4 years on xanax, withdrawal nightmare, need some1 to talk to

[[si...]]

Hi, I'm new here and I just needed to reach out to someone who could understand what I am going through because I live with people who just don't understand.

 

I have been on xanax for about 4 years now. I started on 2mg a day and then it went up to 6mg a day (I was being prescribed)... I started abusing them and it went from 6 to 12mg a day and some days I go on binges and can take up to 20mg a day and not even feel much, it just makes me sleep and numbs my feelings. My tolerance to it scares me. :'(

 

I have had 3 grand mal seizures in the past year while being off of it for just 3 days each time. One time I fell down three flights of stairs and blacked out and bit my tongue and was hallucinating. I also got into a car crash on the off ramp getting off the highway. I blacked out and hit the ramp and did not hit any cars (thank god), I could have died or killed someone else. My situation is very bad.

 

I'm still on 6 mg a day and trying to taper off. It is the hardest thing IN THE WORLD. Right now, I have none. I am throwing up, have the taste of metal in my mouth, I feel dizzy when I stand, I get twiches, my legs and muscles start moving randomly without my control, especially my facial muscles. It's very weird. I can't sleep. When I'm not on xanax I will go 3, 4 days without sleeping. I'm a zombie. I also stutter my words and can't function properly.

 

I'm scared I will never be able to fight this, as much as I want to say I'm ready, I still crave this drug like no other.

 

I was raped two years ago by 5 of my ex boyfriends friends while blacked out and was slut shamed for it and my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me for a year and told me I deserved the rape and I was a worthless sl*t.. I ended up going to a group therapy/addiction program and getting off the xanax. I wasn't on it. I was talking with people. I was doing better.

 

As soon as I got out of the program, I was put on xanax again. I could not be at home in bed without xanax because my mind would start wandering, I would feel rage, I would feel depression, I wouldn't want to live. With it, I would feel calm, euphoria, a sense of peace. I did not have to deal with my problems or think about them.

 

Any one else go through the same thing? Has anyone else experienced such bad withdrawal, wanted to get off, yet at the same time feel so scared to face reality?

 

I don't know what to do. I need some advice from people going through the same thing, or just people who have had addiction problems as well. Please shed your light, I am willing to listen to ANYONE and take ANYONE'S advice.

 

Tonight will be rough for me. I don't get my refill tomorrow and it's day 2 without xanax. I'm doing WAY better than I was with not overtaking. I used to always be done with my xanax prescription two weeks before it was supposed to be filled. Now I'm at the point where I'm done with it 2 days before it's supposed to be filled. But it's still not a good thing. Because I'm experiencing these symptoms that are a HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE, I would describe them as. Its the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.

 

Would love to hear all of your comments and stories as well.

 

Thank you for listening so much to anyone who reads this.

 

~ <3 Jaci xoxo

[[do...]]

You will prevail. Please don't give up. You have come to the right place for help and I am so sorry for the pain and horrible tragedy of being physical and mentally abused.

 

Hope. Courage. Strength.

 

We are here for you,

 

Dontpnc

[[lo...]]

do NOT withdraw xanax directly. it is indeed a nightmare. talk to your doc to switch you to a long acting benzo (valium), and you should have no issues to reduce slowly

Hi, I'm new here and I just needed to reach out to someone who could understand what I am going through because I live with people who just don't understand.

 

I have been on xanax for about 4 years now. I started on 2mg a day and then it went up to 6mg a day (I was being prescribed)... I started abusing them and it went from 6 to 12mg a day and some days I go on binges and can take up to 20mg a day and not even feel much, it just makes me sleep and numbs my feelings. My tolerance to it scares me. :'(

 

I have had 3 grand mal seizures in the past year while being off of it for just 3 days each time. One time I fell down three flights of stairs and blacked out and bit my tongue and was hallucinating. I also got into a car crash on the off ramp getting off the highway. I blacked out and hit the ramp and did not hit any cars (thank god), I could have died or killed someone else. My situation is very bad.

 

I'm still on 6 mg a day and trying to taper off. It is the hardest thing IN THE WORLD. Right now, I have none. I am throwing up, have the taste of metal in my mouth, I feel dizzy when I stand, I get twiches, my legs and muscles start moving randomly without my control, especially my facial muscles. It's very weird. I can't sleep. When I'm not on xanax I will go 3, 4 days without sleeping. I'm a zombie. I also stutter my words and can't function properly.

 

I'm scared I will never be able to fight this, as much as I want to say I'm ready, I still crave this drug like no other.

