Is that withdrawal ? It is getting harder at almost 5 months.

[[th...]]

Hello buddies,

 

I find it difficult to stay in reality. My mind is shifting and it feels different from everything up to this moment. I dont feel like myself. I feel as one long forgotten replica of my self. I felt like that when i CT-ed. But that passed. I hope the wave that i am in now will pass also.

 

My main fear is that I will stay like this forever. That it is not withdrawal but just how i usually feel. Not confident, without an opinion, depressed, not capable of judjing and making the right decisions and actions. I feel like a maggot, a lesser human. And all of the others are living their lives problem free, carelessly. And i have felt like that before. And i was running from that uncapable self, and trying to battle it. Which led me to fishoil, which helped. But then was hit with derealisation, which is dissossiative symptom. But I also got to the point where i was feeling like 100% human. And now i feel like losing it, losing what i have earned through pain and suffer.

 

Sorry for the moaning post but i need your opinion.

[Guest [Or...]]

The EXACT same thing happened to me dude. I lost my windows, and relief periods at night. I'm not sleeping the greatest. It sucks!!! But it seems we are following the same pattern. My Dr has been a bit extreme lately too. I think this happened to another user just after he hit 5 months and then he had a long way last from December 26th to the 5th of January and he woke up and turned the corner.

 

Could be us next! Hang in there!

[[th...]]

Thank you Orion. This sh#t is scary, and the funny things is that i know i am not feeling well but just can't do anything about it. God i would be so happy when this is all over, and of course grateful.

 

How about you? How are you feeling ? From the way of writing i can tell you are better. Much better from couple of months ago. I hope i am right on this one.

[Guest [Or...]]

Sadly, I'm not much better. I've lost my windows and my evening relief for the most part. I haven't seen my baseline in a long time either. Just wake up with relentless anxiety that doesn't settle down until 9pm and I can just barely get to sleep. It sucks. But, I know this too will pass. I'm trying to be patient but its so damn hard. I just hope this is finally my symptoms peaking and I can turn the corner and be well on my way to recovery. 3 weeks use is a bit harsh for this kind of treatment. Ugh!

[[th...]]

Yes I know. Sometimes it feels like the sentence is done, the judje has spoken, and i am doomed to live my life for ever in this state. What kind of life would that be.

 

But those are benzo lies, at least that is what recovery stories are telling us. I am trying hard to disbelieve them... i mean the lies.

 

I can relate to you, just 3 weeks for you, some more for me but what is done can not be undone. I hope this was for the best and we will get out of it stronger, better, etc. Also since around christmas i can not find my baseline and almost no windows. I can not tell what is a window anymore if i am having any. I am confused of what normal is. I guess any day passed is a checkpoint towards healing.

[Guest [Or...]]

Dude! Same for me. Ever since Christmas its been the same. No windows, can't find my baseline. Worsening symptoms. The same thing happened to Jacob (I think?) And he turned a corner soon after. So we just gotta hang in there. Its coming. Yes, every day we make it as another day closer to healing. stay in the game!

[[th...]]

So let's stick on this one ! Probably we fell so lost because from that corner in front we cant see the road ahead. Lol is that making any sense.

[Guest [Or...]]

Yep! It does. Haha. Just a few more days for us. Gotta hang in there. As hard as it is. You and I are having a lot of the same, similar symptoms too. Strange. Lol. I got DR, extreme anxiety, breathing stuff, depression, and extreme cog fog.

[[th...]]

I am alright with few months, not days, but knowing that eventually it will pass. I think the great problem with my withdrawal is that i am convinced what i am experiencing is normal, prebenzo state, and healing is over and i am just back to normal. And feeling normal is alwful but i am just like this.

 

Here are my symptoms list so far, from day one untill today. Firstly anxiety, fear, restlesness. Bad sleep, waking panickly. That were the first couple of weeks. Then feelings of inadequacy, cog fog, DP/DR, and what struggles me the most since day one - constat identity, perception of reality shifts and the acompanied foggy memories of recent events and time distortions. Feeling like i am different person, although i got my memories with me. It is very strange and i am uncapable of explaining it.

 

Rare symptoms are - difficult falling a sleep, difficult waking, panically feelings, shortness of breath, spasm, twiches (usually my eye lid and lip), no heart pulps anymore.