Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[gi...]]

What a cutie!  He/she looks so innocent  .  What's his/her name?

Check my reply on my blog-

g

[[ve...]]

Hey Ginger.  I checked your blog.  I'm so sorry you slipped and fell. Hope your tailbone feels better.  I just spent an hour shoveling more ice down at the bottom of the driveway.  I think we can get out of our driveway on to the icey roads now .

 

V

[[Sw...]]

Adorable new puppy.  I just love dogs - they are awesome!

[[ve...]]

Adorable new puppy.  I just love dogs - they are awesome!

 

It's a love/hate relationship for me SweetPepper. I love having a dog again (in some ways) but there's a reason I waited 4 years to get another one.  The clean up, the expense, the potty training, the mess, dog hairs, the walks when it's cold or raining,  the restriction of freedom when you wanna just take off for a weekend... On the other hand, the lovin makes it worthwhile (I think ).  Still not fully adjusted I guess .   As I've posted on my blog, having a puppy has challenged my anxiety a bit which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  On some levels, I've got a feeling this dog is gonna teach me a few tricks too.  Just took him out to do his business. I have to go out with him still since he doesn't quite seem to get that he has business after he pees.  OMG, it was freezing out there (18 degrees this morning).   Ah, the joy of having a pet!  Hopefully he'll start goin out on his own soon.  Sheesh.

 

Best,

 

V

[[Bi...]]

Hi, Vertigo and everyone!

 

I don't know what took me so long to check out this thread...I really don't, but here I am!

 

V, your puppy is so adorable!  You are so right about the love/hate relationship.  My dog has been such a great companion and has been with me through all of this w/d business...poor girl has seen me through so much and has the gray hairs to prove it!    But sometimes just the daily care can seem like a lot when feeling so awful, but it is one thing that kind of keeps me going, so it's a positive thing.  I cannot imagine having a new puppy to train right now, though! 

 

Well, here's my post benzo situation:  I'm 8 months off tomorrow.  Month 7 has been SO hard!  It pushed me to some new limits.  I hope month 8 is a bit more kind to me.  I get most concerned about my mental sxs...specifically the agoraphobia and other fears and just the anxious feelings that tend to loom overhead for no good reason, sometimes turning into all-out feelings of terror.  And over what?  I'm safe.  Hury up and heal already, brain!!  I've also had more fear over being alone this past month.  Physical symptoms have been more intense and difficult, too, but the mental ones are what I have the hardest time dealing with and what I seem to worry about the most.  But if I look back, I do know I am doing better overall.  Sleep has improved greatly, and when I do get breaks from the mental sx's, I can feel more clarity and "normalness."

 

I think I may have a cold right now, but not sure because I know many of the sx's in recovery can be cold and flu-like.  All I know is I feel extra lousy and have all the signs of a cold, so laying in bed and taking it really easy today.  I got the vaporizer out and learned that I cannot tolerate the smell of the Vick's!  It made me instantly feel as if I was being smothered and like I was going to throw up.  So I'm running the vaporizer, sans Vick's.  Do any of you have extra sensitive sense of smell?  I've had it all along, but it's been crazy this past month!!

 

That's all for now.    Glad to be a part of this thread finally.  Thinking of all my buddies and hoping today is as good a day as possible for you all.

 

Sweet 

[[...]]

 

My sense of smell is certainly a bit off. My dogs like these treats, I believe they are made of lamb.  I never realized they had such a uh, smell prior to benzo withdrawal.  They probably don't really smell that bad, but I guess with the nose being sensitive, it just doesn't smell good either.

 

TC

[[Sh...]]

Hello buddies:)

I still lurk you guys just so you know:P

I am almost 14 months off and feeling SO much better!

Mentally I am able to "see" and "feel" my world in bigger views than that teeny view a year ago when I was just so overwhelmed by everything.

Noise/lights/conversations are more doable:)

The burning/stinging is gone..heavy drugged feeling only comes when I am stressed or overdoing something..which I try to avoid ALL things that do that now.

Tried a few antidepressants..none worked more than a few days..then just felt so sedated and sluggy..not good.

Sleep is still an issue but not nearly as bad as most here so not complaining.

Taste is still off..I get the jest of foods..the bit of sweet/tang/bitter but not the whole of it. Still am mindful of those nerve endings that are not fully connected but it isnt a constant 24/7 looping song in my head of w/d's.

Finding more episodes of NOT feeling any w/d's at all..especially when with family or out at the mall or restaurant..this is huge!

