Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

Thanks Patty, yes the fatigue is a bummer.  Unfortunately, I've had late afternoon crashes in energy for most of my life that I can remember so I can't blame benzos .   I wonder if its less about benzos for me and maybe more about insulin resistance, hypoglycemia or some other cause.  I do believe that at 9 months off, my nervous system is still healing and adapting to stress.  That being said, what I eat in terms of sugar is also impacting my adrenalin and anxiety, at least that is my latest thinking on this.  Now that I've started exercising more, I think it's been a little fast, things are overstimulated and my sleep is not as good the last few days.  I take it as a sign that my metabolism is speeding up.  I don't exercise after 4PM.  I really think the final piece to the puzzle of my healing will be to rid myself of a sugar dependency.  I've lost 5 pounds in the last few weeks and need to take another 15 off.  I think the sweating has helped get some toxins out.  I've heard that benzos can also be stored in the fat cells (but in miniscule amounts) so it wouldn't surprise me if I have a wave here and there as I lose weight.  Just speculation.  Regardless of benzos, I know it is not possible to feel my best with the extra weight on and the bad dietary choices I had been making.  Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead .

 

Hope you continue to feel better.

 

V

[[gi...]]

Hey V(NM),

 

I think if there's anything positive to come out of this hell it's that we all end up becoming so much healthier overall, because we're (finally?) paying attention to what we're putting in our bodies, we're exercising more and getting rid of as many chemicals as we can, etc.

 

I never had a sugar dependency until I went through w/d. Now I can't get enough of the stuff. It's terrible!

 

You're doing great; keep up the good work!

 

ginger

[[mi...]]

seven months and change out

i feel better but still a mess in many aspects

[[ve...]]

Thanks for your post Mike.  What are the symptoms that are bothering you most now at 7 months?  Ginger, I agree that there can be positives from the experiences that have caused us so much pain and loss.  It took me a while to realize that I have got to stop poisoning myself with sugar to try and placate my blues and to try and make me "feel better".  Those sugary treats are only a short term high often followed by a nice big crash back to the blues.  I've lost 8 pounds in the last 3 1/2 weeks which is a good start.  I hope to be down another 15 by my one year anniversary of benzo freedom in early November.  We'll see how it goes.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Vertigo (and white bread never again )

[[mi...]]

Thanks for your post Mike.  What are the symptoms that are bothering you most now at 7 months?  Ginger, I agree that there can be positives from the experiences that have caused us so much pain and loss.  It took me a while to realize that I have got to stop poisoning myself with sugar to try and placate my blues and to try and make me "feel better".  Those sugary treats are only a short term high often followed by a nice big crash back to the blues.   I've lost 8 pounds in the last 3 1/2 weeks which is a good start.  I hope to be down another 15 by my one year anniversary of benzo freedom in early November.  We'll see how it goes.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Vertigo (and white bread never again )

 

hi

 

same ones as during the taper but on a lesser scale

 

how are you doing?  i see you coming up on a year in november

 

mike

[[ve...]]

Hey Mike.  Glad the symptoms are diminished to a lesser scale for you.  I'm starting to work on my pre benzo issues now.  Although I think at 9 months, there may still be some mild issues still healing in terms of the nervous system, stress reactions..., I do believe that there was a reason I took a benzo in the first place.  So I'm addressing some of the pre benzo challenges now.  We'll see how it goes.

 

Best wishes,

 

V (no more)

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

My family and I went out of town for a few days last week so I was mostly away from the forum. We went to Wenatchee to visit some of her relatives and then stopped by Leavenworth, a Bavarian style town on the way home. We had a pretty nice trip except that I was rather tired. I worked Mon night till 3:00am and Tues night until 3:00am with the result that I had very little sleep 2 nights in a row before heading out! Anyway, the trip went well regardless... although I was in a bit of a daze!

Last Sat, I had quite a scare... I pulled a muscle in my abdomen! I was doing leg lifts while lying falt on my back. I suddenly developed an excrutiating charlie horse pain in my abdomen that litterally brought me to my knees! My wife had to rush me to urgent care. I was given an inti-inflammatory pain medication called naproxen. I took about 3 doses over two days. Fortunately, the pain did not come back, and after 3 doses of the medicine, I stopped taking it. I'm doing much better now!

