Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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Hope,

 

If you have been out clubbin'...you are way farther along than you think..I just hit the three month off point..and I think I am far from being able to do the nightclub scene....so give yourself some credit if you can do some of those things...

 

I find myself frustrated at times too...one day good..one day bad..that whole non linear healing thing....gets old quick....

 

Hang in there...buddie....

 

If you happen to be one of the people that fall into the 6 to 12 month range of healing...you are certainly still in that range....so right now..it is all par for the course...as Ginger said...keep breathing..keep fighting this thing..I know it is tiring...

 

I have shared the following link before...but check it out again....I have printed it out..for those bad days...I even look at it on the good days too...

 

http://www.psychmedaware.org/recovery_tips.html

 

I am right in there with you buddie..still having the sleep issues due to the viberations and weird muscle tension......things have to get better soon....

 

TC

 

hey tc, i'm pretty sure they got that quote from that benzo wise book.  it sounds familiar. 

[[ke...]]

Vertigo I am going to put up a signature and I hope when I get better and I can help people out more too, and post success stories etc (lol thinking ahead too much)...I might not want to dwell on things a whole lot right now because I'm weepy but w/e

 

Thanks a lot TC I think we may have had a similar time frame in withdrawal and reading your backposts helps. I am hopefully improving and will be at a month soon. The motion sickness is messing up a lot of distractions so I'm just trying to calm down.

[[ve...]]

Sounds good Kerosene.  Hope you start to feel better soon.  Thinking ahead and visualizing your success is a good thing!  Believing you are going to make it through is half the battle .  No doubt it can be frustrating to be finished with the tapering part and still have to deal with the post taper issues.  It's all a process that we all get through in due course.  I recently heard from a buddy who is worried about ever getting better.  I have seen others post about these fears.  I had some similar concerns about sleep which have fortunately subsided recently.  I truly believe it can take up to a year or more for some symptoms to go away.  Also, I liked what TC said earlier about not just ranking the days but parts of the day.  I think it is progress if one can feel oneself for even some part of a day, does not have to be 100% of the day.  I read a book recently that had an 80/20 rule which basically states that if you can achieve your goals 80% of the time, you're ahead of the the game and doing pretty well.  I'm feeling close to 90% these days and my sleep goals are approaching 95%.  Still have a few kinks to work out in the fatigue and anxiety department .  Anxiety is better ("less") than it was before benzos so although its still around, it's not nearly what it was during my taper and is no worse than it was before I took a benzo, so I view that as pretty good.  The fatigue is my primary symptom that is left.  I get tired in the afternoons which I had hoped would improve with exercise but still have a ways to go.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[fu...]]

Kerosene--I'm right there with you.  Each day is kind of an adventure because I don't know who I'm going to be from day to day.  It's cool though, I'm trying to just go with it.  It's nice feeling things again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ke...]]

Yeah it is. I just realized I haven't felt temperature in a week when my shower stopped feeling like pebbles, but at least I can feel it again? Weird CNS healing I guess. I also could knit for awhile again, and watch tv, without getting sick. I hope I keep getting better, I am going to a new psych in a week to vent awhile, I hope.

[[no...]]

Hey Buddies,

 

I'm 4 months benzo free tomorrow and I have been suffering.. I c/t 1mg xanax on june 7, 2010 9 weeks use now it's oct 7 and I have not had any windows just maybe 1 or 2 days where sx were better only to come back the next day much worse sx are a better than 6 weeks ago but still hellish because the raging intrusive thoughts are horriable and relentless! If just that one sx could go I would be the happiest person I would deal with the rest.. My withdrawl was mental torcher not much physical.. Does stress make withdrawl worse? I have been stressed out to the max everyone says that things let up a bit in month 4 and 5 so I hope because I look like a zombie around the eyes. My lingering sx are insomnia,intrusive thoughts/racing thoughts,anxiety,panic,head pressure,a little inner trembling,nervousness (can't sit still),can't concentrate,comparhension,D/P,fear,morning terror,feel like i'm going crazy..

[[ve...]]

