Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ho...]]

Vertigo and Ginger - sounds like you have your lives back - you both are an inspiration to me.....going all these places - I am trying to make myself get ready to go to the Jersey shore for a weekend and I don't know how I am going to do it.  But I have hope for my future - hope - that

thing that makes us keep going......."Hope is the thing with feathers

                                                  That perches in the soul,

                                                  And sings the tune without the words,

                                                  And never stops at all."

Maybe this should be our "theme poem" for this site.

Have a good weekend.

Love from Hoping

and I've been to Solvang - many years ago - loved it.  I'll have to try to get to Helen, GA - one of these days.

                             

[[Me...]]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your support .  I am just trying to be functional today on zero hours of sleep.  The rocking floaty boat is still here.  Wondering what people did to distract during there early stages of withdrawal.  Trying music and stuff like that. 

 

Trying to stay positive.

Thanks for all of your help.

Glad to read on here how people have regained their lives back.

 

[[gi...]]

Hey Hoping - where on the shore? Do you live in Jersey? I spent a lot of time in Seaside Heights when I was a kid.  You'll do it; just bring good sunglasses and a hat, be prepared to cover yourself up (you could find you're hypersensitive to sunlight) and drink plenty of water. And stay out of the traffic! Just park somewhere and foggetaboutit!  You don't need that stress!

 

Hi Melissa - I forced myself to do chi gong every day and t'ai chi as much as possible. Even if it was only for 15 minutes, I did it. It often was the only thing I did all day. It really helps with floaty boating, too.  I spent A LOT of time plugged in here, too.

 

Here's a good Sunday to everyone -

 

ginger

[[Ho...]]

Hey Ginger - I live in PA - about 2 hours from the shore....we are in Long Beach Island right now at a friend's condo, but I definitely know where Seaside Hts is - we're about an hour and a half from there.  Much cooler down here than at home today  - we didn't get here till 3:30 so the beach time was fine - sun was not so strong.

tomorrow I am hoping to go up to the beach in the morning and avoid it in the afternoon......thanks for writing.

 

[[...]]

Hoping, I'm so impressed that you were able to make the trip.  I think you're doing better than you think.  No way I could do that right now.  Good for you!  L., ~~mbr

[[Ho...]]

Hi mbr - yes I think I am having a window......since Sunday things kept going downhill with yesterday being the worst I have had since April when I was rapidly tapered off the 1.5 of Klonopin.  But somehow I slept through the night, had bad anxiety this morning, but I did my breathing exercises and my affirmations and somehow I packed for the weekend and got in the car and made it here.  I had lots of shaking in the car and

all kinds of tremors in my chest and stomach - but here I am - I even sat by the ocean and watched the waves and those kinds of waves I like.

So I definitely am doing better than I thought I would.  I guess what I had was a horrible wave for 5 days.  So glad that it let up for today.....

and hope my window doesn't shut, at least until I get back home.  I have been blessed for today.  Thanks for writing mbr -

[[...]]

Hoping, I'm SO glad things are looking up for you.  Yes, those are a good kind of waves!  Enjoy!  L., ~~mbr

[[ve...]]

Good Sunday to all the post benzo pepes.  I don't think I've mentioned it on this thread but want to post a positive here at 10 months off.  All week, I have consistently been sleeping with REM, waking up and remembering my dreams which I have not done in a long time, not consistently.  Also, I've started to sleep til 6:00AM whereas as of a couple weeks ago I was spontaneously waking between 4:30 and 5AM for like two weeks straight.  I think it may have been related to my change in diet and exercise the previous few weeks.  Anyway, things seem to have settled down now and I am liking the 6AM wake ups better than 5AM , but more importantly the return of REM sleep on a consistent basis  .

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[le...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I am glad that you came to post the little changes that you have noticed over just a couple of weeks time.  It really does help to see that, however slowly, there is true progress being made.  And I know that the better sleep is going to pay off all the way around, so good for you!

 

I keep meaning to come here and post my own 10 months off report..I am just about 10.5 months off now.  I will try to do it soon...either that or update my woefully neglected blog.

 

Thank you for the good news

 

~Leena

[[Ho...]]

Great to hear Vertigo - so glad you are making progress.  Your positive comments always help to encourage the rest of us.

Hoping

[[pa...]]

Hi V! Congradts on being 10 months free!! I reached 7 months free on September 19!

So glad to hear that your REM sleep is increasing! Ironically, for me, REM sleep never did disappear! It may have been due to the remeron plus melatonin that I've taken these last few years and especially during benzo use. I have heard that both of these can increase REM sleep. If this is something that's been lost to you and it's coming back, I'm happy for your progress! I certainly know the frustration of having sleep issues, dream or no dreams. When I cut the remeron the week before last, I had 4 days of insomnia in a row.