I am guarded still against many things..no alcohol..cut out all sugar..dont trust doctors..and if my hubby even hints that he is angry/agitated/uptight..I run the other way!

This will be my life for a LONG time I feel..maybe forever? I have learned on this journey to be very good to myself and still have that view that I am a chronically ill fragile soul..that has to take it easy.

Lacking the motivation to get out there in the world but not scared anymore.

Starting to exercise 3-5x a week now..this is getting those extremely lax muscles to working again..It is nice to see myself getting stronger:)

TV/reading is almost normal..except on the stressed days.

SO all in all I am healing and moving forward and getting my life back.

Still feel I have some months to go before proclaiming total recovery...but def. moving in the right directions.

Emotions are the last frontier to come back...I get the tears but just not ready for the BIG bawl just yet:P

Take care and know that I still think of you guys and wish you all well, and healing!

XXXX

Shelley

[[ve...]]

Still feel I have some months to go before proclaiming total recovery...but def. moving in the right directions.

Emotions are the last frontier to come back...I get the tears but just not ready for the BIG bawl just yet:P

Take care and know that I still think of you guys and wish you all well, and healing!

XXXX

Shelley

 

Thanks for the update Shelley.  I feel the same way at 14 months .  I've also cut out most if not all refined sugars with a few cheats over the holidays.  I've not cut out alcohol like you have, but have limited alcohol to one or two glasses of wine a month but am currently abstaining for a few months while I taper off prilosec.  So good to hear you're doing so well.  Hope 2011 will continue to bring healing and prosperity.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi, Vertigo and everyone!

I don't know what took me so long to check out this thread...I really don't, but here I am!

V, your puppy is so adorable!  You are so right about the love/hate relationship.  My dog has been such a great companion and has been with me through all of this w/d business...poor girl has seen me through so much and has the gray hairs to prove it!    But sometimes just the daily care can seem like a lot when feeling so awful, but it is one thing that kind of keeps me going, so it's a positive thing.  I cannot imagine having a new puppy to train right now, though!  

 

Well, here's my post benzo situation:  I'm 8 months off tomorrow.  Month 7 has been SO hard!  It pushed me to some new limits.  I hope month 8 is a bit more kind to me.  I get most concerned about my mental sxs...specifically the agoraphobia and other fears and just the anxious feelings that tend to loom overhead for no good reason, sometimes turning into all-out feelings of terror.  And over what?  I'm safe.  Hurry up and heal already, brain!!  ...Glad to be a part of this thread finally.  Thinking of all my buddies and hoping today is as good a day as possible for you all.

Sweet  

 

Hi Sweet.  Glad you found this thread.  Sorry month 7 off benzos has been a struggle.  I still have anxiety too even at 14 months, but many improvements in most other areas. I think it may be that the nervous system just takes a while to heal, some say up to 18 months.  I wish we could "hurry the brain" to heal .   I think it has its own timeline.  Meanwhile, I think it can be helpful to expect that some anxiety is going to loom but it can be tolerable if we don't let it get the best of us.  We may not be able to eliminate anxiety or fear, but we can choose to focus on things we can be grateful for, at least some of the time. No doubt having your dog helps with a lot of the emotional vacuum.  I wish I had a dog during taper (in some regards) but in others, it was probably for the best.  I look forward to reading more updates from you as healing continues into 2011.

 

Have a good weekend,

 

V

[[ve...]]

 

My sense of smell is certainly a bit off. My dogs like these treats, I believe they are made of lamb.  I never realized they had such a uh, smell prior to benzo withdrawal.  They probably don't really smell that bad, but I guess with the nose being sensitive, it just doesn't smell good either.

TC

 

They might smell bad TC. If we knew what fillers and things they put into those treats, it wouldn't surprise you how bad they smell.  I hear that Blue Buffalo makes food with less fillers.  We're trying out their food now (for the dog ), switching over from Eukaneuba which is what our last dog ate.

 

Have a good weekend,

 

V

[[gi...]]

Shelly! So nice to see you. I'm glad you're making such progress and are getting back to "life"!  Keep up the good work!

 

Hey V, my sense of smell was way off for the longest time back in the beginning. Things I loved would make me sick. Now I can pick up scents a mile away.  I've never been one for perfume and now they turn my stomach. Isn't it weird, how much our CNS's can get whacked by this crap?

 

I've been averaging 9 for several weeks now so I'm in a groove.

 

Be well -

g

 

[[ve...]]

I've been averaging 9 for several weeks now so I'm in a groove.

