Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[le...]]

Hi TC....would you give a description of what your vibrations feel like...and where in your body they occur?

 

I have had what I called "buzzing" in my left ankle...but now it seems more like a low intensity vibration than just a buzz...and it seems to be moving up my leg a little.  I know lots of people mention "vibrations". 

 

I also have noticed that at night lately, when my head is on my pillow, I will feel this vibrating feeling in my head.  I actually had this several years ago, when I was very very sick from what I thought was a reaction to Macrobid (an antibiotic).  But maybe it was klonopin tolerance?  I don't know.  It doesn't hurt...it is just very annoying.

 

~Leena

[[ho...]]

Hi all...

 

just update at 6 and half months benzo free:

 

its sure been a struggle.........., and having problems w "acceptance" w my health, this benzo, ssri withdrawel for sure, and my ongoing , extreme fatigue, which my doc and i still investigating, think after tests had done yesterday, if nothing does come back again, besides the low iron.. i step into , having no choice, but the "waiting game " to heal like the rest of us............i just thought for sure, by now my body would have turned around better than how it has... tests done , thyroid again, b12, iron levels, potassiam again, rbcount, hemoglobin, liver, kidneys......and still going to request thyroid antibodies suggested by spring here, vit d , magnesium, and cortisol................

 

current symptoms:

-extreme fatigue, low iron? anything else.........prob not,

- eye floaters

-ringing in ears , once and while

-worst ongoing symptom, everday, worse at night affectn my sleep, buzzn under skin, in arms, chest, and legs, like motor running!! grrrr was getn better been, bad again the last month

-on and off boaty feeln , had recently again for 3 weeks, still a bit, not as bad

-still light senstivity, really bad in the stores!!, at times feeln out of it, dreamy state..curious anyone else at this stage, how are you coping, and feeling... thanks.. have good weekend my buddies

[[ve...]]

Hi Hope.  Good to hear you are now 6.5 months free .   Sorry about the ongoing symptoms and health problems.  Sounds like you're making some progress, some setbacks... Hopefully month seven will be a turn around month for you.  Now that school is back in session, maybe it will give you a break from the kids at least part of the day.  Have you tried meditation to reduce stress?  I find it can be helpful.

 

Best wishes,

 

V

[[ve...]]

10 month anniversary today .  I really turned the corner from 5-7 months and had a really good month in the summer.   After 7 months and feeling pretty good, a setback 2 months later came in part of July and August.  I know everyone talks about the non linear aspect of benzo recovery.  I believe it is true.  I also think that at some point one must face the "pre benzo" demons. By that I mean the issues that were there before taking a valium or other benzo.   It may be sensitivity to anxiety, insomnia, muscle tension or other stress related illness, eating disorder, chronic fatigue or perhaps something else.  Maybe going on a benzo gave temporary relief but for some, going off the benzo may have created a more formidable foe.

 

Anxiety resurfaced pretty strongly for me in mid July and early August.  I can't honestly say it's necessarily benzos anymore.   It was precipitated by some stressful things that have been going on with family and not eating well and/or exercising as much as I could or "should".   I do believe that the long taper last year exhausted me and my nerves.  Winter and early Spring months were definitely still benzo related withdrawal symptoms such as  cog fog, anxiety from a hyperexcited system in the early months off valium, perhaps increased cortisol, fatigue and sensitive reactions to stress, some blues...  But from about 5-6 months off, I believe the benzo beast has been diminishing.   I think my anxiety and other issues now are at most about 10% benzo related and the rest is pre benzo issues that existed before I ever took a valium.   I believe it can be helpful to try some new coping skills that hopefully we picked up along the way whether on forum, from a therapist, reading books or listening to programs like Claire Weekes, engaging in or reading up on CBT or ACT therapy, practicing mindful meditation, listening to calming talks from people like Eckart Tolle or others who one finds peaceful, finding or going back to some other spiritual or religious practice or perhaps something else.  

