has anyone gone back to benzos and recovered

[[sa...]]

just need reassurance I am going to recover from severe kindling. ANYONE!

[[Be...]]

I also wante to ask this because I can't take my worsening symptoms anymore.. I may reinstate  :'(

[[Du...]]

Bestie, how long are you off? I am about 4 weeks off but I can't see the damage that has been done reversing? The tightened abdomen, the ruined contracted back muscles, the burning all over my body? I had tolerance withdrawal, so, I might have kindled or blown my CNS? Because I had clonaz 15 years ago but with no issues and no WD.

[[Du...]]

Beste: clonaz is basically damned if you do and damned if you don't. Do h think symptoms could get better? The senior admin always says, symptoms could stay and then doubly hard taper I have seen people do it though. Read a lot of stories. Would that be your second time on it?

[[bl...]]

Hello BB'S!

 

Please do not ever take another benzo! It's not worth it! UNLESS your sxs are life threatening.

 

Kindling is serious horrific, horrid and very brutal business!

 

Taking a benzo even "as needed" for an extended time causes kindling (that's what happened to me), I had forgotten about the 2 WK daily benzo use back in Dec of 2013 and then used my benzo  again a few months later for a couple of weeks...and then again "as needed". Then secondary withdrawal from 2 major surgeries!

 

 

Honestly, it has taken me 9 months to figure out why I have struggled and suffered almost relentlessly.... PLEASE,  IT'S NOT WORTH IT, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH A BENZO EVER AGAIN!!

 

Believe me, I know this process is very very very.. painful.. in many different ways....but it becomes so very much more painful each and every time! Please, don't do it!!

 

You WILL get thru it...it really DOES get better the farther away from the last crumb.

 

 

Please stay strong!! BIG

 

PS. I need to update my signature as well.

 

BIG

[[Lo...]]

My story. Prolonged as needed use with months of non-use in between. One month of daily use and I was in hell. I don't understand how some people can be on steady dose on benzos for years without developing severe problem. Apparently, my body is way more sensitive, I guess.

 

I've heard doctors say they should only be used for a flight or a public speech. But what if you're a frequent flyer with a high pressure sales career? What if you have to give a lot of speeches? I think for people who've had chronic anxiety/panic before benzos, they're not a solution. We're wired to be more revved up than more people, and benzos make us feel normal. They'd make a person with average anxiety level very sedated......

[[Ja...]]

Same story here

Infrequent use over many many yeArs

I blew my Cns from a steroid reaction

Then 3 times per week usage for 4 mos

Cold turkeyed, reinstated, fast tapered, reinstated now doing liquid daily micro taper

Will I definitely be screwed?

I have underlying medical issues.

My dose is small now at 4mg but my story is complicated

[[Sh...]]

I took valium off and on for years but never thought I got addicted or became dependent. I was just using it as needed. I don't know if that plays a part in kindling or not. If you use benzos for a few days after a nervous breakdown say 5 years ago, I don't see how that could affect you that badly 5 years later if you become dependant.

[[an...]]

 

I blew my Cns from a steroid reaction

 

I keep hearing this and am wondering if this is what happened to me. Can you explain what kind of reaction you had to which kind of steroids? Thanks so much!

[[Du...]]

Hello BB'S!

 

Please do not ever take another benzo! It's not worth it! UNLESS your sxs are life threatening.

 

Kindling is serious horrific, horrid and very brutal business!

 

Taking a benzo even "as needed" for an extended time causes kindling (that's what happened to me), I had forgotten about the 2 WK daily benzo use back in Dec of 2013 and then used my benzo  again a few months later for a couple of weeks...and then again "as needed". Then secondary withdrawal from 2 major surgeries!

 

How are you now? I had been on it 15 years ago. No WD. This time same clonaz, and became tolerant somewhere in the 7 weeks. Dr gave me wrong taper and I didn't know. Too rapid drop and too fast. I think I kindled too. So now what? Endless suffering?

 

 

Honestly, it has taken me 9 months to figure out why I have struggled and suffered almost relentlessly.... PLEASE,  IT'S NOT WORTH IT, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH A BENZO EVER AGAIN!!

 

Believe me, I know this process is very very very.. painful.. in many different ways....but it becomes so very much more painful each and every time! Please, don't do it!!

 

You WILL get thru it...it really DOES get better the farther away from the last crumb.

 

 

Please stay strong!! BIG

 

PS. I need to update my signature as well.

 

BIG

[[Du...]]

Hello BB'S!

 

Please do not ever take another benzo! It's not worth it! UNLESS your sxs are life threatening.