You're last reply really hit home with me because this is how I feel about myself... I am working on my issues pre-benzo and there certainly were issues that lead to my being prescribed benzos in the first place. I have been noticing some increasing depression these last 2 or 3 weeks. Some of this I attribute to exhaustion. Whenever I work late into the night and then don't get enough sleep or take trips on little sleep, I know that my mental outlook will fall. Yesterday, I was feeling rather angry and bitter because I was remebering past hurts due to various people who have affected my life negatively over the years. After catching myself obssesing on those details, I realized I just had to stop and put myself in the present moment. That's when the anger lifted! I've been rather vulbnerable to this kind of thing lately and so I'm just going to give myself a rest from negative thinking for a while and try to focus more on the positives.

By the way, congradts on loosing the weight and also on the change of diet! It sounds like you are making a real effort to focus on your nutritional needs and are making some good choices by cutting back on sugars, etc. I think eventually there are some dietary changes that I will tackle once I'm completely through with medication w/d. I expect to be done with the remeron taper soon. Right now, I'm down to a dab or so every night and I plan to start skipping dabs!

Hope everyone here is having a great week! Looking forward to blogging again soon!

[[ve...]]

Hey Pange.  Glad you had a good vacation despite the lack of sleep prior.  How is your abdomen pull doing?  We do have to be careful when we exercise whether on or off benzos .  Glad you were able to catch your negative ruminations and get in the present.   I think when we can separate ourselves from our thoughts, we don 't need to stop them or push them away, just accept that the thoughts and feelings are still there, yet do not have to respond as emotionally to them.  We can replace them with positives or just watch and observe the negatives without "doing anything" to force them out.   Not always an easy task though.  And not to take anything away from the positives or focusing on them too!  You've certainly been through a lot with your father, the job transitions and now a second taper.  No doubt you have grown stronger and wiser as a result.  It's sometimes hard to see the benefits of this benzo journey but it sounds like you are really doing well to face the demons.  It may be two steps forward and one back sometimes but with each setback, there is something to teach us too.  Well, good luck with the rest of the remeron taper.

 

Dab away

 

Vertigo ( no more)

[[...]]

 

Hello kids....

 

I just hit the 2 months off mark...and I am dealing with 2 symptoms...inner viberations and some minor eyelid twitching...I would say three..but for the last week or so....my sleep has returned....who knows when it will leave again..if it does, I will be back to three symptoms I guess...

 

All in all....I think I am doing pretty good....although I really would enjoy zero symptoms like everyone else..I think one of the big things for me is....you work so hard to slow taper off this junk...then it is still not over....and we have that "unknown period of time" to complete the healing.....I hate when things are left open ended like that

 

Keep healing everyone

 

TC

[[Al...]]

you work so hard to slow taper off this junk...then it is still not over....and we have that "unknown period of time" to complete the healing.....I hate when things are left open ended like that

 

Keep healing everyone

 

TC

 

Yeah, I hear you, TC. I'm pretty sure THAT was never mentioned in the fine print when I signed up for this.

 

Hey all, keep on keepin' on, huh!

 

Albie

[[ve...]]

Good to hear from you TC.  Sounds like you are doing pretty good overall.  The whole post benzo process kind of reminds me of the Kubler Ross steps... (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance....)  For me anyway, the fact that the last dose of a benzo is not the end of suffering and setbacks was pretty annoying too.  However, after reading and researching it well, it has become clear to me that everyone reacts differently based on many factors.  Also, the pre benzo state of health for me was not 100% either so I'm addressing some of those issues now.   There are so many things that can impact our mood from the food we eat, caffeine, what we drink, whether we exercise, other medications, length of time on a benzo and dose, stress, whether we have supportive friends and family, other health factors... I think its reasonable to expect a great deal of healing to occur by six months out.  For others, it may be a year or even more.  In my case, 7 months was a turning point.  Yet, I'm not getting any younger and have started to face some of the "normal" health challenges one sometimes encounters in one's forties.  I think the whole benzo experience ages us too although with that hopefully comes some wisdom.   Keep us posted on your progress buddy.