 

The other piece as I've been alluding to in other threads on forum might be to take better care of oneself through  nutrition and exercise.  Taking a benzo can impact our psyche and physical being in so many ways.  The tendency to withdraw may lead to a sedentary lifestyle that ultimately can impact one's moods and attitude towards life and new challenges.   For me, it's been important to try and get out more, try not to avoid social invitations and even initiate some social gatherings,  and start to work on better nutrition.  Some who liked to party and drink  may find that it hampers benzo recovery to have more than a drink or two in moderation on occasion.  I like to have a good time like the next fellow, but maybe we can't totally go back to a mindless kind of existence regarding what we put into our bodies either, at least in the first six months to a  year off.

 

Much has been written about "complete healing", getting to 100% or "back to normal" or the "way I was before the benzo nightmare"...    For me, more complete healing may mean abandoning a notion or concept of a consistent 100% "recovery".  In order to be kind to ourselves, I believe we must make space for human error, for setbacks and mistakes long after benzo use.  I think I'm aiming for a range of 93-99% healing which will include plenty of self acceptance and room for human error .

 

Keep on keeping on,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[...]]

congratulations, vertigo!   

 

10 months benzo free...WOW...i'm jealous! 

 

the last time i posted on this thread i was 4 months free...now it's been 5.5 months.  things continue to steadily improve.  i start a new job on monday.  i am nervous as hell!!  trying to not get worked up about it...trying to just go with the flow.  just the thought of trying to learn new information, working full time, socializing with new coworkers, trying to please my supervisor....UGH! 

 

but vertigo is right, somewhere along the benzo recovery road, the percentage of blame we can place on benzo wd becomes smaller and smaller and we have to start taking responsibility for learning our own new and healthy coping skills for life.  life is hard....it is stressful, it is unpredictable and we are not in control like we tend to delude ourselves into believing. 

 

fact of the matter is, i'm just gonna have to push through this time...window or wave.  *deep breath*    haha...i'm learning to be my own personal cheerleader. 

 

at 5.5 mos off, my symptoms are mild but the fear that i will get really sick is still there.  my confidence and self-esteem have been shot...i'm working on that.  *i'm good enough, i'm smart enough and dog gone it, people like me!*  positive mirror affirmations from stuart smalley?  ah...i dunno if i'm going that far..but pretty close.

working through some morning anxiety still, lack of motivation/apathy/depression, fatigue.  most of my symptoms are "psychological" which can be frustrating this far out because i start to wonder if maybe this is just the real me...which is a very sad thought. 

 

leslie

[[vi...]]

Vertigo, Leslie, thanks for your posts. They were exactly what I needed to read today.

[[...]]

haha...well that's good vita....i thought my post was rather depressing...i'm glad it somehow helped.  i know you're only a couple weeks benzo free...but i absolutely believe in your resolve to make it this time! 

 

best wishes.

[[gi...]]

21 months out. 5 standing symptoms. Averaging about 8.75; today was even a 9.25! Can't complain (this week!). Details on my blog...

It gets better you all!

ginger

[[...]]

Hey V,

 

Congrats on being nearly a year off benzos. I can still remember when you started the 4mg and under thread. Seems like yesterday.  It sounds like you have kicked most of the symptoms to the curb and are pretty close to being where you need to be.  I agree with you about 100 pecent....none of us probably were ever 100 percent...there will always be a random ache or pain...or something along those lines...that we will have to deal with...but compared to the harsher benzo withdrawal syptoms..I think I would take these every day of the week.....rather than to have to go through the really bad benzo symptoms again...

 

I am sitting on two symptoms now...a little more than two months out....they seem to be lessening in intensity again...after a little bit of a wave last week.....non linear healing....wow...were they ever right..

 

Continued healing to the rest of my buddies on this thread.....

 

TC

[[ve...]]

Great to hear the updates Ginger and TC.   A 9.5 day is impressive Ginger.  

 

Very happy to hear that you're still checking in TC.  You will be missed by many buddies here, an inspiration to all.  Sounds like you're getting through with just a few symptoms.  No doubt the slow taper is paying dividends now!

