Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[gi...]]

It is really tough not to get too high or too low during this whole process and I have a new respect for all of you guys that have been off for a considerable time that are still dealing with with this stuff.  I am not saying I didnt respect you guys before, but going through it, even for five months, had made me realize what warriors people are that go through this process for a long period of time.

 

I have concluded that all of us spend entirely too long in benzo withdrawal.  Even a person spends in a week in withdrawal, that is too much.  No one deserves this sort of thing. No one.

 

TC

 

Thanks - and I agree, even one week is too much.  I was on Ativan for a couple weeks many years ago. I knew nothing at the time; nor did my doc inform me (of course he's the same one who put me on K years later and then denied my w/d).  Anyway, he took me off it over 2 weeks and told me I was going to have a "transitional period" as I went from it to whatever the next poison was he put me on. Little did I know that short time in terrible discomfort was actually w/d. Had I known, when I went of K years later, I certainly wouldn't have listened to the doc and kept going at the speed that he recommended.

 

I don't remember exactly when my generalized anxiety escalated, but I have a strong suspicion it got worse when I went of ativan. Knowing what I know now it certainly makes sense.

 

Something really needs to be done about these drugs.

 

You're so lucky you're doing so well at this point. Really, kudos to you!

 

ginger

[[Ma...]]

Just ran into an old friend who went through withdrawal in the 90s/ I remember it was tough but of course now I know what was what. She was a mess for two years. She remembers. Two years. So, ok, some people do better, some worse, healing takes time but it does happen. Seriously, I ever get good again, I'll know it was benzos all along and I'm going to get some kind of militant. I really am.

Funny, it's worse now for sure at nearly 8 months than it was at 5 but that's ok. Apparently, if I was doing better before, I'll do better again, it's good to know.

Just happy that anyone can get through this faster. All the best TC!!

m

[[...]]

Ginger,

 

Had I know then, what I know now....I would have tossed that little green monster K pills in the trash.  I was put on that junk by a GP, I now feel Gp's probably shouldn't prescribe that stuff at all.  I also think, if a doc has no idea how to handle the potential wd a patient might have, he or she should just pass on prescribing or refer the patient to someone who does know more about the medication.

 

I do feel better being off the K, but because those weird little things go on during the day, where I feel "off" when it comes to my CNS, it is had to relax or to really appreciate things.  I just want to do what everyone else here wants to do, wake up, and not have to say, "I wonder if or when the symptoms will hit today?"  I am so tired of worrying about symptoms.

 

Thank you for all the advice you have given me here over the last year....I do believe we can learn more from each other....than most of these doctors...I am not saying they are all bad..but many of them just plain suck   I was unsuccessful at find a "good one", but I was lucky enough to find you guys here...

 

TC

[[ca...]]

Hi TC! So glad to hear you are doing well. Congrats on 5 months off buddy!! Wish you continued healing in the months to come and a happy holiday and new year if you don't get a chance to stop by.

[[...]]

CantWait!

 

Thank you very much.  I am looking forward to seeing what the next five months brings, hopefully continue healing.

 

I will try to stop by back before Christmas.....it is good to see you too...

 

I hope you are doing well...

 

TC

[[Ma...]]

I think these drugs should be banned for everything other than emergency use in hospital. They are simply not a valid enough answer to anything. I'm not saying some people don't on occasion need something, so big pharma better keep looking because this poison, since it doesn't work long term and considering the horrors of wd, does not constitute reasonable treatment. Just my opinion. Agreeing with you TC, maybe going a little further, but agreeing with you.

m

[[pa...]]

You are such a lovely, lovely man.  I hope 2011 has less stressors for you.

 

A big hug for Stoneyco! Thank you for such a kind response! Here's hoping that 2011 is easier for you also!

Well, V, I survived another 2 nights in a row with little, irregular sleep! I'll be working again on Sat, and next week, I'll be doing another Mon and Tues nights. One thing that made it difficult for me about a month ago was the time change. Normally, going from daylight savings to standard time allows me an extra hour. In this case, working so late at night and going to standard time did the opposite, because my body had to stay awake an extra hour than it was used to. That week was especially hard for me.

