Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ma...]]

Some people are just very sensitive to these drugs. Back in my early twenties, after a miscarriage, I was given benzos to cope with what I see now was a kind of post partem. Well, after stopping just a few months of "as needed" usage I had dp/dr for a whole year. Poor little me, I thought I was losing my mind. Only wd this time around explained to me what happened way back when. 20/20 Hindsight, eh? So, you're a bit sensitive, not terribly though, that's a very good thing

Happy Monday!!

m

[[...]]

V,

 

I think you will continue to see improvements in the upcoming months. I too, thought I would be one of the six monthers. When I reached six months, at about 85 to 90 percent, I then hoped I would be one of the "one year" people. Hehhe. At this point I am taking the 6 to 18 month approach and hoping the taper helps land me in the 6 to 18 month range.

 

It is a little distressing to think that it takes 2 years for the CNS to totally repair ( a bit longer for some), but I guess it is what it is, and we have to expect little blips here and there.  I don't have anything anymore that is constant...they all seem to be little blips, but they are very, very annoying blips that keep me from feeling like the old me, so I totally understand where you are coming from.

 

Hang in there, keep healing.....you are doing really well.....

 

TC

 

[[ve...]]

Thanks TC.  I think you're right about blips.  That sounds better than "waves" .

 

Good point Marina.  Some of us might have different senstivities to even small doses.  

 

Thanks for pointing out Patty that it can be a short time on benzos and still end up with significant withdrawal.  I was only on valium for three weeks and became dependent so I feel your pain.  

 

Well, gonna try to get past this blip and keep movin on .  Dog gone it, it better not be 2 years!

 

Onward,

 

V

[[st...]]

I stopped setting a date for getting better.  I was always so disappointed when I wasn't better by the time constraints I place upon this process.  OK, OK, I am going to be better at the 3 year mark.   

 

Patty  xo

[[gi...]]

Patty,

What's going on? I thought you were down to an occasional blip!?

ginge

 

[[ve...]]

The vertigo is a little better today.  Prilosec taper still moving ahead as planned.  Ok,  I'm gonna shoot for 18 months as the next milestone, i.e., off benzos, off prilosec (hopefully), very small statin dose (10-15mg), anxiety and afternoon fatigue (and the general state of my CNS...) will hopefully be a little better/calmer by then too.  

 

Again, not shooting for 100% perfection.  As I've said before, some symptoms actually already are 100% better than before (such as insomnia and sleep issues, nutrition and exercise and general body weight are better than 100% compared to when I first took that blue pill ).  In terms of overall well being, I'm referring also to my ability to comfortably engage with the outside world and tolerate and deal with stresses more too, not just how I feel in less stressful situations or when relaxing at home.  I'm also going to be pursuing some new work opportunities which will be a test of how I'm doing a little later in the year as well.  For now, we'll see how things are at 18 months on May 11th  .  If all goes according to plan, it could be one of the best summers ever.

 

Onward!

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

The vertigo is a little better today.  Prilosec taper still moving ahead as planned.  I'm shooting for 18 months as the next milestone, i.e., off benzos, off prilosec, very small statin dose, hopefully anxiety and afternoon fatigue (general state of my CNS...) will be a little better/calmer by then too.  Again, not shooting for 100% perfection.  As I've said before, some symptoms already are 100% better than before.  In terms of overall well being, I'm referring also to my ability to comfortably engage with the outside world and stresses more too, not just how I feel in less stressful situations or when relaxing at home.  I'm also going to be pursuing some new work opportunities in 2011 which will be a test of how I'm doing a little later in the year as well.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

I find that when I work and my mind is busy with other things my symptoms are much better.

[[pa...]]

It's been a long while since I've posted on this thread. I've been reading the latest feedback here and I am really glad I did because I think that what the rest of you have been discussing, I can completely relate too!

