some support needed to make it through this day

[[jo...]]

Just started my eleventh week on clonazepam so called low dose suppose to be short term. Easy on easy off Ya Right !  I was raised a catholic and attended an old fashion parochial school and was thought about what they called pain and suffering / Hell . They described it as emotional and physical torment however I never realized they were talking about  Benzo Withdrawal !

 

At this time Im down to 0.125mg considering I started at 0.25mg one would think it was easy to get from that dose to where Im at now 11 weeks later. NEGATIVE ! Never realized a human body could be so sensitive to this drug !  Yes the life long depressive illness is making it worse much worse .

 

Remember that old saying when it rains it poors ! Read many stories here on BB and bad things happen when We are healthy and also ill. Benzos feel no guilt when ravage our Mind and bodies !

Today I feel like someone could plug an electrical cord into My body and I could provide power for a small appliance. Tingling sensations throughout My biological wireing , I need someone to tell Me this is a normal withdrawal symptom when getting down to a lower dose or is it due to brain damage from this drug !

 

Its been said Oh all the symptoms are the sign that the body is healing , I ask is it really ! Then it must be working extra at trying to balance Out My beat up GABA receptors etc.  Each night We hope and some of us pray for sleep in hopes that the next day may bring even a little relief however most nights to no avail. 

 

No one should have to go through this situation especially at 61 years old, some folks even older. This is My first experience with an addictive drug and also withdrawal so for those of You who have been through this please tell Me is it gonna get better ? Has anyone else felt these tingling sensations in their nervous system toward the end of their tapering sessions  also how long should I expect these symptoms to last after this stuff is out of My system ?  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of You and Your words of support are extremely appreciated.

 

 

[[Sc...]]

Johnnyapple, well said, hell is an understatement. I have the same electric restless physical anxiety, plagued me more or less the whole taper. Today I will be at .75mg Valium and you would think that at this low dosage I would be feeling pretty swell, it ain't happening! I cant say what happens after the poison is out of your system, I'm not there yet, had planned on jumping in september '14, you can see how well that worked out.

 

I cant say how your taper will go, you may well be different do much better. Just don't set your mind on anything, acceptance is really the key (most difficult thing for me), one thing I have learned about benzo wd is that just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.  Distraction is also a good strategy.

 

Hang in there, you will make it, I am convinced I will too. I am 61 also. Hold if you need to, and see if you begin to feel better. I don't know where you are, but I am in the north east and the weather is horrible, that has an effect too. My shrink told me to just hold till spring, I was like, naa I want to get this over with, I have already held for 1 1/2 months, but I got dope slapped good this week by wd sx, so maybe I will have to.

My heart goes out to you, this sucks worse then anyone can imagine unless they have gone through it.

[[jo...]]

scaredinmass Im scared in Rhode Island so We are next door neighbors so to speak.  I was prescribed this drug on Oct 15th 2014. Two frequen weeks later I decided I wanted off however never realized what a nightmare it would be.

 

Like I said this all new to me and when I set up my taper plan I wanted to do things right. The forums were saying one thing and the pharmacist and MDs where saying the opposite playing down My dose and time on the drug. They made it sound like It would be a breeze getting off this poison. At the same time the Benzo folks were saying that was the case with the majority of so called low dose short term users however obviously NOT in my case.

 

Some forum members strongly suggested I taper as quickly as possible because the felt the longer Im on this drug the harder it will be to get off and the withdrawal symptoms will be worse.

other forum members suggested a slow taper I did not know what to do or which to choose. The ashton manual and other websites say little about low dose short term users who are trying to get off the benzo.

 

All I know if Im doing the best that I can and going through hell even if some people dont think thats possible on My lenght of time and dose !  In my last visit with My doc She looks at me and says " Im sorry however the only thing I can offer You is Moral support "  No I did not expect Her to pull out a magic wand I new better I was a paramedic for 30 years and seen everything from A to Z.  However it took the wind out of My sails so to speak when She said that.

 

The shrink I consulted with wanted me to swallow an AD then I would have to wean off that one. During My 30 years in the EMS field I seen it all and was even struck by a car once and lay in the lay in the streets in a puddle of My own blood . Getting off this drug made that injury and recovery look like a cake walk !  How I wish their was a way We could all really know what is going on in Our brains and bodies while on this drug and while getting off plus any residual POSSIBLE damage !  This is gonna be a long winter for both of us and many others !

[[Sc...]]

Johnny, RI wow we are neighbors. I wish there was a good addictions specialist who really knew about benzo wd around somewhere. I just started dropping .01mg V/day after holding at .8 for 1 1/2 months, after just 3 days I am absolutely miserable, wracked with anxiety and akathesia, not sleeping at all, I can't believe it , it just doesn't make any sense to me, such a small dosage and cut. So looks like I will have to hold for a while at .75 to see if it gets better. I need to get some  sleep and strength back in order to continue.  And to boot, it is going to be -25F windchill the next couple days, unbelievable!