 

Kindling is serious horrific, horrid and very brutal business!

 

Taking a benzo even "as needed" for an extended time causes kindling (that's what happened to me), I had forgotten about the 2 WK daily benzo use back in Dec of 2013 and then used my benzo  again a few months later for a couple of weeks...and then again "as needed". Then secondary withdrawal from 2 major surgeries!

 

 

Honestly, it has taken me 9 months to figure out why I have struggled and suffered almost relentlessly.... PLEASE,  IT'S NOT WORTH IT, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH A BENZO EVER AGAIN!!

 

Believe me, I know this process is very very very.. painful.. in many different ways....but it becomes so very much more painful each and every time! Please, don't do it!!

 

You WILL get thru it...it really DOES get better the farther away from the last crumb.

 

 

Please stay strong!! BIG

 

PS. I need to update my signature as well.

 

BIG

 

 

 

 

How are you now? I had been on it 15 years ago. No WD. This time same clonaz, and became tolerant somewhere in the 7 weeks. Dr gave me wrong taper and I didn't know. Too rapid drop and too fast. I think I kindled too. So now what? Endless suffering?

 

[[Du...]]

Can you even recover after kindling? The senior moderator has?

[[be...]]

Can you even recover after kindling? The senior moderator has?

 

you claim you have suffered permanent damage. you have spent a countless amount of time arguing with us that it is permanent damage. medically explain to me how permanent damage can be undone? 

[[Du...]]

I don't really know.

[[be...]]

I don't really know.

 

you are fortunate that it's not permanent.

[[bl...]]

Hello BB'S!

 

Please do not ever take another benzo! It's not worth it! UNLESS your sxs are life threatening.

 

Kindling is serious horrific, horrid and very brutal business!

 

Taking a benzo even "as needed" for an extended time causes kindling (that's what happened to me), I had forgotten about the 2 WK daily benzo use back in Dec of 2013 and then used my benzo  again a few months later for a couple of weeks...and then again "as needed". Then secondary withdrawal from 2 major surgeries!

 

 

Honestly, it has taken me 9 months to figure out why I have struggled and suffered relentlessly.... PLEASE,  IT'S NOT WORTH IT, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH A BENZO EVER AGAIN!!

 

Believe me, I know this process is very very very.. painful.. in many different ways....but it becomes so very much more painful each and every time! Please, don't do it!!

 

You WILL get thru it...it really DOES get better the farther away from the last crumb.

 

 

Please stay strong!! BIG

 

PS. I need to update my signature as well.

 

BIG

 

 

 

 

How are you now? I had been on it 15 years ago. No WD. This time same clonaz, and became tolerant somewhere in the 7 weeks. Dr gave me wrong taper and I didn't know. Too rapid drop and too fast. I think I kindled too. So now what? Endless suffering?

 

Hello!

 

Back in Dec 2013 I had taken 0.25 xanax 3 times a day for two weeks and just stopped, but thru my hellish journey, I've looked back and realized that all the crazy and horrible sxs I experienced were infact withdrawal and recovery sxs. It took 6 months to heal. Well, Sept 16th of 2014 I had to have a partial hysterectomy (had no idea at the time that a very strong benzo was administered..versed unbeknownst to me), in Oct. I started having what felt like witjdrawal sxs, so, I started taking xanax again "as needed" (that is how it was prescribed to me). Fast forward to April of 2015, a very stressful situation came up and I began taking xanax more often (3 times a week but no more then a 1/4 of an 0.25 pill) by June I was sooo sick I couldn't eat solid food, had other sxs and was bedridden!! I honestly had no idea it was xanax causing me to be so very sick, (after all xanax was supposed to "help" with anxiety that's one reason it's prescribed for) so, I continued to take it hoping it would stop the severe anxiety! It didn't, I was so sick...all I could think is "I'm sick and gonna die and have no idea WHY I'm so deathly sick! So, I kept enough pills for a 12 day taper...down to a tiny crumb....and discarded the remaining pills. 6 days later (July 21st 2015...the gates of pure relentless hell opened...my nausea sx was through the roof horrific to say the least along with countless sxs CONSTANTLY changing up nonstop...while all of this is still happening (nonstop... I felt worse then a crazy person but somehow kept fairly calm because I knew it'd do no good to fight the sxs and I sure didn't want them to get any more severe then they were and they were very severe!) come Sept 19th 2015, I had to have major emergency surgery to have my remaining ovary removed because it had completely twisted and was not getting any blood flow with at least 50 cysts or more (I still to this day believe that my troubles with my female organs that I had were caused from taking xanax. I didn't have any female problems until stopping that first time in Dec of 2013 and the female problems didn't stop until eventually all of my female organs being surgically removed) .. guess what? benzos (versed) was administered again unbeknownst to me during my surgery...Yeap, complete utter torturous benzo nightmare relentless hell (double time because I had already been in benzo recovery for almost TWO MONTHS)....so yeah, the sxs I was already experiencing were severe and at one point I believe pretty much life threatening.... I had to have IV fluids on two different occasions because I could not eat...that went on for FOUR months solid....and didn't improve much until about 6 months out before I could eat what would be considered ONE full meal a day. So yeah, benzos are very dangerous!!

