Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Bo...]]

Ginger: You will get there.. I have TREMENDOUS respect for you! 83%? You are inching up a bit further to the finish line. I take in everything you say! God Bless, Bob

[[ve...]]

Thanks for the info Ginger.  Benzo paradox, eh?  So nice to hear there's a word to describe this post benzo annoyance .  Thanks for your post LB.   Yes, it does feel weird to get these panicky feelings so many months off benzos. I know what you mean about the nervous system feeling like it's in overdrive.  Just gotta go with it, eh?  I agree, never give up!

 

83% of "normal" now?  That's great Ginger. Before I ever took a benzo, I don't think I felt better than 90%

I say it jokingly but truthfully, the anxiety and insomnia I had back in May 2008 and in my life at various times, I really don't know I could say I consistently felt 100% or even 95%.  

 

Sure, I've had days or weeks where I was what some might call "happy" Or to put it another way, feeling 95% .  The cruise and trip we took that summer when I took valium for the first time was a trip of a lifetime, but there were some regular but expected conflicts with my sibling, my elderly father was not feeling well on several days and had to change a couple of his excursions from the boat, he had to go to the ship doctor for a couple of things, it got very hot for him  in a couple places... so it was never 100% consistently even though it was a great trip.  Of course things got really bad a few weeks after getting home and going c/t off the valium, the vertigo and you know the rest .   My point is that life happens.  Not sure that for many or most that 100% would be a realistic goal, even those who never had so much anxiety as to ever take a benzo.  At 83%, I'd say you're doing really well Ginger.  I'd rate my own recovery at about 80% right now at six months off, despite the couple of things still going on.  I'd be thrilled to be at 90% by end of summer.

 

By the way, I agree that CBT is worth looking in to.  I use CBT principles in my recovery as well as meditation and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment) therapy goals.  I like the book by Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap.  Still, sometimes a wave of unpleasantness comes on and whatever changes in thinking I can muster, one sometimes just feels like crud, and that's ok (once in a while) too .  

 

Onward we go!,

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[st...]]

I learned from the the beginning of my taper, after reading many posts, not to trust the good 'windows' during the first year post-benzo.  A 'wave' can pop back up and hit you square in the face.  Little did I know that it would continue for 21 months.  I do know that every month healing does take place and I have to accept this process.  Good healing to you all.

 

Patty  xo

[[...]]

hi all,

 

it's been about 7 weeks post benzo now.  i've been slowly reading through each post on this thread. honestly, it's kinda disheartening because most of you are further out than me and still suffering.  i am so sad and angry that these drugs are being given to people who take them not knowing what they will do.  but, i can't think about all this now because it's just too overwhelming.

 

truly, i see some of you with symptoms after 1 year and i think, there is no way i can get through this and i hope he is exaggerating.  this is so hard.  for me, the worst symptom overall has been the anxiety.  i never really had trouble with anxiety prior to benzos.  now, like most of you report, i have trouble leaving my home or when i am at home, i feel like i need to be outside...just this constant need to be moving from one spot to another.  i lost my job and am trying to find work but i'm not confident that i would be able to perform my duties.  and then i also feel like telling an employer would be TMI...and then i feel ashamed because i don't want people to think i'm a drug addict (which i never was, just took as prescribed and unwittingly became physically dependent).  only other BBs understand that the symptoms continue for a LONG time.  i've had drs. just blow me off (oh, you'd have been over any withdrawals after 4 months).  it's unnerving that i feel the need to constantly prove to people that i am suffering something real and not just plain old anxiety.  i used to be able to handle anxiety on my own prior to the benzos (i'm a therapist).  i could talk myself down from anything but now, i try and it's getting easier, but i just don't think it's a matter of will.  God bless us all.

[[...]]

L123 I've never been sure whether the anxiety that re-appeared during taper was just normal anxiety or drug generated - a bit of both I suppose.  My therapist used to say to "anxiety is just anxiety and you can control it".  Trouble is, if there's a drug in my body which is also generating the anxiety logic tells me I don't have a great deal of control over that.  Either way I keep working at it and it is getting better slowly - at least I'm not locked in my house in total fear anymore, I can do most anything I want to, even occasionally do something spontaneous!  How normal is that?