 

I had a similar experience with my gp. I went because of the intense GI pain to get him to refer me to my gastro for an endoscopy. He asked me how it was going and it told him it was a horror show. He said, "I'm really sorry you are suffering so, I feel bad cause there is nothing one can do, you know if you came in here with an arrow through you leg I could do something for you". Well that's just terrific, I would trade the arrow for this any day!

 

I understand what you are saying about you accident being better than this. This is worse than any accident or illness I have ever had in my life too.

[[jo...]]

At this point I just dont know what to do Im also at a low dose now down to a very tiny bit below 0.125mg.  I have been feeling the cuts I have been making over the last 5 days. Im getting off this poison one way or another.  I swear its this lousy pill that is making Me feel like hell everyday ! I sometimes wonder if should have tapered quicker as some suggested. Others said to go slow the problem with slow is it means the drug will be in My system reaking havoc even longer.

 

I dont know if Im making things worse by having taken this long to go from 0.25mg oct 15th " my first dose " to now only being down to a tad under 0.125mg.  I have several issues going on in My body and Im positive they are contributing to the symptoms the problem is to what degree ? Everyting is a guessing game with benzos and yes Our body systems are all different. I usually metabolize meds quickly although I only have been on antibiotics before ! 

 

I read all the entire symptom list from various websites and the two I hate the most is how this drug heightens all Our 5 senses it actually feels like My finger is plugged into an electric socket. I hate that feeling, tingling all over and in places I dont want to mention no pun intended . Then the darn insomnia . 

 

I worked on a rescue for 30 years as a paramedic and I am one tough cookie if You knew me however I must confess this drug has beaten me up both emotionally and physically. I look like Im 90 years old and feel that way too.  Im damned if I do and Im damned if I dont so Im going to stick with what My body tells Me.  Im going to continue to make tiny cuts as tolerated. So far I have not taken a rescue dose however I dont want to jinx myself in saying that. Im sorry You are also suffering , My heart and prayers go out to all of us.

[[Pa...]]

Hi Guys,

I'm almost 55 and am tapering off .5 mg. Klonopin using milk titration at a rate of 5% every 2 weeks (integrative psychiatrist suggested this rate because she said I'm "sensitive").  I'm at .425 mg. currently and then in a few days will go down to .4 mg.  I started on the K in Nov. 2013 because of anxiety due to a shoulder problem I was having that was getting worse with treatment.  Had no anxiety or depression before that and was fine.  I was working on a masters in library and information science and now because of the K my life and my ability to live it have been destroyed.

 

I was prescribed .5 mg. "as needed" so I usually just took .25 mg. every several days (didn't take it every day, maybe just every 3rd or 4th day.)  I think it was probably negatively affecting me from the beginning but I didn't realize it because of the anxiety/pain due to my shoulder problem.  The shoulder problem got a lot better in the spring and I was no longer worried about it so much (MRI showed it was basically normal; it was a "frozen shoulder" and I started getting most of my range of motion back and the pain subsided).  Then in the summer I started getting horrible anxiety/panic attacks, difficulty breathing like nothing I ever experienced and depression so bad I couldn't get off the couch.  Started to develop agoraphobia (which I never had before), muscle pain in arm/shoulder which had gone away pretty much and was now every day, and felt like I was going crazy, just disintegrating inside, and couldn't be alone.  Finally figured out it was the Klonopin in Oct. by going on the internet and seeing these were symptoms of interdose and tolerance withdrawal.  Unfortunately started taking .5 mg. per day beginning on Oct. 21 because at that point I was taking somewhere between .25 and .5 and I knew I needed to be on a steady daily dose to taper.  My thought processes were sometimes not right, as you can see; I wish so much I'd stayed on .25 to taper but I was scared of going too fast.  I then held at the .5 mg. per day before beginning my taper on Nov. 28, 2014. 

 

I think I too am sensitive to the Klonopin but didn't recognize it because of the shoulder issue that went on for so long.  I'm scared I'm going too slow, though I must say that a few physical symptoms I had of withdrawal (vibration in body, quick stabbing pains in different parts of my body, head pressure one time, funny tingling feeling in leg, numb hands, tingling in feet, stomach upset sometimes) have mostly gone away.  I mostly just have terrible anxiety/fear, depression, hurting arm/shoulder, and insomnia.  I can hardly function now even around the house and just stay in my nightshirt all day long.  I know it didn't agree with my body as well as it does with a lot of people and while the slow taper is recommended, it also means continuing to put the poison in your body.  If I do my taper as I've planned it, it will take me another year to come off because you typically go slower as you get to the low doses.  I've even called some of the organizations in England that support people in coming off benzos (called withdrawal charities) and they say I should do the slow taper (reduce 1 mg. valium equivalent per month is what they now recommend--see Council for Evidence Based Psychiatry website--withdrawal advisor Melanie Davis video) or go at my own speed.  Not all that helpful.  I'm scared in Indiana, not only of the K's disastrous effect on my mind/body (GABA receptors) but if I'm making matters worse by slowly tapering.  But if I should go faster I don't know how fast.  I'm so afraid every day my life is ruined because of this pill and that I'll never be normal or "me" again.  Before this all started I was pretty content.  I pray that God helps us all through this nightmare. 