Fortunatley, my sleep is doing pretty well now, but I also know that soon, I will be dealing with the tapering process again, hopefully for the last time! Here's to better dreams and sleep!! Also, glad to hear that the extra sodium weight came off! Is your bike fixed yet? I'll be riding mine again after I post this message. Hope you have a great week!

Leena, so nice to see you again on the forum!

I look forward to reading an update from you on your blog. I remember there were some knee problems you were having? Also, how's the family doing? Let us know when you can. I wanted to let you know that I had some pain problems hit me recently. First, there was a pulled abdomen muscle that I delt with last month. Then, I had a pinched nerve around my tailbone. I used ice packs for the last one. Is suseptability to injury part of the healing process or am I just getting old?!!

Again, great to hear from you and I look forward to reading your updates!

Hoping2Bfree, I saw a recent post you had about some hard anxiety symtoms and I was concerened about you. You sound like you are doing better today, and I hope you are enjoying your trip. Yes, anxiety, nerve pain, tremors, shaking can sometimes be part of the process of healing but they always pass. So glad you have the opportunity to get away for awhile. Sometimes, new scenery can refresh the mind. By the way, Solvang, CA is an old stompping ground of mine! As a child , I lived in Lompoc, which is about 25 miles due west. I used to think that Santa Claus lived in Solvang whenever we'd go visit there! These are some of the really good memories I'd like to continue having about my childhood despite all the hardships.

I have 1 more full week at work to get through! here's hoping that everyone has a great week with lots of happiness and peace!

[[le...]]

Thank you, Pangelingua...I am still around and post in "spurts".  Tonight I am feeling my worst symptom pretty strongly (the burning pain in my upper back) and wish I could look forward to going to bed!  It is still very hard to lay down, and so I don't until I have to. 

 

I am sorry about the injuries you have had...Perhaps it is just harder to get and keep our bodies in shape while going through this?  I have been trying to do a series of arm exercises with weights faithfully every other day.  But it is almost like I am injuring myself when I do them...hurting my nerves or my muscles?  I can't figure it out.  I know that back in March when I tried to lift weights, I through my back into horrible spasms which took days to recover from.  So...I guess I have at least improved from then!

 

I will hopefully post on my blog soon, to catch up on the other things you asked about. 

 

It is always good to hear from you!

 

:smitten:Leena

[[gi...]]

Hey Leena,

 

I have burning back, too. I had it for more than a year, then it faded. I've lived blissfully without it for a couple months and then all of a sudden this weekend it came back!  Last night it was just horrible. My bed was a torture chamber!  I have really bad loss of muscle mass in my upper body; I lost all my fat, too. I look like a skeleton from the waist up. I used to be a body builder so it's particularly distressing.

 

Anyway, I've modified my workout a lot in the last few months and take a lot of supplements and thought these changes attributed to my improvment. I've been working out without "stinging" afterwards and everything! I've been doing so well!  Now, I don't know what to think!  What are you doing to combat it? How long have you had it?

 

thanks for your advice!

 

ginger

[[pa...]]

Mainly, I seem to have circulation problems going on in my legs. I posted about this a few weeks ago on a different board. I don't know how much benzo use could have contibuted to it. I do know that I had a horiible goose egg sized swelling in my left leg occur in the middle of my klonopin use. Fortunatley, it went away within a few days. Also, I had a job requiring me to stand for long periods of time. Plus, I wore cheap boots for many years. My left leg seems to have suffered the brunt of it. The good news is that I have found a way to use my excercise bike while keeping my legs elevated and this seems to help. Also, I now have a different job that allows me to move around. I no longer can wear high top boots because they make my legs feel really sore.

There must have been something about the muscle relaxant properties of klonopin that made my legs more suseptable to this kind of issue. I do have a lot of weekness, heaviness, and pains that make standing in one spot hard for me at times. I am confident that with lots of excercise and better care (plus no more benzo use!), my legs will regain their strength in time.

 

[[le...]]

Hey Ginger,

 

Wow...I am just so sorry that after going for so long without the burning bothering you, that it seems to have raised it's ugly head again.  I wish that I could tell you that I have a good trick up my sleeve to deal with it, but I don't.  About the only thing I can do, especially when I have to lay down, is to lay on a "cold pad", which is about the size of a normal heating pad but is something you re-freeze every day for use at night. 

 

Because I have this inflammation issue (diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, but having a hard time believing the diagnosis), I just am not sure if the burning is from the withdrawal...or if I am in denial and it is the "arthritis".  I keep going back and forth on an anti-inflammatory diet, trying to decide if it helps or not. The noticeable inflammation is in my left knee...but the MRI showed it in my sacral spine.  Where I hurt the most is my cervical spine.  I just get so weary trying to figure it all out.

