Freaking out...help

[[be...]]

We leave on holidays for a few weeks Tuesday. We go in our RV which never has bothered agoraphobic me before cuz it's home away from home. But now I'm so bad I can't even watch tv without feeling like I'm in the bloody movie and stuck wherever the actors are. Am I freaked because of my trip? I have to go or my husband will go nuts even though he's been great about my withdrawal. I up dosed to 14.5 mg of my Valium but to no avail. Tv is my one refuge so really bummed out. Maybe I'll feel better when I actually go? no idea what to do. Was packing today clothes and stuff...shook like crazy. I need to suck this up somehow. Want to cry. But, I have to go. No way I can let him down this time. All reservations made and stuff. Going down to the states to northern Idaho and Washington so a beautiful trip. So scared. I have enough Valium to up dose to 15 mg. maybe this would help? B

[[Do...]]

BenzoBarb,

 

We travel by RV too....we usually go for 3-4 months during the summer.  I refused to allow this little pill to ruin my summer so I am holding, have been since the first part of April.  I am stable and feel no sxs, one of the lucky ones I guess.  However, I am feeling anxious but it's all because of the trip, nothing benzo related.  I feel this every year, before I started tapering.  I think it's normal to feel anxious and nervous when leaving your home for a few weeks.

 

Try to calm down and don't dwell on the benzos.  I know that for some that is easier said than done, but try for your sake and your husbands.  You are going to have a great time.  We went West a couple summers ago, didn't make it to the state of Washington but did make it to Yellowstone, it was absolutely beautiful.  Think about the fun you will have, concentrate on that instead of the benzos...let it go for a while.  I won't begin to tell you to updose or anything benzo related.  I've made it half way through my taper with very little problems.

 

You will be fine...and come back better than ever....I know it  :smitten:

[[4G...]]

Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. You are not alone.

 

I don't think you are in a fit state to go anywhere. I doubt that upping your V will help. It didn't help last time did it?

 

Can you take your husband to one side and explain how you feel? If you go, in the state you are in, you will spoil the holiday anyway. I know exactly how you feel. Just the same when my partner wants to go and stay with his parents for a few days.

 

Good Luck. Gilly xxx

[[Ch...]]

I completely agree with DonnaQ.  Anticipation about going on a trip is tough for people who don't have benzodiazepine withdrawal in their lives.  I'm four years out and doing well, but anticipation of a trip can bring on some nervousness and mild anxiety.  I think a trip would be a great distraction for you.  I would try holding rather than dosing up if I could.

 

My guess is that once you're actually on the road it will be much, much easier and you'll have a good time.  What you're dealing with is a sensitive nervous system.  Keep that in mind... that's all it is.

 

[[be...]]

Thank you. It's a catch 22. We desperately need a holiday but the fear is awful. I'm going to hold my Valium dose as is until I actually get going. Really want to see Coeur de Lane again and other beautiful places there. We've had 2 trips to Vancouver to see our grandson but this year need a change. We also spent 5 months a few years ago in Arizona and California. My doctor thinks I have dreadful anticipatory anxiety...just get going and you'll be fine etc. So happy you answered...just can't figure out this tv nonsense. It really freaks me out because it's new to me. Never had it before. Ever. And my packing. My hubby going to freak himself. Got lost in decisions so my whole wardrobe almost is packed. Absolutely not thinking right. Oh how I hate this. At least my doctor is letting me hold till vacation over. B

[[Do...]]

I probably have the anticipatory anxiety too.....but it's not so bad that I will keep myself from going.

 

And about the packing...I've done that for years...my whole wardrobe will be in the RV and we have a washer/dryer in the RV as well  :laugh:  You should see how many dish towels I have in the RV  :laugh:

 

Just trying to show you that what you are doing is normal....and trying to lighten the way for you.  You will be so proud of yourself when you get home.  :smitten:

[[be...]]

