Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ho...]]

Hi percussion

 

Yes!!!! this iron is very very crippling!! its really horrible, and do not wish this upon anyone, its really bad  I sure hope i feel like a new person once i correct this huge problem with my iron..... and i hope it doesnt take months on end to get it up...............

 

hope

[[Re...]]

Hey Verti & BB Family,

 

    Insomnia has been beating me up this past week, which has caused other withdrawal symptoms to come by and pay a visit.  I have no problem getting to sleep, it's just that I don't stay asleep.  I'm waking up sometimes 2-3 times in the am hours.  This reminds me of my tapering days and in the early days post benzo.  At nearly 10 months out this can be very frustrating, and its getting rather old. 

 

    Working this past week has been the pits!  After not using melatonin for the past 4-6 weeks, I'm back on 1.5-3.mg of melatonin when I wake-up.  I generally have an upbeat attitude, but I am tired, frustrated, and sleepy.  This week I have been revisted by the numbness and tingling on my entire left side...enough already, this went on pre-taper, the entire time throughout my taper, and sometime post taper.  Granted, it is not as pronounced as it once was, but once it disappeared, I expected it to stay gone...such is benzo healing.  The tinnitus, which never left me, is very quiet, so I have no complaints about that, but because I am sleep deprived, I have this sense of panic which I can't seem to shake.  Today I am angry, frustrated, impatient, and sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm also tired of being teased with having those 110% days, and then WAMO! Being hit with insomnia, and then here comes those other symptoms again.  Granted, they are very mild, annoying but mild, and I can handle them (I have no other choice), but I am just weary...weary...weary...

 

    Like others on this page, I have vented, and I feel a tad bit better now.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself, and I am not looking for any pity, I'm just angry, and I am tired.  I am also grateful for my progress, grateful that I have a place to come to for encouragement, and to encourage others.

 

    I may not be in the best of mood today (this week), but I know that this too will pass and I will experience complete healing in the not to distant future. 

 

    It is taking alot for me to muster of these words today, but I urge my BB family to stay the course...and as I encourage you, I encourage myself.

 

    You all are in my prayers.  Peace!

[[gi...]]

Hey everyone please take a moment here: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=20424.0

[[pe...]]

Retire....so sorry that you are having such a hard time...and so glad that you let us know.  That's what this is for!

 

Hope you get back on track soon.  These setbacks are the most discouraging.  I have had several during my 6 months.

Just when we think we are moving forward...WHAMO...we are thrust backwards.  It is maddening!

 

Just wanted you to know that I am there with you....hoping for brighter days soon.

 

Tish

[[Re...]]

Hey Tish,

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  Those setbacks can be pretty discouraging at times; but I will continue with my never say die attitude.  Sometimes that is easier said than done.  We do what we do because we have to in order that we can have complete healing.  This week I've been saying Winston Churchill's words in my mind all week, "If you are going through hell, keep going."

 

Your words of encouragement have uplifted my heart and I am ready to continue the fight; I'm fatigued, but the fight for freedom continues.  It's too hot in hell anyway.  HeHe!

 

Such as yourself, I will continue to stay the course.  Longing for better days.  Take care Tish.  Retire.

[[...]]

hi everyone,

 

after a bad sun. and mon. i'm here to report that the past three days have been pretty okay for me.  i'm almost 9 weeks post benzo.  it's frustrating because it's hard to enjoy the good times when another wave is sure to be around the next corner.  i'm really trying not to think of it that way, but according to so many other posts, that seems to be reality.

 

i had a milestone today.  i received a "thanks but no thanks" letter in the mail from a former employer.  i had worked for them for three years and thought i did a good job.  i'm currently unemployed due to the benzo issue and am desperate for work, even though i'm not sure i'm capable of working right now.  i know i have to be getting better because during these w/ds in the past the letter would have sent me into a crying episode of epic proportion.  i barely cried at all.  i've prayed about finding work and i trust that God is going to help me find the right place.

 

all this to say that i see progress in my healing.  yay.  i wanted to post a positive report for once.

 

p.s. retire, i'm sorry to hear about your recent flare up.  that really really sucks.    i can't imagine how frustrating it would be to feel so good for so long only to have sxs return. 

 

and hope, i'm glad you found an answer to your fatigue.  are the iron pills affecting your sxs in any way?  are you feeling better now?

[[Re...]]

Hey L123,

 

We fall down, but we get up.  Flareups such as they be pass as well.  You just push through them and hope that they don't hang around for too long.  This morning I am more tolerant of the insomnia; although I did not sleep all that great, I have adapted.  The other symptoms have gone or are slowly fading away.