 

I have noticed in your blog that sleeping has been an issue for you, and it has been for me, too.  But I must say that SOMEHOW over the past couple of weeks, even with all the pain, I have at least been able to fall asleep. It seems that I wake up every time I turn over because of the pain, but I can fall back asleep for a little while. My bedtime supplements are usually some vitamin C, sometimes some magnesium...but ALWAYS I take a Zicam (which is a homeopathic cold remedy and I use it to ward off any sinus issues...and it seems to work) and I also have Melatonin (3 mg. which is the melt under your tongue kind) and I know this works for me.  The things I do in desperation (unisom, benedryl, Ibuprofen PM...) do not usually seem to help me that much.

 

Pange, my left leg is my "bad" one, too.  After I had shingles (before withdrawing from K) I got a lump above my knee (my shingles lesions..there were only 2 that I saw) were on my left leg).  So...I don't know if the lump that is surrounding my left kneecap is a recurrence of what happened with the shingles...or what?  I want SO badly for all of this to be withdrawal related so that I can have some hope of it going away. 

 

I appreciate ALL of you SO much, admire your courage and value your encouragement!

 

:smitten:Leena

 

 

[[gi...]]

thanks Leena,

 

It's not as bad so far today.  I'm trying a new core excercise - planking - and I"m wondering if that has anything to do with it. You lay face down on the floor and then tighten up everything, raise yourself up with your upper arms and toes and then hold, with only your toes and forearms connecting with the floor. It burns like crazy! I can barely do it for 1 minute. I'm thinking since I have no back muscles that it's causing the burn.

 

At any rate, it's a great exercise if you can handle it!

 

Thanks for your help.

 

BTW for sleep I'm currently taking l-theanine, taurine, l-tryptophan, GABA and calcium. This buys me about 45-60 minutes a night! I also just started taking chinese herbs (nothing of which I've ever heard of). I take magnesium in the morning because I read it can diminish GABA so I split them up.

 

good luck to you -

 

ginger

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi to all oh this W/D support group blog- I see some old friends here -Pange thanks for your encouraging words - I am hoping that these things pass, but am so afraid they will not.  Although I did have a window at the shore, it is now gone and I am back in my misery.

    Leena - glad to see you here - I am so sorry that you continue to have all that pain.  I will PM you a little later.

    ginger - so sorry that the burning pain has returned - does this stuff ever leave us along?  When I saw that you had posted that, my heart dropped because you have been doing so well.  Perhaps it could be pulled muscles?  What is it in withdrawal that makes for the burning pain -

I have some in my lower left leg but don't know if it's sicatica-related to w/d related? 

      I am so disheartened - I really enjoyed my two day window and if I could just hold on to those feelings, but we have no control over this -

that is one reason why it is so hard and I can barely think any positive thoughts when I am like this. 

      I hope you all find some peace and pain-free moments for the rest of the day.  I am thinking of you all.

Love from Hoping2BFree

[[ho...]]

Hi all............

 

ohhhhh what a ride this is.........

 

I need to vent a bit, and lookn for words of wisdom, hope, encouragment.......borrow other members hope?? as, i think mine is pretty much next to nil at the moment!!

 

Im VERY FRUSTERATED.........AND TIRED OF BEING TIRED W FATIGUE, INNER SHAKES/VIBES AT I KNOW AS YOU SAY ONLY AT 7  months....but to me, 7 mnths, plus my almost 4 months taper, is 11 months in total, of benzo crazzyness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

everday i wake i feel not rested, exhausted, drained, i feel it in my eyes............my eyes BURN  everday!!! my inner shakes, have become really annoying again esp at night, takes awhile for them to somewhat settle......its almost like my cns goes into overdrive for the day, then when i lay.. hard to explain, its seems the more exhausted i am, the worse they are! ??

 

i get sooo tired, by the afternoon, im done for the day, by 3pm.......its soo bad i cant even watch my boys, not good!!! waitn impatiently for my hubby to get home to take over, watchn the boys ,and i barelly can cook dinner, im soo exhausted.. this kind of exhaustion is scary and crazy to say the least.. i do have low iron , but it slowly has been going up , improving, but still the fatigue is horrible...

as well, my heart lately seems to be going bonkers w heart palps too, like my  body is revved up... i dont know what to think this far out.........    i really have lost my hope that im healing honestly , ive gotten worse actually since getn off the benzos i feel.. sure ive been able to go out, w friends, etc.. but i push myself, i just fake it, that im ok, but im not.. The last month, i havent been goin out dancing, clubbn w my friends anymore, i just cant do it  ..

 

sorry this is not a great postive post, but i really need some encouragement, hope from other members.. or others feeln the same?? or can relate..thanks... hope

[[gi...]]

Hey Hope,

 

Sorry you're so fatigued; that's got to be rough especially with kids. There's no rhyme or reason and as you know, certainly no answer to "when". All I know is that it will get better.  Keep breathing.