 

Hey Albie.  That's funny.  At least we can laugh about it now, sort of .  Yep, no doctor ever told me that it would be an "unknown period of time" to heal either...  One of them just said "here, take this lexapro and then you can get off the valium in a month" NOT!

 

Best wishes,

 

V (no more)

[[Al...]]

Hey V,

 

I take a lot of solace in your posts. It sounds like you're doing exactly what I'd like to be doing if I had any gas left in the daily tank i.e. continuing to heal and moving on to explore addressing pre-benzo issues and make strides toward growth and greater peace and happiness. I'm just having a helluva wave the past week or so, though. I feel like I am just barely hanging on again -- so many symptoms have come flooding back full force and it's so hard to believe it's just a wave -- it SO feels like I'm right back where I started. With my back and insomnia all of a sudden it's even worse than when I started. And I feel SO exhausted from battling pain, anxiety and sleeplessness. I want to exercise so badly but yesterday, just a simple hot shower threw my back into a horrific series of spasms. And I think I may know why...

 

I tried a topical treatment of sorts on my back a few days ago and I think I've had an adverse reaction to it. It's called DMSO (it's actually a by-product of the paper industry, officially classified as a solvent and originally used as a liniment for horses -- http://www.dmso.org/articles/information/muir.htm ). I have felt positively sick beginning the first morning after I used that stuff, essentially super revved up, much more muscle tension, rapid breathing, big-time decrease in sleep, huge increases in morning anxiety and in pain and spasms. DMSO is touted as having  a "remarkable ability to pass through membranes" so it really gets into your system and, of course, I applied very liberally, getting a lot of it into my system. Pretty strange stuff -- apparently a godsend for some folks, but my system just didn't tolerate it.

 

Anyway, V, I am always inspired by your posts and your progress. I feel like I am standing or perhaps just sitting on the sidelines watching real-life go by and yearning for the time when I can get back in the game. I try some days with all my heart, but then comes a huge flare up of spasms and pain and I "limp" back to the sidelines again. Feeling pretty discouraged about that but I am encouraged to hear how you are doing and I am trying to understand and believe that recovery really does take months. Each time I feel better I tend to think, "That's it I'm finally really on my way now." only to have some little bit of activity or little wrong step (DMSO, wine, over-exercising, over-working) flare me back up.

The whole post benzo process kind of reminds me of the Kubler Ross steps... (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance....)  

 

I think you're dead-on about the steps -- I think I'm vacillating between bargaining in my prayers and depression right now, with an occasional trip back to anger when I get really worked up. Of course, I know acceptance is the way to go, but it's just SO difficult when severe symptoms are crashing upon you.

 

There are so many things that can impact our mood from the food we eat, caffeine, what we drink, whether we exercise, other medications, length of time on a benzo and dose, stress, whether we have supportive friends and family, other health factors...  

 

You're right, there are just way too many variables to facilitate anybody knowing when "the worm will turn".

That said, I love hearing an educated guess:

 

I think its reasonable to expect a great deal of healing to occur by six months out.  For others, it may be a year or even more.  In my case, 7 months was a turning point.  

 

Oh GAWD, I sure hope so -- the 6 or 7 months that is. At a month and a half now, even 6-7 months seems almost insurmountable. Yet, sometimes I read the early posts of those who are doing really well benzo-free now and, my back issues aside, I think I'm tracking reasonably favorably for a shorter, rather than longer, recovery.

 

Keep up the great work V. As I said, it's always inspirational to hear of your good fortune. Congratulations on your many recent strides toward full recovery. Keep up the positive attitude.  

 

Albie

[[vi...]]

Hi Vertigo and everyone,

 

I'm here checking out this thread, but I simply don't have the capacity to read the 75 existing pages just yet so my initial posts might cover some ground that's already been travelled.

 

I agree with Albie about the Kübler-Ross steps. I've noticed that myself. I am FINALLY in acceptance, but it took me THREE YEARS to get there. I fought this every step of the way. It's so much easier to do this journey in acceptance. I think that's why I'll succeed this time.

 

As I begin to feel better, I'll contribute to my blog more. I'll be sure to devote an entire entry to how I finally achieved acceptance.

 

—vita64

[[ve...]]

