Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Ginger. And here I was looking forward to my three month marker. So much for that.  I can't tell what's going on anymore. It started with the flu. The other sxs got revved up again, sxs that had finally abated. I'm retaining water like crazy, gained back all the weight that came off plus more (this is scary, it's not what I'm eating, so I can't control it). I'm gaining weight now the same way I lost it when I was in wd, hand over fist no matter what I do. I feel like a parade balloon. My joints are stiff, fingers too swollen to wear my rings, again, thought that was gone for good, but I'm getting that that sentiment is entirely premature. From what I'm gathering, this is all normal, tedious and infuriating, but normal. I guess I just have to accept that I'm going to be a bundle of sxs until this all calms down and it might be a while. Like a year and a half a while. I know, this is a bad spell and it won't be like this the whole time. It was so nice a few weeks ago, fitting into my clothes and having the energy and inclination to try a little exercise and enjoy the World Cup. THat was fun. I've seen that 3 to 7 months can be a difficult time. Glad I got a bit of a break, it was really nice. I guess they're called windows. I wasn't great, but I was better.

 

Did anyone else go through this crazy weight fluctuation business? Is it a "girl" thing?

 

Glad you're doing so well V (NM), it's great to hear. I remember the trip to see your dad. Can't believe it was already 8 months ago. Time gets a little "funny" on this journey.

Well, congrats to us all for getting off this garbage and thanks to those who come on and give us newbies understanding and hope. Quelle Drag this is!

m

[[ve...]]

Great to hear from you Pange, Marina and Ginger.  Yes, it was a lot of fun seeing some national parks and getting out in nature.  I had been to the Grand Canyon before but first time for my boy.  Bryce was spectacular, have to say it was probably my favorite although having a herd of buffalo cross in front of our car in Custer State Park, South Dakota was also a highlight, especially since none of them scratched, rammed or damaged the vehicle .

 

Back to benzos .  Marina first.  At three months post benzo, I believe the body and brain is still working to restore the nervous system for many folks.   I believe you are correct in saying that windows are welcome but expect some set backs (if your experience is anything like mine was).  Everyone's situation is different with many variables, but the main thing is don't lose hope. I do believe that much healing is still coming your way in the months to come so hang in there .  By the way, I've gained about 12 pounds in the last six months.  Part of it was the summer travel away from home, but no excuses, time to get back to regular exercise.

 

Pange, I'd forgotten how refreshing it is to hear from such an optimist as yourself.  You'd make a great moderator!  Even post benzo taper, its nice to hear encouraging words.   I hope you and your wife and family will get a chance to take that trip to Kansas. Although there is a certain amount of stress involved in taking a long road trip, there are many rewards to getting away and spending quality time with the family.   Sounds like you are taking it slow with the remeron taper.  It won't be long before you are med free   :yippee: .

 

Hi Ginger.  Glad you were doing much better at 9 months off and more so at 18 months.  Protracted withdrawal is a bummer.  I think I've read on this thread that you also have benefited from CBT.   Is it still helpful?  At 8 months off for me, I still have some intermittent problems and some minor things come up from time to time, mostly anxiety related I suppose.  I never had panic attacks before benzos, yet had a few near ones after some very long drives, started to feel claustraphobic in the car I guess.  Throat tightened a bit, felt some fear but "reframed" in the nick of time  .   Anxiety was a problem before benzos and not surprising that it still is sometimes. I can see where CBT could help. Well, gotta get back to unpacking.

 

Cheers,

 

V (no more)

 

 

 

[[ho...]]

Hi all..

 

WEll, i havent been on the site as much lately, as im busy w my boys out of school, and some what trying to push on , and enjoy the summer, and the sun!!  I love going to the beach, parks/waterparks with my boys.. Try and get out a little bit most days..

 

I still am struggling with fatigue!! bigtime, which i believe is due to my low iron count, been on iron supplement pills since about may 19th now.. and my iron count has gone up a bit from a very crucial low count of 13 and now is at 21.. Norm range is 15-180... So, im still at the very low range.. Gona prob take at least another 9 months to get it up.. Ive talked with a few friends, went thru same and took about a year, to get their iron up to a healthy level!! unbelievable... i hope its sooner for me! though...

