Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[am...]]

well I'll probably jinx it but this is day number 3 of almost normality,  the headache that has bothered me for 7 weeks has faded to almost nothing (it has done this before and come back) the ear pressure, electric shock teeth and prior jaw surgery pain is almost unnoticeable.  Depression tried to creep in this afternoon but I managed to divert and avoid it come crashing down.  A touch of anxiety when I went to the bakery (stupid stupid anxiety,  absolutely no reason to feel anxious) I think it is more to do with me being alone all the time than anything else.

Somehow the last couple of days have felt different from other windows I have had.  It feels weird, I feel like my old self somewhat.  I will have to think hard how to explain it properly but I am happy that I could feel happy and laugh watching a show today.

Today is a good day.

 

9.35

[[le...]]

Hey James...SUCH good news to hear that you are feeling a 9.35 today and somewhat like your old self! I am so glad for you!

 

:smitten:Leena

[[ve...]]

Glad the headache has faded James.  Also good to hear about some of the other symptoms fading.  One word of advice, s/x can be withdrawal related for sure, but they can also be traced to pre benzo issues too.  I had anxiety and insomnia before my first benzo and it's something I have to manage now that I'm off benzos for a while.  That being said, it's nice to have some good days and a good laugh .

 

How are you doing Leena?

 

Best,

 

V

[[Me...]]

Hi Guys,

I just jumped on Friday.  So naturally I feel like crap right now.  symptoms are nightmares, waking up every  hour, achiness , some burning and nausea.  Anxiety is different now.  Still here but not as intense.  Trying to hang in there.

 

[[le...]]

Hi Melissa...I have not yet congratulated you for your jump off of ativan!  Good for you for coming to that final dose!  I know that you are feeling REALLY crummy right now, but hopefully you will be feeling better and better soon!

 

Hi Vertigo,

 

Well, I had a rough weekend with "a pain in the rear", literally.  Not sure if it was my mega-walk from the day before the pain started or not.  But I have been very gimpy and of course, cannot go out to walk again until this clears up.  Bummer.

 

How are YOU doing?  (I noticed that you were keeping up with the UT/Texas Tech game...my husband and I were in the minority here in Austin, as we are former Red Raiders and JUST for this game we always root for Tech!)

 

~Leena

[[Ho...]]

Hi Everyone - I am a "newbie" to this site - but am sooooooo happy to be here.  I jumped off my K at a little less than .125 of K on September 7.

I have had a difficult time and yesterday, 12 days off, was the worst. I haven't felt like posting on the "Celebration Benzo Free" site as I sure as heck don't feel like celebrating, at least not yet.  Today is lucky #13 day and so I don't have big expectations for today - have

lots of anxiety and shaking, and some kind of grabbing in my chest and stomach - I think it's anxiety and sometimes it just grabs me and almost

makes me bend over  - it doesn't hurt, but it is uncomfortable.  I also get a feeling like the nerves are rippling or running around under my skin in my stomach and chest area.  Also doesn't hurt, but feels very weird.  I still jerk sometimes but the worst thing is the shaking, anxiety and the

fear that I won't get better.  I so want my life back - but I am beginning to realize that it may have to be a different life than what I had before.

And that MIGHT be a good thing.  Maybe I will take better care of myself, be kinder to myself.  I always saw myself, in my mind, as going back to the hustle-bustle, run-around, do everything for others, come home, and collapse on the sofa and then get up and do it all over again the next day.  Maybe I don't want that kind of life anymore - this is a realization I am coming to as I try to understand my anxiety  - I'm going to a CBTtherapist, so hopefully, she can help me with the w/d anxiety and then maybe I'll have the tools to also handle the "life anxiety." that I am sure I will encounter.    Well anyway, didn't mean to go on so long.  Thanks Vertigo for starting this thread - I am trying to eat really well and

increase my glutamate - I think that's what I should be doing - and I am eating high protein snacks, not chips anymore.  If anyone knows of anything else, food-wise or supplement wise, please post it.  I don't know how else to fight these symptoms.  Thank you all for being out there and listening.  Love from Hoping2Bfree

[[ve...]]

Hi Everyone - I am a "newbie" to this site - but am sooooooo happy to be here.

 

We are happy you're here too Hoping2B

 

I have had a difficult time and yesterday, 12 days off, was the worst. I haven't felt like posting on the "Celebration Benzo Free" site as I sure as heck don't feel like celebrating, at least not yet.  

 

I know what you mean.  It's still early to be celebrating when you still feel lousy

 

I still jerk sometimes but the worst thing is the shaking, anxiety and the

fear that I won't get better.  I so want my life back - but I am beginning to realize that it may have to be a different life than what I had before.And that MIGHT be a good thing.  Maybe I will take better care of myself, be kinder to myself.