Welcome to your post benzo freedom Vita :yippee: .  I'm offended that anyone would not take the time to read all 75 pages of this thread immediately .  Seriously though, there are some good posts in there, gives one an overview of a broad spectrum of us on forum.  Cautionary note, as you undoubtedly know, just because there are a number of folks still struggling with one symptom or another, does not mean you will! Everyone has their own unique benzo and health history.  I feel there can be things to learn from our fellow buddies regarding nutrition, exercise, caffeine, alcohol, supplements and perhaps other suggestions that may have worked for others to ease the post benzo ride.  Sometimes just reading that you are not alone to still have a symptom or occasional setback can be reassuring.  Its still a good thing to be off the benzo poison and each day without a benzo is a day closer to recovering one's health and happiness.  You're a step ahead of the game by trying to accept things in the present moment.  Hope to see you post your progress here from time to time or just read along when you feel like it. 

 

Many thanks Albie for the kind words.  I am sorry to read about your resurgence of back pain.  Hope you had a better nights sleep last night.  I hear you about feeling exhausted from the benzo battle.  Just when you feel like you've made some good progress, a setback can hit and its a few steps backward.  Yet, it really is early in your post benzo timeline (in my view) to not believe things can get better in the months ahead.  Keep keeping on!

 

Have a great post benzo freedom Labor Day weekend everyone

 

Verti

[[...]]

Just need to post today - haven't been around on BB lately, getting on with other facets of my life.

 

I've just experienced a huge challenge to my anxiety issues and want to report I've come through reasonably well.  The challenge - a 7.1 earthquake in our area.  Huge and very, very scary.  A lot of damage to the city near where I live but no one killed fortunately and only two serious injuries reported.  The after shocks - some up to 5.4 on the richter scale still occurring.  Night time is the worst when everything is quiet and I'm lying in bed just anticipating the shake. 

 

A lot of people on talk back radio scared witless and I'm now fearful that for many it could mean an introduction to sedatives to keep them calm.  God I hope not - at least not for any length of time. 

 

Compared to some my anxiety levels are quite low, so I'm pleased that the coping skills I've learned from my psychotherapist and a whole lot of work on my part, are now paying off.  I guess we'll all continue to face challenges in our lives - some major.  But we can cope, we just live for the moment and try not to stress about the "what ifs"  We can't control some aspects of life, so we just have to roll with the flow.

 

[[ve...]]

Hi LB.  Good to hear from you.  I forget, are you in New Zealand?  I think I recall a big 7.1 earthquake happened there.  I am no stranger to quakes, was in San Francisco for the 1989 quake and in Los Angeles for the 1971 quake (hope I'm not dating myself ).  I was a kid for the one in  Los Angeles!  Anyway, it can be very traumatizing and upsetting as you said.  Glad you've come through reasonably well and nobody killed is a tribute to the building codes there.  You're right, there could be after shocks still.  That is a shame that it might be good for big pharm business to prescribe more sedatives for folks who can't sleep at night.   Did the first quake happen at night?  Good to hear that you're getting through this and that the coping skills you worked on before are kicking in now.  No pun intended I suppose about "rolling with the flow".  I agree, we can't control everything, even the rolls of the earth's techtonic plates!!!

 

Hope to hear from you again soon LB and hang in there,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[pa...]]

I remember the Bay Area quake quite well! I was driving down the freeway in San Jose in my chevy blazer with a friend. At first I was mad when I felt the vibrations because I thought I had a flat and with no spare! Immediately after pulling over and seeing power lines moving and others pulling over, I realized what was happening. It was rather creepy for me especially since I had just driven through the stretch of freeway known as the Cypress Loop (the one that collapsed) about a month earlier. Fortuantely, San Jose didn't get much damage from the quake. Most of it seemed to affect San Francisco...

Anyway, here I am again! the kids are in school now so I have more time to post and interact with my buddies! I am at the threshhold of my remeron taper. I'm now down to a dab one evening, the next, skip. I may decide that this is the week to jump. I won't be working again until Sat, so this may be a good week to do it. I have been experiencing some subtle depression this last month or so and I believe that it's probably a combination of tapering from an A/D and also (from what I here from others), a possible 6 month out symptom of benzo withdrawal. There are also many issues that I've had to deal with over time and so I believe that some of this is just good old fashioned life stress and my mind re-learning to cope with that.