 

Sleep has improved compared to few months ago, unless i have a late night out with friends, which i do have one late evening out at least a week.. On sat nights, so i can feel like at least im getn out there, and socializing with friends again.. I was couped up for two years on the meds , going thru Vertigo at the begginning of all of this, and also a breast cancer scare, with months of testn etc.. being done..

 

Off benzos now 5months july 19th, and paxil was 3 months off paxil july 10th...

other ongoing w/d symptoms, the inner vibrations, shakes feeln, which is worst at night, but has improved since i started mag/cal supplement in May!! yahoo... but still there... hoping month or so, hopefully this too will have left for the good! please............

 

thanks for listening hope 

[[...]]

vertigo,

 

that is so strange you were in st. louis...my hometown too.  the night you went to the cards game i had friends that came to visit and they went that night, too.  played the phillies right?  the next day they did the brewery tour, as well.  then they drove back to their hometown of atlanta, too. 

 

strange coincidence.  they went up in the arch that wed.  did you?  they said they met and talked with a lot of people from out-of-town.  wonder if you met them? 

 

life is so strange.

[[ve...]]

Hi L123.  That is funny, small world.  Yep, we drove in on that Wednesday from Chicago with a quick stop in Springfield, Illinois to tour Lincoln's home.  We arrived in St. Louis around 6PM on the 55/70 to a horrendous lightening storm which flooded the freeway.  On the radio they talked of possible flashfloods and cancelling the game.  Talk about anxiety! Somehow we made it over the MLK Bridge through not the nicest neighborhood (a panhandler wanted a dollar to lift up the railway gate which had no power but a nice guy lifted it up for free, checked in to our downtown hotel and walked over to Busch Stadium.  Yes, the Cards beat the Phillies that night but lost the next day (Thursday) in extra innings.  Walked on Thursday morning to the Arch and toured the Western Expansion Museum, went up in the Arch (a bit claustrophobic in those tiny elevators but no vertigo , then drove to the Busch Brewery for the Tour and a beer.  From there we drove to Ted Drewes for a custard on old Route 66 .  It must have been close to 100 degrees that day .  After that we got back to the hotel and ordered a pizza from Imos, yum!  Drove back to Atlanta on Friday morning, with a lunch stop in Kentucky, adding another state .  That brought me up to 39 but my wife has me beat at 45! That was our brief stay in your great city.   Hope your friends enjoyed the trip as well.

 

How are you doing post benzo L123?  I see you are free since last Spring?

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[...]]

wow...i guess i have been benzo free since last spring.  a whole season ago.

 

how did you know about ted drewes and imo's?  those are stl native secrets!  actually, most people that did not grow up on imo's pizza think it's awful...describe it as cheese on a cracker.  haha...but it's my favorite.

 

and i have some ted drewes in the fridge right now. 

 

glad you enjoyed the arch...yes, those little cars you ride up in a teeny tiny. 

 

i am going ok right now.  i'm learning to say that because i get hit with waves/windows...but 4 months post benzo i am in a window and savoring it. 

 

do you still have any lingering symptoms or would you say you are now fully healed?

 

leslie

[[ve...]]

Hi Leslie.

Yep, we have a close friend who is from St. Louis, would never have known about Imos but Ted Drewes is listed as a sight to see on many Route 66 lists but truth be told, our friend told us about that one too LOL. Glad you are enjoying a window now.  You're right, they are to be savored.  As for my own lingering story? LOL.  I am not 100% healed, not sure I expect to be.  Even if I returned to my pre benzo state, I'd likely be wrought with some level of anxiety...

 

8 months off valium, here's my update-

I wake up with anxiety, about a 7 on a scale to 10,  but it seems to improve through the day

Still have occasional reflux but only when I overdo it.  I still take a daily prilosec but have considered weaning off it

I had developed elevated blood pressure for a few weeks in March and it came down, but back up in July.  Had a few panic like attacks back around Spring.  I think Ginger mentioned it could be phantom panic, a kind of rebound anxiety even though one never had panic BEFORE benzos.   Strange to me that it would happen many months later as it did for me last Spring but who knows.  On one of the long drives back to Georgia ten days ago, after about 8 hours in the car driving from South Dakota to Minnesota,  I was driving and started to get a claustrophobic feeling compounded by fatigue after about 3 hours since our last stop. Had a slight inkling of a panic coming on but I managed to reframe panic thoughts I started having like "what if I pass out while driving, the car will crash and we'll die..."   I was very tired at the time.  It's almost as if I have a fear of any cog fogginess that leads to light headedness.  