I was doing extremely well after jumping so this would have been Feb-July about 5 months. At the end of July, I had a sensitivity that started up in both legs. It's a complicated story, but basically what it amounts to is that I started worrying tremendously because of a pre-existing condition that I have in my left leg do to a job where I stood for long periods of time and a boot that rubbed against the side of it. After a long time frame, I had both legs tested by a vascular surgeon who gave me an extensive ultra sound and the good news is that I have only minor issues there... No worries about deep vein problems

In the meantime, I'm still getting these "phantom pains" in both legs. I really notice them when I stand for a period of time and when clothing touches the affected area. In the meantime, the cumulative effect of my anxiety and worry over these issues the last few months has caused old benzo symptoms to be stirred up that I haven't felt in almost a year. Basically what I get is a nasty nerve-tingling pain that occurs in my scalp. Not nice! I have been working through anxiety management excercises which have really helped me to counter some of this. Last week, however, my anxiety was up so much that there were 2 nights I slept very little followed up by 1 night of 1-2 hours of sleep. Last Sun night, I only slept for 1/2 hour!!! Mon night is a regular work night for me but I ended up calling in sick. Sat was especially hard for me working on 2 hours sleep and I wasn't going to go through that again on just 1/2 hour sleep!

Again, thanks to all of you for the feedback on this whole process. The theme that I get from reading your testimonials is that all of us are extra vulnerable to life stresses right now. I do congradulate each and every one of you for your bravery in facing these issues and for your commitments to facing them! You are all such an inspiration to me!

[[...]]

V,

 

I am looking forward to celebrating that milestone with you.

 

I have set 9 months as my next mini-milestone. I am 2 and a half months from that goal. I am not sure what to expect at that point, but at least I will have 9 months behind me and be halfway to 18.  If full healing happens on the way to 18, I am ok with that too.

 

TC

[[ve...]]

V, I am looking forward to celebrating that milestone with you.

I have set 9 months as my next mini-milestone. I am 2 and a half months from that goal. I am not sure what to expect at that point, but at least I will have 9 months behind me and be halfway to 18.   If full healing happens on the way to 18, I am ok with that too.

TC

 

Thanks TC.  Ok, let's get you to 9 months, then 45 days later, I'll be at 18 months .  With any luck we'll have some good news to report, maybe even sooner .

 

V

[[...]]

V,

 

I just hit six months a couple weeks ago, now I am greedy, bring on nine months.

 

I am not sure really what to expect at that point, probably more of the same, but for whatever reason those little mini-milestones are fun to achieve.

 

TC

[[Nu...]]

I stopped setting a date for getting better.  I was always so disappointed when I wasn't better by the time constraints I place upon this process.  OK, OK, I am going to be better at the 3 year mark.    

 

Patty  xo

 

I agree with Patty!

[[ve...]]

I stopped setting a date for getting better.  I was always so disappointed when I wasn't better by the time constraints I place upon this process.  OK, OK, I am going to be better at the 3 year mark.    

Patty  xo

I agree with Patty!

 

Hi Nurse T. I can see both points of view.  It can be disappointing to set dates and lead to frustration when things don't turn out the way you hope.  Yet,  I think sometimes it can be helpful to have a goal in sight and a timeframe  to shoot for, as long as one is flexible and can adapt to the unexpected setbacks or when things don't quite turn out the way one might wish.   In my case, I really did think I'd be a little farther along at one year than I was and am at 14 months.  I think it's  helpful for me to cautiously be optimistic about 16-18 months.  It seems many have been able to declare "victory" by 18 months.

 

Best,

 

V

[[ta...]]

hi everyone i have never posted on this thread, i read a few of the past couple of pages of posts.  the good news is i slept for the first time 8 hours straight in almost 13 months which gives me hope 2 days ago.  Is anyone elses sleep sensitive?  I find if i am woken up by my kids, pets or husband no matter what time it is i cannot go back to sleep.  Last night my husband was having a bad dream and shoved me at 11:30pm and then no sleep after that, i feel like i am being dragged out of sleep, it is weird it has been like this all through wd.

 

 

tammie

[[Ma...]]

Congrats Tammie, starting to sleep again is indeed very meaningful 

 

As for the goals, well, everything is easier to swallow in smaller portions, time being one of those everythings. I can think a few months at a time. Now I'm looking at seeing some improvement from 10 to 12 months (thanks Verti ) then next stop 18 months. After that who knows, can't look that far ahead (see what I mean?)

 

Happy trails. I posted my 9 month update at my place (coming up day after tomorrow). I think the fact that 'm looking to 10 to 12 pretty much says it all. One really good thing though, really good, my head is clearing even more. Just when I think I'm starting to be me again, I lose another layer of illusion. This drug really had me under it's spell and I wasn't even taking a lot of it. I've been sleep walking or just a little drunk for years!! Made major decisions, ended relationships, chose others, all under the influence. 16 years of life. No point looking back, though I think you have to before you can move forward... I think I mean no point getting stuck in a senseless past and in so doing have yet another present to look back on having missed  but boy, does it give ya pause. Anyway, moving on, trying to be positive, trying to cut myself a little slack, never been my forte. Here's to the next 32 days!!!