Be well -

g

 

That's really great to hear Ginger.

 

Peace,

 

V

[[ca...]]

So glad to hear you have been doing so well Ginger! 

[[gi...]]

I have to amend my "rating." I've been cautious.; didn't want to jinx things.  But, I have to admit, that excluding my tinnitus, for the last 36 hours I've been in a

WINDOW

the first one in 11 months!

Can I get an amen?!

g

[[as...]]

Amen Ginger! Yeah!

[[Ma...]]

Amen Sister

[[ve...]]

Hi.  About 10 days ago, I was lying in bed and turned to the other side and felt a bit of spinning/vertigo on the same side that I had the severe vertigo  two years ago after my c/t off valium.  I immediately switched to the other side and ignored it.  De Nile is a wonderful thing  .   A couple mornings later,  I was tilting my head over the sink to use saline for my sinuses and again, a slight spinning started up but milder than when I first had vertigo in 2008. I've tried some Brandt Daroff exercises last week (not tilting my head all the way back) but am a little concerned that the vertigo could be coming back.   I've had a little more stress this past ten days with a new puppy, got myself a little worked up and anxious for those first few days and wonder if there's any connection with the increase in anxiety (he's been very sick too, with whipworm, kennel cough, ear infection... some very early wake ups to try and house break him...)  Maybe vertigo is unrelated to that stress but I wonder.

 

A few days ago, I was tilting my head sideways a little to look at some book titles on a low book shelf and it started up again a bit .   My theory two years ago was that the valium impacted the inner ear and abruptly stopping the valium could have had an effect (the otoneurologist agreed but also said vertigo sometimes happens without valium).  Anyway, it's a little frustrating, having just reached 14 months post benzo taper and only a couple issues remain, had estimated last November at one year off that I was 90% healed.  And now my original symptom could be resurfacing?  Can't be about benzos or withdrawal anymore, can it?  I did have a couple glasses of wine on December 31st.  The first "dizzies" appeared about five days later.  Hmmm.  Nah.  Am I really gonna be one of those folks that blames a little vino for my health problems?  Whether it's related or not, I'd been thinking about eliminating alcohol for a while anyway, but seriously?  Is this really happening at 14 months off?  Only other big change is I've been tapering off prilosec for about a week.  Here's a paranoid thought.  Could those little benzo receptors in the gut be causing havoc? I think I first started with the vertigo before the prilosec taper though. Must be the wine, or maybe it's just life?

 

Vertigo (coming back?)

[[Ma...]]

At 14 months all I can say is yes, of course it's likely the wd.

 

Feeling 95% healed at one year off is wonderful, but there's still a bit of a way to go and we do get hit where we're most vulnerable. I know that when I got hit hard at 5 months off I stopped doing anything that might cause me even the slightest bit of annoyance but I'm not sure that's really the way to go. I have incorporated most everything back but there are still some things I'm afraid of doing. But this I'm certain of, my fears are causing stress which is most assuredly aggravating sxs, so I'm guessing it's 6 of one half dozen of the other  .

 

I don't know how to advise you about the Prilosec, but your assessment sounds reasonable. You could slow down your taper a bit and see how you feel if that makes you more comfortable. There's no hurry after all.

 

I've taken on a huge project which is likely making me feel worse but I don't think not doing anything and waiting to feel better is going to do the trick. Who knows, maybe I'll get a window when I need it. Here's hoping.

 

Now I'm hearing 36 months for the brain to heal, first I heard 2 years (wd doc) but regardless of how well anyone is feeling, the brain is still taking care of it's healing business at 14 months.

 

So Verti (only occasionally), this too will pass. The puppy is a sweet little burden of love, hell, my cat's been acting up and it's had me worried and I swear I felt that but I'm still way behind you in healing. I think we're sensitive and are just going to feel every damn little thing for a while.

 

You're doing great!!

 

xm

[[gi...]]

Hey V,

 

I'd chalk it up to PWS. I know of a lot of people who have a dip after being relatively well that far out. (I did, too but I attribute it to the drugs I took after my knee surgery.)  Any kind of stress can trigger a resurgence of symptoms, and I bet the puppy, plus maybe even your body's reacting to the "stess" of the prilosec reduction, is what caused it. Unfortunately for you, vertigo was your biggest problem, so I'm sure its return is causing some PTSD-related anxiety... and you know anxiety amps symptoms.

 

It's a bloody vicious cycle but I bet in a few days you'll return to your 95%.

