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I hate sex, what has happened!


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Hello friends, I celebrated my 12 mo benzo free anniversary on Jul 3.

I'm about 80 percent better, except for a few complaints. I have always enjoyed sex, Esp when I was buzzed on klon. Now that I'm sober, or back to reality, I can't stand sex.

I haven't read anything on here yet about others' sex lives. But this is really hurting my marriage.

 

Could this be withdrawal, or something else?

 

I feel like I have changed a lot since coming off benzos, like I'm a different person. Any advice would be helpful.

 

 

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You say you can't stand sex. Does it physically repulse you to do it or do you just not get the joy out of it you wish you would?  Prior to your taper, did you only have sex while using K as a recreational drug for sex to make it better or did you sometimes have sex while not "buzzed" on it and enjoy it as well?  I'm just trying to figure out if you associate good sex with K or not. could age have something to do with it? How is your relationship with your husband outside of the bedroom? There's lots of possibilities.

 

While my libido is way down right now, I still realy enjoy sex when I feel like it. I definitely don't "hate sex" like you say you do, I just don't crave it nearly as much. To me there's a big difference between not wanting to do something, and not liking to do it.

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Actually, it repulses me. Thanks for the comment.

 

It pissed me off that my hubby expects me to be normal. I'm not normal. I'm still sick..

 

Hmm. It kinda sounds like you might have resentment towards your husband (understandably) and maybe that is why being physical with him currently repulsed you, and it's not actually just the physical act of having sex.  I'm really sorry for what you are going through and I hope you get better soon!

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I don't have any issues with intimacy, but can relate to being different now that I am off benzos. I feel like a totally different person and I am still getting to know the new me.
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It pissed me off that my hubby expects me to be normal. I'm not normal. I'm still sick..

 

Perhaps that is the problem? If he expects you to function that will mean your hole life and of course your body does not want to have sex with someone who puts pressure in you. Subconsciousness is smart. You have to get the trust back and then your body will follow.

 

Another point could be: You took benzos over 25 years of course you are not feeling normal right now. What is one year without in comparison to 25 years with?? Under benzos you are not feeling normal, very much is hidden. you feel uncomfortable in your body now. Perhaps you have to love yourself first and your body and then let others participate. You AND your husband have to get to know you afresh. You are different. Perhaps like different things now. That can be a good thing, too.

 

Without benzos I think we have to re-learn ourselves and lives in so many ways.. its really crazy..

I hope you both will find together again.

 

Anyway, don't do things you do not want to do. And be curious to find out what your body wants, I am sure that your sexuality isn't dead.

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Hi ferggie, I went to rehab and got out the day before thanksgiving. I had been with my GF on and off for 25 years, we had lived together for 12 years. She was totally not supportive and always starting arguments about I could not possibly still be in withdrawal. One of her biggest problems was about sex, we used to do it almost daily while I was on pills, but the thought of doing it after rehab repulsed me. She was so insulted and took it personally and was always trying to get me to do it.

 

In January I could not take it anymore, I was still in acute withdrawal where I could not sleep, could not eat, and did not want to have sex. She moved out in January. There are lots of times I miss her and a lot of times I'm relieved she is gone. It all has been a big change and six months out lots of symptoms  have gotten better but I'm still pretty sick. I met a girl way younger than me that was interested in me but I just cannot imagine dating or even explaining to her what I'm dng now.

 

So I think from my experience it may be normal, at least it seems that way for you and me.

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Hey Ferggie,

 

I'm no expert, but I think there have been some very good responses on here..  Good points about getting to know ourselves and our bodies again.. For me, it has been that way.  Also, the points people made about maybe having a resentment against your husband for expecting you to be 100% after a year?  I think Marigold was right, saying that your husband and you need to get to know the new you together.. and i'm sure, it will take time.

 

But, I don't think if you've like sex before, that you're not going to like it again!  It's just a phase of our healing.  I'm a guy, and while I was tapering, I was so pre-occupied with my issues, I hardly thought about sex with my girlfriend (who I live with) - I think she was okay with that, because I certainly wasn't at my best, and not very sexy at all! ..lol.. For a while, I had trouble getting the car out of the garage, (as they said in Seinfeld once.. : ), but then systems started working again when I jumped off of clonazepam and we're getting back to sex, and i'm liking it now..

 

I don't know, I think you'll get back to having healthy sex again pretty soon.  If you've liked sex before, there's no reason to think you'll never like it again.. If you can find a way to work through any resentment you might have, I'm sure that will help!  well, i'm no Dr. Ruth, but i hope this helps! : )  - Eric

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Practice makes perfect! This applies to everything in life keep working at it and eventually the hate will disappear, you body is making some wierd mental/emotional connections to sex possibly. You need to rewire that brain back to normal. Trick that brain back into enjoying sex.

 

From what I learned, this whole withdrawal thing is just a battle between us and our brains. The mind wants to do all kinds of wacky stuff from what I have experinced so far and read, about during withdrawal .

 

I agree with what others are saying on here as well about your husband. I know for women sex is a very emotional thing. The moods for it seem fickle at times, so don't give up.

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Thanks to u all for your comments. I really appreciate it. I'm still getting to know the new me, I'm definitely a different person.
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Your sex drive is tied to a lot of things.  If you are not right it can be expected to be absent or altered.

 

I think a healthy sex drive is an extension of mental health.

 

Once you are well you'll want to do that just like before.

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Hello friends, I celebrated my 12 mo benzo free anniversary on Jul 3.

I'm about 80 percent better, except for a few complaints. I have always enjoyed sex, Esp when I was buzzed on klon. Now that I'm sober, or back to reality, I can't stand sex.

I haven't read anything on here yet about others' sex lives. But this is really hurting my marriage.

 

Could this be withdrawal, or something else?

 

I feel like I have changed a lot since coming off benzos, like I'm a different person. Any advice would be helpful.

 

I had libido issues. This is very common. We all go through this at difference paces, but I can promise you this comes back, too.

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I think you just need more time. As a man, I had times when the thought almost made me sick to my stomach. I don't know about you, but I tend to put more pressure on myself and I think that makes things worse. I'm doing much better now but if I have a series of waves I make sure I let my wife know what is going on and that I still think she is hot. If you tell your husband what you are going through this may take some of the pressure off of you. Hang in there, this will pass in time.
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It pissed me off that my hubby expects me to be normal. I'm not normal. I'm still sick..

 

Perhaps that is the problem? If he expects you to function that will mean your hole life and of course your body does not want to have sex with someone who puts pressure in you. Subconsciousness is smart. You have to get the trust back and then your body will follow.

 

Another point could be: You took benzos over 25 years of course you are not feeling normal right now. What is one year without in comparison to 25 years with?? Under benzos you are not feeling normal, very much is hidden. you feel uncomfortable in your body now. Perhaps you have to love yourself first and your body and then let others participate. You AND your husband have to get to know you afresh. You are different. Perhaps like different things now. That can be a good thing, too.

 

Without benzos I think we have to re-learn ourselves and lives in so many ways.. its really crazy..

I hope you both will find together again.

 

Anyway, don't do things you do not want to do. And be curious to find out what your body wants, I am sure that your sexuality isn't dead.

 

I feel like this is the best response. Maybe your husband needs to be informed that you're still healing and then you can work with him to ease back into sex? I'm empathizing with both of you, because I understand your husband's point of view as well. Sex is a basic need he was once getting and isn't anymore. I think some sort of sex therapist could help work this out if you both were willing to go down that route. They could help him understand better what you're going through and help you open up more to where sex can become a thing you both enjoy doing together again.

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