 

Well, that's my update.  Like I said, I fully expect that anxiety is going to be a challenge for me moving forward.  Whether the anxiety is greater from time to time as a rebound from being off benzos, I can not say.

If I had to put a number on it, I'd say I'm about 90% back to where I was in June 2008, but again, I was not 100% healthy, anxiety free or sleep trouble free before I took valium.   Yet I am sleeping better today than I did then.  

Best,

 

V (no more)

 

[[Me...]]

Good to hear from ya V 

[[...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I just want to "report in" on how I am doing 4 plus months out from stopping valium; and from stopping lexapro recently (a 2 1/2 month taper that has really been very easy).  In short, I am doing very well !  Sleeping fairly well (not perfectly), minimal anxiety (not perfect), sort of "humming along" with greater energy and motivation than I've had in some time.  Life is good !  That's the main message I want to convey.  I am happy, and I hope that others who are struggling will be happy soon too.  My experience tells me that it is do-able.

 

Take care...and I hope you can be gentle and compassionate with yourselves! (and with others too, of course)     

 

Rumi

[[mi...]]

six months nine days?  it doesn't let up does it?

 

[[pa...]]

Hi again V and all my post benzo freedom buddies!!

Thanks so much V for your kind words and vote of confidence! I am so glad that my presence here on the forum is making a difference for others!

V, you sound like you've got a really good handle on yourself... you are enjoying life so much, you are being patient, you are not making any judgements about yourself, and you recognize your limitations. I say that 100% healing from benzos is just around the corner! Again, glad to hear that you had such an awsome vacation! We are planning to go to Wenatchee, WA next month. We are going to visit some of my wife's family there and we also plan to visit the Rocky Reach Dam which has a really nice visitor's center with lots of displays featuring local history. We are also going to stop by Leavenworth, a Bavarian town much like Solvang in CA. Lots of neat shops there and good food!

Rumi, so glad to hear that things are going so well for you! Life is great, post benzo, isn't it!! Thank you for sharing your experience with us!

Life for me is going pretty well. Still working part time in a position that I really enjoy! I have had lots of time to be at home with family this summer, more than I ever have had since being married and having kids! My son is taking swimming lessons at a local high school and in the afternoon, we go to the Columbia River and take the kids out swimming where the water is shallow. My son likes to practice his strokes.

I have spent a lot of time getting some home repair done...things like: repainting the house, resealing/painting the deck, wall repair, etc.. I'm really pleased with how well our house and yard is looking this year! The blueberries have really come in and everyday, we pick more and more!

I still have some nerve pain that comes on usually in the evening. It lasts off and on for an hour or so, then goes away. It's more of a discomfort than anything... about on a scale of a bad headache that fades with time. Remeron taper is doing very well... I'm down to 75% of my dosage. No more w/d to report from that, and if I hold steady, I will atempt another taper next week. It's a bit of a pain to cut these pills now, but maneageable, and I look forward to the day I throw the last bottle away!

I'm not as active on the forum these last few weeks as my kids are home now and it's not as easy to find quiet time to think and post. Anyway, I wish everyone here on this board the best! Hope you all are having some nice big windows and are enjoying your summer!

Blessings to all,

pangelingua

[[gi...]]

 

Hi Ginger.  Glad you were doing much better at 9 months off and more so at 18 months.  Protracted withdrawal is a bummer.  I think I've read on this thread that you also have benefited from CBT.   Is it still helpful?  At 8 months off for me, I still have some intermittent problems and some minor things come up from time to time, mostly anxiety related I suppose.  I never had panic attacks before benzos, yet had a few near ones after some very long drives, started to feel claustraphobic in the car I guess.  Throat tightened a bit, felt some fear but "reframed" in the nick of time  .   Anxiety was a problem before benzos and not surprising that it still is sometimes. I can see where CBT could help. Well, gotta get back to unpacking.

 

 

Hi V(NM),

I'm happy to say that I've not had one panic attack or an anxiety attack go too far since I started practicing CBT -- and I was prescribed klonopin for panic/anxeity. It doesn't help with my 2AM insomnia anxiety, but nothing helps that.

 

We did a similar trip a couple years back: Vegas>Zion>Bryce>Arches>GC>Vegas. Wonderful trip. It was 100-115 degrees every day so we'd hike from dawn to 11AM.  We loved all of it. What a wonderful part of the country, huh?  I'd love to go back.  We did a quick stop at Canyonlands and I really want to go back to spend a few days there.

