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Jumped! 4 years Xanax - Yay!!


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It seems like a long time ago that I started tapering, but it's only been 4 months. That's how much of an odyssey it is.  After coming through this, I feel confident that I can handle just about anything.  Well, most anything.  That's another perk of stopping these evil drugs.  I have been extremely fearful of this part of the w/d - the acute phase.  So far, I actually feel better at day 3 than before I was done tapering.  Of course, I'm not fooling myself, but my fear is gone.  I don't believe it could be any worse than what I've already experienced, but we'll see!  My main w/d sxs:  heart beating hard and fast, (started gabapentin at the end) feels like someone is standing on my chest, my vision is blurry, light sensitive, with floaters like icebergs! Sweaty, whiny, bitchy, shaky.  Even so, I continued to operate my art gallery.  Arty types seem to be more tolerant of weird behavior!  :laugh:  One of the worst symptoms was the "wave of fear" that would cause me to hide under the covers. New horror series:  BRIDE OF BENZOMAN

I have so much empathy with people who are recovering from this drug that I may have to volunteer somewhere to help get the word out.  Because your doctor will not help you.  They are part of the system that pays them to do this to you.  They have no idea how to get you off - or even what tolerance withdrawal is.  I've developed a  new view of medical practices.  Not all doctors are like this, I realize.  But!  Most of them are not reading up on what they prescribe to you.  I will always research my own drugs before I take them from now on.  My trust is gone.

Okay, so the good news!!  My creativity is returning in spades over the tapering time.  I'm up in the morning, and looking forward to the day.  Instead of sleeping 12 hours a day and feeling isolated.  I completely lost myself and now I'm coming back!  Still have probs with cog and memory, vision and heart palps.  Because I have arthritis in my hands and work with them, my Dr. gave me Oxycodone! Another nasty, sneaky drug.  I tried stopping yesterday and it didn't bother me at all.(Starting Celebrex might have helped).  Today, I eliminated a couple of doses and I feel fine.  I'm going for it.  I feel weird, but wonderful.  I know it's early on in the acute phase, but I have high hopes.  I'll be back later with another chapter! 

I would like to thank all the people on this wonderful forum.  It helped me right from the start.  I found BB's at 3 in the morning, after thinking my (tolerance withdrawal) condition, unknown to me, was permanent.  I felt like killing myself.  I decided to go online and look up the drugs I was on, to start.  Well, there it was.  Google help.  BB's.  Even the name felt like a salve.

For the next 4 months, this site was my friend, adviser, and hope.  Thank you all for your words and for sharing this strange time with me, there in the dark. I made it out.

Feel free to message me!  :smitten:


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