 

L123.   You post was not down at all.  It was very real and honest.  It all can be so overwhelming but you're doing more than I am now, putting one foot in front of the other and really taking some risks to try something new and challenging.  I think its going to work out this time Leslie.  Nothing wrong with being your own personal cheerleader.  Whatever happens, you will have gotten back on the horse, so you're a winner to me no matter what.  Just do your best and see what happens.  Will be looking forward to some updates from you this week hopefully.  Life has stress which happens on or off benzos.  It's up to us to find some fun and joy in it too.  I created a new word some years back called STRUN.  

 

STRUN= a combination of stress and fun .

 

 I hope my post benzo buddies are having some strun today, not just stress!

 

Best wishes,  

 

Vertigo (and only stressing out no more )

[[ho...]]

Great post Vertigo on ur 10 mnths....good read!! i look forward to more postive posts like yourself in my future!! i pray for that day..

[[...]]

thanks, vertigo...

 

your post brought tears to my eyes.  i am really trying to stay calm but i am very nervous about my first day at work tomorrow...and i don't really have any support in real life.  so, your encouragement really means a lot to me right now.

 

thank you.

[[ve...]]

Many thanks Hope for the kind words. I hope you will find continued healing in the coming months as well .  No doubt it's been a rough ride with tapering not only the benzo but the a/d as well.  It must be tough raising a child with Downs and I think you may have said on the autism spectrum too. Be patient and keep doing the things that you know can help you regain your strength and health.  

 

Hi Leslie.  Good luck today and this week!   As you know, feeling nervous is expected when you start a new job.  Remember, you have a lot to offer your patients.  You are a compassionate caring person.  Sometimes we have to remember to be compassionate with ourselves too, allow ourselves to feel what we feel but still move towards our values and goals to help other people (and make some money to pay the bills too ).  I know you are a therapist but if I might recommend one book, "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  It is based on ACT therapy.  I find it to be refreshing.  Although I like things about CBT too, I find that having an attitude of acceptance can be very helpful.  One can allow space for nervous thoughts and fears but still move towards our meaningful values.

 

I think part of benzo recovery is to try to stretch ourselves to reach our potential and to get back out there in the community.  Sure there may be setbacks, might have been a little soon last month for you but now you have reached five months off the benzo beast and have gone through the worst of the benzo abyss and come out stronger.  You're eating well, exercising and seem to have a better outlook now. Allow yourself room for error and mistakes.  Nobody is perfect, not your coworkers, boss or anyone.  They're all trying their best as you will do the same starting today.  No matter how it turns out, you are for the better for putting out the effort again to improve yourself and help others.

 

Have a great first day and week at your job!  I'm really impressed that you were able to make lemons from lemonade and go on another interview and get hired again.  You obviously have many strengths that people see in you to be hired twice in a couple months in two jobs, especially in this economy.  So hang in there and be kind to yourself.  Nobody is better than you just because they've been there longer.  They have their own personal demons and insecurities too.  You no doubt have a lot of experience and much to bring to your new position.  Having been through benzo addiction gives you perspective on human suffering that others may not have.  So hang in there and put your best food forward even if you have to take a step back once in a while, keep your eye on the prize.  We get beaten down in life sometimes but the only thing that matters is that we find the courage to get back up. Your just getting out there again has given me inspiration to try harder to reach my goals too so thank you Leslie.  Keep us posted and let us know how your first day(s) at work went.

 

If anyone else has something to share about working through their taper or maybe planning to work post taper, it would be interesting to hear.

 

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[gi...]]

Re: Working

 

I had a temp job in a boiler room for 3 weeks beginning days after my last dose January '09.  I was woozy, fogged up.I was in w/d but not nearly as bad as I'd be only a month later. I really was doing pretty good at the time, in comparison to Feb '09. I really struggled some days but it was an extremely menial job and I didn't care what anyone thought; it was a temp job. I quit because the conditions were horrendous. A lot of folks quit. My husband was p.o.'d but I'm glad I did it, because a week later I had what I can only describe as a stroke/seizure-like episode that landed me in the ER. (for more info see my blog) If I'd been at work, where no one knew about my w/d, I'd have been pumped full of BZ's long before my hubby ever made it to the hospital.

