sleep is great, except that it isn't

[[bl...]]

So here's a paradox. Lately I've been sleeping almost all the way through the night save the one time I have to get up to pee and kick the cat outside. It seems like I sleep hard with little to no dreams. And yet, at least over the past few nights I wake up exhausted, I look like a raccoon, and I can barely function.

 

The only thing I can think is that this is some kind of cycle that my body is going through. Two weeks ago I was having sleep issues, and then it got better, now it's bad again. I've noticed that sleep has kind of been like this, with alternating ups and downs, though at time has gone on, the ups and downs have gotten farther and farther apart.

 

But, this is the first time where it seems like the better I think I'm sleeping, the worse I feel. Anyone experience this?

[[al...]]

Hi Blandthrax,

At least you are sleeping, but I bet it is frustrating not to feel the full refreshment of it. Maybe the link to the following article can shed some light on your problem:

 

https://www.caring.com/articles/surprising-reasons-you-wake-up-tired

 

I personally don't have that problem right now, but I am aware that my energy and stamina is not what it was prior to my withdrawal, or even during the earlier phases of it when I had a ton of nervous energy to run off of. Going through a withdrawal is some pretty serious sh*t. It is bound to knock some wind out of your sails for a long time.

[[bl...]]

I think maybe part of or maybe most of my problem might be my pillows. The pillows that I have are terrible.

[[al...]]

Yeah, you have to be comfortable to sleep well, especially while going through a withdrawal. I'm always puzzled when I see one of Hawaii's many homeless people sound asleep on a bus stop bench or on the sidewalk. I think about that a lot when I am in my bed all super cozy, but wide awake.

[[mu...]]

That is interesting Aloha.  Never thought of it that way,.  How some people can literally sleep anywhere and here I am in my 3000 bed and 700 thread satin sheets and struggle to sleep

[[al...]]

Yes, it is easy to blame little physical discomforts for not being able to sleep, but the real problem rests in our brain/mind.

[[mu...]]

agreed I used to be that person who could sleep on a floor no issues.  I know it isnt the physical discomfort as much as it is my brain fighting itself

[[Po...]]

This has been my prime complaint for some time. I can sleep 6-7-8 hours and wake up feeling I have been hit by a bus. I've had sleep studies and other tests which have shown nothing. My PCP has no idea. The only conclusion I can come up with is a screwed up brain from years of benzos and the effects of WD. It sucks!!!

Pokey.

[[on...]]

Blandthrax and Pokey I have the same problem as you guys- I sleep well- get my 8 hours- but I wake up exhausted l- so tired  I can't cope...so some mornings I crawl back in for more sleep- same thing though- after that extra sleep I still don't wake up refreshed- possibly even more tired when I finally get out of bed. Must be the benzos!  Early in my taper I had insomnia- but now I sleep sleep sleep and  it feels like I can never get enough sleep. Very weird.

[[bl...]]

The only thing I can theorize is that we spent so much time in a state of severe sleep deprivation, that our bodies just take time to make up the deficit. I've considered doing a sleep study but I can't imagine my body and mind have changed that much over the course of 1 year.

 

On the other hand, I should consider myself lucky because my sleep has come back rather quickly, whereas 2 months ago I was lucky to get 3 or 4 hours of fitful sleep with many terrible dreams and nightmares, now I seem to sleep long and deep and have only a few scattered dreams, which are usually fairly pleasant.

 

I don't know what to think. I'm not ungrateful to be sleeping, and it seems that the further I go along, the better it gets. It seems to go through cycles where it gets bad, then it gets better, then it gets bad again, but it's never as bad as it was before.

 

I'll give it example, during the height of withdrawal, my sleep went something like 2 days good/okay and 3 days bad/poor. As time went on, that cycle expanded and got wider. Now it's several weeks between the poor nights, and like I've said, even on those nights I'm getting pretty comparatively good sleep, it's just not restful.

