extremely desperate

[[ch...]]

I really need help.  I'm about to reinstate ativan.  I'm three months off, and in hell for the last month, but even worse now.  I've become so sensitive to a hum from the hvac below me that I can't sleep.  Barely slept for weeks, but worse is the extreme anxiety, waves of adrenaline that just don't stop day and night.  I am 68 years old and my health is deteriorating rapidly. 

 

don't know if this started from taking a low dose of ginkgo (stopped a week ago) or if it's just wd.

 

I can't sleep in this apartment, and have nowhere to go.  I feel unsafe everywhere, and so lost.  I keep thinking that I will get some relief if I go back on ativan, but know it won't last.  I don't know what to do. 

 

Any help greatly appreciated.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Hi, charlotte.

 

I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping. That is a very common and very brutal withdrawal effect.

 

I'm wondering about the Ginkgo. We've had a lot of members report problems with it.

 

Have you tried listening to calming music or white noise to block out the sound of the hvac? YouTube has a lot of free meditations and sleep countdowns. If you're interested, I can send you some links. I use them almost every night because of my tinnitus.

 

My other suggestion would be ear plus or noise cancelling head phones.

 

I would not recommend reinstating. You've come too far.

[Guest [Lu...]]

It IS the ginkgo. The problems start after you stop it. Please don't make the mistake I did and reinstate after the Ginkgo. I know it's hell but I'm in a whole different kind of hell right now. They say the Ginkgo wave can only last a month tops, so PLEASE just hang in there.

[[ch...]]

thank you mind seeker -- I do run a fan, white noise machine, use ear plugs, meditate, yoga, breathing exercises, practically everything you could think of, but can't sleep with headphones on.  What's happened is that I have become totally sensitized to this hum, vibration, which is very penetrating, almost like a dentist's drill.  And I can't get the person who owns it to do anything about it, it doesn't bother her.  Moving is not really an option, thus  my desperation. 

 

I'm now terrified of this noise and just can't bear even the thought of it.  I can barely function, much less look for a place to live (very difficult where I am).  How do people manage to stay alive feeling like this? 

 

I just saw Luigithepug's post.  I've never experienced anything this bad, is it really the ginkgo and will it stop?  I don't know if I can live through a month of this.

 

[Guest [Lu...]]

It's really the Ginkgo, yes. It shuts off your GABA temporarily. They say the waves can last 2 weeks -1 month, so just make your goal to hang in there for 2 weeks. I reinstated after Ginkgo bc it was so horrible and the benzo turned paradoxical on me and I had to jump off again. It's been a living hell, and what the ginkgo did to me is nothing compared to what reinstating did to me.

[[ch...]]

Luigi, thanks, I've already gone a week, so maybe another week will do it.  That gives me some hope.  How are things for you now?

 

 

MindSeeker, could you send links for the youtube things you use?

Thank you!

[Guest [Lu...]]

I'm sleeping pretty well again, but the racing thoughts and anxiety are driving me to the edge unfortunately.  :'(

 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Luigi, thanks, I've already gone a week, so maybe another week will do it.  That gives me some hope.  How are things for you now?

 

 

MindSeeker, could you send links for the youtube things you use?

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

  Mooji is my favorite also for when I'm awake but feeling a bit anxious.

 

I hope these help and you can get some much needed sleep. 

[[ch...]]

Hello again,

I cannot believe how desperate I feel.  Being sleepless so long, and so scared, with seemingly endless waves of adrenaline and fear.  My apartment is unlivable. I'm afraid to lie down to sleep, because the fear will start up. 

 

what happens if you reinstate?  I keep wondering is it worth my life to stay off ativan?

[[Fa...]]

You can do this! Can you imagine reinstating and then being worse off and having to start over? It is not worth it! I too have been having a ton of "pit in my stomach" fear and worry....especially over my kids! It is so irrational but intense....anxiety and jaw pain....hard to eat, no appetite. I sleep okay at night but if I lay down in the daytime, my mind races and heart pounds....no peace. Best to keep busy during these times I find. Can you change your sleep location and routine for a while just so you can trick your mind into forgetting what to expect? Maybe a couch or chair? Get warm and cozy with a blanket or heating pad and a hit cup of herbal tea....a good book? I find reading encouraging scripture before bed helps me and lots of praying!