 

I didn't work again until the end of the year. As a temp, you need to call in every week to get assignments. There were many, many weeks when I didn't call in - I was too sick - and other weeks when there were just no jobs. I'm glad I was a temp, because I would have gotten fired from any "real" job I was in such bad shape for so many months. 

 

At the end of last year (11 months out) I got a FT temp job for the holiday weeks, and then was rehired for the entire summer this year.  I'll be going back to it again this holiday season.  After I started this job, I told some people, including my boss, about my w/d and my main symptoms, so if I suddenly had to leave my post at the front desk to chill in the bathroom they'd understand. My boss was very patient when she had to retell me how to do something because I wasn't grasping the task. (this is a very simple job, btw, one that would have bored me silly "in my old life" but for me now is quite challenging. This depresses me a great deal. But I digress...)

 

Sharing my story was empowering. Some were "impressed that I'd admit I was an addict in recovery" - they clearly didn't grasp what, exactly, an iatrogenic addict is, which allowed me to educate them that not all addicts are sitting on street corners, slapping their arms, looking for a fix. Others were very interested in the whole benzo issue, and actually asked for more information. One woman went to her BF, whose husband was on xanax and whose personality had changed dramatically since he started taking it, and talked her into getting him off it.  One employee was on some a/d and asked me for tapering advice.  Not one person looked down their nose at me.

 

These people were really great, needless to say. I couldn't have found a better job. While intellectually it's not stimulating, it's enough for me right now. I try not to think about how truly menial it is, and how I couldn't handle anything more demanding.  But it's putting money in my bank account, giving me  independence, gets me "out of my head" for hours at a time, and also gives me an audience and a sense of purpose in getting the word out.  When I was in a wave, or if my anxiety started to ramp, I'd get someone to relieve me and I'd go to the john and practice CBT until I could function again. I never called in sick, no matter how bad I felt when I woke up.  Because they knew I'd have waves, they were sympathetic and supportive when I'd come in looking like death and acting like a zombie.  I felt "safe", telling them my story (and I barely told them anything, and only told them about the symptoms that they could "see"), so when I felt bad it wasn't compounded by having a secret.

 

I think that if anyone returns to work or starts a new job that they will only benefit by telling their employers the basics: was an iatrogenic addict (and the biggest difference, IMO, between an iatr. one and "the other kind" is that with an iatr. addict, there's no chance of relapse because we got into this mess involuntarily); is prone to "waves"; the main symptoms that on occasion could temporarily impact performance, and a brief history of the BZ crime because you will be amazed at how many people will say "I take/took one" or "I know someone who takes one" and/or "tell me more". 

 

I don't think this information should be shared during an interview, and when later broached, the subject should be downplayed, made very casual, not presented as an "issue" - because, let's face it, as we all know by now, "normal" folks just don't get it. There's only so much a layperson can grasp, so keep it simple.

 

One of my slogans is "acceptance and adaptation are key". It's essential that you accept that you might not be able to perform like you used to, and adapt to that any way you can. If you were a valued employee "before" then there's no reason to be afraid that your supervisor won't be even slightly sympathetic and supportive to you now.  Maybe there's a trusted coworker who can help do "the heavy lifting" of the job. Maybe asking to take 15 minutes breaks during the day rather than one lunch break would help. Learning CBT, meditation, eating right, staying away from the office munchies and coffee, drinking lots of water (and subsequently hitting the john frequently for a time out), will help, too. I think if you're returning to the work force, looking for a job less demanding than your last is the safest way to go. Start out simple; get your mind working again, get back to just a daily routine of breakfast/show up/work/lunch at a certain time/drive home/eat dinner. 

 

I know this helped me IMMENSELY. On a scale of 1-10, I went from a 7 to an 8.5 within a week, just because my mind had better things to do than to make me feel like crap!

 

I hope this helps.

 

Better days are ahead ya'll.

