Anhedonia or depression

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I understand that part of benzo withdrawal is emotional blunting or anhedonia. I also realize depression comes with the territory as well.

 

How do I know the difference?

 

There are some days where I feel completely detached, and others where I feel almost normal. Last night I was participating in an activity and was laughing and having a good time. I actually cared what people thought of me and wanted to stick around and hang out.

 

Today I feel nothing, dead inside. I just don't care ... but I do, I get upset at this, angry, annoyed, sad even. I'm not apathetic, so maybe it's just depression?

 

I mean, all other withdrawal symptoms I can understand, but I don't understand this. Does it go away? I've been off Valium now for 25 days and I can't really say I've got very many symptoms other than this. Even my sleep problems seem a trifle.

[[Bu...]]

You are probably just starting the climb out now.  The anhedonia sucks.  I have that in spades.

You need to maybe jump start your mood with some stimulus.  I would suggest cardiovascular exercise.  Try running, swimming or biking.  The intensity is probably more important than the duration but the more the better. Just don't hurt yourself.  Do things age and shape appropriate.  Hang in there.

It's almost swim season again and I'm looking forward to it immensely.

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Thanks for your reply. I hope you're right about the climb out.

 

I have days, windows, where I feel connected. The other night I saw some puppies playing, normally I'd be like "meh, puppies," but this time I actually thought they were cute and it made me happy.

 

I agree, exercise helps. I work out almost every day, running, lifting weights, walking the dog, etc.

 

I don't really want to be emotional, but it sure would be nice to have access to them.

[[Po...]]

I had the anhedonia really bad. It was my scariest symptom. It started to lift in month 5 or 6 and then gradually got better until it was gone. Hope you feel better soon.

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Thank you, I'm feeling better with each passing day. I think it's really more deep depression than anything else. I still don't have my vitality or zest for life, but I think things are going to start improving in the next month, especially once I start sleeping better, i.e. more deeply.

[[Cl...]]

I had the anhedonia really bad. It was my scariest symptom. It started to lift in month 5 or 6 and then gradually got better until it was gone. Hope you feel better soon.

 

hey poly. I read one of your posts. thanks for it ! did your anhedonia also create like pain in your head, like a feeling/sense dwelling over you ? if you understand what I mean. also! did it really take you that long to recover ? I am a bit scared noe. am struggling so would so appreciate any advice and support !!!

[Guest [Jo...]]

Thanks for your reply. I hope you're right about the climb out.

 

I have days, windows, where I feel connected. The other night I saw some puppies playing, normally I'd be like "meh, puppies," but this time I actually thought they were cute and it made me happy.

 

I agree, exercise helps. I work out almost every day, running, lifting weights, walking the dog, etc.

 

I don't really want to be emotional, but it sure would be nice to have access to them.

Could you improvise with the weights by using heavy household objects, I've seen people do that before.

Prisoners find allsorts of ways to improvise workouts in tiny little cells with just a bed, sink and toilet in, maybe they could inspire you with some ideas.

[[Po...]]

Hi Claire, I had headaches but not necessarily connected to the anhedonia. Sometimes in the early days it was connected to a tight feeling in my chest and a "chemical anxiety" feeling, but mostly it was its own symptom. Yes it did take 5 or 6 months to begin to lift. I'm doing well now at 2+ years off, just a couple minor annoying things left. But that's been true for a while now, since 18 months or so I think, and it was a gradual process of improvement. Hope that's helpful. Best wishes for healing.

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Last week was better, this week has been worse. It's really hard to get a grip on things. I don't think I have anhedonia at this point as I've been in the midst of the worst kind of anger lately. It's downright rage, followed by episodes of depression. Last week I was beginning to feel more energetic and positive, this week I can't seem to rally. I'm at over a month off now, was hoping I'd start to see things start to lift but I'm still plagued by bad dreams, intrusive thoughts, and overall lack of motivation. My brain just feels totally screwed up.

 

I see a new psychiatrist on May 16, with the hope that he will have some new insight. I'm sick of this.

[Guest [Jo...]]