[Guest [Mi...]]

charlotte, can you contact the property manager of your apartment? Maybe there's something that can be done to lessen the noise?

[[lo...]]

Hello again,

I cannot believe how desperate I feel.  Being sleepless so long, and so scared, with seemingly endless waves of adrenaline and fear.  My apartment is unlivable. I'm afraid to lie down to sleep, because the fear will start up. 

 

what happens if you reinstate?  I keep wondering is it worth my life to stay off ativan?

 

I am sorry to hear of your suffering. Insomnia is awful. It makes everything seem so much worse. Can you stay with someone for a couple of weeks or would that not help? I was on nitrazepam for 40 years. I am 60. Try to stick with it and it will get better. I don't have your symptoms but have been in bed for 15 months.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

[[Ke...]]

Im sorry your going through this, it sounds terrible. Stay away from ginkgo, brami, fish oil, vitamin b and just any supplement or vitamin that acts on the nervous system. I only had a day of intense anxiety after trying ginkgo but suffered a brutal week after high stength fish oil.  It did go away, and I felt a lot better after.

[[ch...]]

I really appreciate the support.  Tonight I went to a friend's to see if I could sleep there, but just lay awake for 2 hours and knew there was no possibility for sleep, it's like my brain never even heard of sleep.  I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

Since I've been off, I've had bad nights, but nothing like this.  I could always go to sleep, even if only for 2 or 3 hours.  Now I can't sleep at all.  It's like my brain is stuck in some horrible gear and can't get out of it. 

[[ch...]]

tried to sleep again, just nothing, lying there with waves of adrenaline and fear.  now crying uncontrollably.  How is it possible to feel this bad, this tired and not sleep? I  just know I will eventually take some ativan if this keeps up.  I'm trying to get through one hour and then the next, but I know I will feel even worse during the day.

does anyone know what happens if you reinstate?  I don't want to do that, but I don't see how.

 

Mindseeker, I have tried to go through channels to fix the noise problem, but nothing doing. 

[Guest [Mi...]]

tried to sleep again, just nothing, lying there with waves of adrenaline and fear.  now crying uncontrollably.  How is it possible to feel this bad, this tired and not sleep? I  just know I will eventually take some ativan if this keeps up.  I'm trying to get through one hour and then the next, but I know I will feel even worse during the day.

does anyone know what happens if you reinstate?  I don't want to do that, but I don't see how.

 

Mindseeker, I have tried to go through channels to fix the noise problem, but nothing doing.

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I was woken up tonight by my neighbor's stereo so I do know how you feel. Even when it's totally quiet, benzo withdrawal creates so many sleep problems, it's hard to stay asleep.

 

Do you think you can wait out a couple more weeks and see if it's the ginkgo that caused the insomnia? You've accomplished so much already. I hope you're able to get some rest.

 

When I was going through acute and not sleeping at all, several members mentioned the concept of "micro sleep."

 

Micro sleep (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microsleep) means we're probably getting more sleep than we think. It's nowhere near enough.

 

Before reinstating, please research and post on the Insomnia board.

 

I reinstated Klonopin about 6 years ago after being off it for about 5 months. I had no idea that the insomnia could last that long. Neither did my mis-informed pdoc. The withdrawals I had from coming off it that time were nowhere near the nightmare of coming off it this time. There's a theory that repeatedly coming off and on benzos has a "kindling" effect. This means that each time you try to quit, it becomes more difficult.

 

I hope you're able to get some rest soon.

[[ch...]]

I've failed, I took two .5 mg ativan at 5 am.  I slept for 3 hours, first sleep in a very long time.  I just don't have the stamina for this.  I feel terrible, but I knew I could not continue, I would have ended in the hospital and that would have been much worse.  I don't know what to do from here.  I just need to sleep and then see if I can think through this.  I need to find a place to live.  Then start again.  I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, but I am anyway.

Please take me as an example of what not to do.

[Guest [Lu...]]

Maybe it's time to put a disclaimer on the Ginkgo thread? This is getting kind of ridiculous. Nowhere in that thread does it say things can get that bad, but they do, and for many people.

[Guest [Mi...]]