 

ginger

[[ve...]]

Excellent advice Ginger on many levels.  Sometimes we get so paranoid about hiding the benzo thing that it becomes bigger than it need be.  I totally agree that its not a good idea to mention in an interview, but I can see where lightly mentioning something to a coworker can be helpful.  You're right, there are so many people out there on something that it can break the ice.  You're quite a benzo warrior Ginger,  getting through different temp jobs.  Gotta hand it to you. 

 

Acceptance and adaptation sounds like a good approach.  We need to be able to change to grow and evolve yet also accept ourselves first and foremost.  Also, all good suggestions to eat well, stay away from the donuts, coffee, taking breaks, meditation .  One can even try waking or walking meditation.  I enjoyed reading your post. 

 

Take care,

 

V (NM)

[[...]]

thanks john and ginger....great info and support and i really needed to read that right now.  thank you thank you!

 

tomorrow is friday...i've almost made it through my first full week of work.  this has been tough, guys.  one of the craziest things about it is...i don't even LIKE this line of work anymore.  i'm not sure if that's benzo wd related and will come back over time or what...but i am completely apathetic now....ok, well i shouldn't say that...because i find myself getting very emotional when i get a new case and read the background info.  my clients are kids and their families...people whose lives are just about as bad as anyone can imagine.  i mean, some of the stuff i read no one would even believe happens....horrible instances of abuse and neglect and trauma. 

 

i suppose it's possible, and i hadn't thought of this until now, that i still enjoy working as a therapist but my mind is trying to protect itself from the emotional impact of the job right now by being apathetic?  i think it comes down to the fact that my tank is on empty...how can i help anyone else when i'm just holding on myself? 

 

i can say that on a daily basis i am learning healthy coping skills...and FAST...i've had to to survive.  i was 8 minutes late to a meeting this morning because i had to run back into my condo three times for things i kept forgetting and then i got confused with the directions (different office).  after the meeting my supervisor asked why i was late...the rest of the day i spent being emotional because i felt i had let her down.

 

but john (vertigo) like you said...i will just keep getting back up on that damn horse no matter how many times i fall off.  this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do...but i'm asking God for His strength because i know i cannot do it on my own.

 

leslie

[[BY...]]

Hi L

 

Was wondering how you were doing, with the new job. Don't sweat the small stuff, you will develop those coping skills

 

You're doing great, I'm very happy for you,

Mikey

[[...]]

thanks, mikey 

[[am...]]

Hi everyone,

 

this is my first post here after having a nice chat with vertigo(no more)

 

 

I'm currently just over 6 weeks out from CTing 2 medications and some other things. 

 

Recently I have been feeling pretty good considering what I have been through, however

over the last few days I've noticed quite a few posts stating that things have gotten much

worse around the 2 month mark.  As you would expect I am getting a little freaked out

by it.

 

I might become part of the furniture around here, but only on display, no sitting 

 

 

James

[[ve...]]

Hi L. I think it's pretty normal to have oscillating emotions, apathy... even now at five or six months off.  The benzo did a number on our nerves and while they continue to heal, I think the last challenge is in dealing with really stressful situations.  I'm ten months off now and am mostly healed for every day things that come up.  However, extraordinary things or bigger life events that can happen  like when a loved one becomes ill, death of a friend or family member, moving, birth, losing a job, starting a job... I think these are the kind of things where the system gets overloaded sometimes.  Depending on the level of stress, I think it can be a real challenge sometimes.  I went through a near death illness of a family member last Fall and it contributed to my getting Shingles at the end of the year.  It was simply too much for me after having stopped 10 months of benzo tapering six weeks earlier. My nerves were fried.  Then I had a couple rebound panic attacks and high blood pressure when I was about two to three months off which I think was a reaction to having no benzo to cover up emotions that were blocked off by the valium for a year.  Those passed pretty quickly though.  Hang in there Leslie.  You sound resilient and can do this.  Being ten minutes late is not a big deal.