Last week was better, this week has been worse. It's really hard to get a grip on things. I don't think I have anhedonia at this point as I've been in the midst of the worst kind of anger lately. It's downright rage, followed by episodes of depression. Last week I was beginning to feel more energetic and positive, this week I can't seem to rally. I'm at over a month off now, was hoping I'd start to see things start to lift but I'm still plagued by bad dreams, intrusive thoughts, and overall lack of motivation. My brain just feels totally screwed up.

 

I see a new psychiatrist on May 16, with the hope that he will have some new insight. I'm sick of this.

With this post comes healing vibes.

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This is one of my son's worst symptoms. Loss of emotion and DP. It is tearing him apart.

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This is one of my son's worst symptoms. Loss of emotion and DP. It is tearing him apart.

 

I'm sorry to hear he's suffering. It gets better. For me it's not nearly as bad as it was a few months ago. I still have really bad days but on the whole, I find my emotions coming back in little glints and glimmers. Eventually all will be healed.

[Guest [Jo...]]

This is one of my son's worst symptoms. Loss of emotion and DP. It is tearing him apart.

That made me sad reading that

Send him my healing vibes over the psychic airwaves. If the universe is all electromagnetic energy, then my healing intention should reach your son. May he feel better as soon as possible.

[[tr...]]

This is one of my son's worst symptoms. Loss of emotion and DP. It is tearing him apart.

That made me sad reading that

Send him my healing vibes over the psychic airwaves. If the universe is all electromagnetic energy, then my healing intention should reach your son. May he feel better as soon as possible.

 

Thank you so much. I put him on a plane today to spend a week with my brother. My brother knows how stressful this situation has been for me. My son texted me a message from the plane that made me cry all the way home. He said,"I hope I will be able to love you and dad again, and my dogs, and experience the good and the bad but with that being said, I can't say I love you because I don't feel anything but I know I once did and I know that I would appreciate all the things you are doing for me. Please pray that I am one who does recover, with that being said, Happy Mother's Day mom."  :'( :'( :'(

[Guest [Jo...]]

Thank you so much. I put him on a plane today to spend a week with my brother. My brother knows how stressful this situation has been for me. My son texted me a message from the plane that made me cry all the way home. He said,"I hope I will be able to love you and dad again, and my dogs, and experience the good and the bad but with that being said, I can't say I love you because I don't feel anything but I know I once did and I know that I would appreciate all the things you are doing for me. Please pray that I am one who does recover, with that being said, Happy Mother's Day mom."  :'( :'( :'(

Hi, the text sounded really emotional, he will be able to love you all again, by writing that text, it tells me he wants to love, and wanting to love is actually part of love, so, if you look at it in that way, he already does love you but wants to love you all more.

I hope the week away with his uncle does him good.

I hope my vibes answer his prayer that he is the one who does recover.

 

[[Po...]]

This was me. I just knew in my mind that I loved my family, animals, etc. but I couldn't feel it. It was awful. He will come back. He's not really gone, he's still in there but he can't access it right now. It was truly my most awful symptom too. It made me not want to be here. Like blandthrax said it came back gradually in "glints and glimmers" The real trick is getting him to believe it right now. Hang in there. I hope he gets a little relief soon.

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I feel me coming back bit by bit with each passing day. I had a couple notable episodes this week where I've stopped to take a deep breath and feel, and I say "ahhh, this is what I've been missing." The wall is slowly crumbling. Each little breakthrough is like planting a tree in hope's garden. Soon it will be a forest. Everyone heals in time.

[Guest [Jo...]]

This was me. I just knew in my mind that I loved my family, animals, etc. but I couldn't feel it. It was awful. He will come back. He's not really gone, he's still in there but he can't access it right now. It was truly my most awful symptom too. It made me not want to be here. Like blandthrax said it came back gradually in "glints and glimmers" The real trick is getting him to believe it right now. Hang in there. I hope he gets a little relief soon.

thank you for posting that, tryingtohelpmyson could tell his son that you have come through the same challenge and overcome it, and his/her son may get a lot out of the encouragement that your recovery brings.

[[Po...]]

I hope that is what happens. It is an awful scary place to be especially if you don't believe you'll come back from it. So easy to give up then, but we do come back.