Am I the only one whose wife is not supportive?

[[ra...]]

I was always extremely supportive of sick people and I'll never understand to total lack of empathy my wife is showing towards me. When I'm sick she'll tells me "go to your room" (she doesn't want to be disturbed)... Or she treatens me saying things like " You better get better soon or I'll split". Or "I pay for everything" and I yell " I'm fucking sick and I can't work right now, don't you understand!?" The worst is "It's all in your head"...

 

Am I the only one in this kind of hellish relationship?

 

I am 64 and she's 65. I lost everything I had in the bank and I'm waiting my 65 birthday in 6 months: I will have my federal pension then (Canadian) and will at least have enough to go by.

 

 

 

[[Ni...]]

My late grandmother would always say "when you laugh, the world laughs with you- when you cry, you cry alone" that's the case with so many people. Sadly your wife is lacking any compassion. I'm sorry :/ I noticed a lot of people close to me in my life were not the people I thought they would be. I try very hard to rule out compassion fatigue etc and my behavior. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Maybe it's possible you can show her some literature on serious conditions? Either way I am a firm believer of karma and she'll at some point get the same treatment back. If I were you I'd consider possibly leaving the marriage because I think it's cruel to be treated like that. That's just my opinion and I'm not trying to make feelings worse.

During my hardest part of the taper I had problems walking. My parents who cared for me left for the day and I managed to drag myself over to my sick bucket and slumped over crying. My sister who was 20 at the time looked at me and then told me she was leaving to go care for a sick friend of hers. Then later that week another sister age 24 looked in and did not offer a tissue or glass of water. She just closed the door in my face so she could get ready without hearing me. So case in point the people we love and trust can be cruel. At the end of the day you just need to tell yourself that you are worth it and that you are loved and that you are strong. Keep up the good work in the taper and God bless.

[[od...]]

Sorry your wife is not more empathetic, but some people are just not there for us. Maybe dial the conflict down a bit i.e. even if it's hard (esp on benzo taper, grr) try to stay calm and don't get drawn into yelling or fights. Does you no good at all, so don't fan the flames for your sake.

 

Try to find helpful support on here, and be as positive as you can be-again, I know it ain't easy. Maybe there are other people in your life who might be less toxic? And with your wife, have you tried really explaining how shite this benzo thing is, and showed her some stuff on here?

 

Dunno how things will go for you, but hang on with the taper. And even if I'm still a 30ish young'un, 65 is not the scrap heap at all. If you can taper off benzos slowly, without max pain, you've got lots of living to do. Many on here (and who have been successful) are 60's, 70's and older. So hang in there.

[[er...]]

Hey, I'm sorry about that.. Like it's been said here, sometimes the people we'd hope to be supportive, just aren't.. and, I understand your frustration as you said you have always been empathetic towards sick people, and then when it's our turn to be sick, we find out people just aren't there for us..

 

My live in girlfriend was pretty shitty in my view about this whole thing.. she was like "you're lazy" when I was in my tapering stage, and she definitely told me to "get a job" but I was incapacitated from this whole mess of w/d from benzos. Fortunately, I had the money to pay my 1/2 of things.. Now, she's the one w/o a job and she's broke - and she wants me to pay for her!  **** that.. I don't think she would have done it for me.. but I digress..

 

in short, I think we have to become actors and practice holding our tongues as (like someone said) fanning the flames of an argument doesn't help - i know my gf got sick of me talking about my symptoms all the time - so I've learned to stop talking about them and use benzo buddies more..

 

so no, you're not the only one w/o a supportive partner - but I hate when women (or anyone) get all self righteous after we've done so much for them - it's like they have a short memory - maybe you ought to remind her of that - quietly.. : )

 

best of luck on your taper - keep up the good fight!!! hope this helps a bit.. - Eric 

 

 

 

edit: profanity

[[Ce...]]

I was always extremely supportive of sick people and I'll never understand to total lack of empathy my wife is showing towards me. When I'm sick she'll tells me "go to your room" (she doesn't want to be disturbed)... Or she treatens me saying things like " You better get better soon or I'll split". Or "I pay for everything" and I yell " I'm fucking sick and I can't work right now, don't you understand!?" The worst is "It's all in your head"...

 

Am I the only one in this kind of hellish relationship?

 

I am 64 and she's 65. I lost everything I had in the bank and I'm waiting my 65 birthday in 6 months: I will have my federal pension then (Canadian) and will at least have enough to go by.