This week, I tried an experiment. I still have leftover tablets of Naproxen (an anti-inflammatory pain medication). I was prescribed these back in Aug when I pulled a muscle in my abdomen. The last few months, I've been getting lots of tingling around my knees as well as strange leg pains that nag me throughout the day. So, Mon I decided to take a naproxen tablet just to see if it would take away the leg pains.

The result was that the tension headaches that plague me throughout the day disappeared completely! However, the leg pain, and tingliness were NOT affected by the pain medication at all! I'm not sure what to make of this other than whatever is causing this pain, it is probably not due to an inflamation. Any other members have any thoughts on this?

Fortunately, the leg pains aren't constant but they do seem to be triggered (at least partly) by a pair of sweats that I wear. Whenever, I waer these, the material when it rubs against the side of my legs will trigger the tingling feeling. As to the other leg pains, they can feel like stabbing pains and muscle soarness. Resting them elevated in my easy chair for 20 minutes or so seems to be the best cure for those. That, and excercise seems to do the trick.

I resolved long ago that these leg pains are a post benzo symptom that poped up 4 months after finishing my taper. I think that one thing that lead me to be so vulnerable to having this was the old job I had standing in one spot. That and constantly being on a benzo medication for about 3 years or so. It could have affected my posture, put stress on my legs and the result is that my legs are now complaining. I am confident that this problem will eventually ease. I have had quite a few members weigh in on this or similar issues that they are experiencing and I am very greatful for their responses and input!

This is probably the biggest issue facing me at nearly 10 months off! That and raw nerves at times! Anyway, I should be around the forum the next couple of days. For now, I'm wishing everyone a happy Holiday season and relatively peaceful shopping experiences! I live in a smaller city but even so, I've noticed a huge increase in traffic these last few weeks with so many people out shopping for gifts!

[[ve...]]

Great to see you TC and thanks for the five month upate.  Sounds like you're making good progress and that 2011 is going to be a great year.

 

Thanks for the update Pangelingua.  Glad you made it through a couple nights of work and with ongoing leg pain to boot, no pun intended . Do you know yet if you will be working on Xmas eve or Xmas?  Do they pay double time?  After you have been checked out by your doctor regarding your leg pain, maybe you can treat yourself to a massage.  Last month I had an incredible massage in Los Angeles.  It was a combination of shiatsu and Thai massage.  I had been talking about getting one for many months, but finally did it.  The Thai massage was excellent in that it combined yoga positions and I think was very helpful for my circulation too with pressure points Shiatsu. This was totally legit massage, very intense, not to be confused with the oriental massage parlors by the airport or scattered around that seem to be fronts for other businesses.  Thai massage is legit and there are signs posted all over that it is not a place to seek out sexual favors.  The best part was that it was only $45 for a whole hour!  I looked up prices in Altanta for Thai massage and it's much more expensive, have not tried it here yet.  I will be going back for a visit to Los Angeles in a few months to visit my father and will definitely go back.  I later looked up different locations and they all seem to be around $45 for an hour, very reasonable.  I wonder if it might be available at such an affordable cost in the Portland or Seattle areas?  Worth checking out perhaps.  Glad to hear traffic is up and folks are out shopping, hopefully helping out your local retail shops and businesses .  

 

Good to see you're making progress Missy at 8 1/2 weeks off.  No doubt it's the best Xmas present to be healing and off the benzo beast .

 

I agree Marina that benzos ought to be either banned from being prescribed indiscriminantly or at least regulated a lot more closely.  Psychiatrists and doctors are giving the stuff out like candy with seemingly no idea what the long term consequences are for innocent trusting patients.  The number of people I know that have been given xanax like candy is astounding, friends of my wife, friends of friends, relatives...  unreal.  I tried to warn one of them and they looked at me like I was from Mars.  I guess people wanna believe what they want.