 

Just wanted to reach out to you guys because we all seem to be especially "sensitive" to this poison. 

 

Papagena

[[Sc...]]

Johnny, I understand completely. There is way too little research done on benzos, it is uncharted territory, they should never have be en approved by the FDA. So it is a crap shoot and guessing game as to whether to taper slow, fast or what.

I too was unafraid of almost anything and loved my time alone, now I am afraid and anxious about everything, even a good thought passing through my mind causes anxiety. Also I can't stand to be alone, totally not me! These drugs totally destroy one's life as the knew it, at least until we fully recover.

Good plan to stick with what your body tells you and keep heading toward the goal of benzo free.

Unfortunately, the only way out is through.

 

Papagena54, perhaps just go as fast as your body can stand. Like I said above nobody really knows, people have had success many different ways. All the things you mention, anxiety, insomnia, fear etc are normal withdrawal symptoms, they suck, but are very common. Also thoughts and fears you mention are very common and it is good to realize it is depression and our benzo brains creating these fears like "I've ruined my life".  I battle this every day.

Might be worth you wile to read Baylissa Fredrick's book "Recovery and Renewal", she is a therapist in England who had a horrendous recovery from klonopin, and has good advise regarding dealing with withdrawal. It is also an excellent book for spouses or any support person to read to begin to understand what you are going through.

You will be successful and you will recover, it just takes time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you two.

[[Pa...]]

ScaredinMA

Thanks for the encouragement!  I needed it today because today I felt like giving up.  We will all recover; it just takes "God and time" as my late father used to say.  Many have recovered before us, but we shouldn't have had to go through this.  These drugs should have been banned a long time ago, like you indicated above.  We must keep battling on to regain our lives. 

 

I have Baylissa Frederick's books but thought I'd recommend to you The Benzo Book by Jack Hobson-Dupont about his experience coming off Xanax using the Ashton taper and c/o to valium.  It's available at benzo.org.uk under books as a free PDF file or you can order it.

 

Hope you both get a decent night's sleep.  My thoughts and prayers are with you both as well.

 

Papagena

[[be...]]

I know how you feel as I did two unsuccessful C/Ts off a very high dose of Xanax ~~ 13 mg. The horror I felt is just indescribable. We too our neighbors as I live in Connecticut. Right now I am freezing my ass off, just like you guys. I think finding my hubby in bed with another woman, our divorce, losing my job and having to selling my house in a period of three months was like a party to me compared to this. Bets  :'(

[[Pa...]]

Bets,

What you said about all your losses being like a party compared with benzo withdrawal puts this in perspective.  It is about the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone, or certainly one of the most horrible, and the uncertainty of the whole thing is awful. 

 

By the way, it's very cold here too in Indiana tonight.

 

Sleep well tonight all,

Papagena

[[jo...]]

Looks like all of us living in the northern sections of the USA are all freezing Our bottoms off ! Winter sucks screw the snow !  Yes scaredinMa it is a frequen crap shoot.  As a paramedic I had to know all about anatomy and physiology etc etc etc . As a first responder I had to be trained in all areas of emergency care and that included overdose etc however I had no knowledge about withdrawing from a drug myself ! Just tids bits if You will. 

 

Now that Im on the other side of the coin so to speak I find it most frustrating that so little is known about this entire situation. Psychiatry is in its infancy as is neuroscience, I know I sat in with a neuroscientist three times and We had an indept chat. That was before I was in this predictament. I remember He telling Me that they know very little about the human brain and how each person is different so their is a lot of speculation about plasticity / healing etc.  However I will tell You from personal experience that genetics plays a MAJOR roll in how a drug affects us from A to Z.

 

Unfortunetaly Mental illness runs on My mothers side of the family in the form of severe clinica depression so as Im trying to bail out the sinking boat Im in Mr Depression is drilling holes in the floor on the other end.  Im not trying to make fun of this however its the truth. Underlying mental issues make things much much worse. That is one reason Im having such a hard time with the irritability. 

 

As I first responder I could not afford to take guesses if I failed in any emergency situation the patient ended up dead their was NO room for speculation. Yes loss some won some its part of the job however with benzos its trial and error !  Good luck to us all. thanks for the responses.