Can't deal with this again

[[4G...]]

Hi. I had got to a place in my life where I was just managing to cope. Even went to partner's sister's house to watch football. But since then I have been sliding down into the depression pit again. I am terrified.

 

When I get like this it is most often when I am on my own. I start wishing that I wasn't around any more.

 

Last night my partner started shouting at me and called me all the names under the sun. Then I called the Mental Health Team and the guy on there told me to get out there and get a job.

 

I have agoraphobia and this depression has got so bad that I want to sleep and not wake up again. But my family love me so much and I love them deeply. I don't know what to do. Please help.

[[me...]]

Hello Gilly,

 

I'm very sorry you're feeling so badly.  It certainly doesn't help when others aren't sympathetic. Feeling depressed and out of control of one's life is not uncommon during benzo withdrawal. Many of us feel that way at times. But we're really not ourselves during withdrawal, and please understand that these feelings and symptoms are temporary and they WILL go away in time. Benzo withdrawal is a waiting game, and it takes time for one's brain and CNS to return to normal.  Time itself is the healer.

 

However, if you are really feeling suicidal, you must get in-person, on the ground help immediately.  As an international internet forum, we are not equipped to handle this kind of situation when it gets to this point. Please have a friend or relative come and stay with you, call a helpline, or get professional help if you continue to have these feelings. Your welfare is important to us. Also, our members, though very caring, are sensitive to suicide references, an that's why it's against the rules to discuss the subject of suicide here. Here's a link to our Suicide and Self Harm Pages, where you'll find valuable resources:

 

 

Suicide and Self-harm Resources

 

 

megan918

Administrator

 

[[Kg...]]

Gilly since you say your family loves you can you call one of your family members to be with you today?

 

Your partner has no right to verbally abuse you, words hurt us very much. Perhaps you should speak with a close friend and family member about your partner's abuse. I don't know your living situation but if you live with your partner can go to a friend's house or stay with family?

 

I know you have agoraphobia I have it too but it does not give people the right to treat us poorly.  It is not something we choose to have just like we don't choose to have diabetes or high blood pressure - it just is. 

 

We have all felt like you have felt that we just can't go on anymore but just look at this minute- did you get through it - yes you did - so you can get through the next minute and the next.  Please if you are in danger to hurt yourself do what Megan said to do and call for immediate help.

 

You are a warm, wonderful, caring person remember this - it is not 'your fault' you just need to heal.  I am also sending you a link to something I listen to - it helps me  to remember that this is temporary from someone who has been where we are now.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g1MK9OhLkg

[[4G...]]

Thanks Megan. I am just so upset. Thank you for getting back to me.

 

Kgirl, you are there for me again! Thank you so much. Partner is now home from work but still says he was right to say all the abuse that he said. I don't think he realises that he has made me feel twice as bad.

 

I will have to cope from minute to minute. I have done that in the past. Many thanks again.

[[be...]]

Gilly - You're very much in my thoughts and prayers. I'd PM you if I could! You are so very strong and we are all here for you.

[[be...]]

Tried pming you G but it won't go through. Hope we can fix it!

[[cr...]]

So very sorry you are being treated poorly, you don't deserve even one unkind word. Depression and agoraphobia are horrendous, I speak from experience.  Wish I could help you, but just know you are valued and loved. Cross

[[4G...]]

Thanks so much, Cross. I think we might be splitting up anyway. I can't be treated like that. Gilly x

[[Da...]]

It makes me mad and upset that someone from a mental health line would tell anyone that they should get a job. What gives I don't understand that. I had to break up with my girlfriend over fighting after living together for 12 years and it still hurts badly. I am hoping that things get better for me soon. I don't recommend anyone else do it because it has been so hard on me.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[[Ma...]]

It makes me mad and upset that someone from a mental health line would tell anyone that they should get a job.

 

I agree with that... hate people who are so bad informed to think that a depressed person "just" can start to work and everything would be fine.. aaaaaarh!!!! :ticked off:

 

 

Gilly,

I can really feel the way you do at the moment.. the most important thing is: Do not start to doubt yourself.

You can survive this and you will have a better life. At the moment you cannot work. Ok. You cannot change your partner. Ok. But you can focus on yourself. If he is yelling at you, can you leave the room or the house next time? Even if you are afraid, that would be the only helpful thing. Stop arguing and explaining yourself. Focus on your tapering plan and on things that keep your brain busy. Ask your family what they love in you. Can you stay with them for some days or hours? Just to get away from your partner until you are more stable?

You are so strong, look what you have already achieved.