 

pfew, I need an oasis. Sure hope there's a heaven.

xxm

[[...]]

 

I think it is realistic to set goals. Most people do heal within the 6 to 18 month range. Actually, most heal much sooner, as a significant people, thought to be nearly 70 percent by most studies, have "no problems" coming off of benzos at all and are healed way before the six month period.  I can understand that once you reach 18 months or more, it would get old setting these goals, but until someone reaches that point, these milestones are important, in my opinion. Actually, once you hit 18 months or more off, I still think the goal setting is important, as you have accomplished something huge being 18 months or more post benzos, but I get why the goals may no longer be 3 month intervals, and maybe something like 6 months intervals.

 

If you don't set goals in life, what is the point?

 

Btw...I don't believe the number of people that have "no problems" coming off benzos is 70 percent, I never bought that figure.  But there still is a significant amount of people that don't go through what many of us do post benzos. 

 

Anyway that's my two cents..as I am only semi-jaded by this process....but still jaded all the same..

 

TC

[[ta...]]

in the beginning it was hourly, then daily, then monthly, now i am up to every season looking forward to how i will feel in the spring.  i also dont understand how people can "rate their day" or how far healed they are with a percentage because every time i thought i was getting better i would realize how screwed up i really am when i would get a slight lift.  If that makes any sense

tammie

[[...]]

Tammie,

 

It is rough when it comes rating a percentage. I try to look back at least one month before I compare how  I feel. Sometimes it seems like I get a bit of healing, it stalls for weeks, then starts up again. As far as percentages go, it probably doesn't matter a whole lot, as long as we all get where we need to be..and that is as close to 100 percent as possible.

 

TC

[[gi...]]

 

 

Btw...I don't believe the number of people that have "no problems" coming off benzos is 70 percent, I never bought that figure.  But there still is a significant amount of people that don't go through what many of us do post benzos. 

 

Anyway that's my two cents..as I am only semi-jaded by this process....but still jaded all the same..

 

TC

 

 

I met a nurse practitioner the other day who, when I said I'd read that 80% of the people who came off benzos did so with nary a bump, said that from what she'd seen, it was more like 80% had acute withdrawals.

[[...]]

Ginger,

 

The fact that people think most people don't have wd bothers me too. Do I believe 80 percent of people have wd, no. Do i believe 70 percent of people don't have wd? No I don't. I remember arguing with Kprice a bit, when he said that most people, 7 of 10, got off benzos without symptoms. Kprice ended up being one of those people, so I guess my argument against him looked silly to him. Most studies I have seen say 70 percent get off with no problems. I have a hard time believing they have no problems at all and I often wonder how many did have symptoms but had no idea it was benzo withdrawal or how many people reinstated or were given other meds for symptoms that were indeed withdrawal.

 

I had an experience with my doctor, after I had been on Klonopin for about about four weeks. I took the little piece of paper that comes with the meds to the doctor and I had highlighted some of the symptoms I was experiencing. He told me, "You won't get those." I thought, what the hell are you talking about, I have them already.  I then talked to a relative of mine, who is a nurse, and she told me, most definitely what I had were side effects from the med, and then she went on to tell me how hard it might be to withdraw from there meds. When I asked how many people have problems, she said she thought probably at least fifty percent.  Even if fifty percent is the real answer, and who knows if it is, that is way too many people going through withdrawal and way too many doctors pretending it doesn't happen.

 

Sometimes I feel that those of us going through withdrawal are part of some big scam and the doctors DO KNOW what is going on, but they just sort of wink and nod and pretend we are all nutty.

 

TC

[[gi...]]

Couldn't agree with you more, TC!

Even Ashton amended her estimation of 15%; she said she now thought it was more like 30%. This was in a report to the Maine Group that I no longer have access to.

[[Fr...]]

Ginger,

 

The fact that people think most people don't have wd bothers me too. Do I believe 80 percent of people have wd, no. Do i believe 70 percent of people don't have wd? No I don't. I remember arguing with Kprice a bit, when he said that most people, 7 of 10, got off benzos without symptoms. Kprice ended up being one of those people, so I guess my argument against him looked silly to him. Most studies I have seen say 70 percent get off with no problems. I have a hard time believing they have no problems at all and I often wonder how many did have symptoms but had no idea it was benzo withdrawal or how many people reinstated or were given other meds for symptoms that were indeed withdrawal.

