`I Just Jumped!

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Hello, fellow B-B`s,

 

Just to let you know that, after 1 year & 3 months free of all drug-use-(from early 2012 to June 2013; I do not drink alcohol either, after stopping even intermittent use of such in August 2003), & feeling brill!..!- than having to go onto quite strong pain-meds, with minimal z-drug assistance to sleep from June to October 20, due to an unavoidable, urgent medical condition, which then caused `kindling`, which I was quite unaware of, back to occasional valium, & leading to a temporary reinstatement of latter with my dr., when I fist became aware of an (only pm, but still regular...pattern forming):  last Friday, Jan. 9th, at 11 pm, when my evening-(3 mg)dose was due;  feeling naturally sleepy, anyway, + having felt some paradoxical symptoms forming, with respect to v., for a few days beforehand, & needing to be extra alert, as a personal crisis had developed...:  I followed my natural instincts;  & haven`t taken any medication-  except for 1 occasional use of tramadol, for abdominal pain which I often develop, linked with stress) since then.

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The personal, inter-relationship crisis I mentioned, above, has now been, both briefly & successfully resolved;  not without yielding some well-earned, I feel... personal satisfaction to myself, re the way I handled this, through marshalling all resources swiftly, + taking some advice.

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I feel very good in myself, with an almost total absence of symptoms so far-  except for a little insomnia & spinal pain, which was present anyway, during my taper:  & the only reason(s) I am writing this at all is, firstly, just to keep in touch with BBs, which has helped me in the past:  & secondly, because I `jumped` once before...ie attempted sudden, abrupt withdrawal, & suffered disastrous results-i.e. a seizure, + partial, fairly brief, but at the time, SO- frightening temporary blindness- which caused an equally rapid reinstatement at the time, followed by a VERY slow, & often rather nerve-rending taper- as I was ignorant about most things concerning benzos at the time, & thus made many mistakes, listened to the `wrong` ppl, etc. etc.

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All this has changed now:  + this last, awful experience was many years ago now-( approx 2006, I think/ see my signature);  & I was on a high dose at the time, coupled with total brain-fog.

Now, I am very aware, & the pre-jump dose was comparatively small- 4mg;  which I had been on for the whole of the previous week, quite ok- before the paradoxicals, + urge to jump...(I have been through all this last stage, slow, liquid `stuff`- which I was never very good at anyway/ measuring out & so on, during the last stages;  thus have felt (FEEL) that I just cannot/ do not want to, & hopefully don`t need to...? go through `all that` again, in precisely that same slow,  maddening way...experiencing symptoms anyway.

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Feeling pretty good now.  Some rather uncomfortable moments last night;  but I got up, got a drink of water, pottered for a few mins, then went back to sleep pretty satisfactorily...dreamed....ok.

Thanks to anyone who reads this, & feels led to give me any of his/her personal POV/ feedback on this pretty recent decision I made;  tho` feeling pretty good right now, as I said;  got most of my life back during that previous drug-free period, plus fairly long freedom from alcohol, too, + stopped smoking, around 2008'/ took up meditation, spiritual self-development & growth instead-  which, I feel, makes a GREAT difference...yet still feel that very little bit of fear in the base of my belly-( subconscious, really, I suppose, due to that now long-ago, but disastrous experience of mine, re walking a plank which I didn`t even know was there, at that time, from a ghost-ship I was also so ignorant of being on, even... !

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Thanks again, as I say, to anyone who can help..................................................? ::)Signed...................Golda      *

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Hi All,

 

See no replies yet...Small fish in big pond;  & hey, after al, I am `old hand` at this game enough now to be able to look after myself, aren`t I... ?

 

Just woke, after fatigue this am, & aware of some spinal...just tingling/  tension...not unpleasant yet, but there..!; which makes me wonder if perhaps, I have been premature in my decision just to try to be rid of all this;  spurred on by the crisis-( not mine, but potentially, affecting me, so needed some aware, wide-awake effort  !) to try, at least, to help resolve:  plus also, maybe, connected with some generally inflationary tendencies in my life over past 2/3 months, which COULD affect my judgment...

