...]]

Benzobuddies

 

It's more than 8 months now and there is no reprieve of symptoms yet. I had one small window of a few hours, more than a week ago.

I have severe insomnia - 1-2 hours/night; constant burning feet, legs, left shoulder and arm, days of deep, dark, debilitating depression, anxiety, severe anhedonia, no appetite, severe weightloss, bowel problems, mild akathisia, signs of depersonalization showing up. How can I live a life like this? Day in and day out. How do I do it?

 

Will this really really get better?

 

Desert Child

[[be...]]

It's hard to believe but believe you must. We will get better. Keep the faith and enjoy the tiniest bits of good periods. Hang in there. B

[[Ge...]]

I am sorry you are going through this nightmare.  I have to believe that we will all wake up from the nightmare.  I am horribly depressed and in pain today, but I do have good moments.  Hang in there and know you have people on your side.  I hope you feel better very soon.  Try to find anything that can make you laugh or at least smile.  It is good medicine.  Hugs, Gee Gee.

[[...]]

yeah it does and when it does it will be great. peace

[[Gr...]]

Distract, distract, distract. Do whatever you can to take your mind off how you're feeling. It really does help. And you will make it through this. You are healing all during this time even though it may not feel like it.

[[De...]]

It's hard to believe but believe you must. We will get better. Keep the faith and enjoy the tiniest bits of good periods. Hang in there. B

 

Thank you benzo barb for taking the time to write to me and for your encouragement. You've also been going through a hard time.

 

It is very hard to believe that this will get better. What's hardest for me is to envision my future - it seems right now, there is no future anymore. How did you get through this this far benzo barb? How do you continue with a life that seems to have lost meaning? I really want to learn from all of you. I am not doing well with this. What happened the last 8 months totally overturned my/our life and I do not think I've accepted it. I still want to fight it, want out of it.

 

How are you feeling today?

 

Thank you so much for caring enough to write to me. I appreciate it. Desert Child

 

 

[[De...]]

I am sorry you are going through this nightmare.  I have to believe that we will all wake up from the nightmare.  I am horribly depressed and in pain today, but I do have good moments.  Hang in there and know you have people on your side.  I hope you feel better very soon.  Try to find anything that can make you laugh or at least smile.  It is good medicine.  Hugs, Gee Gee.

 

GeeGee

 

Thank you for writing me back even though you feel horrible and are in pain. How are you feeling today?

 

Why is it so hard to believe that this will get better? How do you cope through your day when you feel like you do? Do you have a good support network?

 

I will focus on positive things. I will try to hang in there.

 

Let me know how you are doing?

 

Kind regards Desert Child

 

 

[[De...]]

yeah it does and when it does it will be great. peace

 

Thank you 5ZVP. I hope I will be able to hang in there until it gets better. The way I feel now, I don't want to go on.

 

Kind regards Desert Child

 

 

[[De...]]

Distract, distract, distract. Do whatever you can to take your mind off how you're feeling. It really does help. And you will make it through this. You are healing all during this time even though it may not feel like it.

 

Thank you Grandma D for your encouraging words.

 

It's so hard Grandma D.

 

I look at your taper history and I so admire you. Can you explain to me how you have figured out the way you taper - by that I mean the weekly drop in dosage? Do you experience any increase in withdrawal symptoms when you make a cut?

 

I am in such an unwell place. How will distract look like for you?

 

I think what is most difficult for me Grandma D is my nights. I dose 5 times, so the only sleep I get, if I get sleep is between 10:30/11pm and 2:30 am when I have to dose again. After 3 no sleep, and then any time from then, I have an escalation of anxiety: racing thoughts, increased heart-rate etc. I get so agitated that I have to get out of bed, move all the time. I try, Grandma D. I try to concentrate on my breathing, I pace the house, try to curb my thoughts, because that is where everything starts, but it overpowers me. I end up a crying mess every morning and this is so hard, so difficult for my husband. Nights have become a nightmare for me. Do you struggle with insomnia as well?

 

If I can just come to a more stable point, but it seems to not happen.

 

Thank you for writing me. Please write me again.

 

Desert Child

 

[[Gr...]]

Distract, distract, distract. Do whatever you can to take your mind off how you're feeling. It really does help. And you will make it through this. You are healing all during this time even though it may not feel like it.

 

Thank you Grandma D for your encouraging words.

 

It's so hard Grandma D.

 

I look at your taper history and I so admire you. Can you explain to me how you have figured out the way you taper - by that I mean the weekly drop in dosage? Do you experience any increase in withdrawal symptoms when you make a cut?

 

I am in such an unwell place. How will distract look like for you?

 

I think what is most difficult for me Grandma D is my nights. I dose 5 times, so the only sleep I get, if I get sleep is between 10:30/11pm and 2:30 am when I have to dose again. After 3 no sleep, and then any time from then, I have an escalation of anxiety: racing thoughts, increased heart-rate etc. I get so agitated that I have to get out of bed, move all the time. I try, Grandma D. I try to concentrate on my breathing, I pace the house, try to curb my thoughts, because that is where everything starts, but it overpowers me. I end up a crying mess every morning and this is so hard, so difficult for my husband. Nights have become a nightmare for me. Do you struggle with insomnia as well?

 

If I can just come to a more stable point, but it seems to not happen.

 

Thank you for writing me. Please write me again.

 

Desert Child

 

I messaged you. 

 

My dear, sweet husband has figured out my liquid taper from the start.  He makes it and measures it out for me!  (I am SO blessed!) 

 

Like most of us, I have withdrawal symptoms coming and going and changing so I really don't know if a cut affects them.  I pray (a lot) that I can continue my cut every 2 weeks because I want off this poison!

 

During the day when I have to lay down in a darkened, quiet room I pray - that's one way I distract because if I'm focusing on others I'm not thinking about me.  In the evenings, when I can watch TV that is what hubby and I do.  I also get on my cell and text friends and play games - I also come here.  All that really distracts me and I hate to see each evening end because I know that even though my symptoms may lessen at night - they come back full force in the morning.

 

Crying is OK!  It releases a lot of emotions for me and even though I can look like a blabbering idiot I sure feel better after. 

[[Ge...]]

Hi Desert Child,  I am doing better today.  Morning was bad, but I did harvest some vegetables and made salsa today.  It took a lot out of me, but I did it!

It is very hard to look forward to the future, however there is a better one out there for all of us.  I  keep having to tell myself over and over.  What I do to distrace myself:

Exercise:  If you can physically muster the energy, move.  Mostly everyone will agree.  I do weights, yoga, garden, and I hike/walk when I feel good enough.  Just do what you can even if it's very little. Just stretching and breathing into the stretch will help.

Meditation:  I have downloaded different "guided meditations"  Go on line and find a couple to try.  I do a "guided imagery" by Belleruth Naparstek  called Healthful Sleep every night when I go to bed.  I use "Sleephones".  (You can find them on line).  It's a soft headband with speakers in it so you can fall asleep with them on while you are listening.  It really helps with my insomnia. 

I take a class at my hospital called mindful mood management to help me cope with horrible thoughts.  My husband takes me and runs errands while I am in class.

I read, keep a journal, watch TV, and hang out on this forum which is full of really sweet, caring, and informative people.  Read some of the positive posts.

I try to see friends when I can. It almost always makes me feel better.

Do you have support?  I tell people that I have an injury to my CNS due to medication prescribed by a doctor for sleep, and that I am healing. 

I wish I could take all the pain away.  I will send healing thoughts your way.

Hugs,  Gee Gee