 

About looking for a job L123 I can understand your lack of confidence, my confidence and self-esteem went out of the window during this process.  Takes a bit of clawing back.  I'm sure one day you'll find a job and just do it.  I know I've pushed myself into some situations I never thought I would get through, but somehow we manage.  But then I'm lucky enough to work from home - some days even that's been a struggle.

Is part-time an option as a starting point?

 

 

 

[[pa...]]

Hi everyone and welcome to our blog L123!

It's been a few days since I've posted. I worked some extra days this last week and I didn't have as much time to spend on the forum.

Speaking of work, I just thought I'd say that I ended up resigning from my full time position before my taper ended. Even without my med issues there was so much stress and unhappiness in that office that I just couldn't handle it anymore. Looking back, I think it was one of the best decisions I've ever made! Of course, there's been a price tag to it... First of all, I have a wife and 2 children to support as well as a mortgage on our house, health insurance and incidentals. Also, my children go to a private school, so we're fronting that.

Currently, my wife works as a sub teacher at Head start and I have since gotten a part time position at a job that I enjoy so much more than the previous one. I am also fortunate in that I received some life insurance from my father when he passed away, otherwise, I don't think that resigning this way would have been doable for me... The life insurance money in a way really amounts to small change considering all I went through with the legal and personal attacks, but I do appreciate the fact that my father, in his own way, was thinking of me. The amount of stress I'd been juggling between work, estate issues, and benzo withdrawl had taken such a toll on my life that unless something changed, I'm not sure if I'd be among the living! I must stress to all of us that choosing life is THE option.

I guess what I'm illustrating with all this is never give up hope!! Sometimes, life can seem so brutal and messed up. But life really does change!! You just have to keep on fighting the good fight!! When I left my full time job in January, I really thought that that would be it for awhile. But, you know... I got a call the very next week from a different supervisor in another department offering me my current job. he couldn't promise me full time, but he did say that another person is planning to retire and it would be easy for me to take that spot. In the meantime, he is trying to pull together as many extra days as possible... When my full time co workers need time off, I take their place. This is what happened this week. So far, I work enough hours to cover most of our expenses, but I also have enough time off to just stay at home and relax! The best of both worlds I'd say!!

Sorry to hear about your 'waves ' this week, vertigo. I also had some 'waves' about the same time. Is there a blue moon out! Not sure if it was due to skipping a dose of the remeron. It seemed to kick up some s/xs for me. I went without any melatonin last night. Had NO trouble sleeping and I feel great today!! It is good, vertigo that you have started these blogs. Journaling is very important in recovery in my opinion. And what better way than with interaction from friends!! Don't let this wave get you down!! Mine lasted about 3 days with slight dizziness and some agitation/inner trembling.

Take care, buddies. Hope you all continue to have a great weekend!!

[[ve...]]

Hey all. Welcome L123.  Hope you don't get too discouraged or encouraged by our blog here.  Everyone really has their own unique set of symptoms and their own journey to take.  Some of us get some solace in seeing that others do have similar symptoms or waves once in a while and take comfort in the posts that show steady progress even if its not as quick as we might like.  Hang in there. 

 

Hey Pange. You seem to be keeping such a great positive attitude.  Want to make one comment about your kid's private school.  Sometimes if you lose a job or have less income, have had medical issues (Yes I consider benzo taper a medical issue), you can negotiate with private schools for a scholarship.  Glad you got the life insurance, but I think you probably can still ask for a scholarship since you may need that money for a while to supplement your income or help start an education fund for your kids.  Sorry you've had to go through so much with your father's estate and angry family members.  As you know, I can relate although my father is fortunately still alive.  Hope your wave gets better too Pange.  Mine seem to come and go.  Went to a party last night (resisted it a bit but felt after what I've put my wife through the last year, I should make the effort). We were invited to two parties, but I agreed to go to one.  I had a couple glasses of wine and seem fine this morning.  I was pleasantly surprised that my memory wasn't too bad, was able to come up with some places and words that  a year ago, might not have been so cooperative. Overall, it was a nice evening. 

 

Glad the spontaneity is coming back LB.  That is progress and great that you can work from home.  I do some work from home too.  That's great that you can get outdoors too so that you don't become a hermit .

 

Ok, on that note, better go make the coffee for my wife.  She so appreciates it when it's all set up when she wakes up.  Sometimes I hear her stirring up there or in the bathroom and I turn on the grinder which gets her really excited :yippee: (no pun ).