 

Many of us have felt at one time or another that we would not get better but that's pretty normal especially early on after you've stopped the dose when side effects are more prominent.  I think it is a great thing to realize that maybe the goal is not to go back to a former life but to create a better more fulfilling one in which one takes better care of oneself .

 

I always saw myself, in my mind, as going back to the hustle-bustle, run-around, do everything for others, come home, and collapse on the sofa and then get up and do it all over again the next day.  Maybe I don't want that kind of life anymore - this is a realization I am coming to as I try to understand my anxiety  - I'm going to a CBTtherapist, so hopefully, she can help me with the w/d anxiety and then maybe I'll have the tools to also handle the "life anxiety." that I am sure I will encounter.    Well anyway, didn't mean to go on so long.  

 

Sounds good that you're re-evaluating your priorities in life Hoping2B and getting support through a therapist

 

Thanks Vertigo for starting this thread - I am trying to eat really well and

increase my glutamate - I think that's what I should be doing - and I am eating high protein snacks, not chips anymore.  If anyone knows of anything else, food-wise or supplement wise, please post it.  I don't know how else to fight these symptoms.  Thank you all for being out there and listening.  Love from Hoping2Bfree

 

You're welcome Hoping2Bfree.  I'm glad you have joined this thread and wish you the best in your post benzo recovery.  I agree that nutrition can be a very important part of recovery and healing off benzos.  I think there have been some threads started on nutrition lately.  I started one not too long ago about blood sugar and withdrawal here in withdrawal support.  It's probably a few pages down.  There's another thread I started on weight loss/gain during withdrawal which has to do with exercise but may also have some posts on food and nutrition.

 

Best wishes and look forward to your future posts here,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ho...]]

Thank you for the warm welcome Vertigo - I'll be back, that's for sure.  Hope you have a good night!

Hoping

[[...]]

congrats melissa and hoping on being benzo free!  woohoo! 

[[Me...]]

Thanks Vertigo and Leslie and Leena and everyone else,

 

Anxiety is gone.  Slept for two hours last night.  Burning in upper back and arms that comes and goes.  Foaty boat seems to be getting better.  I know that nothing is typical in this.  Feel lousy but very glad to be off of these drugs.

Thanks for your support,

Mel

[[ve...]]

Glad to hear that you're feeling a little better Melissa.  Hope you have a better night's sleep tonight or that you caught a nap today.

 

Best wishes,

V

[[BY...]]

Hello,

 

Well I have returned to work after being sick and I'm still dealing with the Prednisone Cipro wreckage.

 

I'm dealing with several sx's, the biggest being paranoia.  I can't get away from people as I need to monitor and tweak machine settings as needed. When I'm on the floor it feels like everyone is staring at me and then I start to sweat and shake.

 

Paranoia has always been a problem with me from the start.

 

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you,

Mikey

[[Me...]]

Thanks Vertigo,

Very thankful to have everyone on the post withdrawal and everyone on this site.  Slept for six hours last night.  Today I have burning skin and gi stuff.  Feel not too hot.  The dizzy boaty thing comes and goes and is kinda morphing into something else.  Very grateful that I slept.

Thanks for your support everyone.

[[ja...]]

Maybe it is not good to read about these post benzo problems while doing the taper but wait until that is over.  With these issues one could lose motivation in the tapering process if that is what is waiting at the end.  Just a thought.

[[Me...]]

Matrix...Just realize everybody people watches....so dont worry....you can watch them too !!      Imagine how movie stars feel !!! and they get hammered by paparazzi !!  Just pretend U are a star !!! 

[[...]]

Maybe it is not good to read about these post benzo problems while doing the taper but wait until that is over.  With these issues one could lose motivation in the tapering process if that is what is waiting at the end.  Just a thought.

 

 

Jackson,

 

If it affects someone's taper it might be best to avoid some areas of the forum.  I am more of a realist when it comes to benzo withdrawal, I have kept an eye on this thread for quite some time, and I couldn't wait to officially become a member because it means I am farther down the road to healing.  This thread is has been extremely helpful to me.....I am not one of those people that can put his fingers in his ears and says " La la la la la" or whatever it is we would say to block things out....sometimes, I wish I could be that person..might make things go a bit smoother....

 

TC

[[ve...]]

Good idea Meljo.    Thanks for your post Matrix.  There are some good strategies for dealing with intrusive thoughts in the book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  ACT therapy has a foundation of cognitive/behavior therapy but takes a different path where one does not have to replace all negative or paranoid thoughts with positive ones.  ACT incorporates mindfulness and acceptance.  One strategy in the book would be to "thank your mind" for pointing out to you that people are watching, then go about your business of doing the next work task. Instead of resisting or trying to stop the "troublesome" or paranoid thoughts, let them be.  They are not you, just the chatter of the habitual mind trying to protect you as best it can, but there are newer ways to heal and protect yourself that go beyond the inner critic or fearful self.  Check out the book if interested.