 

Take care,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Mi...]]

  Good to see you're making progress Missy at 8 1/2 weeks off.  No doubt it's the best Xmas present to be healing and off the benzo beast .

 

 

Absolutely!  Far and away, the best Christmas gift I've ever been blessed with.http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m575/maxmoo/Funny%20Pics/Smileys/aa361_smiley_face_and_christmas_-1.gif

[[Ma...]]

That's great Missy, Verti yes, it's astonishing that Xanax is considered to be as harmless as aspirin. I come on really strong now, let them look at me like I'm nuts *they do of course.

 

Here's a good one. Yesterday aft. my right calf started tightening and losing as though I were wearing a blood pressure cuff. Not to the point of pain like a cuff, but close, really close. It got numb too. It was wild. Had some trouble sleeping on account of it but today it's gone. Just weird. It's a good day when the sxs are just "weird" but they are, they are that!! Anyone who told me right now this wasn't wd would be out of their noggins.

Just need to get through to a year. I have a feeling this is going to turn around nicely.

 

I think I'm inspired to get a massage.

 

All the best my fellow travelers.

xxm

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Thanks for the tip on message therapy. Indeed, I have found that if I lightly message the area of my legs that is giving me trouble, the pain seems to go away, at least temporarily. I am sure that there must be places in Portland that offer Thai message. I'll check with my youngest sister next time we visit with her and her husband if she personally knows of a place that offers this kind of message in their area. One thing my sister highly recommends is acupuncture. In fact, she knows people that do this professionally and has a free coupon for a guest. I have talked with her about coming down sometime and giving this a try. We'll see how it goes...

I had my legs looked at by 3 different doctors and they all have given my legs a clean bill of health, at least physically. There are no signs of inflamation. Also, the circulation seems to be well based on healthy color. The doctor at Kaiser in fact congradulated me on taking such good care of myself because he said my legs appeared to be very healthy in spite of the vein swelling where the boot rubbed on my left leg. Also, no signs of nerve damage. I could feel all the polks from a cotten swab.

This is all very nice but it brings me no closer to knowing exactly whats causing the pain other than probable post benzo withdrawal. Light excercise, leg elevation/rest and staying away from those sweats seems to be my best option right now.

Marina, I just read your response about weird symptoms in your calf such as numbness and reading this just brings home the point that these are all probable post benzo symptoms! I do hope that this is easier for you today!

I will most likely not be working Christmas eve this year. The plant is closed on Christmas day, so I'll be home. Depending on how many hours I get that week, I amy have to take leave. My part time status requires a minimum of 20 hours per week. Mon nights, I get 10 hours which leaves an additional 10 hours for a hypothetical day. If I work Tues night, that fulfills the requirement and no additional leave is required. It's a bit complicated, but much better than intermittent status because now I receive benefits.

Thanks for responding back with me, V and for the heads up on message. I think that anything I can do to help ease these symptoms is going to benefit me in the long run.

here's wishing everyone a happy and stress free weekend!

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Pange.  I have no doubt that acupressure might help too.  A quick search reveals there are Thai massage locations in Portland.  One that looks interesting but on the pricey side is zamamassage.com.  You can probably bargain for a discount if you tell them you are not fully employed.  Or you can google Thai Massage and Portland, Oregon and find other locations of maybe cheaper places.  Like I say, in Los Angeles, it's $40-50 for an hour and they're all over the place.  If you're ever down Southern CA, I'll be happy to tell you where I went.  Perhaps you can treat yourself to an early Xmas present.  Are you closer to Portland or Seattle or right in the middle Pange?  I looked some up in Atlanta and the best I could find is about $65 and not sure it is the same kind of massage.  I might give it a try after the first of the year though. What I had that was nice was a combo (Thai and Shiatsu).  The best $40 I've spent in years!

 

Chat soon,

 

V

[[ve...]]