 

Wishing you windows on this Sunday,

 

V (no more)

[[ho...]]

Hi all..

 

i havent visited this section for a bit now.. been struggling with my paxil w/d i guess... 5 weeks out..

 

ongoing fatigue, inner vibrations, and now this weekend feeln like im in a dream state, zombie like, stoned or drunk.. umm anyone else go thru this? dreamy state?? i dont like it.....

 

missed my gfs bday last night, i was soo upset, i planned it out too, where we were going etc.. dinner on a patio, etc.. i was crying i was soo upset, and she was very upset with me too, that sure didnt help.. this fatigue, when it hits me hard, it hits me like a ton of bricks!!! to the point i can go anywhere... but yet friday, i went to the beach twice, like wth???  w my dog in the am, and w my son at nighttime, and ate on the beach... i cried alot last night bout missing her bday... and i missed her bday last year too...

 

anyways.... i hope i feel better at some point today, cuz this weekend, sure hasnt been that great 

 

take care all

hope

[[cu...]]

I'm 9 weeks off as of Friday Hope, and my dreamy like state is just now getting better. I feel sort of disoriented in a way, things just don't feel right especially outside. I feel so much better than I did when it was at it's worst, though. I feel like I've took a really strong pain pill. I don't know how sleep is because my baby wakes me up like 7 times a night but it does take me a while to drop off because I'm so scared I won't get better, but that's against all better judgment.

 

I got an email today from Tony Pirog, he suffered for years because his doctor put him on every drug imaginable. He has a very interesting blog about benzo use and recovery. He told me I'm 90% of the way there, because I AM better than I was and most of the anxiety is gone so that's proof. He says there's no reason to think I won't get better and negative thinking really hinders things. This fellow, and others have truly been through hell and if they recover 100% the I know we will!

 

 

[[ho...]]

hey cupcake..

 

thats definately some uplifting to hear.. w that persons story.. yes, my positivity scale , as dimished quite a bit since jumped off paxil!! i need a crash course, lol, in uplifting my postive vibe!

 

thanks

hope

[[gi...]]

Hey L123,

 

I'm a temp, and I tell all employers that "my doc had me on a prescription 22 months longer than the FDA says is safe, then went off it too fast and now, more than a year later, still have the occasional side effect pop up."  I then let them know that sometimes out of the blue I can have palpitations, shortness of breath, constricted throat, etc (i.e., anxiety, but they don't need to know that) and need to take a quick break when that happens.  I've not been treated poorly yet. 

 

In fact, a lot of people have been very interested in that, and that opens the door to spreading the word. I don't get deep into my story, I stick to the facts and stats.  I no longer am surprised when almost every person tells me they know someone on valium or xanax!

 

Windows... ?? I've had 5 in 18 months, the last one 2 months ago. The one before that was 9 months earlier.  Actually, I've never had a true window because the tinnitus is always there.  At least I'm + 80%!

 

be well everyone -

ginger

 

 

[[ho...]]

Hi all

 

Everyones journey, beliefs, thoughts, strength, scale of w/d is very different! some struggle more and longer than others......this is one tough ride! for sure this aint easy............I still to this day, 3 months off, cant believe how much prescription drugs, have and still have affected my life, and health, and im sorry, but not "in a good way"!!  now it took EVERYTHING, PHYSCIALLY,EMOTIONALLY,  for me to get THRU MY 2 TAPERS....

 

I know myself i really need answers, support, words of wisdom, encourgament, ongoing.. maybe for some, some are bit stronger, but WE ARE ALL VERY STRONG HERE, to do , and endure getn off benzos, ssris's.. etc.! that being said, i feel this too, is a good place, here in this section, or the w/d section, blogs, whichever, to vent, express, our feelings etc.. or worries.... I dont think we cant post here without some concerns, worries, etc... We all have days, where our postivitiy isnt soo great, back thats ok!! and i think its very natural, with all this chaos, lack of energy, all the w/d symptoms we all get, differently.. We , all should be definately welcome to express how we are feeling....