 

Welcome James-JP to the Post benzo freedom withdrawal support thread.  You are welcome to stand if you don't wish to have your own room here .  I don't think everyone necessarily has a big reaction at two months off.  However, some do struggle with some symptoms as they continue to heal.  One thing that seems to come up a lot is that drinking alcohol or consuming  a lot of caffeine seems to rev some people's symptoms up a bit.  It's tricky because if one was a maintenance drinker or drank moderately through one's taper, just stopping c/t can be a danger for some from what I've heard.  One may be dealing with withdrawal on two fronts.  Or if one continues to drink even lightly, this can impact the GABA center and delay or influence the benzo healing in some ways.  That being said, I do believe that some folks can heal without too many ongoing issues.  The other thing is that I firmly believe in not just focusing in on the physical withdrawal off benzos but trying to develop coping strategies to manage anxiety, depression or whatever else may have been an issue before benzos.  Many folks took a benzo, an a/d or self medicated with alcohol or some other addiction (over eating, gambling, shopping...) to cover up some pain in their life.  I believe cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, ACT therapy or something else can be helpful to work through the months after benzo freedom.  I know Ginger and others would agree with this.  Exercise and nutrition are a couple other areas that can help with recovery.

 

Hey Matrix.  How are you doing?  I read in your sig that you did a c/t.  What are your symptoms at this point?

I was reading a thread you started the other day about doctors.  It can be frustrating when you go to a doctor for help and they don't seem to have a real understanding about benzos or benzo tapering.

 

Best wishes post benzo pepes,

 

V (no more)

[[BY...]]

Hey V(no more)

 

Well until the Cipro Prednisone ordeal, I was healing quite well. I was having many windows and very few physical sx's. My sleep was still crap, but that was Ambien related. But even crappy sleep didn't bother me as my mind was so clear at times.

 

I like what you said about meditation. I learned meditation from the years I spent taking Aikido. That was so helpful in those battles we have in our minds. You know, the good me versus the bad me.

 

James: It sounds like you're doing very well at only 6 weeks free. My first 3 months of my C/T were hell on earth. I had no long windows until my 9th month. Also, in my 7th and 8th month I was slammed hard again and that could have been because of my Ambien C/T. None of this makes sense. So expect the unexpected. Hopefully everything will go smooth for you.

I see you're from Japan. That would be Aikido heaven for me.

 

Hopefully vertigo no more for me,

Mikey

[[am...]]

Thanks V and Matrix,

 

 

Vertigo:  I don't touch alcohol at all anymore (most likely never again), caffeine(green tea) I've had a couple of times since CT  didn't go well the first time, second time was fine,  anyway I will leave it alone for the time being.  As for exercise and nutrition, I am really into both,  actually having all this empty time has allowed me to study up some more on nutrition and learn some kettle bell exercises.  I have gotten into swimming and am planning to start jogging when the weather cools down a bit more,  my passion however is cycling,  I love it, I managed to get out for a good ride today (you can see where here: http://www.a-trip.com/tracks/view/60565).  I wholeheartedly agree with you about dealing with the mental side too,  I work on that in tandem with the physical exercise.  Last night the strangest thing happened to me.  When I got in bed I just couldn't drop off like I usually do, I laid there tossing and turning then decided to play one of my mind games. I might sound/be mental but..... I tried imagining fruit, it was impossible at first (I've this kind of thinking exercise in various formats since I blew the brain breakers during CT)I tried to imagine/visualize in my mind just a banana,  first as a flat image, it took so much effort to do, really physically hurt to do it,  then I went to a 3D image of a banana,  then rotating the image 360 in my mind, zooming in and out, it was crazy and really difficult/painful,  next I tried it with an apple,  it was equally as difficult.  Finally I tried it with something complicated and intricate, a king arthur-esque knight, I almost got the image then I got an awful sensation, it felt like the seizure I had during CT but only the brain/mind part and a lot less intense (still unpleasant) it lasted about 30 seconds but as soon as it stopped, I could see so many things easily, I could imagine again, my imagination seemed to switch back on.  It was a really freaky experience.  Good but freaky.