 

 

I just gotta chime in here, believe me it's a two way street. My husband of 32 years left me out in the cold. He literally and legally kicked me out of my own life because he didn't want to deal with it anymore. He told me he was "DONE!" (his own cruel words). He was a control freak and an uncompassionate bastard, who I found out in the end I didn't know at all. I trusted him with my whole entire heart! I LOVED him! Now, I HATE him. I've never hated anyone in my life. I'm trying not to, because I know it will only hold me back, but I can't seem to get beyond the hurt. Financially I'm royally screwed. We had retirement plans together. Gone. Travel plans. Gone. Side by side burial plots. Gone. Love everlasting. Gone. He said he would love me even when I lost my teeth, guess what? I'm losing them! And he's GONE!!!

 

Oh, I forgot to mention...my ex was an alcoholic/drug addict/gambler who swindled away almost 100,000.00 out of our household money. I made sure that I stood by him and got him the help he needed. He got healthy, worked his program, then told me he couldn't be with me anymore because of my dependence on benzos and his program is what he called "a selfish program", so he had to "move on". Selfish program....I think he took that a little out of context, don't you?

 

I also have family that coldly and callously, harshly misjudged me and will not support me even if their lives depended on it. And to this day, I don't know why?? So many unanswered questions.

 

All this and benzo w/d, too.

 

Thanks for letting me vent....~CeCe

[[Ju...]]

My Dad is very similar with his lack of support, and is very verbal about it... he doesn't even believe benzo withdrawl is a real thing and tells me to stop being such a dramatic attentn seeker, to stop wallowing and to stop feeling sorry for myself and thinks I'm making up my symptoms in my head. So even though he's not my wife I really do have empathyto hear that your wife is not being supportive and is making you feel alone during a time you need support and I hope benzo buddies can offer you enough of that to help you pull through this tough time no matter what you decide

[[Pe...]]

My husband doesn't have the patience for any of this. I asked for help with the scale. He said why don't I listen to the doctor. Doctor wants me to follow a 6 week taper off a drug I've been on for so many years. I guess I'm in this whole mess by myself. Not easy trying to figure it all out. I'm not a baby . Just need some compassion!

[[2t...]]

raspout64 I am quite sure you will get through this and come out the other side, I am 60 and never had anything like this in my life before (this is the only time I remember something being in control other than myself and I hate it)

My wife had an experience years ago with an alcoholic partner that took a major toll on her so I am very careful not to over discuss my withdrawl symptoms with her.

I am new to this board but can see it is full of compassionate people who will understand your situation and will not make little of whatever you need to talk about, my suggestion is to use this board and please change the signature under your username to something positive.

 

[[Pi...]]

My husband says he's supportive but then says for me to get over it. He's said you will just have to have panic attacks and go on with life. He says he can't clean and take care of the house and work too, even though I did that for years. People that don't have these problems don't get it. He said why don't you just keep taking the pills? Where was he last year when I needed him? Maybe I wouldn't have taken any benzo if I had a supportive partner to help me deal with stress of work, kids, and a dying parent. I've been reading books about anxiety and I pretty much fit the bill of the "overwhelmed caretaker" who always took on others problems and fixed things at the expense of their own life. I spent years taking care of paying bills, bbuying groceries,  planning trips, taking the kids places,  going to appointments, supporting my husband in anything he wanted, and having to worry about money and sick parents too.  I spent years taking my mother to cancer appointments.  I did this to myself.  I put myself in this role. If I ever said no to anyone I'd get a lot of anger and resentment thrown at me because they were always use to me saying yes. Now I need support and they don't know how to give it.  I'm not trying to sound like a martyr,  sorry if I did, but this is how I feel.  Maybe your wife isn't sympathetic because she doesn't like being the one who isn't getting it.

[[Ce...]]

I was always extremely supportive of sick people and I'll never understand to total lack of empathy my wife is showing towards me. When I'm sick she'll tells me "go to your room" (she doesn't want to be disturbed)... Or she treatens me saying things like " You better get better soon or I'll split". Or "I pay for everything" and I yell " I'm fucking sick and I can't work right now, don't you understand!?" The worst is "It's all in your head"...

 

Am I the only one in this kind of hellish relationship?

 

I am 64 and she's 65. I lost everything I had in the bank and I'm waiting my 65 birthday in 6 months: I will have my federal pension then (Canadian) and will at least have enough to go by.