 

I'm glad you're doing so well! It's about time, huh.

 

ginger

[[...]]

hey vertigo, pang, and ginger,

 

glad to read your updates and quite honestly glad to see that you all are not here as much....because you're out living life and healing.  this is always encouraging to me...to see the people that were here before me move on.  progress is a good thing. 

 

please come back every now and again, though, to check in and give the rest of us hope.

 

btw, ginger, i really appreciated the note you wrote to those of us still working through our healing. 

 

leslie

[[...]]

Hellooo...

 

It is really good to hear from everyone...I am glad you guys stuck around post benzos...to let us know there is life on the other side...

 

I don't have all that much to report...other than to say I have seen some gradual improvement..since jumping a month ago.....but sometimes it is hard to see it....unless I look really close....things are pretty much the same for me post taper as they were at the end of the taper..with one exception..my sleep returned...

 

I have bascially two symptoms...inner viberations and some muscle twitching....actually make that three...at times...I get a weird electrical type/pins and needles feeling in my face.....so..I guess three symptoms post benzos isn't bad...but I sure would like to have zero

 

This really needs to be over when the taper ends....rather than ending the first leg of the journey then starting another....

 

Continued healing to all....I am way back here on the road to healing...but I am following your footsteps

 

TC

[[ic...]]

Hi TC,

 

Maybe since you did a super slow taper, you won't have another long journey ahead of you. Maybe, just maybe, it will all end quickly in a big anti-climatic fizzle

 

 

ican

 

 

 

[[cu...]]

Hellooo...

 

It is really good to hear from everyone...I am glad you guys stuck around post benzos...to let us know there is life on the other side...

 

I don't have all that much to report...other than to say I have seen some gradual improvement..since jumping a month ago.....but sometimes it is hard to see it....unless I look really close....things are pretty much the same for me post taper as they were at the end of the taper..with one exception..my sleep returned...

 

I have bascially two symptoms...inner viberations and some muscle twitching....actually make that three...at times...I get a weird electrical type/pins and needles feeling in my face.....so..I guess three symptoms post benzos isn't bad...but I sure would like to have zero

 

This really needs to be over when the taper ends....rather than ending the first leg of the journey then starting another....

 

Continued healing to all....I am way back here on the road to healing...but I am following your footsteps

 

TC

 

Hey TC

 

I'm noticing sharp pins and needles on certain areas of my body this week...I smack myself because it feels just like a bug bite...maybe my CNS is waking up more, or its something like those bug feelings all over me that I had about a month ago..the bugs are biting now!

 

I've always been a twitcher so I don't look much into that 

[[gi...]]

TC,

 

I had that face thing for a while too. It's very strange.  During my 9 solid month of headaches, one of them was a pressure headache that traveled down my face and made my jaw numb and then my face would start "sparking".  Then, if I sat down, I'd pass out cold for 15 minutes. I was fine if I kept moving, but if I sat down, boom, I'd fall asleep.

 

Well, that headache has come back since I took one single dose of ambien a month ago. It happened yesterday, even. I was at work. I had to sit down, I'm a receptionist. Well.... boom, I started to fall asleep. Luckily I fought it and got up.

 

This is just ridiculous!

 

g

[[ga...]]

Hey all,

 

I'm at 4 months benzo free and feel pretty good. I still get the daily vibrations and lately, I get periods of extreme tiredness. I have been napping a lot when I can and that seems to help. Daily doses of magnesium, calcium and vitamins also helps, along with exercising. Tried to drink a beer the other day & it hit me like a ton of bricks. Still too early I guess.

 

I'm feeling like it will be a few months still before all the WD symptoms go away. Anyone else going thru this ?

 

George

[[Ma...]]

Hi,

 

Thanks, V, for your post to my blog last week! I'm really in the dumps with depression/anxiety, especially in the a.m. I'm on Zoloft, which seems to help in some ways, but I have horrific mornings. I suppose this is likely old anxiety/depression and "lost" feelings that brought me to benzos in the first place. Who knows? It seems I don't want ANYTHING out of life these days. That's so scary when I NEED to take a direction toward finding regular work. I'm both fearful and then lazy about that issue. I wish there was some way to break this cycle of fear, pain, and avoidance. I'm listening to meditation audiobooks, which help when I'm freaking out, but those don't energize me to get things done. I sometimes feel like I could almost starve myself in that cocoon I retreat to.

