A long time coming

[[Ci...]]

Hello....this is my personal story.  I am a 40 year old male who was put on a benzo about 7 years ago for anxiety/stress due to my job.  I would say that I have always been a somewhat anxious person and high strung.  I was able to deal with it thru life but in my early 30s it seemed as though it caught up to me.  I remember having a panic attack at work and that was he beginning.  I went to my PCP and was prescribed Xanax.  I believe it was 1mg as needed.  Well I needed it, so it became an everyday thing.  It helped, it hurt.  It was hard to work a long schedule and stay in focus and awake as my side effects began to grow.  I ended up leaving that high stress job and tried to mellow my life out.  I moved away and got into a more comfortable surrounding, closer to family and friends.  I got a new PCP in my new area and started trying to focus on me and being "ok".  Well to fast forward thru about 5 years, I was NO better but surely worse.  I had been prescribed different benzo's to try over the years with the last being Klonepin.  I was never on high doses as medication effects me with even a low dose.  I was taking .5 of Klonepin mainly and the last 6 months I was taking .25 daily.

 

On Oct 13 2014 I decided I had enough.  I was tired of the brain fog, the teeth clenching, the feeling of being "stupid" and unable to do things I knew I could, the loss of interest in my hobbies and the always wanting to be alone and depression.  (Btw I was on a anti-depressant for 4 years also which I believe the depression was a side effect of the benzo).  On that day I went cold turkey off the Klonepin and Prosac. 

 

Since then it's been tough I will admit.  Cold turkey may not have been the best idea but I did it and I can't look back now.  The 90 day period of acute withdrawl is over, but the withdrawl isn't.

 

At first it seemed to be ok, not that bad but it got worse.  Pain in my joints, TMJ, back pain, weakness, brain fog, headaches, hair falling out, dry skin, sore throat, IBS and the list could go on.  I have went to the doctor 2 times during these 90 days just to have blood work done and make sure it isn't something else wrong, and each time my blood work is very good.  I also had a stress test done to test my heart and make sure it was healthy, and it is.  That doesn't explain the way I feel.

 

Anyways, I am rambling on.  I came here to read other stories of people who have fought, continue to fight and have and will win.  I am one of those.  I won't give up or give in.  This style of med took 6 years from me and keeps taking.  I am going to beat it and be better.  This unhealthy feeling, withdrawl effects and just complete agony I am going thru because of this DRUG will not last as long as I can. 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Hi, City74.

 

Welcome to benzobuddies. 

 

Congratulations on being off both benzos and Prozac. That's a lot for your CNS to deal with but you sound very determined to stay off. I'm glad you got all checked out by your doctor. Sounds like time is going to be the best healer.

 

A good resource about benzodiazepines is the Ashton Manual. Here is a link to the manual: Professor Ashtons Manual  It’s great for learning about these meds and for taper plans. Ashton recommends reducing between 5 - 10% every 10/14 days.

 

You'll find a great community of people here who will support and encourage you. Feel free to check out the forum and to post to any of the dedicated boards.

 

For advice after stopping your benzo, please post here: Post-withdrawal Recovery Support  or here: Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal.

 

Please add a signature (history of medication/doses etc). It will help members give you relevant advice. This link will show you how to Create a signature

 

Please let us know if you have any questions.

 

~ Mind

[[De...]]

Hello City74,

 

Welcome to the forum from me too 

 

Congratulations on being off both your meds!

 

I also suffered with bouts of severe depression after I'd been on benzos for a few years and depression is not something I had ever experienced prior to benzo use. I didn't know it at the time but I now know that the long term benzo use attributed to the depression.

 

I'm sorry to hear you are still suffering. A full recovery after long term benzo use can take many months for some so your case isn't unusual. Your central nervous system has taken quite a knock after the cold turkey so it takes a while for the cns to repair itself. However, hopefully the worst of the withdrawal is now behind you. The first few weeks post benzo are usually the most difficult, this is known as the acute phase of withdrawal when symptoms are at their strongest. Things will get easier for you the further out you go and of course you will heal fully with time, that's for sure.

 

I will give you a link to a post created by one of the members here, Parker which I think will help to give you a better understanding of what you're currently going through and why healing after benzo use doesn't happen overnight. Here is a link to "What is happening in your brain"

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

I'm glad you found us and I wish you a speedy recovery.

 

Debbie

[[Ci...]]

Thank you Deborah.  Your kind words are soothing to my ears (well and eyes as I am reading and not listening lol). 

 

I would say that after 60 days off the benzo many things got worse and some got better.  It will cycle thru I am sure and I am ready for a long fight if needed.  I won't let it beat me.

[[De...]]

Thank you Deborah.  Your kind words are soothing to my ears (well and eyes as I am reading and not listening lol). 

 

.I would say that after 60 days off the benzo many things got worse and some got better  It will cycle thru I am sure and I am ready for a long fight if needed.  I won't let it beat me.

 

Hi again City and thank you for the update.

 

The above bolded sentence makes perfect sense. Healing from benzos isn't a linear process so it's quite commonplace to experience many peaks and troughs on the way to full recovery, a few good days can be followed by a few bad and vice versa, this is normal. As time goes by, the good days will begin to outnumber the bad until you finally heal. You have a great attitude and this will help enormously 

 

Debbie

[[sp...]]

Welcome City!

It sure sounds like you have the right attitude, and that, as they say, is half of life's battle!

You will find great support here!

Take care,

SC

[[Ci...]]

Thx a ton Spiritus . It is half the battle.  I am trying to stay positive which isn't easy but I know is effective.  Ya know since reading on here others issues similar to mine it actually makes it easier to cope.  I also am going to try to comment and help others when I can.  Sometimes the best self help is helping others first