 

I was raped two years ago by 5 of my ex boyfriends friends while blacked out and was slut shamed for it and my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me for a year and told me I deserved the rape and I was a worthless sl*t.. I ended up going to a group therapy/addiction program and getting off the xanax. I wasn't on it. I was talking with people. I was doing better.

 

As soon as I got out of the program, I was put on xanax again. I could not be at home in bed without xanax because my mind would start wandering, I would feel rage, I would feel depression, I wouldn't want to live. With it, I would feel calm, euphoria, a sense of peace. I did not have to deal with my problems or think about them.

 

Any one else go through the same thing? Has anyone else experienced such bad withdrawal, wanted to get off, yet at the same time feel so scared to face reality?

 

I don't know what to do. I need some advice from people going through the same thing, or just people who have had addiction problems as well. Please shed your light, I am willing to listen to ANYONE and take ANYONE'S advice.

 

Tonight will be rough for me. I don't get my refill tomorrow and it's day 2 without xanax. I'm doing WAY better than I was with not overtaking. I used to always be done with my xanax prescription two weeks before it was supposed to be filled. Now I'm at the point where I'm done with it 2 days before it's supposed to be filled. But it's still not a good thing. Because I'm experiencing these symptoms that are a HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE, I would describe them as. Its the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.

 

Would love to hear all of your comments and stories as well.

 

Thank you for listening so much to anyone who reads this.

 

~ <3 Jaci xoxo

[[...]]

I'm so sorry for you that's terrible, but look at all you've endured. You can do this. The Sxs are ALL withdrawl and they suck but with a slow taper you will get off this poison and go on to have a great life. Withdrawing from this stuff isn't easy but there are tons of success stories and I haven't read one where a person didn't fully recover.  God Bless You.

[[Gr...]]

I'm sorry for everything you have been through, and now dealing with withdrawals on top of that. I do second the person above who recommended crossing over to a longer acting benzo like Valium. I c/o'd from Xanax to Valium and definitely find the Valium much easier on my system and also to taper.

 

The Ashton manual has a sample schedule for crossing over from 6mg Xanax to Valium and tapering:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s1

[[si...]]

You will prevail. Please don't give up. You have come to the right place for help and I am so sorry for the pain and horrible tragedy of being physical and mentally abused.

 

Hope. Courage. Strength.

 

We are here for you,

 

Dontpnc

 

Thank you, dontpnc. You nearly saved me tonight with your inbox message. your kind words really helped me gather the strength. You're a great human being. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for a shoulder to lean on or just to spill your heart out to. It meant a lot that you replied to me.

 

I hope you're having a great night. xo

[[si...]]

do NOT withdraw xanax directly. it is indeed a nightmare. talk to your doc to switch you to a long acting benzo (valium), and you should have no issues to reduce slowly

Hi, I'm new here and I just needed to reach out to someone who could understand what I am going through because I live with people who just don't understand.

 

I have been on xanax for about 4 years now. I started on 2mg a day and then it went up to 6mg a day (I was being prescribed)... I started abusing them and it went from 6 to 12mg a day and some days I go on binges and can take up to 20mg a day and not even feel much, it just makes me sleep and numbs my feelings. My tolerance to it scares me. :'(

 

I have had 3 grand mal seizures in the past year while being off of it for just 3 days each time. One time I fell down three flights of stairs and blacked out and bit my tongue and was hallucinating. I also got into a car crash on the off ramp getting off the highway. I blacked out and hit the ramp and did not hit any cars (thank god), I could have died or killed someone else. My situation is very bad.

 

I'm still on 6 mg a day and trying to taper off. It is the hardest thing IN THE WORLD. Right now, I have none. I am throwing up, have the taste of metal in my mouth, I feel dizzy when I stand, I get twiches, my legs and muscles start moving randomly without my control, especially my facial muscles. It's very weird. I can't sleep. When I'm not on xanax I will go 3, 4 days without sleeping. I'm a zombie. I also stutter my words and can't function properly.

 

I'm scared I will never be able to fight this, as much as I want to say I'm ready, I still crave this drug like no other.

 

I was raped two years ago by 5 of my ex boyfriends friends while blacked out and was slut shamed for it and my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me for a year and told me I deserved the rape and I was a worthless sl*t.. I ended up going to a group therapy/addiction program and getting off the xanax. I wasn't on it. I was talking with people. I was doing better.