 

Hey  raspout64,

 

Next time your wife says "it's all in your head" tell her she's right! Then maybe you can explain to her that your brain has to heal and, yes! it just so happens to be located in your head. She needs to be educated on what is going on with you. Obviously she has no idea. If she truly cares for you she will learn more about what your illness is.  Hugs...CeCe   

 

PS Here is a link that might help her to understand you better. Hope it helps:

 

http://www.lovedonesguidetobenzowithdrawal.com/

 

 

 

[[Ju...]]

My husband doesn't have the patience for any of this. I asked for help with the scale. He said why don't I listen to the doctor. Doctor wants me to follow a 6 week taper off a drug I've been on for so many years. I guess I'm in this whole mess by myself. Not easy trying to figure it all out. I'm not a baby . Just need some compassion!

 

Whoa you're right, after fourteen years, six weeks to taper is really dangerous. I'm sorry you've been made to feel so alone and unsupported and I really hope this website can give you support and encouragement enough to get you through the day one day at a time. There's plenty of compassion here to make up for what we lack at home and work.

 

I think many people just have such a lack of understanding when it comes to invisible illness and they are frustrated by what they can't quickly fix, and they put walls up at the time we need them most

[[Pe...]]

I'm not going to taper that fast. Husband or no husband! I am feeling a little better today. Today he was a little nicer or better then he has been. I'm not going to torture myself to make somebody else feel better. Yes it is a lack of understanding. Friends really dont understand either. My brother thinks I'm making a big mistake going off the drug. Can't win!!!

[[Ju...]]

I'm not going to taper that fast. Husband or no husband! I am feeling a little better today. Today he was a little nicer or better then he has been. I'm not going to torture myself to make somebody else feel better. Yes it is a lack of understanding. Friends really dont understand either. My brother thinks I'm making a big mistake going off the drug. Can't win!!!

 

Well I haven't spoken to my Dad since before Christmas because he is in the "can't win" category! I hear what you're saying: some people think we should rip it off like a bandaid and end up in hospital, and others think we should stay on benzos for life...like they often are doing.

 

You CAN win though, maybe not with them, but here with us ...a bunch of cyber strangers who are in the same boat as you and are here to remind you that you're doing the right thing and you are strong and incredible and are foing to beat this in your own way in your own time

[[Ce...]]

I'm not going to taper that fast. Husband or no husband! I am feeling a little better today. Today he was a little nicer or better then he has been. I'm not going to torture myself to make somebody else feel better. Yes it is a lack of understanding. Friends really dont understand either. My brother thinks I'm making a big mistake going off the drug. Can't win!!!

 

Well I haven't spoken to my Dad since before Christmas because he is in the "can't win" category! I hear what you're saying: some people think we should rip it off like a bandaid and end up in hospital, and others think we should stay on benzos for life...like they often are doing.

 

You CAN win though, maybe not with them, but here with us ...a bunch of cyber strangers who are in the same boat as you and are here to remind you that you're doing the right thing and you are strong and incredible and are foing to beat this in your own way in your own time

 

Hi JustDoToday33,

 

 

I love this! Thank you. Yes, we have each other, here in cyberland. Thank God!! I'd be completely lost without everyone on here! 

[[Pe...]]

Thank you💓

[[ba...]]

My [literal!] cousin/cuzin 'Odinski' replied on page 1 pretty articulately (all my giving him heck for grammar etc. has paid off!), but thought I'd add my support-especially of the fighting fire with WATER philosophy, and for finding understanding peers on BB  .

 

I'm fortunate to have a husband who's been very supportive, but I'm also aware that my revolving litany of sxs must be wearing on him; I try to really!! be super positive on my good days to counteract the 'grim tapering wench,' but she is a tough one to beat .

 

Reading about others who have little to no support, save on BB, always makes me sad ; 'invisible' illnesses are indeed difficult to endure, and don't generally inspire "Go Fund Me!" campaigns-even if our suffering is as involuntary as someone with say, colitis or ??

 

When I was younger and had eating disorders, I always wished I had a more 'exotic/sympathetic' affliction, and now I'm stuck with another hard-to-relate-to icky condition. What are the odds !?

Soooo, as many above have mentioned, BB fulfills a real need to those in it's community i.e. understanding and empathy.

 

I wish all who posted about their lack of support the best, and hope they/we find the strength we need within ourselves, and from our fellow BB folk. CeCe Too and Pet Lover, your stories struck a particular chord with me; Cece, being treated like such crap after 32 years, UGH.

 

But, here we are, struggling to get by, and get OFF this stuff, so "boo yah" for that !!