I walked the plank

[[mo...]]

 

After 2 years of tapering zoloft 100mg diazepam 10-20mg as needed, I`m officially done tapering as of yesterday.

 

This time has included 2 completely failed attempts to taper zoloft, building a tolerance on diazepam and stopping CT. Hell is an understatement of what I`ve been through.

 

Apart from seizures I`ve had every symptom available severe tinnitus and hyperacusia being the worst ones. I cannot believe that I`m still alive. Fortunately I`ve got a wonderful family who supports me.

 

I feel scared and hopeless but I`m glad I`m still fighting. Fortunately I`ve gotten much of my life back. I can live a relatively normal life. Year ago I was suicidal and full of anxiety. My days consisted of agony and panic attacks. Nothing else. Compared to that I`m in heaven. I realize that I still have a long way to go but I will make it. There is no other alternative.

 

I have not been an active member here since my main problem was the ssri but felt like celebrating my partial success here too.

 

Thanks and good luck to you all! 

 

 

[[Cl...]]

Well done! Congratulations for your jumping off!!!

I Wish you all the best!

[[Li...]]

Happy for you moodyblues!!    I pray you are happy and well in the new year...

[[Lo...]]

 

After 2 years of tapering zoloft 100mg diazepam 10-20mg as needed, I`m officially done tapering as of yesterday.

 

This time has included 2 completely failed attempts to taper zoloft, building a tolerance on diazepam and stopping CT. Hell is an understatement of what I`ve been through.

 

Apart from seizures I`ve had every symptom available severe tinnitus and hyperacusia being the worst ones. I cannot believe that I`m still alive. Fortunately I`ve got a wonderful family who supports me.

 

I feel scared and hopeless but I`m glad I`m still fighting. Fortunately I`ve gotten much of my life back. I can live a relatively normal life. Year ago I was suicidal and full of anxiety. My days consisted of agony and panic attacks. Nothing else. Compared to that I`m in heaven. I realize that I still have a long way to go but I will make it. There is no other alternative.

 

I have not been an active member here since my main problem was the ssri but felt like celebrating my partial success here too.

 

Thanks and good luck to you all! 

 

Congrats! No turning back! You will totally heal! 

[[Mo...]]

Wishing you a speedy recovery moody.....congratulation, its hard i know.

[[mo...]]

Oh wow. Thanks you guys I was not expecting any replies so I just got back now.

 

Definitely not turning back. I've been on this road for over 2 years. What an experience. I've learned a ton about myself. Not all good i'm afraid but at least i've got a great opportunity to learn to live a better life.

 

[[ma...]]

Well done moodyblues, congratulations being benzofree, I wish you a speedy recovery

 

Happy New Year to you

 

Magrita 

[[mo...]]

 

One week completely off anything. Has not been easy but managing. Last 2 days have been good.

 

Small steps..

[[mo...]]

 

Close to 2 months off. First 3 weeks were hell but from there on getting better and better.

 

from  to 

[[Je...]]

Firstly, congratulations for being off of benzos! Secondly, I love your user name. "Watching and Waiting" is one of my favorite (yet incredibly tear inducing) songs, ever.

[[ro...]]

Excellent, good for you MB! Awesome user name. I'm sure your using The Moody Blues in your arsenal of healing? I do and it works!

 

 

[[Mo...]]

 

Close to 2 months off. First 3 weeks were hell but from there on getting better and better.

 

from  to 

 

cool....keep going, as you know its the only way ! well done...

[[No...]]

 

Close to 2 months off. First 3 weeks were hell but from there on getting better and better.

 

from  to 

 

Month by month it will only get better from now! Congratulation on your tenacity ! If you can do that (your taper and quitting of the drug), just imagine what you will be able to do when you will be healed, or feel well !

[[mo...]]

 

Thanks for the replies 

 

I pushed myself too much this week and I`m feeling like shit. Headache. Ears ringing. Body twitching etc. Some panicky feelings but nothing i would not be able to tolerate. Oh well. This just makes me stronger.

 

Music has been my therapist all my life. For many months in wd i could not even play my guitar. I had no control over my left hand. It just shook and had no strength. That was scary.

 

The most scary part before this hell was when I realized diazepam had no more effect on me. Not even when taking 30mg. That is when i knew i was screwed and i was on a relatively high dose of AD too. Benzo CT was not very wise but i did not have the knowledge I have now.

 

I don`t know how I was able to work while recovering. Everybody saw I was in a horrible shape and asked what was wrong. I just kept doing what I had to do no matter what. I have no clue how I survived that. I just cannot understand it. All those nights waking up in panic and just wanting to die... Incredible.

 

But here I am. Going on. Slowly getting better. 

[[mo...]]

 

5 months off!

 

This is not easy. April was brutal. A tidal wave of symptoms. Mental and physical. At times I got desperate. I felt I was right back where i started. Things have been slowly getting better during the last 4 weeks. My job is more demanding than ever. Stress causes many setbacks but still they make me stronger. I can feel it.

 

I have started to exercise. If I over do it at all I don`t sleep and that takes some days to recover from. But I`m getting there. My weight is finally going doing and I feel I`m in a better physical shape. During winter I walked. Now I ride my bike. It is more gentle to my body. My eldest child is riding with me. That's nice. Some quality time for just the two of us.

 

I`m tired but usually I feel peaceful. That is a nice alternative to suicidal anxiety.

 

Keep on fighting people. It`s worth it. 

[[Mo...]]

Thanks for the update Moody, its a cat and mouse game at times.

Two steps forward and one back. Look how far you've come now,

5 months off is a big achievement.

 

way to go....keep in mind sxs are temporary, wish you well.

[[mo...]]

8 months off! 

 

Feeling more stable in this misery. Fortunately there are many good days and the bad ones are not as bad as they used to. I had a period of farely low symptoms and felt crushed when my symptoms flared up today. Bad tinnitus, restlessness, depression. Oh well. This too will pass. I`ve learned that the hard way. I`m on my way to the right direction so these setbacks do not matter.

 

Tomorrow I`ll have another chance to practice living again. Without any kind of drugs. That really is something.