 

As soon as I got out of the program, I was put on xanax again. I could not be at home in bed without xanax because my mind would start wandering, I would feel rage, I would feel depression, I wouldn't want to live. With it, I would feel calm, euphoria, a sense of peace. I did not have to deal with my problems or think about them.

 

Any one else go through the same thing? Has anyone else experienced such bad withdrawal, wanted to get off, yet at the same time feel so scared to face reality?

 

I don't know what to do. I need some advice from people going through the same thing, or just people who have had addiction problems as well. Please shed your light, I am willing to listen to ANYONE and take ANYONE'S advice.

 

Tonight will be rough for me. I don't get my refill tomorrow and it's day 2 without xanax. I'm doing WAY better than I was with not overtaking. I used to always be done with my xanax prescription two weeks before it was supposed to be filled. Now I'm at the point where I'm done with it 2 days before it's supposed to be filled. But it's still not a good thing. Because I'm experiencing these symptoms that are a HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE, I would describe them as. Its the worst thing I've ever felt in my life.

 

Would love to hear all of your comments and stories as well.

 

Thank you for listening so much to anyone who reads this.

 

~ <3 Jaci xoxo

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, my dr tried to put me on Klonopin and I was having shakes and then he had to take me off because for some strange reason Klonopin wasn't working. i am truly hooked on xanax but I am so HOOKED ON trying to get off, more than you know. I don't want to be an addict and for this to control my life any longer. Just need some support. <3 Thank you. 

[[si...]]

I'm so sorry for you that's terrible, but look at all you've endured. You can do this. The Sxs are ALL withdrawl and they suck but with a slow taper you will get off this poison and go on to have a great life. Withdrawing from this stuff isn't easy but there are tons of success stories and I haven't read one where a person didn't fully recover.  God Bless You.

 

 

 

 

Mena,

 

Your reply was so enlightening . To say you have heard to many success stories and not one didn't fully recover --- that is amazing. I want to be that person. Right now it is so hard. I am feeling the shakes. I drank a little bit tonight which prob is NOT GOOD AT ALL, but my whole body was shaking to the point I thought I couldn't walk. I need to do right and taper off the benzos like my dr is suggesting. I was on 6mg a day and I get a refill tomorrow for 5mg a day, so i start tapering off. I know it will be a struggle, but I'm happy to have you all to talk to. Hope you know you can talk to me, message me any time you want to as well. The support Means so much. 

[[si...]]

I'm sorry for everything you have been through, and now dealing with withdrawals on top of that. I do second the person above who recommended crossing over to a longer acting benzo like Valium. I c/o'd from Xanax to Valium and definitely find the Valium much easier on my system and also to taper.

 

The Ashton manual has a sample schedule for crossing over from 6mg Xanax to Valium and tapering:

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s1

 

 

 

I've tried valium at the hospital a few times, and I have to say you are right. It is a lot longer lasting than xanax. Maybe I do need something longer lasting to help me with the withdrawals as I am tapering off. I will talk to my dr about that. I am also on a benzo for sleep called estazolam, and it's not really prescribed much, but it helps w the shakes because it is in the benzo category and also a sleep aide.

 

If you ever experienced any of the same things, I wish you loads of happiness and strength. I am here for you any time you need it.

 

I like to be a back bone as much for others as they are to me.

 

Thank you so much for replying. Tonight has been a hard night for me.

 

xoxo

[[sk...]]

I'll be honest with ya.  Doing a direct taper from Xanax is going to be rough.  It can be done, but you're going to have to stay so super strong and focused.  Dr Ashton's advice for tapering from Xanax saved me from full face gnarly W/D.  Albiet, it wasn't perfect as my pdoc doesn't agree with her dosage schedule, but my pdoc switched me to a longer acting benzo, did a rapid taper off of Xanax while using a constant dosage of Valium, and i've since started my taper.

 

The switch was pretty rough, but it got better.  I've felt every drop in dosage and reinstated a higher MG of Valium once... but I strongly feel i'm on the backside of this demon, sliding down ever so slowly.  Just take it one step at a time, don't panic, and find as many distractions as you can.  There are a lot of success stories that I read daily to give me inspiration.  Feel free to reach out if you need help.  There's a lot of us here to lean on.

[[Sh...]]

Hey singsparkle. Im right there with you. I was so upset and angry when I realised I was in this situation. I knew it was gonna take a long time and I was just so frustrated with the world. Valium worked extremely well for me aswell. I felt good and it slowed and relaxed my brain down. I also had a very traumatic experience and was angry at the world.