 

I know that the vast, overwhelming majority of people on the forum say their sleep eventually comes back 100%, so I think that if my sleep is as good as it is right now, then it should improve even more as time goes on. I didn't start taking benzos for sleep issues, so even if takes more time to fully resolve, it should still happen.

 

[[Po...]]

I dont think anybody (doctors) really knows why those of us BBs who sleep 7-8 hours still wake up feeling crappy. I've had all kinds of tests, including sleep studies. They want to do another sleep study thinking I have restless legs syndrome. I think they are all wet. I told the sleep clinic nurse practitioner (NP) that I was on benzos for years and that I think its benzo related and asked if the EEG would show that?  She asked how long I had been off and when I told her she thought "no way" that it could be benzo related. I'll do the sleep study and when it comes back (likely) not showing anything I will be interested in what the NP's puzzled face will think then. I hope it is a sleep disorder, but I'm betting its not.

Pokey

[[hs...]]

agreed I used to be that person who could sleep on a floor no issues.  I know it isnt the physical discomfort as much as it is my brain fighting itself

 

 

I used to slepp through the nigh witn no wake ups and dreams...wake up feeling soooo good...everythings been changed now but i am sure our poor brains will eventually fix itself...God bless you all...i know how torturing each day is

[[Ma...]]

I have the problem that IF I get a night with sleep, it is not restful - of course!! being 10 nights awake and 1 night asleep makes me fell like waking up after jet lag or coma..

 

Thats hard.. I think after 3 weeks of sleepy nights (6-7 hours) I would feel okey.. har har....

 

but now its a rollercoaster .. so I can understand you...

 

I hope we will survive! hold on!

[[bl...]]

I jinxed myself with this post. Last night my sleep all but disappeared. I got zero. That'll learn me.

[[Ma...]]

I jinxed myself with this post. Last night my sleep all but disappeared. I got zero. That'll learn me.

 

[[al...]]

I jinxed myself with this post. Last night my sleep all but disappeared. I got zero. That'll learn me.

 

Blandthrax,

Hopefully sleep will be better for you tonight since you are tired from last night. I have been in a surprise wave all week long with sleep getting worse and worse each night. I actually hoped that this was over for me but I guess that I was wrong.

 

We don't jinx ourselves. We are always hoping for sleep and want to share our excitement when we get it. When a wave hits again it often seems to follow on the heals of one of our excited sharings because waves follow windows. Nothing more, nothing less. Keep celebrating the windows because someday the waves will stop.

[[bl...]]

 

Blandthrax,

Hopefully sleep will be better for you tonight since you are tired from last night. I have been in a surprise wave all week long with sleep getting worse and worse each night. I actually hoped that this was over for me but I guess that I was wrong.

 

We don't jinx ourselves. We are always hoping for sleep and want to share our excitement when we get it. When a wave hits again it often seems to follow on the heals of one of our excited sharings because waves follow windows. Nothing more, nothing less. Keep celebrating the windows because someday the waves will stop.

 

I hear you, it just felt like my timing was inopportune. Last night I actually felt great. I was awake, felt normal, dare I say, happy? And then it all went off a cliff. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight, yes, I noticed today that my meditations have declined recently, so I need to get back to doing that because it really does help.

[[al...]]

 

Blandthrax,

Hopefully sleep will be better for you tonight since you are tired from last night. I have been in a surprise wave all week long with sleep getting worse and worse each night. I actually hoped that this was over for me but I guess that I was wrong.

 

We don't jinx ourselves. We are always hoping for sleep and want to share our excitement when we get it. When a wave hits again it often seems to follow on the heals of one of our excited sharings because waves follow windows. Nothing more, nothing less. Keep celebrating the windows because someday the waves will stop.

 

I hear you, it just felt like my timing was inopportune. Last night I actually felt great. I was awake, felt normal, dare I say, happy? And then it all went off a cliff. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight, yes, I noticed today that my meditations have declined recently, so I need to get back to doing that because it really does help.