Does anyone else here ever deal with phantom leg swelling? This sounds like a strange question but this kind of symptom has been bothering me for the last month and a half. Some of it is due to some vein swelling that occured in my legs due to the nature of my former job. But there has been a subtle feeling of swelling and tingling that runs through my legs intermittently without any sign of swelling or any physical symptom. Way back, pre benzo taper when I was on klonopin regularly, I had an awful goose egg swelling on my left leg. The doctor examined it but could never figure out what the cause was. I recently went to see a doctor after pulling a muscle in my abdomen and I had the doctor examin my leg. His only comment was, "oh yeah, I see that all the time!" So, apparently what I have must still be considered superficial, it's just that the symptoms can be bothersome at times! I have been using an excercise bike to help increase the circulation to my legs. Unfortunatley, I had to stop that for awhile after my abdomen injury. I do plan to take that back up again as I love bike riding and wouldn't want to have to quite that for almost anything!

I will continue to check out the blog from time to time this week. I do hope that all of you are having a nice week and I look forward to more updates as the week goes on!

Take care all!

[[...]]

After shocks up to 5.4 to date.  Still quite scary but they are getting further and further apart.  Amazing that no one has been seriously hurt - when we consider that the Haiti earthquake was a similar strength and 250,000 people were killed!  Thank God I live in a country where building codes are very strict.  Even houses that have been seriously ripped apart are actually still standing - just kinda broken in two.  I guess those of you who live on the West Coast can relate to regular earthquakes - we all live on the Pacific rim fault after all.

 

I've already hear of one person who's been put on Clonazepam for anxiety and sleep.  I've warned her of the dangers of prolonged use, so hopefully she's listened.  Trouble is the dr said if she needed more after she's run out to come back and see him - when will they learn!!!

 

Glad to hear most in this group are doing okay.  It's eleven months on Sunday since I took my last dose and each day I get better and better.  Currently at about 90%.  Some times long periods where I'm 100%.  So I now know for a fact that time is the only true healer.

[[ar...]]

Hi LB, saw lots of pics on the Fox news about the earthquake - what a mess & truly amazing so few injuries, but then that air crash on the same day at the Franz Josef glacier killing 9 people !

( Years ago we were on the edge of the Newcastle earthquake - heard a loud cracking sound like a truck had hit something, and then the shaking ) .

 

We saw on the news broken sewerage lines in Christchurch and porta loos being delivered. cracks in the road and debris from buildings etc etc. .

Guess the insurance companies won't be thrilled my daughter ( the lawyer trained one ) works in insurance & they had a loss last year from the Victorian bushfires, her boss only in his forties had a heart turn, so she's working 4 days now, and went to Melbourne to fill in for him at a Board meeting....

 

We might be hitting the road traveling around Australia again soon. I only had a week at Perisher skiing but am thinking of doing  'over the hill" ski tours run by a new Zealand based tour company, maybe next year they looks interesting .

 

Hope your house , business etc were not affected by the earthquake, and that Christchurch is rebuilt quickly, the emergency response teams looked to be very organized.

 

regards from Jill 

[[...]]

Thanks Arafurapearl - everything fine with us.  No damage at all apart from one pot plant fell over in our bathroom.  Others not so lucky unfortunately.  Still everyone is okay and houses can be rebuilt.

 

We are so lucky, the response teams are doing a tremendous job and there are workmen, trucks, diggers everywhere repairing roads, sewer lines and water pipes.  About 90% of the city now has water back on and power on to everyone. 

 

A lot of people are really feeling very anxious, we had another huge jolt this morning - 5.1 which sent everyone running into the streets again.  So far have had close to 300 after-shocks - not all felt, but most of then have been.  Seems to be slackening off now - hopefully!  We are all so over earthquakes!!!!!

 

A great test for my anxiety and I'd had to say I've come through with flying colours.  Obviously quiet uptight but still not reaching for those dreaded benzos (and never will!)

 

Hope you are well over there in Oz.    Be thankful that Australia doesn't have fault lines going right through it.

[[gi...]]