 

I have felt like giving up many times. But im still here somehow. I just inboxed you. Hope you are okay ☺

[[on...]]

hello singsparkle- I just wanted to give you some hope getting off xanax- I was on xanax for 30 years- not as high a dose as you- but for a very very long time. I began a direct taper off the xanax in January and I took my last xanax May 31st. Yes the taper  was very very tough- I craved more  xanax many times during the taper  and there were days I wanted to quit.. But I hung on and did not give in and am now free of that poison. I know I still have some difficult days ahead  before  I am  fully healed but I can say it was worth it to get myself back after all these years!  You can do it too- the key is a gradual taper at a rate your body can handle. ..be kind to yourself through this and benzo buddies is a great source of support.

[[si...]]

I'll be honest with ya.  Doing a direct taper from Xanax is going to be rough.  It can be done, but you're going to have to stay so super strong and focused.  Dr Ashton's advice for tapering from Xanax saved me from full face gnarly W/D.  Albiet, it wasn't perfect as my pdoc doesn't agree with her dosage schedule, but my pdoc switched me to a longer acting benzo, did a rapid taper off of Xanax while using a constant dosage of Valium, and i've since started my taper.

 

The switch was pretty rough, but it got better.  I've felt every drop in dosage and reinstated a higher MG of Valium once... but I strongly feel i'm on the backside of this demon, sliding down ever so slowly.  Just take it one step at a time, don't panic, and find as many distractions as you can.  There are a lot of success stories that I read daily to give me inspiration.  Feel free to reach out if you need help.  There's a lot of us here to lean on.

 

Thank you so much, skittles. I've been reading everywhere on here about Dr Ashton's plan and I really need to read up on it, especially because I have been on such a high dose for years. I need to be careful with tapering down.  I've already had seizures and I dont want this drug to affect my cognitive ability and brain for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for the advice. Tonight, I am taking a bubble bath and watching shows on  Hulu trying to relax and spoil myself to get my mind off of stuff and think clearly.

 

I got my refill today and its 2mg bars/3x a day but I was advised to not take the full amount I'm prescribed to try and taper and do the right thing. I cannot go on anymore binges. I'm sick of this drug controlling my life.

 

How is your night going and how are you feeling??

 

oxxo

[[si...]]

Hey singsparkle. Im right there with you. I was so upset and angry when I realised I was in this situation. I knew it was gonna take a long time and I was just so frustrated with the world. Valium worked extremely well for me aswell. I felt good and it slowed and relaxed my brain down. I also had a very traumatic experience and was angry at the world.

 

I have felt like giving up many times. But im still here somehow. I just inboxed you. Hope you are okay ☺

 

 

Hey Shamo. :-)

 

Thank you for all your support and inbox messages. I sent you a message.

 

Thank you for your time in helping me through this process.

 

I hope I am able to help you through yours as well.

 

Friends are people who can lean on each others shoulders through hard times. :-) Thank you!

 

xoxoxo

[[si...]]

hello singsparkle- I just wanted to give you some hope getting off xanax- I was on xanax for 30 years- not as high a dose as you- but for a very very long time. I began a direct taper off the xanax in January and I took my last xanax May 31st. Yes the taper  was very very tough- I craved more  xanax many times during the taper  and there were days I wanted to quit.. But I hung on and did not give in and am now free of that poison. I know I still have some difficult days ahead  before  I am  fully healed but I can say it was worth it to get myself back after all these years!  You can do it too- the key is a gradual taper at a rate your body can handle. ..be kind to yourself through this and benzo buddies is a great source of support.

 

Thank you, ontheroad. 

 

Just wondering, what was your highest dose of xanax you were ever on?

 

The tapering is incredibly hard and the withdrawal symptoms suck, but everyone tells me they are worth it for the end result.

 

I think being a benzo addict is like being an alcoholic; once an addict, we are always one. We will be fighting this battle all of our lives and craving this drug, but we have to be strong.

 

Its nice to know we can all have a family of people on this site where we can all support each other and lead each other in the right directions, even if we're feeling at our lowest point ourselves.

 

I got my refill today (2mg bars/3x a day) but I'm not going to take the full amount; no binges, no nothing. I want to take just enough to take the edge off and ease my anxiety. I don't wanna get myself in the mode where I'm like a zombie feeling numb and feeling euphoria because that feeling only lasts so long, then Im chasing the drug again and again, ending up in hospitals, dr shopping. Its such a nightmare.

 

I'm finally ready to get better and thats why I joined this site.

 

Thank you for your support and I hope I can be a support to you as well. 

 

xoxoxo