 

I'm glad that you had a good day today; windows are a blessing no matter what the length. Congrats on being nearly 9 weeks off; any distance from benzo is a milestone in my book.  Try not to think about the waves; they may be inevitable, but try not to think about them.  Just enjoy the beauty of the window.

 

Have a great day, and do continue the course!

[[Ma...]]

Hello fellow Post Benzo Buddies. This is a great site. I'm really better understanding what to expect and I'm getting that five weeks out is nothing. I got hit really hard again last night, the hardest yet. Had so much trouble breathing it was scary. Hardly any sleep and now my feet are burning again and they haven't done that in two months. I really thought that was over. Trying not to think about what may be coming back because it doesn't matter does it.... whatever comes will go, it's just a matter of time now, it's inevitable. Just try to relax and wait it out, for about a year and a half (!!!)... I was so hoping I'd be the rare case that just walks away from this, weren't we all!!

Ok, another day for my Benzo Free brain, best I can say about it is that it's another day I don't ever have to do again.

Wow, this isn't easy.

Onward.

m

[[pe...]]

Hi Marina,

 

We are here for you and have been where you are and....you WILL get there to complete freedom!!!!

 

Just keep talking to us as you go through all this.....it's not fun, we all know, but it will get better.

We all have felt in one way or another as bad as you do....it is a nightmare.  I never felt so close to death as I did during the first part of my withdrawal.

 

Praying for you!

 

Tish

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Tish, thank you. Yeah, it's really great not to have to go through this alone. I can't quite believe what this feels like, really overwhelming. Didn't think it would get this bad again. I've decided to call it a migraine, which is about the closest thing I can think to call it. There is a splitting headache but the rest of it, wow, very surprised by this I must say.

 

I feel bad posting this because I don't want to frighten the people who are getting off. I know I avoided reading negative things about the post wd experience when I was tapering, I had enough on my plate with just that. And I know it gets better and it seems that at around six to seven months it gets worse again, then most people feel this huge turn around at 18 months. Anyway, today is a bed day I think, haven't had one of those in more than two months but what can you do. I'm grateful at least I can go back to bed. I can't believe the stamina of people working and raising families through this. Don't know if I could do it.

All the Best to us All,

m

[[cu...]]

11 weeks off today. In a good window that's getting bigger and bigger!! I have a bad head cold and it hasn't even set me back sx wise!! I know I must be healing for a cold to not set me back!! As long as I don't obsess over it, I can feel improvements every 2 days or so (during the cold). Before the cold I had improvements every day. I guess it put me at a stalemate but who cares! I'm better! And I have a sneaking suspicion that this window is for keeps.

[[pe...]]

Hi Cupcake.........that is great news!!!!!!!!!!  Hope the window stays wide-open for you!!!!!!

 

Tish

[[Ma...]]

Ditto, Cupcake, that's great to hear!!

m

[[ho...]]

Hey L123

 

so far the iron pills, are not affecting my w/d ...only been a week......soo, hopefully will be answer to my fatigue totally

 

thanks for asking

[[pa...]]

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted here for a few days so I wanted to say 'hello' to others here and wish them many blessings and great windows!!

I have ben doing pretty well except that I worked an extra day (Tues evening). This is a late shift (4:15pm-2:45am) so I don't get to sleep until very late and I always end up waking up early regardless. I didn't get proper sleep for 2 nights and by Wed, I felt pretty tired! I did do some posting to the forum, I just didn't feel very inspired!! I have been keeping track of all your posts. My heart continues to go out to those of you who are still struggling!! I'm praying for all of you!! I think the greatest advise I can offer is that benzo withdrawal is not permanent! Also, rejoice and celebrate anytime good windows come!! Any amount of quality time you can spend with family, friends, relatives... Anything you can do to distract yourself and enjoy, celebrate these moments, no matter how small!! This and knowing when to slow down and take rests... Over time, I've found that the mind has a wonderful way of forgetting the painful moments... I look at the holiday photos I took in late 2008 when my med situation was completely out of control (I had to force a few smiles in these!!) and it seems as though the bad stuff almost never happened!

Also, ginger, I responded to your poll... DP/DR is something I've been vulnerable to since July 1987. Not a nice symptom. When it's severe, it can effect my balance. This is something I'm still working on!

Anyway, I hope that everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend!! Take care, everyone!! I'll continue to check the forum to see how you're all doing...

[[af...]]

The last time i posted on BB was about a month ago, when i reached my 6-month off milestone. The improvement then was so great, i chose to post my update in the Celebrations section!

 

I am now at 7 months off, and would rate myself a solid 7/10.... had i not had this nasty wave the past few days. This current setback seems in line with what many experience here. So no surprises, just more torture on the way to recovery... i pray to God for more patience and strength to all of us.