 

And want to say, ive been on this forum since October, if i wasnt able to rely on other members to ask questions, compare recovery somewhat?? etc.. I wouldnt have made it thru my taper, and i still visit here daily for ongoing support, as im def not home free!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

lingering as some know:inner vibrations, tremors, extreme fatigue, light sensitivity, day dreamy some days/stoned drunk feeln, so crazzy. trying to keep postitive, and keep going...

 

 

[[ho...]]

with all that said, again appreciate everyones support.

 

quote/saying i found today:

 

"Live for today and not tommorrow"

"Live for the Now and whats here"

"Stop living for what maybe or what may never come"

"Live for the day already here"

 

enjoy your day , all, im off to get fresh air, at the beach, soothes me....

 

hope, forward, in this upwards struggle, to this path we call recovery and healing.......................................?

[[...]]

thanks everyone for your welcomes.  i have now read all 52 pages of posts on this thread.

 

vertigo, pang, hope, cupcake and many others, i've read your posts and am SO MAD that so many other people are going through this, too.

 

i went to an MD/homeopathic doctor today.  he doesn't take insurance and have been waiting over a month to get in to see him.  he did some kind of test on me that showed the electrical currrents in my body.  anyway, the results so the main problem area in my entire body was my BRAIN!  it tests levels of all the main neurotransmitters except GABA (sigh).  it showed my frontal lobe, hippocampus and limbic system were all somehow affected.

 

he wanted to do more tests but i was already out $375 for seeing him today.  i lost my job a few months ago due to this w/d.  so, i perceived he was getting impatient with me and i burst into tears twice in his office.  thankfully my dad was there.  i went to my car and bawled my eyes out.  it was really scary to see that something was wrong with my brain but no one knows how to fix it.

 

i am really frightened, everyone.  this morning i woke up and realized i had been on the temazepam nightly for over 2 years.  now i can't remember how long it was, maybe 2.5 to 3 years nightly.  my taper was only 10 days long.  i am really really scared i will never be the same.  i have noticed gradual improvement, but the fear and anxiety is so high some days(lately it has been high one day, lower the next).  today is one of my high anxiety days.  any reassurance would be greatly appreaciated.

[[ve...]]

Hi L123.  I am not a doctor but I am skeptical of a brain test not done by a neurologist.  What specifically does he think is not right with your brain?  Do you have some eeg waves that are not typical?  

 

I believe it is common for some neurotransmitters to be deficient or impacted during and after a benzo taper. Prof Ashton I believe recommends adding an A/D for some folks during taper and then gradually tapering off the A/d at an appropriate time.  As you know, with a rapid taper, it would be possible that s/x could last a while after the last dose.  To have symptoms such as a "deficiency" in a neurotransmitter or more than one during the first few months to a year after a benzo taper would seem to me to be not that unusual.  

 

Time and acceptance are going to be two of your greatest healers L.  I was only on about 6mg of valium for a little over six months before my taper began and it took me five months after the last dose to start to feel greater than 75%.  Now at six months, I'm maybe 80%.  My memory has improved, have minimal cog fog, but anxiety and fatigue are still greater than they were before I took a benzo.  I believe the nervous system can take up to a year to reset and stabilize after using a benzo, just my opinion (not medically based).  

Hang in there.  It is possible you may do better than others you have read about on this blog or elsewhere.  

 

Best wishes,

 

V (no more)

[[...]]

Hi L123 - I too would be skeptical about the diagnosis of your GP.  Sounds to me he is treading in waters where he shouldn't go.  Remember a GP is exactly that - a General Practitioner.  They deal with numerous illnesses every day but they do not specialise in any one area.  If you have any real concerns you should see a neurologist.  Did your dr recommend a neurologist or is he planning to do the further tests himself?

 

Of course I'm not a medical professional but I really feel your MD has done you a dis-service.  If it were me to put my mind at rest I'd be asking to see a neurologist, who I am sure will confirm that there is really nothing wrong with your brain.

 

I have an acquaintance who was diagnosed with heart failure by her dr.  She was frantic as she couldn't get to see a cardiologist for two weeks.  It was all unnecessary because after the cardio checked her out and ran some tests she was fine.  She did have high BP but that has been controlled by medication.  She has since changed her dr.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Cupcake,

 

Thanks for your post and shout! Yes, I feel good - and NO lithium! I see you're continuing on your lithium taper. Is that going okay, you think? I'm so glad I'm med-free right now (except 15-17 mgs of Seroquel for sleep)!