GillyI can't let him down this badly. Take him aside? No way. If anything I need him to push me inside. But the tv thingy really scared me. Maybe it was just that one movie...I don't know. I'll try another one tonight and if that fails will keep tiding the house or something. If I let him down again maybe I'll be even worse off. We all hurt for sure but if my grand baby was drowning I'd jump in to save him or her. My hubby is drowning because of me and he's been sooooo good. He's all excited. B

[[Do...]]

GillyI can't let him down this badly. Take him aside? No way. If anything I need him to push me inside. But the tv thingy really scared me. Maybe it was just that one movie...I don't know. I'll try another one tonight and if that fails will keep tiding the house or something. If I let him down again maybe I'll be even worse off. We all hurt for sure but if my grand baby was drowning I'd jump in to save him or her. My hubby is drowning because of me and he's been sooooo good. He's all excited. B

 

:thumbsup:

[[Ch...]]

Or you could have a little of what your kitty avatar is having. 

[[4G...]]

Okay. Well, you know how you feel. It seems that I am out voted anyway, but that's fine!!! I hope you enjoy yourself. Try not to think about it until you have to. Best wishes. Gilly x

PS in the end you answered your own question, so I'm glad I opposed other folks! It made you choose which way to jump....

[[be...]]

Thank you Donna and Challis. I do want to be proud of myself...FOR ONCE. LOL we don't have a washer/dryer but bunk beds across from bathroom. Contemplating taking themout and putting in washer/dryer except I sleep on the bottom one a lot cuz apparently I snore. Can always open the couch though. I have dish towels galore and I should buy stock in whoever makes j cloths. Yes indeed Washington has legal my. Might just give it a try. You're making me laugh. Owe you one. B

[[Ch...]]

Thank you Donna and Challis. I do want to be proud of myself...FOR ONCE. LOL we don't have a washer/dryer but bunk beds across from bathroom. Contemplating taking themout and putting in washer/dryer except I sleep on the bottom one a lot cuz apparently I snore. Can always open the couch though. I have dish towels galore and I should buy stock in whoever makes j cloths. Yes indeed Washington has legal my. Might just give it a try. You're making me laugh. Owe you one. B

 

  Make sure you don't try a sativa if so.  Even better, CBD oil...

[[be...]]

Thanks Gilly. I need the support so badly. If I don't face this I'm so afraid I'll never face anything again. He's been through hell and back with me. Time I looked after him just a teensy bit. B

[[Do...]]

Thanks Gilly. I need the support so badly. If I don't face this I'm so afraid I'll never face anything again. He's been through hell and back with me. Time I looked after him just a teensy bit. B

 

:thumbsup:

 

 

[[be...]]

I know Challis and it would be easy cuz he Vapes now that he quit smoking. Told it works like a charm but it's been years...no eons. Well, one try can't hurt. But yeah warned about what kind...guy at the Vape store was quite helpful. 😉

[[be...]]

You buddies are great. My anxiety has gone from ten down to about 2. LOL but I can't stop packing. Well, as they say it's a distraction. I'm also laughing for the first time in days. Thank you a million X over. B

[[Do...]]

See, all it takes is some distraction  :thumbsup:

 

I just take everything I have then I don't have to worry  :laugh:  I will worry until we are on the road and I remember whatever it is I've forgotten.

 

Hoping you have a great time...I know you will be fine once you are on the road enjoying yourself  :smitten:

[[be...]]

Thank you. Will try my best to enjoy. My hubby always says Jeepers "all we need are the clothes on our back and our passports". And whatever we forget we can buy on the road. Must be a guy thing. My list is 2 pages. I even wrote down not to forget the dog and cat. I'm deadly serious. Benzos are such a treat. But I guess we will all survive. Someday, it will be our turn to treat our loved ones for all their support . Each and every day. It's so important to understand what they've been through with us. The stay in bed days, the raging panic, the inability to make a meal or even shower, the shopping, the crying and the horrific desperation we feel plus so much more. And all they seem to want is the same thing we do...to have us back. No more benzo Barb, just plain old me. I'm still laughing and an hour ago I was barely functioning. Going to get my laundry to fold from yesterday. LOL oh joy, more packing. Thank goodness we aren't flying. The luggage fees would be humongous!!! Not to mention that I'd need to be so sedated I'd probably collapse. Airports are my nightmare but I actually quite literally love the flight. Go figure.