 

Benzos are VERY dangerous!!! Not to mention I am very sensitive to medicine(s) in general.

 

 

 

I turned a huge corner at 8 months out... I'm not longer bedridden almost 24 hrs a day! I'm still symptomatic but (thank God) I'm not feeling as if I am crawling thru the streets of pure torturous hell for 24 hrs anymore.

 

 

 

I know it's painful and scarey but I promise you, it DOES get better! You WILL (we all will) heal from this. Stay away from benzos and never take another one!!

 

 

 

Stay strong!!

 

 

PS. I have made completely sure that it is noted in hospitals, my doctor...that I am allergic to ALL benzodiazepines and to never administer another to me!!!

 

Also, forgot to mention....due to all this crazy benzo madness and surgeries, I'm also dealing with surgical menopause.... no meds! I am terrified of medicines now! However, I will take an ibuprofen or arthritis strength extended release tylenol once in a while for the horrific pain due to this rollercoaster madness!

[[sa...]]

So I have kindled at least 7 times in 5 years.....you say it is not permanent? I will recover? 5 months off 10 day reinstatement of valium?

[[bl...]]

So I have kindled at least 7 times in 5 years.....you say it is not permanent? I will recover? 5 months off 10 day reinstatement of valium?

 

Yes, you will heal eventually as long as you do not take another benzo for any reason. You WILL heal in time, time is second key to this process. The first key is acceptance.

 

You will get better!!

[[bl...]]

Dutchess, I also wanted to share with you, I remember when I first joined this awesome benzobuddies community, I had posted a thread asking if there were any others here that "actually felt sick because I knew that I was and felt completely alone! Someone (you can read my posts by going to my profile and clicking posts) had replied that there are some very very sick people here.. I remember thinking "but is there anyone here feeling as sick as me". I assure you there have been and are many people!! Read through the forums...... you will see yourself in many other peoples postings of their suffering. I know I have. You are not alone in your journey...

[[Ja...]]

I have kindled too

The steroid reaction ( sporadic benzo in there too) basically I went into shock, lost ten lbs in two weeks, was in pure terror, convinced I was dying, could barely walk , night sweating like a fiend

Bec of some protracted withdrawal or Cns healing I didn't understand what was happening so I started taking Ativan to sleep 3 times per week for four mos.

When I pulled off I went into severe cold turkey, reinstated, fast tapered and reinstated again

Terrified of the end of the journey bc as u can see I have kindled. But soooo many addicts of all kinds have kindled!!! And healed!!

My mentor in recovery tapered off 60 mg of Valium in 6 mos after drinking 14 bottles of vodka w Xanax.. So yeah he kindled. Guess what? He is healed.

[[Du...]]

Dutchess, I also wanted to share with you, I remember when I first joined this awesome benzobuddies community, I had posted a thread asking if there were any others here that "actually felt sick because I knew that I was and felt completely alone! Someone (you can read my posts by going to my profile and clicking posts) had replied that there are some very very sick people here.. I remember thinking "but is there anyone here feeling as sick as me". I assure you there have been and are many people!! Read through the forums...... you will see yourself in many other peoples postings of their suffering. I know I have. You are not alone in your journey...

 

My abdomen totally contracted down. Everything in there. Does this ever loosen up? I can't live like this. My stomach squeezes when the benzo reaction calls. My abdomen churns all day like electrical. Can't take it. Klonopin causes convulsions. I am sure I have had 100'sof convulsions . Neck back long back shoulders head eyes face, do the muscles ever feel normal consistency again? Feels like cracking cement. I feel that these muscles have stiffened down for good. What is your take on all of this? I am so Distraught.

[[Du...]]