Hi Nomo.  I am sorry to hear you are still struggling in your 4th month off.  A c/t can be tricky and sometimes takes a longer adjustment period.  That being said, hang in there.  I hope month 5 will bring more healing to you.  As for the intrusive thoughts, I'm sure you are aware that cognitive therapy principles would advise against labeling thoughts as "horrible".  If you can possibly try mindful meditation, the idea is to watch and observe thoughts go by like leaves on a stream, non judgement of the content of the thoughts can sometimes defuse the difficult thoughts. You can also try labeling thoughts such as "I am having a thought that this is horrible", now I'm having a thought that "I will never get better" or "having a thought that I can't stand this"... The thoughts are not the truth or reality, they are habitual anxious and hyper thoughts that are not helpful to you right now.  You are understandably in a heightened adrenalin state even after several months off the c/t and no doubt you are hoping for a more quick recovery. It can be paradoxical, but the more one struggles to get better, the more anxious one sometimes becomes.  Hope you have a better weekend!  An excellent book to help understand stress and mindful meditation is "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat Zinn, a classic!

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[no...]]

Thanks Vertigo,

 

I understand c/t can be tricky I just turned 4 months yesterday.. I want the negative thinking to go bye-bye I keep telling myself there lies it's not me but it's still scary and im having nightmares too. My thoughts can not be trusted there crazy things that I never thought of.. I know I'm very anxious to get better & when I'm having these thought it makes me feel crazy doom will I ever get better..

[[ve...]]

Hi Nomo.  Nightmares must be rough. I know another member who has had them.  I think I read somewhere else that you have a therapist?  Is that right or am I confusing you with somebody else?  Anyway, therapy could be helpful, but I really must emphasize that (in my opinion) trying to make negative thoughts go away is often not the best approach.    What you resist persists!  I believe that thoughts are just thoughts.   I used to get upset when I'd have a thought that I did not think made me a "good person" but I realize there is a difference between thoughts and actions.  If you have "bad thoughts", they are not part of you. They are just fleeting thoughts.  Try to let them be, accept that they are there but not a part of you.   They do not need to be eliminated.  You are separate from you thoughts. Does that make sense?  The mind chatters away because that is what it does.  I like a dvd which I got on Amazon called Stillness amidst the World by Tolle.  It covers some more detail about how to still the mind not by struggle but by acceptance and mindfulness.

 

Best wishes,

 

V

[[no...]]

Hey Vertigo,

 

Yes I have a great therapist he's been helping alot I see him once a week.. I guess I feel that these thoughts did not come until after Xanax it 's not me but they make me feel bad scared and fearful that's why I'm fighting against them I know this is part of benzo withdrawl but I get so scared this sx will not go away. After withdrawl it's weird how your brain goes to negative thinking & fear I will have to work on it and pray it will let up soon.

[[Ho...]]

to Nomobenzos - I am glad that you write your post about your scary thoughts.  I too have them and live my life in FEAR every day.  I try to replace them with positive thoughts, but it is not easy.  It is hard to imagine that a pill or lack of it could make you fearful of things that you used to just take in stride.  I too worry that they will never go away and I think that is also part of benzo w/d.

    I am trying to be very cognizant of my thoughts and recognize it right away.......that is the only thing I know to do.

Hoping2BFree

[[ve...]]

Hi Nomo.  Glad you have a good therapist.  Yes, intrusive thoughts can be a sign of benzo withdrawal.  The natural tendency it seems is to try and fight them.  I have been down that road many times.  I think Hoping2b made a good point that fear sometimes gets the better of us in withdrawal too.  Hope you're feeling a little better today.

 

Best,

 

V

[[no...]]

Thank You Vertigo,

 

For your advice & support about my sx., I hope your doing well.. I have been still having a hard time with the thoughts not much I can do..

 

God Bless

Roxanne

[[ve...]]

Howdy.  Monday morning and 11 months off benzos today .   Have had a virus for a week :'(.  Was hoping it would turn to a cold and wither away.   It seems it's turned to sinus infection .   I'm thinking about antibiotics since I have to fly in a few weeks and want to make sure its clear before flying.  Last time I took biaxin (July 2009) but was told by somebody on forum that even that may impact GABA .  It worked fine though, maybe I got lucky. The previous year I was on Levaquin (but was still on 5mg valium at the time in 2008), didn't have any problems with it either, but I know folks say not to use cipro or levaquin (quinolones).  I'll probably ask for Augmentin this week.  I have not used that in a while and seems to work well on bacterial infections.  Will also start up with a probiotic to protect the gut too.  