 

[[Pi...]]

I say go for it too. I made a post a couple weeks ago about what do I do when I have to take my parents out of state . Do I updose or even resort to an emergency Xanax. Something I haven't touched in almost 2 years. You know I never did updose or take any other pill. I even slept better because I stayed more active. I did some things I didn't want to do like sit through a musical the jersey boys just to make my mom happy so I know how you feel about not wanting to let someone down and came close to a panic attack at panera bread. What sucks for me they have no idea what I'm going through. You're lucky you have a caring husband you can explain how you feel. I had to grit my teeth a time or two and chewed on a toothpick. You can do it. It will be a major distraction and you will be more active. Best of luck. 👍🏻

[[be...]]

Thanks Pitchman. You had it even tougher but you did it so pats on the back for you. I am lucky for sure. I too was contemplating an Ativan or two as well but I'm not even taking them with me because getting off them plus the Klonopin was a nightmare. I just won't give in to that. Distractions are great but no way I could have sat through a concert...even with my husband. So you did fabulous. It is hard when people just don't get it. My kids don't ...well not my son anyway. So that's why no Vancouver this year. He just won't be in the least bit helpful. My daughter is much more understanding but still just doesn't quite get it. But, she tries. So I can't ask for more than that. She's also right here in the city so the opportunity to see them is easier. So forever hopeful and need to hear others' successes more often. I think we can draw so much strength from each other here. Feels good. B

[[Ch...]]

You buddies are great. My anxiety has gone from ten down to about 2. LOL but I can't stop packing. Well, as they say it's a distraction. I'm also laughing for the first time in days. Thank you a million X over. B

 

Mission accomplished. 

[[be...]]

Yup. Feeling good right now. Laundry totally complete and even though fast food is normally not our thing I just asked hubby if I could have McNuggets and fries for supper. So good old MacDonalds it is. We're both so tired and don't want to cook anyway. Definately mission accomplished. Thanks soooo much. B :smitten:

[[Do...]]

:thumbsup:

 

We just bought a new RV.  Had to take everything out of the old one, pick up the new one and reload it.  It's been delivery and fast food for two weeks for us  :laugh:

 

I know the tired part all too well.... :smitten:

 

So glad you are feeling better 

[[be...]]

Worth it though...new ones are fun to get. So was my fast food and last night got through a movie, crummy as it was, with people in malls, trapped in elevators and jumping over rooftops. Zero anxiety. Today still packing and cleaning the house so our neighbour who checks up for us thinks at least the house is clean. I have no idea how just the 2 of us make such a mess at times. LOL at least my closet's cleaned out. Really sore today and so badly wanted to stay in bed, but, I'm up and plugging away. Albeit a tad slowly. The stupid burning skin is back too but if I can keep busy it's tolerable. Hope after Tuesday I don't lose touch but they're supposed to have wifi in the spots were going. But then again they all say that. They don't tend to guarantee it's working although we've been lucky almost always. Like staying in touch. Feel better.  B

[[Do...]]

I am so happy you are going and doing well under the circumstance  :thumbsup:

 

Yes they are fun...once the work is over  :laugh:

 

I know what you mean about the Wi-Fi....it's a hit/miss thing.  When they do work, they can be slow.  We have extra data on our phones just for the places that do not have Wi-Fi.  I just got an email from our first stop and it appears we are leaving a day earlier than we thought.  Not for sure where that mistake came in to play...but Oh well...we will be ready  :thumbsup:

 

I have to say there are times when I come to BB I get a little anxious....but I'm drawn to it and the support.

 

Have a great time...I'll be watching for your posts