Short term therapeutic dose/withdrawal/c/t - 6 months off

[[So...]]

Hi, I was a short-term user (2mg of Valium for 6 weeks for jaw pain brought on by years of Lexapro and its clenching side-effect; I c/t not knowing any better, thinking the dose was small enough; well, boy was I in for a surprise! As for the Lexapro, I had weaned off that the previous year, which may or may not have compounded the effects of the Valium withdrawal.)

 

So, I passed the 6 month mark, and yes, I have had significant improvement! The past six months were filled with some horrid DP, agoraphobia, massive anxiety, existential thinking, whirring thoughts, weight loss and bad brain fog. Basically, if it was mental, it kicked my ass. At times I thought I was going insane. Even giving those symptoms names seems to mock how bad they were. It has been, as I've read on other stories, the hardest thing I've encountered. I know this is how resilience is born, that after this all passes, I will have earned my slice of peace.

 

Today, all of those symptoms have reduced, like turning down the sound. I would rate myself as nearly 70-75% healed. I can sleep, I can think. I have emerged from my pit of terror.

 

And yet...I still feel as if I have "helium head," fatigue, and consistent resting anxiety (meaning, there's no reason for it - no presentations, no interview pressure, just...anxiety. All the time.) Depression, too (but I rationalize: who wouldn't be depressed after feeling like this, consistently and at such high intensity?) I still have vague feelings of DP, but I think that might be more memory when I think of it, rather than experiencing it directly. And I can't quite watch some TV shows (even watching FACE/OFF makes me uncomfortable with the strange make-ups - and this was a show I was able to watch just fine before. Just one example among a few where I know the brain simply hasn't returned to normal.)

 

I have come so close to taking an anti-depressant, but I've held off. I've come so close to taking a rescue dose, but I haven't.

 

Sometimes I just want to cry at how hard this is (as I have done in the past). And I'm lucky that I have a supportive wife. I'm not drowning anymore; but I'm not swimming. Only treading water.

 

I'd read on a post somewhere here that someone said most short-term users find relief within an average of 9-10 months. I can hold on for that. I can. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me. And probably like a lot of others, I read the success stories, so I know time is the cure. But damn, can someone put me in a coma and wake me up in a few months?

 

Thanks for reading.

[[bl...]]

Congratulations, SoCal!!

 

Six months is a huge accomplishment!! I turned a huge corner at 8 months and a few days out. Hopefully, you will turn a corner sooner!  Just think you'll never have to do those 6 months again!

 

Stay strong! You are a warrior!!

[[So...]]

Thanks blessed41, that means a lot! Just hearing from people who've gone through this before and can lead the way to light is very helpful.

[[...]]

I can not wait for your success story.

[[ki...]]

wow mate thats awsome...i am just about 4 months out since CT (after 4 wks use) and still feel bloomin awfull...Gives me reel hope...thanks mate.....Peace

[[cl...]]

Hey SoCal,

 

Great job on the 6 months, and I'm glad you're seeing improvement. From another short termer here, I know how hard it can be to believe how long this can take with such short use! I'm really happy to see you're doing well. Keep it up!

[[So...]]

Thanks all for the encouragement! My wife can only take so much of my talking about it. And yes, the effects after short term use were truly a vicious surprise. What was on par with the symptoms themselves were the attitude of most friends and some family not understanding how potent these drugs really are. It's hard to fight a long battle when people tell you "just to get therapy." (Well, I am in therapy for CBT and such.) Oh, how I wish I could put my brain in theirs! On the other hand, I would never have believed it myself had I not experienced it....

 

I'm looking forward to another big turn in improvement in month 9, if not sooner. But wow, this is definitely a patience-making process. I've been living by my trinity of daily exercise - especially swimming (very soothing), meditation, and fish oil/flaxseed oil. They may or may not help the actual process of healing (I think only time is the great healer), but they make me feel like I'm taking some kind of control, some kind of action, which makes a world of difference in my attitude. Sending wishes of comfort to all who suffer.

[[Ki...]]

So-Cal,

 

I'm so glad you stopped by, my friend  This is truly wonderful news. You sound so much better. Stay the course....a beautiful life awaits!

[[be...]]

Six months, now that's a big deal  I can't wait to read your success story. It sounds like it is not to far away