 

I'm also concerned that this virus really stirred up my reflux/GERD the last few days even though I take prilosec every morning.  I think the mucus, post nasal drip and virus were upsetting the stomach and maybe I should have been taking a probiotic to give the stomach some extra "good bacteria".   I had been thinking about tapering off the prilosec in the next month or two but I can't imagine how bad the reflux might have gotten this past week had I not been on the prilosec the last few days.  Anyway, hopefully this will clear up in two weeks so I can try to taper off the prilosec after the holidays.  This is the first virus/illness I've had since Shingles at the start of 2010 (six weeks after my taper ended last November).  

 

 I also would like to lower the statin I take, by 50%.  I've taken 20mg pravastatin for cholesterol the last two years since I first went to the ER with vertigo and palpitations from my c/t off valium (August 2008). I reinstated the low dose of 5mg valium as some of you know and began my taper a few months later in January 2009.  However, I've stayed on the statin which was mostly given because my father has a history of heart disease and because I had those palpitations that one day.  Truth be told, I think the palpitations were a natural reaction to thinking I was having a stroke when I fell over with vertigo from my c/t off valium.  That being said, I've had elevated cholesterol on and off over the past five years and the low dose statin seems to have improved my numbers.  However, about two months ago, I started a consistent program to eat healthy and exerise.  I lost some weight the last 8 weeks so I think my cholesterol numbers are probably a little better now.  I've also been taking extra niacin to raise HDL "good cholesterol" and hope to get better lab numbers next month when I go in for a recheck.   I hope the extra niacin has not been the culprit in causing more stomach upset.   Anyway, I'll cut the 20mg to 10mg pravastatin hopefully next year.

 

 I'm posting all this because at 11 months off, my primary symptom remaining is sleepiness/fatigue in the afternoons and some intermittent blues from not having sufficient energy.  It's ironic because my insomnia is gone, sleeping better than ever at night .  My goal now is to reduce other medications as much as possible.  I'm hoping that getting off the prilosec and reducing the statin will improve energy levels and help with the fatigue that remains at 11 months off.  I've read where others on forum have still had fatigue at six or more months post benzo. I can't think of a whole lot else I can do.  I've been exercising and eating healthy for two months, lost 15 pounds (10 more to go).  I'm hoping that getting off the other meds will be another step towards more complete healing.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ho...]]

So glad to hear that you are doing well Vertigo - aside from the virus and the sinus infection - but to read that you have sleepiness as a side effect - gosh that sounds so good after you suffered from the insomnia.  I wish I suffered from sleepiness - nothing more that I would like than to go to sleep and wake up when this w/d is over.  I am glad to see that you are 11 months off and doing well.  Thanks for keeping us informed -

it helps though of us at the beginning ......  Love from Hoping

[[Ma...]]

Hey Verti (nm)!! I'm here for my update on Benzo freedom and Congratulations on you 11 months mark!!!!! :yippee:

 

I'm nearly at 6 and wow, what a wild mouse ride. It was better at first, so much, then worse, then much better and just recently so much worse that I thought I would fall through some black hole in the galaxy, no kidding, it was terrifying. I decided to lose some of the weight I gained in wd and all I can say is WAIT!! Yeah, I lost 5 pounds or the 10 I gained but the sxs really came back like crazy, not to mention some I'd never had before. I thought it was just a temporary setback and I would get used to it, but I had to give it up and it can't be a coincidence that I started feeling better almost tight away. I was fine within 48 hours, well, mostly. I even had a reaction to a hair color I'd been using for years without event. Really threw my poor little brain for loop.

This is going to take some time I guess.

 

Anyway, much better now and happy to be putting this past year behind me. I have a good feeling about 2011.

Maybe my body's waiting for the end of the Mayan calendar?