Hi LB,

 

Yeah those aftershocks are doing wonders for testing your coping skills, huh?!  I'm glad you and yours are doing OK.  I lived in California for many years and while I managed to skirt the big ones (I was at the opposite end of the state when they each hit), the "little" ones - the 5's, the 6's - were always good for an adrenaline rush!

 

Glad to hear the rest of you is doing well -

 

ginger

 

 

[[...]]

 

Time to check in with my favorite group..

 

Things are progressing a bit at 2 months and a week off....I just came out of a bad wave in which the muscle twitching seemed to ramp up....this has now become my most bothersome symptom....and it is not constant...just sporadic....I wish the damn receptors would just fix themselves already...

 

Sleep is good six nights out of seven..I guess that is on its way to fixing itself.....

 

Inner viberations seemed to calm down quite a bit during the latest wave of twitching...but now have returned.....I guess they had to take a break?

 

Other symptoms mild to nonexistent....I feel fortunate to only have 2 or 3 symptoms...but this process really wears a person out..and I am tired...like the rest of you...and just want to wake up and not have to worry about symptoms....I still have a long way to go...but I am weary...very weary...

 

TC

[[...]]

Thankgs ginger1222.  I've just read a very disturbing article in our local newspaper about prescriptions for anti anxiety and sleep aid drugs up five times the normal post this earthquake.  I just hope they're going out with warnings about prolonged used.  I've just emailed a letter to the editor so I hope it gets published and put a post on Facebook.  Can't do much more.

 

Tc - tell me about tired.  I'm coming up eleven months off and still definitely not "normal".  Just gotta ride this out.  But I am so over benzo symptoms (and earthquake after-shocks!!!!!!!!)

 

 

[[ve...]]

Hey TC.  I didn't realize how close you and Bevoir jumped.   Seems both of you are still having some withdrawal symptoms as might be expected.  The more I read about klonopoison, it seems it really can impact the nerves for a while after the last dose, from twitches to burning or vibration sensations...  The valium seemed (at least for me) to have more anxiety, balance issues, vision, and of course the old fave insomnia.  I got up early this morning (4AM) no fault of my own.  The wife suddenly woke with a leg cramp.  She fell right back to sleep but of course I couldn't .  Oh well. It's been a long while since I've been up at 4AM and coudn't fall asleep.  I usually get up once around 3 to go to the bathroom (no benzo fault, just being forty something with a prostate that is probably getting less cooperative ).  Anyway, I recently posted on Bev's blog that for me anyway, months 3-5 were big healing months for me.  By month 5, I was travelling, having some wine, enjoying life... I later had a few minor setbacks over the summer but in general I was about 85% healed by five or six months off.  Now I'm coming up on 10 months this week and I'd say I'm close to 90% of the way there.  Hopefully with the exercise and healthier eating, I'll get to where I want to be by my one year anniversary off benzos, November 11.I'm so glad to have put benzos behind me though.  Most of my remaining issues now are pretty much "pre benzo" issues that were here before plus maybe a little bit of a sensitive nervous system still from the battering it took last year with ten months of tapering and then getting the Shingles virus afterward.  

 

Continued healing TC and others who are benzo free

 

 

V

[[...]]

V,

 

I hope to follow in your footsteeps and hopefully..see some major healing by the six month point....  I would be happy with that...

 

I think your comment about K is very valid..regarding the physical symptoms....I know all benzos have physical symptoms...I am not discounting anyone else's experience...but aside from some apathy.....all my symptoms were physical....including the insomnia....because that was sleep start insomnia..purely physical....

 

I am down to basically muscle twitching and inner viberations...the sleep seems to have corrected itself 6 out of 7 days ..and I am ok with that....I can live with that   I know at some point it will be 7.....or maybe not..and if not....it will be close enough to deal with in the future....

 

The muscle twitching and viberations are very sporadic like my system is fighting itself.....to right itself...to look back on it..and sit here with 2 symptoms mainly...I think I should be very happy...and I am happy compared to where I was even a month ago...but I never was overly patient...so I just want to go from where I am now at 80 percent or so to 100....and I realize that takes time... I just don't like it does

 

Thanks for all of your support during this process....I think it is great you stuck around.....and are helping the rest of us through this mess...this has quickly become my favorite thread..and while I don't post every day..I do read it...nearly every day...

 

TC