 

Matteo 

[[...]]

hi bbs,

 

george: i totally relate.  like you, i'm 4 months benzo free.  my symptoms have dimished but they are still there.  after fighting so hard for these past 4 months it's actually not any easier.  the symptoms have dimished but so has my ability to fight them.  like you, i'm hoping to be healed or very close in a few months...i just have a feeling it will only be a few more months if i can just hang in there, y'know?

 

matteo: i also understand what you mean.  i was unemployed for 4 months and just started a full-time job yesterday.  today is saturday so i'm spending the day in bed just recuperating.  yes, the anxiety/depression, lack of motivation, fear...it's all there.  i have no idea if i'm going to be able to make it through a full work week next week....this may be why i'm still lying in bed at 4pm on a sat.  such a feeling of being overwhelmed.

 

best wishes to you both....please keep us posted on your progress and i'll do the same.  the battle isn't yet won, but hey...we are benzo free!!  we can only keep healing from here!!

 

leslie

[[pa...]]

Leslie and Matteo,

I have been so blessed in that I have a job now that I truly enjoy... the only problem is that it's part-time for now. I had to resign from my full time job back in Jan. There were just too many issues going on there, plus with my late father's estate problems, plus my medication issues, there was NO way I was going to continue. I really hope and pray that the part time position I have now will become full time soon since I have a family to support plus a mortgage to pay. On the other hand, having the extra time off has really helped me to heal these last few months. I am still uncertain about what the future may hold for me and my family but something keeps telling me that the good Lord will provide when the time comes. This is what gives me hope! Anyway, I hear what both of you are saying about the job situation and how unsettling it can be.

I still get w/d from time to time. I seem prone to exhaustion. This became apparent when I worked full time hours a couple of weeks ago when some co workers went on vacation. Also, the nerve tingling still hits me, mostly in the evening. None of my symptoms lasts for too long which is a real blessing!

Best wishes to you both and I do hope that your employment situation eases!

pangelingua

[[...]]

Hey Pang,

 

Congrats on the part-time work.  In an ideal world, it would be wonderful if we could all have time off to heal and then start back up on a part time basis...but there are bills to be paid and life goes on.  And in the real world, healing occurs in a progressive, linear way.  Benzo w/d is hard to explain or deal with while employed because I'm sure people would think, "Last month you were sick, last week you were fine...I thought you were over this...why are you sick again??" 

 

Someone here mentioned the "fake it til you make it" concept.  That is pretty much what I will be doing until I am healed, if and when that time comes. 

 

Glad to hear your still doing well. 

 

Leslie

[[st...]]

HI, I have been off since Oct 09, and I do have physical symptoms, but I have found I have such a short fuse emotionally, I am so angry all the time, and yell at everyone, I am losing friends fast.  I just wondered if anyone else has gone thru this?  I would hate to accept any meds for this if is just something we go thru, but gee, I dont even like me much.  Anyone?  Love, STAR

[[st...]]

I will be off Xanax 2 years the middle of this month.  Waves continue and I still have morning and sometimes afternoon anxiety along with the horrible agitation.....ugh!!  Thank goodness I have a wonderful support system that is accepting of my "short fuse".  I don't like me very much either Stardust.  We will get ourselves back.

 

Patty  xo

[[ve...]]

Congrats Patty on 2 years off xanax and continued healing.  Thanks for the update Star and glad to have you back on BB .  I also find that I can be less patient with stress these days.  Pange, like Leslie said, its a blessing to have a job that you enjoy.  Hope you get a handle on the fatigue soon and great job with the remeron taper .  Good luck Leslie with the new job. I posted you on your other thread.  Matteo, hope you find some answers in your career search.  You deserve to find something you enjoy doing.  Gagger, at four months, I was pretty tired too.  The taper takes a lot out of us, doesn't it?  I have had a few days set back, blood pressure issues and early morning anxiety. Went to the urgent care doc and got checked out yesterday, looks like I'm going to make it .  Hopefully the revved up system will calm back down.  I plan to try and eat healthier and start exercising more too.  Cupcake, hope the pins and needles have subsided.  No more sleeping on the job Ginger!

 

Bye for now,

 

V (no more)