I want my creativity BACK

[[ca...]]

I am at 27 months off, and things are definitely better. So much better. However, I have not returned yet to the person I was before  taking the drug. I am not “me”.

What worries me, is the inability to create and the abstract thinking. I used to be a very creative person. Anyway, it is like my creativity is in my brain, but I don´t have access to it.

And the most important, I need  my creativity to go back to work ... anyone who has been through this?  Thank You

 

[[Ch...]]

My creativity is returning and I'm at 33 months.  It's a slow process, no doubt about it.

[Guest [Mi...]]

I'm having the same problem. Had to close down my side business (web design) and I stopped writing.

 

Luckily I can make a living off of my accounting background but my soul is slowly dying.

 

I feel your pain, calogero, I really do.

[[Te...]]

The creative part of my brain isn't there either. Maybe it's one of the last things to come back, if not the last? I often wonder if creative energy takes more brain power than most things and that's why it takes so long to come back. I miss feeling excited about life in general! Every once in awhile during a window I feel it, so it must be locked up in my brain somewhere.

[[An...]]

I used to love drawing, and playing music.  Now I just don't get the rush from doing those things anymore, because it feels like I'm still being dog piled by withdrawal symptoms.  Cognitive fog during withdrawal interferes with short term memory and normal speech, I wouldn't be at all surprised if higher-order processes like creative thinking are affected as well.

[[Fa...]]

I remember Stevie Nicks talked about losing her creativity after getting off Klonopin. But, she DID get it back.  I wonder if you just have to force yourself into these things when you don't feel like it....just like making yourself eat when you don't have an appetite...or rest when you don't feel settled. Create a project to organize a room or do a craft, plan a party, etc.  I'm a creative person too and also feel my desire and organizational skills are not all there, but I try to make myself do some of this stuff anyway.  I think we have to retrain and awaken that side.

[[Qu...]]

I used to make a great living composing music. That's gone now. It's in there but can't access it. I'm now looking for a job as a Walmart greeter.

[[Fi...]]

I feel like I have it back and I'm so grateful.  I'm two years off Oxycodone and 16 months off Xanax.  In the worst of it I could not imagine ever writing again (I have nine published novels).  I would stagger around my house and look at various creative projects I'd done and just couldn't remember how or why.  It was like everything had been done but some other person I dimly remembered.

 

But now my brain has come back alive!  I'm working on something soothing and pleasurable, putting together a scrapbook for my daughter's 29th birthday using all the outtake photos--which of course turned out to be the real her!  The pleasant challenge of sorting the pictures into surprising categories and making fast decisions how to arrange them on the page is very satisfying.  It's what they call being the flow, defined as engaging in something where you feel your talents and abilities are perfectly suited to the task at hand.

 

Here's the deal, folks--I firmly believe that everyone who was creative before will be creative again.  What this stuff does to our brains is horrific, but IT'S NOT PERMANENT.  Stick it out, don't reinstate, and eventually you will be so happy to greet yourself coming back to you!

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

I feel like I have it back and I'm so grateful.  I'm two years off Oxycodone and 16 months off Xanax.  In the worst of it I could not imagine ever writing again (I have nine published novels).  I would stagger around my house and look at various creative projects I'd done and just couldn't remember how or why.  It was like everything had been done but some other person I dimly remembered.

 

But now my brain has come back alive!  I'm working on something soothing and pleasurable, putting together a scrapbook for my daughter's 29th birthday using all the outtake photos--which of course turned out to be the real her!  The pleasant challenge of sorting the pictures into surprising categories and making fast decisions how to arrange them on the page is very satisfying.  It's what they call being the flow, defined as engaging in something where you feel your talents and abilities are perfectly suited to the task at hand.

 

Here's the deal, folks--I firmly believe that everyone who was creative before will be creative again.  What this stuff does to our brains is horrific, but IT'S NOT PERMANENT.  Stick it out, don't reinstate, and eventually you will be so happy to greet yourself coming back to you!

 

 

The poet and musician that is long buried in me thanks you for this. 

[[Te...]]

Same here!!

[[Fi...]]

You're very welcome.  I'm glad to be able to say this  with such confidence!  For myself, of course I would never CHOOSE to have gone through this, but as writers always say, "It's all material!"  And that's really true for everybody.  When you read the success stories, you see that people come through this feeling stronger, more creative and more appreciative of the small things in life than ever before.  As they say in AA (or somewhere!) Don't quit before the miracle!

[Guest [Mi...]]

You're very welcome.  I'm glad to be able to say this  with such confidence!  For myself, of course I would never CHOOSE to have gone through this, but as writers always say, "It's all material!"  And that's really true for everybody.  When you read the success stories, you see that people come through this feeling stronger, more creative and more appreciative of the small things in life than ever before.  As they say in AA (or somewhere!) Don't quit before the miracle!

 

[[Te...]]

Yes, so true! We have to keep believing, from having read many posts about this, that the creative spark does come back in full once again! 

[[ca...]]

thank you all for the replies.  Anyway, sometimes wonder if I could do something to "push" my creativity back. I mean, specific tasks. It is very frustrating to see this reality. I used to write complex poems, using a very rich vocabulary. Currently I can barely write the shopping list...

[[Ch...]]

thank you all for the replies.  Anyway, sometimes wonder if I could do something to "push" my creativity back. I mean, specific tasks. It is very frustrating to see this reality. I used to write complex poems, using a very rich vocabulary. Currently I can barely write the shopping list...

 

Honestly, I think it comes back on its own timetable, just like everything else.  I had a lot of angst worrying about my creativity and love of 'projects' being gone forever...and then it started coming back bit by bit. 

 

FinallyJoining63, what a fabulous and timely post... 

[[Fi...]]

I think my desire to do things came back before I did them.  I see it the same way for exercising, going out in the world again and everything else.  I haven't believed in pushing myself because trying it resulted in too many false starts that just made me feel bad.  Here's the language I have come to use on myself--"Okay, let's just see if we (we because it's the boss, caregiver me and the patient, the creative person) can make a start on.....sorting these pictures, writing a blog post, riding the stationary bike etc."  If just getting started (always the hardest part of anything) helps, great.  But if I'm not up to it, no harm, no foul.  I try to treat myself like somebody else I love a lot and want to encourage.  Going through this process really makes everybody an expert at taking care of themselves and talking to themselves nicely, because nobody else can understand or do it for you.

 

Thanks, Challis.  Just glad I can be saying these things.  This is my fifth excellent day in a row and it feels so good!

[[Fa...]]

Finallyjoining....how inspiring!  I can totally relate to the great feeling of being in the flow of creativity....can't wait till I'm back 100%!

[[Fa...]]

Just a thought for those of you still in search of your creative side.  I noticed a couple were still taking some medication.  May it be possible that the medications you are still tapering might be responsible for the dullness?  I'm sure you will be back to yourself.  Just a matter of time.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Just a thought for those of you still in search of your creative side.  I noticed a couple were still taking some medication.  May it be possible that the medications you are still tapering might be responsible for the dullness?  I'm sure you will be back to yourself.  Just a matter of time.

 

Yes, you're right on that. I spent 30 years on antipsychotics and am having to hold. Hoping to resume my taper in March.

 

AP's definitely block creativity, but never this badly. This is brutal.

 

Really looking forward to being medication free in 2015.