 

Hey TC.  I agree that there are often two or more responses to a thread that focuses on post benzo withdrawal and symptoms.  I can see that some who are not quite finished with their taper might become a little more anxious to read that many folks continue to suffer after the last benzo dose.  On the other hand, I agree with you that taking a realistic view of the benzo journey which includes acknowledging that it may take some time after the last benzo to heal, might be helpful to some.  Also, when I started the thread, I did not intend it to be just for "complaining about symptoms" although I certainly understand the need to reach out for support when waves of suffering might come up.  I also intended folks to report on what is working, what might be helpful towards getting better sleep or dealing with anxiety or how change in diet or exercise or supplements or something else has been  helpful or not.    Anyhow, I always welcome feedback here.  For some, the post benzo thread may not be as helpful at different stages.   By the same token, sometimes I've found that spending too much time on forum or the internet in general may not be as helpful as getting outdoors and pursuing other interests.  I think it ultimately comes down to balance.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

I had a few minutes extra time this morning, so I wanted to stop by and say thanks for checking on my blog!

A trip to Helen sounds like a nice adventure! Hope you and your wife enjoy it! Even if you can't sample the beer, perhaps a nice bratwurst would be in order?! Their is another local town to us called Mt Angel, OR and they also have an Octoberfest in September. They do this because there's less chance of rain in September. My grandma lives in that town and she is from Germany. She has gone to the festivities there many times.

Thank you for posting info on this book and introducing us to ACT therapy. Although I agree with many aspects of CBT, there are always some aspects of it that I don't agree with and it's refreshing to see a slightly different approach to changing one's thinking. Part of the problem with CBT I've always felt is that it's a little restrictive towards negative thoughts. It's as though it tells a person, "no, no, no, you shouldn't think that way!" I've always felt that it was best to allow yourself to have the thoughts and just let them pass... sooner or later, the mind will work through it and see it clearly and understand where it has made an error in it's understanding of a situation. Also, thanking your mind is a positive way of working with it... the more your mind is working together in harmony, the more it will work for you!!

Thanks again, and hope veryone is having a great week!

[[Ho...]]

Hi Pange and V - Pange  - I wanted to say that was a great idea about "thanking your mind."  I am always mad at my mind because it is causing me so much grief right now.  But I think I will thank it and another thing I do is I bless my brain for all the good that it has done for me in the past.  I am going to a CBT therapist right now, but she is into more "mindful" CBT - she gave me a CD by Jon Kabat Zinn that is called "The Mindful way through Depression."  I don't think she really understand that what I am going through is drug withdrawal, and she thinks I am having

PTSD, but I have explained it to her and she still feels she can help me.  Yesterday we did EMDR - do you or V know what that is.  It really did help to calm me down while I was with her.  I have tried letting the thoughts float away, but it doesn't seem to work too well.  I have information on "thought-stopping" as well and I have been trying that, although I know that is strictly CBT.  I will let you all know how this

CD is and if I feel it is helpful.  It comes with the book of the same name by Kabat-Zinn however, she didn't loan me the book. 

    Hope you guys are having a great day and that w/d sx are becoming a part of your past - oh how good that sounds.  Happy Oktoberfesting to both of you!

Love from Hoping

     

[[...]]

V,

 

Sometimes I think we need to read the good, the bad and the ugly. (That is a great movie btw).

 

All i can remember is how bad I wanted to be a member of the post withdrawal group when I was tapering..now that I am here...I want to be a member of the healed group.

 

This thread has helped me alot during my journey...both prior to jumping and post jump...and I appeciate you starting it long..long ago..

 

TC

[[ve...]]

Hey Pange, TC, Hoping and the rest...  

 

First regarding the book by Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap).  I feel it is refreshing to not have to change all negative thoughts to positives as is often the case with CBT.  ACT therapy promotes acceptance and less resistance to habitual troublesome thoughts.  They refer to it as "defusion", the aim is to defuse the difficult thoughts not by getting rid of them but by accepting them and not reacting to them as one may have done in the past and if one reacts, one accepts that too. The paradoxical approach of thanking the mind is one example of giving up on resistance as a coping strategy.   I like the idea Hoping2Bfee of blessing the mind and promoting more gratitude.  I am also familiar with that book by Jon Kabat-Zinn as well as another one by him which is a classic, "Full Catastrophe Living".   The problem with thought stopping is that it's a little bit like trying not to think of a pink elephant in the room .  