Maybe it's time to put a disclaimer on the Ginkgo thread? This is getting kind of ridiculous. Nowhere in that thread does it say things can get that bad, but they do, and for many people.

 

Many (if not most) of the alternative supplements have caused problems for some members. There are quite a few warnings in the ginkgo thread, which is good - it's the only way people will know that there are problems.

 

Although there are a number of posts on that thread warning of the problems, please post your own warning as it relates to your own experience.

 

 

 

 

[Guest [Lu...]]

Done 

[[ch...]]

Yes, ginkgo, I did quite a bit a research on it, and on a very low dose I felt ok, nothing really happening.

 

It was when I took one 60 mg capsule, that all hell broke loose,  That night I lay in bed like a stone and no sleep at all. and it continued.  My sleep had been quite poor up to then, but I could sleep a few hours usually.

 

I see that the gaba receptors must be quite disabled.  And I'm sure throwing in the ativan now, will totally screw it up.  Well, it comes from trying to find something that will help -- in my case I hoped ginkgo would help the dizziness and tinnitus.   

 

More and more I see looking for pills, supplements, etc. is really risky business.  I wish I had learned this lesson after my experience with Ashwaganda.  I kept thinking, "millions of people take gingko, how could it be this bad?"

[Guest [Mi...]]

Done 

 

Thanks. 

[Guest [Mi...]]

Yes, ginkgo, I did quite a bit a research on it, and on a very low dose I felt ok, nothing really happening.

 

It was when I took one 60 mg capsule, that all hell broke loose,  That night I lay in bed like a stone and no sleep at all. and it continued.  My sleep had been quite poor up to then, but I could sleep a few hours usually.

 

I see that the gaba receptors must be quite disabled.  And I'm sure throwing in the ativan now, will totally screw it up.  Well, it comes from trying to find something that will help -- in my case I hoped ginkgo would help the dizziness and tinnitus.   

 

More and more I see looking for pills, supplements, etc. is really risky business.  I wish I had learned this lesson after my experience with Ashwaganda.  I kept thinking, "millions of people take gingko, how could it be this bad?"

 

I think it has more to do with how sensitive the CNS is during benzo withdrawal. I used to be able to drink tons of coffee and not think anything of it.

 

During my taper and into acute, I couldn't even have one cup of decaf.

 

I made the decision months ago to just ride it out as best I could without trying supplements. It's a personal decision.

 

It's good we have these discussions - we're helping the ones who come after us based on our collective experience.

[[sh...]]

Hi Charlotte:

 

I really feel for you.  I am in a similar situation with the poor sleeping.  I am struggling with intense insomnia myself and it is no fun.  Just remember, things can always be worse.  I am a victim of a prescription cascade so not only do I have the benzo withdrawal (about 3 months since I stopped temazepam) but I have the other two meds that I take causing me difficulty.  I try to sleep every night, but I mostly just toss and turn.  It is really hard to know what to do.  Sometimes time is the only thing to give us hope.  Go on with each day.  Try to get out around other people.  Do anything to distract from you problem.  Make a schedule of activity.  Stick to it and don't give up.

 

Kendall

[[ci...]]

charlotte, Don't be so hard on yourself, that "rescue" dose happens alot with BBs. And won't set you back, if you can stop now, and not take it again. I know that getting no to little sleep is brutal, I m living that nightmare, too. Since, you are at a crucial point , would you think about taking a med that is NOT A BENZO FOR SLEEP? I know the best thing is no meds, but I so understand how desparate you are right now, so maybe you could look at some sleep meds that are not benzos to use on a temporrary basis, just to get you this this bump in the road. IMO, if you don't find something perhaps another med, 1 rescue dose of benzos may lead to more rescue doses, and then the cycle starts all over again.

 

Maybe others can chime in here with some other meds that may help you. I know gabapentin helped me with sleep, but there are pros and cons to it. How about the epson salt baths, that does help calm me and the Baylissa Frederick's you tube meditation and relaxation videos are also calming. I can only sleep 2-3 nights a week for 3-4 hours, the other nights, no sleep, and it is rough, all sxs get worse with no sleep. But it will get better.

 

I am in my 60's, too, but us oldies will also heal. Always, cindy