Horror and Anxiety

[[Va...]]

Hi to everyone on here.  My story is very long, so I'll just try to cover it as basically as I can.  I am (obvious to me now) very dependent on Xanax.  I've been taking it for about 25 years, 4mg. daily.  No, that's not a typo.  I'm also an alcoholic, but not drinking now since September.  I know, that sounds great, it's not.  I did not realize how much Xanax was playing a part in my problems, as dumb as that sounds.  I thought alcohol was the problem. In September, I had a break down and was put in a psychiatric hospital.  They did not give me anything, and after almost two days I had a seizure.  They gave me something, Ativan I think, right after that.  Then nothing.  I was there almost 2 weeks, they gave me buspar and Seroquel.  I didn't think I would make it, I couldn't sleep, eat, just a mess.  I thought I'd feel better when I got out.  I was delirious on the way home, I couldn't recognize familiar places.  My first night back, frightening hallucinations and nightmares.  I started taking 1mg. of Xanax at night.  It worked okay at first, though I thought I  had brain damage. I started reading the withdraw symptoms for benzodiazepines, and I have them all.  They are very, very intense.  I'm freaking out.  I started taking another .5 mg in the morning.  This isn't doing a lot.  Everything looks very grim, I'm not a young person.  I've read about tapering, but I've already been ct'd.  This dose isn't enough.  I'm afraid to tell my doctor, I don't think she will be helpful.  I can't afford to dr. shop, I can't get around.  I had to send my driver's license back because of the seizure.  I'm not in any shape to do anything, either.  The withdraws are so intense.  I've already been to the ER, if I keep going I'm afraid they will send me back to the psychiatric hospital.  They do not understand this, they did the worse thing to ct me.  I'm terrified.  I think I'm dying and I'm so scared.

 

[[ma...]]

Hi Valerie7 Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

I am sorry your having a rough time.  You should tell your doctor what's happening,dont be scared!  You need to  be on a stable dose before you start to taper.  Are you familiar with the  Ashton Manual , it is an excellent resource for information about these medications and gives a lot of information about withdrawal/tapering. 

 

Some members take a copy of relevant info from the Ashton to show their  doctors, he/she just might help.  Here is a link to the manual: Ashton Manual

 

A slow taper can help minimize withdrawal effects.  It is generally recommended to taper no more than 5-10% every 10-14 days.  This is a guideline and it is ok to adjust this schedule for  your own comfort.

 

Well done being off alcohol since September, I know how hard that is. You should be proud of yourself.  We have a great community here of knowledgeable and friendly people who understand this process.  Members will be willing to share their experience with you.  Feel free to ask questions so that members can respond

 

Here are some helpful links:

 

Withdrawal Support

 

General Taper Plans

 

If you would be so kind as to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice this link will show you how to”Create a signature”

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita

 

[[be...]]

welcome    I am so sorry to read everything you are going through. I know firsthand the "horrors" of withdrawal. I have stopped large doses of benzodiazepines three time, and all cold turkey. My last and final withdrawal was the most terrifying thing I have ever been through in my life. It was filled with days of hallucinations just like yours, so I know how terrifying that can be. I have also had my fair share of psychiatric stays during my withdrawals. In my opinion a slow taper can greatly minimize the chance of severe symptoms, especially with high dose use.

[[Ba...]]

Hi Valerie , I've also been through cold turkey and in a psych hospital. It's terrifying to go what you have.

Please know that you will get a lot of support here. Welcome