13 months off a few days ago .  Making good progress with the fatigue thing.  I started a thread in Alternative Therapies and Supplements" section of forum, on supergreens which have been helping with the fatigue thing.  Planning to start my prilosec taper after the first of the year.  Still a few health challenges to wade through but I'm optimistic about 2011.  

 

Happy Hols and a New Year filled with healing and health to all my buddies,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[gi...]]

Congrats on doing so well, V! 

Me, I'm bloody miserable.

Happy Hols to you too!

ginger

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Thanks for the heads up on accupuncture/message. We plan to visit my sister and husband in Portland on Sun and I will ask her about the acupuncture treatemnt and free coupon she has. Last I spoke with her, she told me she has a neighbor who's liscenced to do accupuncture. Perhaps I may end up speeking with them.

In the meantime, I went to another doctor appointment today. My legs have really been bothering me and I'm affraid that the pain has been getting worse. It's like a double wammy because the pain causes me to have benzo withdrawal symptoms that I haven't experienced in months. Mostly nerve tingling, and headaches. Unlike before when these would go away and I could have a good window follow, the symptoms will follow me anytime my legs act up. Anyway, the doctor I saw today has given me a referral to a local vascular clinic. I have been told that they can do ultrasounds on my legs to see just how efficiently my veins are moving blood and fluids. At least this will eliminate a problem if they don't find anything.

I sometimes feel like I am at my wits end of dealing with this problem because it is preventing me from healing and sending me back through time to feeling worse. Extra chronic pain from a different serious condition is the last thing I needed right now!

The good news is that if any veins are causing me trouble, they can be removed. I was also told that the body can actually regenerate new ones as needed when a bad one has been removed. If this is the case, I will surely do all I can to preserve them! Having dysfunctional circulation is the last thing one needs when recovering from benzos!

Still trying to remain positive, it's just that all the pain is bringing me down right now.

All the same, I'm wishing everyone a great weekend! I'm wishing for lots of Holiday distraction for me and everyone!

[[ve...]]

Hey Pange.  While I did benefit from a massage last month, I'm concerned about your leg pain.  I would hold off on the massage until you get further vascualr tests to make sure it would be safe to have a massage.  Or if you get a massage, maybe tell them to go light on the leg that is bothering you.  Acupressure/acupuncture may ultimately help you but make sure theres no danger medically first.

 

Keep us posted,

 

 

V

[[Ma...]]

Hi guys, it's incredible how much we have to suffer with this business. I can see that this recovery of mine of going to be tough going, not just because of what I have to go through, but no way anyone's going to believe I'm still having this much trouble this far out. The friends I didn't lose during wd, I will surely lose during recovery "hey, you're off now, what's the problem?" seems to be the general attitude, or, more to the point "what's the problem NOW??" (I lost nearly all of them so I'm really just talking about one person). I have been making some new friends and I talk to them about nothing. It's still early in the relationships so I'm playing "hard to know" but people respect that. Boy are they going to be surprised when they find out what an open book I really am.... probably put off, not what they bought, then I'll have to start again, it's ok, I'm getting used to this. Somewhere at the end of all this, I'll have a life that fits.

For now, I wake up with burning feet and a nasty headache. The headache burns off with the first cup of coffee, the burning moves to my mouth and chest somewhere later in the day. Sxs too many to mention and what's the point. I'm going to live through this the best I can and we'll see what stops when, right?

Funny, what bugs me is the indignity of on top of everything else having to put on weight. I took it off and it came back on and I swear I did no earn it. What is that about??? I guess I felt like that was a sxs at least I could do something about, turns out, not so much. Is it the cortisol? I bought new jeans too. Blast. Oh well. That's not even close to the worst of it, just insult to injury.

Ok, have a good day ya'll,

it's getting better, it's getting better (all the time.... Beatle mantra).

xxm

[[gi...]]

"hey, you're off now, what's the problem?" seems to be the general attitude, or, more to the point "what's the problem NOW??"

