2 YEARS MORE?

[[su...]]

I just calculated how long it will take me to get to .006, the place my doctor (and I) would like me to stop.  It is approximately 2 years from now doing a 12% C/H every two weeks.  I started in January of 2015.  I'm not even at .25 yet.  I did hold for about 2-3 months at one point, and a couple of cuts held for 3 weeks or so.  Regardless, this is taking much longer than I ever anticipated. Given that I never, ever, ever, have windows and I am getting more unpleasant effects, I feel nothing but despair right now.  If going this slow guarantees a smooth landing, it's totally worth it, but if I'm 50/50 for an acute post jump then I may as well speed up the ride and deal with it sooner than later, right? 

It's not like I'm happy and healthy now. My family is hurting from this, I'm so disconnected from my feelings that I feel like I've been robbed of life, love, and happiness.  For about 3 years now, I've been a completely different person than I was.  I used to be playful and funny, ambitious and energetic, smart and engaged.  Not anymore. I fake being human because the healthy nugget inside of me tells me I must not let people know what's happening or it will destroy everything.

 

I do not enjoy any of this. I don't want to be on this board, I would rather be out with friends (where did they all go?) laughing and enjoying their company.  What should I do?  Cut faster?  Cut more?    I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

[[Ge...]]

I can't  help much with your tapering  because I feel the same way.  I know somebody with more knowledge will chime in.

I am good at faking it with most people.  I don't like to be a fake,  but even the closest people in your life that you do confide in, don't understand .  Years of this experience is very hard to imagine. I try to take it a day at a time and I also am trying to replace horrible thoughts with more positive ones.  No easy feat.  I hope you get relief soon. Sending good thoughts your way.

[[Sc...]]

I understand the frustration, i had it continuously through my 17 month taper (which i only thought would be 10 weeks at first) and got the shit kicked out of me by valium as a periodic reminder of my hubris, every time I got too confident or impatient. You have a good plan, stick with it. If it is causing unmanageable symptoms slow down, if it is going really well you can try speeding up slightly, let you body be your guide. 

 

I was  a mess, nonfunctional at times, having a myriad of physical and psych symptoms, contemplating suicide continuously. I am 100% now (except for residual worsening of my pre benzo tinnitus), and actually walked off in very good shape due to finally smartening up and doing the last 1mg with a 10 month micro taper.

 

The one thing that was the hallmark of my benzo experience that is well worth taking heed of is; whenever you think it can't possibly get any worse, IT CAN, and usually does. Be smart, take it slow.

[[Gr...]]

I hate that it is taking so long to get off these things.  My doc often reminds me that I have been taking them a long time, so I should be giving my body time to adjust going down.  I'm sure there's a good reason why you are doing the taper the way you are - 12% cut each time.  Maybe take a look in the taper threads and see what other people did/are doing.  Everybody is so different though, so it is so hard to judge based on anyone else's taper. 

 

I really really really want to be before the end of 2016, but I am honestly not sure I am going to make it.  And, that will be okay also.  Though it's really annoying. 

[[Sh...]]

I cut way quicker than I was 'supposed' to according to BB. I didnt even know about this board and was cutting large amounts off and recovering fine. I went from 10mg v to 7.5 to 5 to 2.5...so that last cut was a 50% cut. And after 2 weeks i stabilised to 100% health. If you can go quicker then why not? Try it you may be fine.