 

And I think if the alcohol affected you it would have done so immediately. That's how it works for me, anyway. I can now drink a glass of wine or beer once a week without any repercussions, btw; but it took me the better part of 2 years to get to this point. 

 

Hang in there, and move with caution!

 

g

[[...]]

V,

 

I answered you on your other thread, so I will brief here.

 

It is thought it could take up to 2 years for the CNS to totally repair itself. If you are still in that time frame, which you are, I think you can call it withdrawal.  You aren't even considered "protracted" until you are more than 18 months out, as 6 to 18 months is the "normal" healing range.  I honestly don't know how they capped it at 18 months, if it really takes our CNS up to 2 years to heal. You would think that range would be 6 to 24 months, and perhaps it should be.

 

I think it is possible alcohol played a factor for you, but you will never know for sure.  The effects of alcohol are often not immediate, and there is no way of telling. I think too many people make the mistake that they drank and the next day they were fine, so it's ok. We have no way of knowing if the alcohol effected us at all or what kind of temporary disruption it caused to the GABA healing.  I am not speakign from personal experience there, as I will just not risk it, but I have talked to numerous people here who were knocked down quite a bit by drinking. I don't want to mention any names, but I think you are aware of a few of them.  The benzos did not cause this damage over night, either, it all takes time. I think the one thing this proved is, you are not quite 100 percent, which you already knew, as you stated you were 95 percent.  So, I think some weird stuff could still happen at this point. You basically told me the same thing about the random muscle twitch or the random little pain here and there at six months out. This information was very helpful to me, even though I was pretty sure it was wd, it is always good to hear from someone farther on down the line in healing. You are almost there, man. I think you will be there in the upcoming weeks or months. This might be the last major bump on the road to freedom.

 

Hang in there buddie,

 

TC

 

(Btw..if anyone is reading this who has not yet become benzo free..I am not trying to scare you or say that it will take you two years to heal. It does not take that long for most people, but too often the people who take a bit longer to heal seem to be overlooked and I just wanted to add this disclaimer to say that sometimes it does take this long.  It is thought that 10 to 15  percent of people who withdraw from benzos due indeed go protracted.  Some would say this is a small number of people, but to me if it is one percent, that is too large of a number.  You can learn a ton of information from the people who have already become benzo free and are now on that healing path. I just don't like it when people invalidate others than have been battling this for an extended period of time.)

 

[[gi...]]

too often the people who take a bit longer to heal seem to be overlooked and I just wanted to add this disclaimer to say that sometimes it does take this long.  It is thought that 10 to 15 people due indeed go protracted.  Some would say this is a small number of people, but to me if it is one percent, that is too large of a number.  You can learn a ton of information from the people who have already become benzo free and are now on that healing path. I just don't like it when people invalidate others than have been battling this for an extended period of time.)

 

 

 

Also I think you meant 10-15% of people.

[[...]]

 

Oopsie...

 

Benzo Brain..I will go..uh edit that

 

TC

[[ve...]]

Thank you all for your posts and great feedback (TC, Ginger,Marina..).   If you've been following my blog, you know I started a taper off prilosec about two weeks ago (actually a few days after we got a new puppy), the perfect storm  .    I'm still taking the prilosec every other day or so along with zantac.  I started a separate thread on my prilosec taper in "Other Prescribed Medications" section of this forum.

 

My theory is in agreement with TC's assessment, not so much that it's benzo related but that my nervous system is not fully healed. I've had a lot of anxiety the past two weeks over the puppy and the prilosec taper.  Have had a few other worries to start the new year regarding my father's health, looks like he may need another chemotherapy soon... He also had some roof leaks over the winter a few weeks ago so that's been another stressor, knowing I may need to contend with roof repairs while I'm out there this Spring.  I hope I will be done with the prilosec taper before I have to fly out which also often results in jet lag.  Added to that,  my sleep has been a little off kilter due to the puppy's housebreaking schedule.

 

Since  the nervous system may still be fragile at 14 months out, it seems understandable how I might be "off balance" with what's been going on.  Maybe I am not handling these two new stresses particularly well?  It could also be a random unrelated occurrence of vertigo which can happen to anyone as they get older.  Afterall, I'm not a spring chicken and am in my forties.  That being said, I do believe the anxiety of tapering off prilosec and the new puppy are stressing my system just a little more than I am used to.