I haven't seen or spoken w my sister in law in months. She's in the counseling business so early on I was feeding her information about benzos and updates on my ordeal which I thought would help her in her career. When I recently saw her, her first words were "what's your problem this month?"

Somewhere at the end of all this, I'll have a life that fits.Excellent phrase! I'm going to steal that.

I'm going to live through this the best I can and we'll see what stops when, right? Excellent attitude! 

Keep up the good work!

[[ve...]]

Hi Marina. I think it's great that you're making new friends now .  I've had to make a few changes with some friends in the past year.  One close friend in particular has become rather distant unfortunately.   Another friend has become closer in some ways due to my pushing it a little in terms of not settling for the status quo.  My wife thinks with the first friend, that I should have just let it go and settled for the superficiality of the first situation since I don't see him that much anyway and lives out of town.  Guess it's not my nature to just sit with something that is bothering me.  I gave him the opportunity to respond in a meaningful way but he decided that I was being too pushy or critical.  Some people are just not going to respond to a call for honesty and deeper connection.  This particular friend just wants to eat out and drink and isn't the most profound deep person I know.  Anyway, it's still a bit of a loss.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to push myself a little with social stuff this holiday season.  I don't always feel like going out and socializing, too many good sports and bowl games to watch . Sometimes I gotta just make the effort and usually am glad afterward that I did.

 

Ginger. I'm sorry about the shallowness and insensitivity of your sister in law.  Well, you know what they say about some counselors, gotta be a little nutty to go into that profession .  

 

Take care,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Ginger, I'm trying. Today I worked all day (free lance and I love my work so when I can take the plunge, when I have the energy, it's amazing. I used to live my life like this, now I can only do it once in a blue moon)... actually, come to think of it, it's been quite a while since I had the mental energy to write all day, and it started last night so.. wow, almost missed that one. Not even feeling particularly worse. Maybe this 8 month anniversary will have something to say for itself after all.

I don't know Verti, I don't go in for confrontation anymore. So far, in my experience, since people don't change, I either take them as they are or move on. Maybe it's a mistake on my part, maybe it comes from too much loss, or maybe that's another crazy idea I came up with while on Benzos that I'll have to revisit. I have to say, that's been coming up a lot. Things I thought I understood, then look at and think, man, now THAT"s some faulty logic. Scary, I lived 15 years on only part of my mentality. Started a ten year relationship, left it, not entirely sure what happened. Too late to call and ask. Pfew, this is a lot of work!

m

[[ve...]]

Hi Marina. Glad you mustered the energy to work and get some freelancing done.  I hope month 8 goes much better for you than month 7 .

 

I agree that confrontation might not be the best thing.  I guess there's a fine line between "confronting" vs calling somebody on some poor behavior and being honest about how one is feeling.  I think my mistake was expecting that my friend might be receptive to the friendship and maybe think about stopping doing some of the things that I felt were destructive to our friendship. He said he had a list of things he wanted to talk to me about but he kept putting it off and never responded (that was 4 months ago).  That was valuable to me in learning it was not worth his time to communicate his issues with me and try to resolve the friendship to make it stronger.  I am glad I was honest with him.  When you hold in things and are bitter or resentful, nothing good can come of it.

 

If I made one mistake, it was being too hopeful that he might be willing to change.  Expecting people to change is one thing that I agree can be self defeating.  However, trying to improve a friendship with honesty and give and take, might be worthwhile.  I guess in this case, it's not looking that way.  Sometimes one doesn't always know what happened like you said, but why not tell them there's a problem (without expecting them to fix it all but to at least take some responsibility and think abou things moving forward).  Sometimes people just don't wanna go down the road of trying to figure it out I guess.  While I regret the loss of my friendship with the guy, I am still hopeful in a small way that he might make an effort one day to honestly look at the things I was talking about.  Sidebar, he's never been able to have a stable long term relationship for very long and he's over 40.  I think he's got some real intimacy issues.  Kind of strange to hear a guy saying that, but it's true .