 

Hang in there BBs! I can now begin to see how out-of-whack I really was from w/d! It DOES get better, people.

 

 

Matteo  :smitten: :smitten:

[[gi...]]

thanks everyone for your welcomes.  i have now read all 52 pages of posts on this thread.

 

vertigo, pang, hope, cupcake and many others, i've read your posts and am SO MAD that so many other people are going through this, too.

 

i went to an MD/homeopathic doctor today.  he doesn't take insurance and have been waiting over a month to get in to see him.  he did some kind of test on me that showed the electrical currrents in my body.  anyway, the results so the main problem area in my entire body was my BRAIN!  it tests levels of all the main neurotransmitters except GABA (sigh).  it showed my frontal lobe, hippocampus and limbic system were all somehow affected.

 

he wanted to do more tests but i was already out $375 for seeing him today.  i lost my job a few months ago due to this w/d.  so, i perceived he was getting impatient with me and i burst into tears twice in his office.  thankfully my dad was there.  i went to my car and bawled my eyes out.  it was really scary to see that something was wrong with my brain but no one knows how to fix it.

 

i am really frightened, everyone.  this morning i woke up and realized i had been on the temazepam nightly for over 2 years.  now i can't remember how long it was, maybe 2.5 to 3 years nightly.  my taper was only 10 days long.  i am really really scared i will never be the same.  i have noticed gradual improvement, but the fear and anxiety is so high some days(lately it has been high one day, lower the next).  today is one of my high anxiety days.  any reassurance would be greatly appreaciated.

 

 

L123,

 

You are so very early in this process hon, please take a deep breath and try to relax.  It's easy to get overwhelmed and then the fear takes over and that's when symptoms can start to amp up or appear.  Symptoms come and go, intensify and wane. Everyone is different and everyone heals at different rates.  Anxiety is the biggest monster of them all, and the last to get under control. It can hit you out of the blue without any "justification", it can go overboard at the slightest thing.  You will be the same again some day, you have to keep the faith. It probably won't be tomorrow but the day is out there. In the meantime, I strongly recommend you look into cognitive behavior therapy, learn deep breathing and some form of meditation/relaxation. These coping tools will help you immensely in the days to come.

 

Hang in there -

 

ginger

 

[[Ma...]]

Hello! Wednesday I'll be 4 weeks Benzo free and am otherwise drug free. This is good. The sxs however are really starting to more and more resemble Lupus (swollen arthritic looking finger, just one, face rash, joint pain, fevers) which are also just wd symptoms, I think, I hope, no, they are, I know they are..... Just kidding, they are.

Anyone else been through this and did it linger terribly long? The good part is we're on the other side and it has to get better from here, it would just be great to hear someone say, ideally, "oh yeah, I had that, lasted a few weeks, no biggie". That would be ideal, but hey, I cant take it, I think, I hope...  I do get bouts of Vertigo still, but I think those are kind of fun. Really. I'll go back and read all 50 + pages tomorrow. It's nice to be here.

m

 

[[pa...]]

Hi everyone!!

Just checking in... Vertigo, LB and ginger, thank you for your reassuring responses to L123!!

L123, I don't have any experience with seeing homeopathic doctors outside of insurance. I will say that I did have some visits to a local chiropractor. My insurance did cover these treatments and required a co-pay. I think that the treatments they gave me did me some good. I was suffering from some back pain which may have been a combination of benzo withdrawal and from my old job which required lots of standing in one place looking at product on a conveyer line... As I say, the treatments were fine, but one thing I didn't like was that the chiropractic office seemed pretty aggressive about getting me into their office everyday for treatment. As I recall, they did some kind of test on my back which was hooked up to a computer monitor and I was given a printout with a diagram, supposedly showing me all the mis-placed back tension I was suffering from. I was given assurances that through an aggressive treatment of coming in daily to their office that my back would greatly benefit. I had to tell them that although I wanted to pursue their treatments, coming in daily was just not a practicle option for me, so I kept these down to 2 visits a week while I still had my insurance.