Dutchess, I also wanted to share with you, I remember when I first joined this awesome benzobuddies community, I had posted a thread asking if there were any others here that "actually felt sick because I knew that I was and felt completely alone! Someone (you can read my posts by going to my profile and clicking posts) had replied that there are some very very sick people here.. I remember thinking "but is there anyone here feeling as sick as me". I assure you there have been and are many people!! Read through the forums...... you will see yourself in many other peoples postings of their suffering. I know I have. You are not alone in your journey...

 

Also, my dose clonaz was equal to 15 mg of Valium and 20mg for 4-5 days. Dropped to 7.5 mg equivalent. (With clonaz). This is heavy duty doseages. That's why I had convulsions. Ridiculous. What will happen to me?

[[bl...]]

Dutchess, I also wanted to share with you, I remember when I first joined this awesome benzobuddies community, I had posted a thread asking if there were any others here that "actually felt sick because I knew that I was and felt completely alone! Someone (you can read my posts by going to my profile and clicking posts) had replied that there are some very very sick people here.. I remember thinking "but is there anyone here feeling as sick as me". I assure you there have been and are many people!! Read through the forums...... you will see yourself in many other peoples postings of their suffering. I know I have. You are not alone in your journey...

 

My abdomen totally contracted down. Everything in there. Does this ever loosen up? I can't live like this. My stomach squeezes when the benzo reaction calls. My abdomen churns all day like electrical. Can't take it. Klonopin causes convulsions. I am sure I have had 100'sof convulsions . Neck back long back shoulders head eyes face, do the muscles ever feel normal consistency again? Feels like cracking cement. I feel that these muscles have stiffened down for good. What is your take on all of this? I am so Distraught.

 

Hello Dutchess!

 

The crushing tight squeezing abdomen was just one of my first sxs. It was relentless for me until 6 months out. The long back muscles still hurt a good bit (now it's mostly just in my lower back and hips) I understand being distrought. It will get better in time.

 

I use either tiger balm, icy hot or bio freeze on my muscles. Also, heating pad. Ibuprofen or arthritis strength tylenol for pain.

 

Time, time and more time is what it takes to heal. However, during this time, find wha helps you to help ease the discomfort. It's becomes more manageable in time and yes, in time and sometimes more time then we like...it WILL go away!

 

Please know that you aren't alone in your suffering!

 

Here is a link that provides a list of some of the many withdrawal and recovery symptoms: http://www.benzosupport.org/my_symptoms.htm

 

http://www.psychmedaware.org/recovery_tips.html

 

[[Du...]]

Dutchess, I also wanted to share with you, I remember when I first joined this awesome benzobuddies community, I had posted a thread asking if there were any others here that "actually felt sick because I knew that I was and felt completely alone! Someone (you can read my posts by going to my profile and clicking posts) had replied that there are some very very sick people here.. I remember thinking "but is there anyone here feeling as sick as me". I assure you there have been and are many people!! Read through the forums...... you will see yourself in many other peoples postings of their suffering. I know I have. You are not alone in your journey...

 

This is my second time (15 years ago). No WD then. Do u think it matters that I may have kindled this time and horrible taper? Did u actually get muscle convulsions that I got?

 

My abdomen totally contracted down. Everything in there. Does this ever loosen up? I can't live like this. My stomach squeezes when the benzo reaction calls. My abdomen churns all day like electrical. Can't take it. Klonopin causes convulsions. I am sure I have had 100'sof convulsions . Neck back long back shoulders head eyes face, do the muscles ever feel normal consistency again? Feels like cracking cement. I feel that these muscles have stiffened down for good. What is your take on all of this? I am so Distraught.

 

Hello Dutchess!

 

The crushing tight squeezing abdomen was just one of my first sxs. It was relentless for me until 6 months out. The long back muscles still hurt a good bit (now it's mostly just in my lower back and hips) I understand being distrought. It will get better in time.

 

I use either tiger balm, icy hot or bio freeze on my muscles. Also, heating pad. Ibuprofen or arthritis strength tylenol for pain.

 

Time, time and more time is what it takes to heal. However, during this time, find wha helps you to help ease the discomfort. It's becomes more manageable in time and yes, in time and sometimes more time then we like...it WILL go away!

 

Please know that you aren't alone in your suffering!

 

Here is a link that provides a list of some of the many withdrawal and recovery symptoms: http://www.benzosupport.org/my_symptoms.htm

 

http://www.psychmedaware.org/recovery_tips.html

[[me...]]

To get back to the subject of this thread, yes, I withdrew a total of three times (not counting running out of medication several times on international trips), kindled badly, and yes I've recovered now.  But that took over two years to happen.  For details, please see my story, link below.