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ma...]]

Hi Verti, I'm sorry about your friend. it's never easy to have to walk away from a friendship. Your friend would have been perfectly happy to have things remain in his comfort zone, but obviously, that wasn't really going to work for you. If he has intimacy issues, his inability to talk to you doesn't reflect anything but how he feels about himself so, I hope you don't take it personally. It is sad though. I have a friend who's dropped me about four times since we were kids (high school). I've never really been good enough for her. She judged and found me wanting now through this ordeal, but she's always found me wanting somehow. Way past the due date, that relationship, I'd say. In fact, when I look at the friendships I lost over the course of this, I realize they all had some kind of crack that was likely to cause a break under stress. But what doesn't really? Anyway, have a good day. I've started working out again, just a little, slowly going to build up. Once I'm back at the gym I'll really feel like maybe the worst is behind me. I certainly don't trust that feeling now!

XXm

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Verti, I'm sorry about your friend. it's never easy to have to walk away from a friendship. Your friend would have been perfectly happy to have things remain in his comfort zone, but obviously, that wasn't really going to work for you. If he has intimacy issues, his inability to talk to you doesn't reflect anything but how he feels about himself so, I hope you don't take it personally. It is sad though. I have a friend who's dropped me about four times since we were kids (high school). I've never really been good enough for her. She judged and found me wanting now through this ordeal, but she's always found me wanting somehow. Way past the due date, that relationship, I'd say. In fact, when I look at the friendships I lost over the course of this, I realize they all had some kind of crack that was likely to cause a break under stress. But what doesn't really? Anyway, have a good day. I've started working out again, just a little, slowly going to build up. Once I'm back at the gym I'll really feel like maybe the worst is behind me. I certainly don't trust that feeling now!

XXm

 

Exactly right Marina.  Getting out of the comfort zone is sometimes hard to do.  Yes, there are instances where it's better to not rock the boat, but after a while of sitting back, I think one can benefit from just being honest and expressing what you're feeling.  One doesn't have to be rude or blame it all on the other person.  One can stick with "I feel" statements.  Some folks will get defensive no matter what.  I think it's worthwhile to at least try rather than stewing and feeling like things are not working in a relationship.  I have a friend from High School that I ended up dropping and he later kept persisting with getting back in touch.  He had had a couple divorces and wanted to make amends.  I finally did accept his offers of friendship but I had to be very direct about the things that were not working in the past and let him know that if they came up, I would be honest and let him know.  It's happened a couple times in the last few years but he's been pretty good about it and knows I'm not just trying to criticize him but call him on some destructive behaviors that he neeed to work through and which I was not going to sit back and take.  Anyway, I guess every friendship is a little different.  I'm sure there are others who have lost friendships or had strained relations during benzo taper and perhaps even before.

 

Cheers,

 

V

[[Ma...]]

Today is my 8 month anniversary (yeah!!) and to my surprise something good happened: After a night of very little sleep, I had a lovely day during which I didn't feel particularly unwell and it's been a good long time since that's happened, like years. I had a nice day, though at first I was really tired, but it got better over the course of the day and I don't even feel all that awful now. Wow that's something for me. That's really something, so who knows what's happening, but it's not bad and for this I am grateful. Happy holidays everyone!!!

And again (and again) thank you.

 

Verti, it's true, friendships are challenging always but especially throughout this ordeal. I just came back from my knew knitting group where I just learned to knit (at scarf level, fun) and the conversation covered so many different and challenging topics, it was terrifically satisfying. A great group of people, truly stellar, who are comfortable looking around the room and saying "wow this is a great group of people". I got very very lucky. I have been lately. I've been privy to some very warming kindnesses. That includes here. 

 

Yep, it's a good day.

 

xxm

[[ve...]]

Congrats on eight months off Marina. Glad to hear you're back on track and moving your healing in the right direction .  Hope you get some sleep and continued progress with new friendships into the new year.

 

Warm regards ,

 

V