 

ginger

[[...]]

Hope,

 

If you have been out clubbin'...you are way farther along than you think..I just hit the three month off point..and I think I am far from being able to do the nightclub scene....so give yourself some credit if you can do some of those things...

 

I find myself frustrated at times too...one day good..one day bad..that whole non linear healing thing....gets old quick....

 

Hang in there...buddie....

 

If you happen to be one of the people that fall into the 6 to 12 month range of healing...you are certainly still in that range....so right now..it is all par for the course...as Ginger said...keep breathing..keep fighting this thing..I know it is tiring...

 

I have shared the following link before...but check it out again....I have printed it out..for those bad days...I even look at it on the good days too...

 

http://www.psychmedaware.org/recovery_tips.html

 

I am right in there with you buddie..still having the sleep issues due to the viberations and weird muscle tension......things have to get better soon....

 

TC

[[ve...]]

I like that link TC.  It resonated with me as I'm sure it will for others.  

 

Hope, I also have fatigue particularly in the afternoons.  I'm hoping that more energy will still be coming in the next couple months prior to my one year off.  Exercise has helped with morning energy but its like by afternoon, it still hits me between 2-4PM and then evenings are pretty mellow.  While I did have a couple beers without issues last week, I still think its wise to delay heavy partying and drinking particularly in the first six months off and beyond if one is still pretty symptomatic.

 

Pange. Hope the circulation issues continue to heal.  Glad you are able to use your exercise bike in a creative way. I finally got mine repaired and back to some indoor cycling .

 

Leena.  Sorry to hear you are still experiencing burning back and aches.  Regarding weights, its important to not overdo the weight and pay attention to the form of the exercise so you are not straining neck or other muscles that are not part of the ideal movement of the particular muscles you are targeting.

 

Ginger.  Hope you get some relief with sleep from the supplements.  Never heard of planking.  Sounds interesting.  I am finding that exercise is making a difference overall even though I still have some fatigue in the afternoons.

 

Have a great day and weekend everyone,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[ho...]]

Hey TC, ginger, and vertigo

 

wow!! thanks TC thats an awesome info, words of hope for recovery.. i will print off too....appreciate that, thanks.. def needed something like that now to re-assure me a bit, and have for the future....

 

cuz wow, ive been feeln really rough last 5 weeks........................

 

wishn all a good weekend

 

hope .,zzzzzzzzzzzzz

[[ke...]]

I am on day 6 and it's the worst day. I can't keep anything down and I keep wanting to cry, I can't even talk. I don't know if this is a reflex but it feels awful...I'm just crying and trying to eat some bread. I'm super scared of going to a hospital. I wish I could sleep to pass the time but I can't sleep because the tics are so bad. I did sleep last night, for about 5 hours. My best friend told me to do the r-word and that really hurt, I don't want to be that person again but I can't survive like this, I can only hope it passes. It really feels like the two years I spent trying to control my panic attacks. I did learn to do it eventually...

[[ve...]]

Hi Kerosene.  Sorry things are rough now.  It might be helpful to post a signature so folks understand your taper history and some details about when you finished and so forth.  Do you need some help with that?  The first weeks off benzos can be very challenging.  I believe there are others who recently finished and are struggling too. Glad you could sleep for five hours. Hopefully you will feel better today and in the coming days and weeks.  Sometimes it gets a little worse before it gets better.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[...]]

Kerosene,

 

Vertigo really made some good points in his post.  I can tell you that i am 3 months free of benzos and while I am not 100 percent, I am seeing some pretty good progress towards healing.  I would say most days I am at 80 to 85 percent, with periods of feeling about 95 percent for pretty good periods of time during the day.

 

I too found that the first few weeks post benzos were the most challenging.  At first, i was just happy to be off the "junk."  I think realized that even though I was happy to be off the stuff, that I was going to have to really have alot of patience to get through this mess.  The first 6 weeks or so were rough and there were times when I felt I was worse off than when tapering.  Around the 7th or 8th week, things started getting better.  I saw glimpses of my old self coming back.  As the next month progressed, it was a bit of back and forth.  Good days, bad days, middle of the road days, with no rhyme or reason.  In the last couple weeks, it has been mostly good days and things appear to be getting better.  I have no idea what the immediate future will bring, but it does seem like after a bad spell, symptoms improve. I am now down to about 2 or 3 symptoms...I hope in the upcoming months they improve and leave...

 

I think that if you can get through the next month or two...you will be just fine...in the early, early days I just made it my job to get through the day....and the more days we put behind us..the better things get.....I found that worked for me....along with distracting myself.....hopefully, this works for you too...

 

Hang in there...keep coming back here....we truly "get it"....and many of us are still in the middle of the fight..

 

TC