Have a good one ya'll/

Healing happens.

xxxm

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Hi all

Today marks one year since I last took the poison known as Clonazepam.  And I have to report that I am now functioning at around 95% - some days I feel like my old self, some days I still feel not "quite right".  I don't get to BB much now - I've decided to move on with my life.  I gave up three years to benzo addiction and I need to do some catching up.  However I am still very much aware there are people still suffering from these poisions and for that reason I will continue to post of my success from time to time.  A thirteen month withdrawal from Clonazepam (Klonopin) - a lot of which was a living hell.  I look back at the unbelieveable anxiety in my body, the dreadful nightmares, the complete inability to concentrate ony anything, the irritability, the middle of the night panic attacks and the worst of all - agoraphobia.  Those are just a few of the symptoms, many of which we all experience in withdrawal.

 

How my marriage survived through withdrawal amazes me - I have the best and most patient husband in the world.  In fact how I survived this process amazes me.  Looking back now I see myself dragging myself out of bed every day - feeling like I probably wouldn't make it through the day most days.  Yet I did and I am truly proud of myself for sticking with it - many days I wondered whether it was worth it - it is believe me.  There were many inspirations along the way - many of the people here at BB, a local support group who were amazing, my husband of course, my wonderful friends, my psychotherapist and a very special little grand daughter who arrived in September 2009.  She became my inspiration to keep on going.

 

I am a survivor, I never thought it would ever end, other benzo survivors told me it would but I never really believed them.  So to those who are struggling I am one of those survivors now and it REALLY DOES HAPPEN.  Unfortunately it is only time that allows it to happen and also maintaining that belief.  Hang in there is an often used phrase but really that is all we can do to get through this.  Live each day as best you can, take advantage of the better days and get through the bad days.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

To the psychiatrist who told me I would need to be on benzos for the rest of my life - wel you can imagine what I'd like to say to him - I think Colin would delete my post if I published what I'd really like to say.  But I am living life again dealing with issues as they arise.  I'd like to say my anxiety has disappeared completely, but it does come back from time to time.  But I've learned the techniques to get me through and they do work.  No more benzos for me ever!

 

Every good wish to you all.

LB

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LB, thanks for posting this.  You give me hope where it is in short supply these days.  I, too, had a grandchild born during this horrendous taper of mine.  I haven't been able to visit him since my visit around his birth.  I'm just too sick and this makes me incredibly sad.  (Does yours live nearby?)  But, he is my inspiration right now, too, as I continue the struggle to get off the last .5 mgs. Klon.  I don't know how I'm going to do it, but you did it, so that gives me some strength to continue. Like you, I find it hard to believe I will ever feel any different.  I struggle to get out of bed and through the day.  So many similarities.  Thank you for sharing your success story.  L., ~~mbr

[[le...]]

LB...thank you.  I hope that many come by this thread and see what you just posted.

 

So many of us needed to hear this...

 

Love,

Leena

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Thank you, LB.  Glad you're recovered.  The encouragement and reassurance that we heal is timely.  Thank you.

[[Mi...]]

Guess I can now officially be a part of this thread

 

I jumped 10-10, and while I'm still symptomatic, it's not like the utter hell I was in this time last year.

 

Looking forward to hearing how everyone is doing

[[Ho...]]

So glad for you Missy - healing days ahead - good luck to you!

Love from Hoping2BFree

[[ve...]]

That's great news Missy .  Glad to have you here too.  What a wonderful post LB.  95% is awesome .  I know what you mean by feeling like you've give up some years to the benzo beast.  It's just over two years for me now, including my post taper experience.  Congrats on the birth of your granddaughter.  Hope you will enjoy some quality time with her now. Good to hear from you.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ho...]]

I missed your post the last time I was on here LB - thank you so much for writing and letting us know that you are doing so well.  It is so good to read that and hope that we will all be where you are someday SOON.  Time and patience are the words - I know.....it is so hard, when you feel so bad, to be patient.  We are all hanging in because that is all we CAN do.  But when a success story like yours shows up, it gives us more strength to keep hanging on.  Thank you so much for posting this.  Good luck to you.

Love from Hoping2BFree

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Guess I can now officially be a part of this thread

 

I jumped 10-10, and while I'm still symptomatic, it's not like the utter hell I was in this time last year.

 

Looking forward to hearing how everyone is doing

 

Congrats Missy!

 

Jumping on 10-10-10..did you plan that? 

 

I like that..a once in a lifetime event..or at least once in our lifetimes..unless we live to be over 100 years old....

 

TC