 

 

Matrix:  I seem to be doing quite well (touchwood) but I am trying to just take each day as it comes for the time being.  You were getting slammed at 7/8 months because of Ambien concerns me,    I can't even think about that........

 

I'm not from Japan, but I live in Japan,  I'm actually from the UK.  Aikido!?  I was contemplating taking that up at one point．I actually did Wing Chun kung fu for many years but I couldn't find anywhere to continue it in Japan,  it might be worth picking it up again for the meditative aspect.  I shall look into that(I still have my books somewhere)

 

 

Take care everyone, stay strong against the beast,

 

 

James

[[gi...]]

Hey V(NM) - I hope my advice helps others; something good has to come out of my experience!

 

L123- Apathy is a common post w/d feeling, it seems. I bet that's part of your missing your passion. I bet you're also right, too, that your heart, so to speak, has shut down a bit in defense of all the sadness you have to deal with. IMO that's great, because usually we overreact emotionally to everything, so you're probably safer being shut down right now! Congrats on getting through the week.

 

James - I hope you don't any more get distressed by things you read on this thread. We all have been out for many months and what we share might be a bit overwhelming for a "newbie."  You're so early in the process; I hope you continue doing so well!

 

I think the supplements I'm taking are helping with my eyesight and drumming back. Unfortunately the combo I'm taking for sleep aren't doing a damn thing! I can't believe I'm functioning as well as I am on so little deep sleep.

 

Have a good day all -

 

ginger

 

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Matrix. Sorry to hear about the prednisone and cipro setback along with the ambien c/t.  I hope you will be able to get on the road to healing once again.

 

Good advice Ginger.  I agree that it can be helpful to see how others who are off benzos are feeling but it is each one's journey and can seem a little scary at first to see so many post benzo pepes with symptoms.  Yet there are a lot of positives and healing is taking place.

 

That's great James that the visualizations of fruit helped you to sleep .  Back in February, I used a similar technique to help with my sleep!  Instead of thinking about sleep, I also thought about colorful fruit.  I also added a metaphor from a book on rational emotive therapy to add a component of self acceptance as I visualized the fruit before falling asleep.  I will post it below for those who are in the  mood for a fruity metaphor .  See below-

 

From  "A Practioner's Guide to Rational Emotive Therapy" by Susan Walen, Windy Dryden and Raymond DiGiuseppe.

 

"Imagine that you have just received a large basket of fruit.  You reach into the basket and pull out a beautiful red apple, and then a ripe juicy pear, and then a rotten orange, and then a perfect banana, and than a bunch of grapes, some of which are mushy and rotten.  How would you describe the fruit?  Clearly, some pieces are good and some are not good; you'd want to throw away some of it.  And how would you label the basket?  You see, the basket represents you, and the variety of fruits which vary in ripeness and rottenness are like your traits.  Rating yourself by a single trait is like saying that the basket is bad because it contains one piece of bad fruit".

 

Have a great weekend everyone,

 

 

Vertigo (and bad fruit no more )

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wow....ok, i just read a bunch of your posts and want to respond to all of them but it just seems too overwhelming and i can't really remember everything i just read.  grrrr!

 

ok lemme think...OH...james, you said something about your fear of getting slammed at the 2 month mark.  as we all repeat ad nauseum, "we're all different and no two healing journeys are the same"....having said that, my 3rd and 4th month were pretty good relatively speaking to what i had experience in the first two months after i ct...those were the worst.

 

ginger:  thanks for your encouragement.  the further out we get post benzo it becomes harder to find those who are further along on this journey (which is a good thing...hopefully people recover and move on).  so it's comforting to here you validate that the apathy/anhedonia is normal at this stage.  i am just going to keep trusting my buddies that are futher out that all this crap eventually fades....so difficult to believe in the midst of this.

 

ok...i don't remember the other posts now.  *eyeroll*  gotta love this cog fog. 

 

wishing you all continued recovery and the patience and determination to keep pushing on...and wishing you all hope...without that we have nothing to cling to

 

leslie