Although I did benefit from the treatments, I also feel that there was an outside monetary motivation for them wanting to keep seeing me come back frequently. I also found that the greatest improvements to my back didn't occur with their treatments, but simply from not doing the job I was doing anymore! What I am trying to illustrate to you is that one must be cautious in taking at face value the opinions of anyone who stands to gain monetarily and also has these so-called charts or graphs showing 'problems with your system' that are going to require frequent treatments and cost at THEIR clinic. Just my opinion... Not trying to knock chiropracters either (I do believe their is some value in their treatments)... just illustrating a point!

Ginger is correct. CBT, meditation and deep breathing are great methods to use and relatively free!

Hope, thank you for posting the quote and I do keep praying that you have some better days!!

Cupcake, congradts on 9, soon to be 10 weeks free!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!!!

[[pa...]]

One more item:

I suffered an attack of some dizziness in the eveing before going to bed the other night. This was a rather unusual symptom for me and rather strong. Usually, when a withdrawal episode hits, I can trace it to some kind of tension that's been going on that precipitated it. In this case, there was none... I felt perfectly fine before it hit. The last thing I remembered doing was taking a peaceful walk around our lovely neighborhood. When I came back home, it hit! It felt the kind of dizziness you get from being intoxicated. As I went to sleep, I could still feel the room as though it were moving! Not a nice feeling! I am happy to say that I did get to sleep. The way I countered it was to accept what was happening... I then gave myself some positive statements by assuring myself  that I was just healing and that if my mind wanted to feel as though it were dizzy, that was fine... It took me 3 minutes to snooze. When I woke up the next morning, no more dizziness!! Not bad concidering this came out of nowhere! I can't gaurantee that I'll always handle these this nicely, but it does add to my confidence level when I can!!

[[...]]

Marina - I've had all of the symptoms you described in your last post at one time or another, with the exception of a swollen finger.  But who knows, this stuff gets into all our joints and muscles and our bone marrow so that could be a s/x as well.

 

Trouble with the symptoms if we go to our doctors the symptoms we describe could be related to several different illnesses.  I've heard of a few people being diagnosed with multiple scelerosis.  They were actually in benzo withdrawal. 

[[Ma...]]

Thanks LB, that is a relief. I met Patty and she had the finger thing so it's all been covered.  It's only wd, it's only wd.. Going to stop stressing about all of it, if I can. I know that stress makes everything worse so I think the easier we are on ourselves, the better off we'll be. At one point I met this idiot doctor who told me that getting off Benzos was rough for the first three days and after that it was all psychological. This finger may be a lot of things, painful, bent, swollen, red... but psychological, not so much. Terrible man. I never saw him again, obviously.

m

[[...]]

The re-assurance that this forum gives is so amazing.  Just to know that others are experiencing, or have experienced, similar issues is huge.  Does a lot to take some of the stress away.

 

Oh another idiot Dr, Marina.  Now there's a surprise!!  As far as psychological issues go, I doubt that even me in all my anxious state could produce sensitivity to light and noise.  I've never actually seen those as an anxiety symptoms.  And then early on there was the spontaneous bruising that appeared out of the blue or the bleeding gums (despite having good dental hygiene). 

 

Sure there are some psychological issues that arise during this, but when your body has been taken over by the benzo monster who wouldn't have some psycholigical issues :D

[[tr...]]

Hi Folks,

 

I accidentally stumbled upon this thread while looking for Cupcake's blog (never found it).  Anyway, I have read some pretty good stuff here and thought I would talk a little bit of my struggles right now at 5 months and 4 days off.

 

I am not doing very well at all dealing with my symptoms.  I have lots of D/P or D/R, not sure, maybe both. My mental anxiety is high but the physical anxiety is very manageable right now. I know the horror of panic in early WD and will never forget it.  I think that memory is what keeps me from taking another pill.

 

I still have some burning sensation in my extremities, but again, nothing even close to the total body burning that I had in early WD.  That too is a memory that keeps me from taking another pill.

 

I think that is all I have to say. I don't really want to go into details about my eating.  This is a benzo support group and right now I just want to focus on that.  I want to say that "I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE A ANY BENZOS TODAY." There, I just had to shout it in writing. I really know that I need to seek outside support, but I am too weak right now to go anywhere.

 

A big CONGRATULATIONS to all of us for being BENZO FREE !  Let's keep it that way.

 

I just wanted to add that I am bruising really bad and don't remember hitting anything; is that a lack of something?

 

Love,

Tree