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I DO have some fairly pressing medical, & other issues, which would make a quicker w/d VERY desirable..?:  or COULD choose to reinstate...NOW ?

(I am acutely aware of Colin`s warnings, + calculations that, under 3 full days `OFF`, ( it seems quite a bit longer, though feels good, other than above, so far........), I could well have over 1 quarter of that residuary v, floating about, still unresolved metabolically, in my system...!)

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Perhaps I should start a `blog`; as have no support elsewhere than here;  + limited time to decide, I feel,

...    Golda  *

 

[[me...]]

Hi Golda1970,

 

You've only been off a few days now, right?  Your first post is a little confusing to me, and perhaps to others.  You were at 4 mgs of valium and you've stopped at that? 

 

Anyway, at this point being only a few days off, you do have the option of going back on at that dose and tapering the rest of the way off if your symptoms are too severe.  You can also just stay off now - I did a fast taper and jumped at about 5mgs of valium because I'd run out of pills and my prescription had been stopped.  Good luck!

 

BTW, our boards are themed, for instance, the "Other Medications" board is for posts about non-benzos.  And so forth. 

[[me...]]

Also, starting a blog is a good idea.  You can start one here on "Buddie Blogs:"  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=88.0

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Thanks, Megan, for your valuable posts above.....really helped me make a decision.

 

I have stuck to my rapid withdrawal- & am now commencing my 15th day `off`.......................................!

 

Very glad that I did so-  & that that `poison` is now all the more rapidly....HAS left my system!

 

No more spinal pains at all....I took 2 small `rescue` doses of zolpidem-(z-drug, for sleeping; 2.5- 3.5mg, obtained just from sucking a 7.5 mg pill till felt soothing effect)- just late pm, on Days 3-4, when stressed:  + another, late on Day 13, last Thursday, when had experienced a similarly pressurizing day, which proved impossible to wind down from, naturally...I am VERY susceptible to emotional strain.............................................

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Other than that, no medications at all...certainly, none of that corrosive substance called valium;  which I have become medically aware about, during these past 4 years, at least, as having severely damaged my digestive system, in a perhaps irreversible way.......................................?

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But am certainly `off` now;  & feeling great this morning;  VERY aware, of progress; feeling optimistic;  no brain-fog;  though HAVE experienced some pretty severe stomach-cramps, & general unease, during these past few days.............................................................................................

Is it true, I wonder, that the stomach-lining repairs itself every 3/4 months?  I seem to recall having been told something like that, on a telly program recently...

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Will sign off now - wishing all other sufferers from this insidious, but ultimately recoverable condition, it seems, the very best..............Golda  *

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PS:  I am also getting palps-(palpitations), recurring..: 2 in the past 3 days, so getting a regular `thing`.......?!?

 

I used to get these a LOT, during my 1st, long-drawn-out experience of gradual w/drawl-  especially nearer the beginning;  but haven`t suffered them for a long while now-  so guess they are connected with this current relapse, & comparatively rapid `jump`!

I also guess/ know these are connected to anxiety.......that chronic demon...

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I actually have 1 now-( an attack):  but this is gradually subsiding, due to the application of another medication- `Propanolol`- which is not a benzo; & which I am lucky enough to have some remaining, around the house, from previous era.  They do not appear to age.

I also know that I should go on another part of the forum to discuss other medications;  but thought I would just mention this aid here in passing, just in case it helps anyone...?

I take a LARGE dose, each time-( just 1)- about 6, 40 mg each, tabs.  (Wouldn`t recommend this to anyone else, as might be excessive?; not what`s prescribed on package, but it helps ME!!!!!  Subsiding already......Feeling better, & `raring to go` !!!!

...................................................................................................With love in our Fellowship................................from Golda........................*