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Will I ever get happy thoughts??


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Yes you will, take from one who says the same thing all the time, I do not know your situation, maybe you should give a small summary :thumbsup:

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....will I will I?

Please I feel so desperate!




Hi Simone,


I see from your other recent posts that you are still having negative thoughts and memories, which automatically create depression.


I guess the good part is that the issue with bad memories seems to be a universal symptom - of healing!


You can read about it here in the Ashton Manual - just scroll down to Intrusive Memories:


  Ashton manual - Individual Symptoms


You have been off longer than I have, but I have read from other BBs that the issue with bad memories and depression can come back and smack them months later, but that it does go away.


I have been on an emotional roller coaster in the 3+ weeks since I have been off, but lately there are more days depression-free than bad ones. I could not say that 2 weeks ago.


Hope you see a bright window soon - it will get better!

Leslie  :smitten:



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Happiness is a subjective subject, like am I happy that I'm going through this withdrawal, no. Am I happy with my life, hell no. Do I have tons of regrets and negative thoughts, yes. Am I happy I have my dog who never judges me, yes. Is this WD the worst thing that can happen to anybody, no there are a lot worse things that could happen.


What I am saying is if I look over all the aspects of my life I can find some positives along with the negatives.  I look at my future as a dark image of horrible things. But I don't really believe that is all it possibly can be. The thing is that we (or I) constrantly get these negative inrulsive thoughts and I always think of suicide even though i know for sure I would never do it, it constantly pops into my head along with regrets for things that 20 years ago with people who I have not seen for years or even dead people.It is so fucking crazy. When I say it, it does not even make any sense.


Sorry I start rambling when I respond to posts. Try to think of some positive things, and I know that can be difficult because it is for me too. Remember you have us to commiserate with and I do have you guys to say how miserable this is. 

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Of course: YOU WILL.


I still remember my first one after 7 months of major depression. Just flew down on me, into my brain, and I thought: Huuuu! What was THIS???





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Yes you will! I went through my horrible depression during my crossover from Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan to Valium in January. All I wanted to do was die!! I had horrendous intrusive memories!  I thought I was going mad! It was like a superfast slideshow of horror!😱 My psychiatrist led me to believe that I was going mad too! I thought I was psychotic! But mostly I just wanted to be dead! There were no happy thoughts anywhere to be found!  I had no idea it was related to benzo withdrawal!  It took about three months (I was on Remeron for major depression and PTSD since last Jully) until  I went from wanting to be completely dead to just feeling miserable from the withdrawals. The PTSD memories were the absolute most horrible experience of my life!  The intrusive memories slowly disappeared.  Unhappy thoughts have been slowly replaced with happy thoughts. The good news is I came out of it!  You will too!  :smitten:
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