 

Pange, great to see you here again as usual.  I remember you were the one who mentioned Helen, GA to me some months ago when I really had no energy or desire to travel around.  I remembered you mentioning it to me though and the wife and I and our son decided to take the overnight trip early (last night) and returned today about an hour ago.  I've posted a bit about it on my blog (under 4mg and chipping away).  I'm not much of a beer drinker but I could not resist having a cold German beer on draft during Octoberfest which they celebrate from mid September thru October.  For more on our trip, check my blog.  I will make one comment here though.  Back in March (4 months off) the wife and I took a day trip to Athens GA where the University of GA is located.  I remember I was so tired after lunch that I had to have my wife drive us back home at the end of the day, something that also happened in February when we went somewhere for the day.  On this trip,  at 10 months off, I not only drove there without much fatigue but drove back today after lunch and after another cold Erdinger German beer!  I must say that the Germans do know how to make a good beer. Also noteworthy is that I had one beer last night and slept like a lamb last night.   Well, I don't know if that's progress.  Hopefully I won't crash in a couple days from some kind of GABA withdrawal after stimulating my GABA two days in a row.

 

Hey TC.  Maybe we should start an "all healed off benzos" thread .  I don't think there would be many members .  Somehow I think most of the folks who are all healed have moved on from the forum, except maybe some of the generous moderators who still help out or are buddies or come back once in a while.   It almost feels like it would be like bragging to start a thread and say "here I am all healed and drinking a six pack every day", of course just kidding about the six pack, but I'm sure there have been stranger ideas for a thread.

 

Have a great weekend everyone,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[Ho...]]

V - I love reading your sig. line.  It gives me so much hope, even though I was never on valium.  But it is so good to see the progress you made.

When you got the shingles did they put you on meds and did that affect you at all?  And it ramped up your anxiety I see - was that because of any medication or the pain of the whole disease.  Thanks for adding so much to this forum.  I have learned alot from you.

Hoping

[[gi...]]

V (NM) - Where do you live?? I'm sure you've told me but you know, benzo brain and all that...

 

I was in Helen this time last year. There's a big state park right there where we had a family camp out.  Cute town.

 

My stepdaughter went to UGA; I've spent more than enough time in Athens and in their stadium!

 

I'm in E TN.

 

g

[[ve...]]

Hi Ginger, Hoping2B, Pange, TC and the rest of you post benzo pepes.  

 

Hoping- many thanks for your kind remarks.  I'm glad to hear that my signature has given you some small measure of  inspiration.  I thought I would express in my signature,  the nature of my benzo healing being gradual and not all at once.  To answer your other question, when I got shingles at the end of 2009 (6 weeks after the last valium dose)), the doctor had diagnosed it within 48 hours of the first lesion appearing, so they did give me an antiviral medication which supposedly would speed up the healing.  I think it was acyclovir.  It probably was one of the reasons I had so much fatigue last February and March.  I've read where antibiotics can impact GABA but I don't know if this particular medication does. It states on the web that acyclovir and alcohol can cause fatigue.  The Shingles did not ramp up my anxiety.  It was the family stress last November and December when my elderly father was in the hospital for five weeks and my brother and I disagreed on our father's post hospital care and just about everything else that caused the stress/anxiety along with the fact that I had just completed my valium taper on November 11th.   The result of the Shingles was extreme fatigue and nerve pain.  By the way, I still have some occasional nerve tingling but it's not painful anymore.

 

Hi Ginger. We live in Atlanta.   The state park you're probably thinking about is probably Unicoi where Anna Ruby Falls is located.  We hiked up there and around the lake yesterday morning!.  Also, nearby Amacalola Falls is worth a visit. Helen is a cute town, a little touristy like Solvang in California (featured in the movie Sideways).  As for UGA, nothing like those Bulldog fans , but we're not big fans.  We stopped in Memphis this past June to see Graceland, Beale St., Lorraine motel...  Would still like to get up to Nashville for a few days, awful floods earlier in the year.  Anyway, guess we're neighbors .  Somehow I always thought you were in Florida.  

 

 

Have a good weekend everyone,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[gi...]]

Hi V(NM)-

 

We went to Tallulah Falls. I agree that Helen is like Solvang.  Oktoberfest was a zoo; but it's good for a day trip and very picturesque. Nashville is great; they've done a remarkable job recovering (and they did it on their own, with very little help from the gov't, and quietly, without a lot of whining to the press). Unfortunately I'm outside Knoxville - most definitely my least favorite place I've ever lived! The Smokys are nice, but I've yet to find anything redeeming about K'ville.

 

I love Atlanta.  I'll be there over Columbus Day weekend with one of my dearest friends. We're celebrating our 50th bi-days and 50 years of friendship!

 

Have a good day -

 

g