 

I had an experience with my doctor, after I had been on Klonopin for about about four weeks. I took the little piece of paper that comes with the meds to the doctor and I had highlighted some of the symptoms I was experiencing. He told me, "You won't get those." I thought, what the hell are you talking about, I have them already.  I then talked to a relative of mine, who is a nurse, and she told me, most definitely what I had were side effects from the med, and then she went on to tell me how hard it might be to withdraw from there meds. When I asked how many people have problems, she said she thought probably at least fifty percent.  Even if fifty percent is the real answer, and who knows if it is, that is way too many people going through withdrawal and way too many doctors pretending it doesn't happen.

 

Sometimes I feel that those of us going through withdrawal are part of some big scam and the doctors DO KNOW what is going on, but they just sort of wink and nod and pretend we are all nutty.

 

TC

 

TC, Isn't it hard to believe that doctors don't know what is going on? I went through hell in Paxil WD and my doctor kept on saying, don't go off it then.

 

Maybe, most of us don't tell out doctors what we are going through because we don't want them to say, you are depressed. I've been on Ativan since 20 years and find it hard to believe that anybody could go off benzos without any problem.  Maybe and good luck to them if they do but we don't see them here do we?  I hope that you will feel better with each passing day.

 

Frannie

 

[[...]]

Frannie,

 

It certainly does feel like sometimes it is a big con game, but those of who suffered bad withdrawal as the ones getting conned. 

 

I realize some of these docs are very knowledgeable when it comes to benzos and withdrawal, but I could not find one in my area and I looked pretty hard.

 

TC

[[ve...]]

V,  I just hit six months a couple weeks ago, now I am greedy, bring on nine months.

I am not sure really what to expect at that point, probably more of the same, but for whatever reason those little mini-milestones are fun to achieve.

TC

 

I agree TC.  Whether you're at 3 months off, 6 months, 9 months, a year or longer, I believe it is healthy to set goals and try and reach them, whether it's benzo freedom we're talking about or some other area of health or in life. Some things we may not be able to necessarily "control" and part of the process to some extent may have more to do with letting go, acceptance... yet I believe there's always something that one can be more proactive with, even if its something little like giving up sodas, eating a little better, going to bed a little earlier, trying to lose some weight, giving up cigarettes or some other vice, exercising more, doing crossword puzzles to work the brain a little more...

Just try not to be so darn greedy TC .

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Congrats Tammie, starting to sleep again is indeed very meaningful  :thumbsup:As for the goals, well, everything is easier to swallow in smaller portions, time being one of those everythings. I can think a few months at a time. Now I'm looking at seeing some improvement from 10 to 12 months (thanks Verti ) then next stop 18 months. After that who knows, can't look that far ahead (see what I mean?)Happy trails. I posted my 9 month update at my place (coming up day after tomorrow). I think the fact that 'm looking to 10 to 12 pretty much says it all. One really good thing though, really good, my head is clearing even more. Just when I think I'm starting to be me again, I lose another layer of illusion. This drug really had me under it's spell and I wasn't even taking a lot of it. I've been sleep walking or just a little drunk for years!! Made major decisions, ended relationships, chose others, all under the influence. 16 years of life. No point looking back, though I think you have to before you can move forward... I think I mean no point getting stuck in a senseless past and in so doing have yet another present to look back on having missed   but boy, does it give ya pause. Anyway, moving on, trying to be positive, trying to cut myself a little slack, never been my forte. Here's to the next 32 days!!!pfew, I need an oasis. Sure hope there's a heaven.

xxm

 

Read your 9 month update Marina over on your thread and commented over there.  I'm glad you feel your head is starting to clear.  As I mentioned, 9-12 months was a very good turn around period for me on many levels. I can relate to feeling like "sleep walking" through some of the past.  In some ways, this past two years for me seems like it was part of another life, sometimes wanna forget parts of it, yet I realize it's actually very important to have those memories and not run from them, rather to learn from them so this is never repeated again.  You're right about it giving one pause.   Go ahead and cut yourself some slack.  You're doing better thn you think, even if it may not be heaven just yet .

 

Best ,

 

V