 

Kev

[[af...]]

TO COLIN:

 

This post-benzo thread deserves to become an independent section, just like "General W/D Support", or "Success Stories", etc.

 

When i first came to BB for help and info, it was tough to find posts specifically related to persons off benzos... And then Vertigo started this thread, and i could finally relate/belong to a group of buddies going through the same experiences.

 

As we all know, tapering or stopping cold turkey of benzos is simply phase #1 in the saga. Phase #2 is the post-benzo "hell", which has its unique experiences. Lumping the two phases together in the "General W/D Support" section is very confusing.

 

I also think that there should also be a phase #3 section for the long-term protracted w/d phase, for those over 18 months (or whatever time frame u propose) sufferers, where many of us might end up, and need specific info from persons going thru similar experiences.

 

This rearrangement of sections allows for more organised and theraputic intercation of buddies.

 

No need to add that u r an amazing guy to have created BenzoBuddies in the first place.

 

Kev

[[pe...]]

Kev,

 

I like your ideas very much.

 

Think it would make it easier to find the support we are all looking for as we go through the various stages.

 

And, mega-dittos on what you said about Colin...he is the real reason we are all here!

 

Tish

[[st...]]

I agree, too.  Maybe Colin is already working on it.  He is always coming up with ideas.

 

Patty  xo

[[Ha...]]

I need help from my post-benzo buddies.  My last benzo was about six weeks ago.  I had some pretty good windows a few weeks ago, and now I feel like I'm going backwards.  I am feeling major cog fog, bad anxiety with shakes, my stomach hurts especially in the pelvic are and I am losing weight again.  A few weeks ago I felt like I was getting better and able to eat and put on weight and now I feel like I am slowly climbing back into the issues that got me into this mess.  I am hoping this is just withdrawal, but feel like there's something else wrong.  I feel extremely tired, but can't sleep during the day, depressed, edgy, out of it.  I sleep okay at night, although I do wake up at least once, and sometimes lately with a panicky feeling, short of breath and nerve pain in my stomach.  The nerve pain in my stomach is the worst.  It makes me want to cry because it gets so bad.  I guess my question is, has anyone had problems with going way backwards instead of forwards while off of the benzo?  I felt like I was getting better and now I am beginning to second guess my decision to be drug free... should I get on an antidepressant, go back on another drug.  I feel like I was only on this drug for a short period of time, but feel like I am having major issues.

[[pe...]]

Hey HanginIn,

 

I am six months off and feel like I am going backwards, too, on some days.

 

Yesterday was one of those days...the cog fog and anxiety were about to kill me.

 

Yes, you were on Klonopin for a very short time, so I don't know if your scenario could totally relate to mine.

But I do know that this withdrawal process is full of surprises...some not fun AT ALL (like yesterday for me).

There will be weeks, days, hours that are great, and there will be those that you feel like you are going backwards.

You are only in your sixth week, so please just "hang in there!"

 

Hopefully someone with short duration of usage, like yours, will reply here.

 

I just wanted to wish you the best and let you know that we are all here for you....and that this whole process is a ROLLER COASTER RIDE!!!!!!!!!

 

Tish

 

 

[[Ha...]]

Thanks, Tish!  I feel like I'm going crazy.  I hate feeling so incapacitated for so long.  I guess I'll keep hanging!  Thanks for your support.  This whole mess really stinks.  I am feeling the same way...that this is going to kill me.  I can't wait until I can look back on this as just a really bad dream and move on with my life.

 

As to starting a new thread, I agree with this idea 100 percent. 

[[Bi...]]

Hi Tish,

After many false starts I am in the middle of a very slow K taper (see below).  I am experiencing extreme fatigue and am sleeping like crazy.  Exercise or a long day produces a very tired next day - I could sleep all the time.  Did you have this?

Billwill (aka Bill)

[[Ma...]]

Just to say that 7 weeks out things look as though at least for the time being they're starting to level out into the usual suspects, they are however being rather well behaved. So, two first weeks, not bad, next four, omg!!! and then calming... am I right on schedule?

Amazing that you can feel so awful one week and so much better the next, and then next week,,,, who know?,,,,

All the best everyone, love and healing, man have we been (and continue to go) through it!

xxm

[[Ha...]]

Marina,

 

It looks you jumped about a week before I did and I know what you mean.  I thought for the first few weeks I was getting better and then I got slammed.  You just never know what each day brings on this ride.  I hadn't had shakes and heart racing for a while and then it came back with a vengence these past two weeks.  Ugh.  I feel like today has been a better day overall but most of the time I have been in benzo hell with symptoms.  I'm marking the days as they go by waiting for the next several months to pass to get this over with, and I'm hoping that I can do it without ever taking another pill.