 

I too noticed that I stopped meditating outside of my yoga classes so yesterday I decided to start it up again. I guess we need to keep it up even when feeling fine.

[[bl...]]

Yes, one of my biggest issues lately is how noisy my mind has been, meditation really managed to quiet that down. I attribute that to my ability to go to sleep and wake up in the morning without all those intrusive thoughts crowding their way in. Last night it felt like my mind was tuning into 100 different TV channels. But today, I've meditated twice and feel quite a bit more serene. You're definitely right though, it's a meditation practice, which means you gotta keep at it.

[[me...]]

Pokey and Blandthrax, I have to point out that both of you are on Remeron. Any sleep drug like that is going to change the quality of your sleep. Have you guys checked out the support thread for Remeron withdrawal?

[[Po...]]

Meowie- I was sleeping at night and waking up feeling like crap way before I ever tried remeron. In fact I was feeling better for a while after starting remeron and then it all went back down hill. I have been complaining to docs about this for some time. Remeron may play a role, can't say for sure, but it did not start with the remeron. Thats said after I get back from some travels this summer I plan to get off the remeron. I was on doxepin for a long time and got off that finally. If I stay away from ETOH and ride my bike 12 miles regularily I do lots better.

Pokey

[[bl...]]

I'm cutting my Remeron with the intent of stopping soon. In fact, I've cut it from 15mg to around 4mg in around 3 weeks. When I was on 15mg I was having terrible dreams and nightmares, even hallucinating at one point. Now, at least things have calmed down enough where I dream minimally and don't remember them. My body has handled the cuts rather well, I hope that as I head down off the remaining mg, I can start to sleep on my own.

[[Po...]]

Blandthrax. That's cutting the Remeron pretty fast. When I start to taper it I'm going to ask for it to be compounded in liquid form so I can make small cuts. Just my take on it.

Pokey

[[me...]]

Blandthrax--that's great you've been able to get down so low and quickly without issues! You may find that you need to slow up the taper as you get to smaller doses--the "long tail" taper. Your body may be still adjusting from all the dosage drops right now.

[[bl...]]

Blandthrax--that's great you've been able to get down so low and quickly without issues! You may find that you need to slow up the taper as you get to smaller doses--the "long tail" taper. Your body may be still adjusting from all the dosage drops right now.

 

I wouldn't say I haven't had issues. My anxiety and depression skyrocketed right after my cut from 5mg to 3.7mg and my sleep has been less than stellar.

 

I'm staying put at 3.7mg until I start feeling consistently stable. As of today, I'm doing okay. I've started meditating more and staying productive. I've noticed some mental problems, mostly cog fog and memory issues. It's difficult to say at this point if it's the Remeron or lingering benzo withdrawals. I suspect it's more Remeron given what I've learned on the Mirtz support group.

 

The worst part of any day is the time immediately after waking up. It takes a while for my brain to adjust. Today I feel so much better than over the past week. I hope to say that I'm stabilizing but I'll need a couple more days before I can say for certain.

 

Blandthrax. That's cutting the Remeron pretty fast. When I start to taper it I'm going to ask for it to be compounded in liquid form so I can make small cuts. Just my take on it.

Pokey

 

Yes, it is fast, too fast probably, but here I am and here I'm staying. I use a milligram scale, razor blade and a nail file to do my cuts. It worked very well for my Valium taper.

 

I'm laughing now because I had been considering going to see my doctor about another AD even though I'm opposed to the idea in principle. Now I'm like NO WAY. If the Remeron is causing my anxiety and depression to spike, then it seems like tapering off is a relatively simple fix versus getting myself screwed up with another awful psychiatric drug. It's just a question now of how fast do I go. I have another script for 45 days of 15 mg plus 2 or 3 refills so I have enough Mirtz where I don't need to go see my doctor for more.