 

At this point, I prefer to refer to my healing nervous system rather than say "it's benzos" or "protracted".  Maybe its a matter of semantics. Truth is that I had anxiety and sensitivities BEFORE benzos.  Yes, my anxiety the last two weeks and maybe even the last month or two, seems to have been higher than usual. Could be the travel over Thanksgiving that revved me up a little, who knows.  I do agree that for some, it may be 18 months or even 2 years to "fully heal".   I know there's a theory that it doesn't matter if it's a large dose or small dose, some people are just sensitive to the benzo.  I do believe that one's predisposition to anxiety, insomnia or some other symptom for which one may have taken the benzo in the first place, may have an impact in the recovery time frame. When I finished my taper, I never would have thought I'd be pondering benzo symptoms a year later.  I thought I was going to be one of the 6 monthers , although when I got Shingles six weeks after my taper a year ago, all bets were off.  It's exactly a year ago that I was in the heat of my Shingles virus which took two months to heal from by last March.  From that perspective, I believe I've come a long way in one year in terms of overall health changes and how I feel.  Guess maybe 18 months might be a realistic time frame to consider,and perhaps from the end of the Shingles onslaught on my CNS, not the end of taper.  

 

Thanks again,

 

Verti

[[gi...]]

 

My theory is in agreement with TC's assessment, not so much that it's benzo related but that my nervous system is not fully healed.

When I attribute long-term effects I say "benzos" but I mean benzo damage. Technically our w/d ended when we stopped taking the drug. I think people who say they're in w/d 3 months out aren't aware that their benzo has long since left their system, and now their brain is just starting to heal. If you look at the half life of your benzo of choice you can estimate when it has left your system. I don't think a lot of people understand that.

 

Since  the nervous system may still be fragile at 14 months out, it seems understandable how I might be "off balance" with what's been going on.  Maybe I am not handling these two new stresses particularly well?  It's not you that's not handling it, it's your CNS that has not only lost its ability to handle stress, it overreacts because of the damage. My system "overreacts" at the simplest of things. There's nothing I can do about it but do some deep breathing. Researchers recommend that all stress be avoided for at least a year following w/d; I think it's a lot longer than that.It could also be a random unrelated occurrence of vertigo which can happen to anyone as they get older.  Afterall, I'm not a spring chicken and am in my forties.  That being said, I do believe the anxiety of tapering off prilosec and the new puppy are stressing my system just a little more than I am used to.

 

At this point, I prefer to refer to my healing nervous system rather than say "it's benzos".  Maybe its a matter of semantics. Truth is that I had anxiety and sensitivities BEFORE benzos.  Yes, my anxiety the last two weeks and maybe even the last month or two, seems to have been higher than usual. Could be the travel over Thanksgiving that revved me up a little, who knows.  I do agree that for some, it may be 18 months or even 2 years to "fully heal".   I know there's a theory that it doesn't matter if it's a large dose or small dose, some people are just sensitive to the benzo.  I do believe that one's predisposition to anxiety, insomnia or some other symptom for which one may have taken the benzo in the first place, may have an impact in the recovery timeframe. Yet a part of me intuitively thinks that the 2 year time frame is more probable for some who were on higher doses of benzos and/or other medications for many years and prone to moderate or high levels of anxiety and/or depression.  In my case, 6mg of valium over 16 months does not seem like a very long time in relative terms, although I'd describe myself as being prone to moderate levels of anxiety. Anything longer than 4 weeks is too long, as that's how long it takes for the CNS to become addicted (see Ashton). Nurse Tanya took ativan for under 6 months and at 2 yrs out still has d/r; it's all relative.

 

When I finished my taper, I never would have thought I'd be pondering benzo symptoms a year later.  I thought I was going to be one of the 6 monthers Me too! Then I thought I'd be one of the 9 monthers..then the yearers... then the 18 monthers... , although when I got Shingles six weeks after my taper a year ago, all bets were off.  It's exactly a year ago that I was in the heat of my Shingles virus which took two months to heal from by last March.  From that perspective, I believe I've come a long way in one year in terms of overall health changes and how I feel.  Guess maybe 18 months might be a realistic timeframe to consider, it's only 4 months away .

 

Thanks again,

 

Verti

 

I hope CA goes OK!  I think expecting it to affect you (and how would it not, even a "normal" person would be stressed out) is the right way to go, because the more you can shore up your CNS to expect stress the better you'll be at handling it when the time comes. At least that's how it's worked for me.

 

Keep going, guy; you've really got it together!

[[st...]]

Verti, please remember there are those who had no issues prior to benzos (or fluoroquinones) and were on for a short time but are in protracted withdrawal symtoms over the 2 year mark.....and I am one of them.   

 

Patty  xo